gonna have sex with me in a foreign country.

sorabji.com: I wish you were...: gonna have sex with me in a foreign country.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:14 pm:

    I have had a crush on my male friend H who currently lives a 3 hour plane ride from my home for about 12 years. I first met him when we worked together when I was in college, but he was only in Boston as a summer job, as he lived in NY state. After he went back home we were pretty regularly in touch, then fell out of touch, then he got back in touch with me about 5 years ago and we got on the every 6 months calling plan. He came to visit me about 3 years ago but I was dating someone at the time, so just came up to Boston from NYC for 12 hours, bought me dinner, slept in my living room, went back the next morning. I meet few men who I really enjoy chatting with like I do him. We have lots of common interests and perspectives, we are both single, and I frequently hear about all the ladies who treat him badly and then dump him. To me he seems terribly sweet and always engaging, just the sort who either waits to the absolute wrong moment to reveal his adoration for female friends (when they’re otherwise involved, moving away, etc.) or someone who picks gals who really don’t seem to like him as more than a convenience since he really is A NICE, NERDY, and somewhat NERVOUS GUY. Did I say it’s a 12 year crush?

    OK - on to the story.

    So as some of you might recall I'm going to London this week. H had been planning to go there too, but then was sidetracked, and decided to go to France with a girl he was friends with but had a thing for (but who obviously didn’t like him from the stories I heard – I think she liked that he was there platonically with the money and gifts for her while she dated other people). He had even began to indicate to me that he was getting the impression the only reason she invited him was to make her ex jealous, and so he could foot most of the bill for their jaunt. Luckily, 2 weeks ago she bagged out of the trip altogether leaving him with an non-returnable ticket to Paris.

    The latest plan then became he’d fly into Paris and then go to England and visit people there, including me, for most of the trip. This filled me with nervous ‘is it a date or isn’t it a date’ anticipation. I figured I’d just have to deal and play it by ear.

    Today he called me and told me that his plan to stay with a friend had fallen through - since the friend is also bagging out of the trip - so could he stay with me at my hotel.

    OK, now I’m about to explode with ‘What what what? Is it a date what what?’ feelings. I feel like a lot of weird circumstances have come together to make this little date happen (divine intervention?) and yet I’m having a hard time focusing on ‘going with the flow’. I mean, it would be heart crushing if he really finds me so totally physically repellent that there is no issue at all in staying in a hotel room with me but meanwhile, what if he has the same vague longings I do hmmmm? What could be more perfect than a rendezvous with a lifelong crush in a foreign country? I mean, I think the only straight male single friends I have that I would stay in a hotel with and have no ideas about anything more are ones who I know very, very well and who I feel like I have a defined relationship with - like former roommates. So how do I figure this one out, and do I change my reservation to two twin beds or one double bed? The latter is a bit precocious and pressuring but hay, he’s fab!

    OK, I have to go barf now.

By heather on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:19 pm:

    reserve two double beds

    drink a little

    go get him, it's about time

By Dr.J on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:42 pm:

    Once you get him in your room,just get him hard and do it,do it alot,everyway possible,it will be all good,you both need this.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:44 pm:

    Wait, is that J "now a Dr" or Dr. Julius Irving?

By Margret on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:45 pm:

    d00d, why don't you tell him what you just told us? why is HE the one to be perpetually put in the position of the guy who has to declare his feelings while much potential for romantic rejection exists? just call him up and say "hey, I'm totally psyched to see you and of course you can stay in my room. and you don't have to have sex with me, either, but i sure would love it if you wanted to!"

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 12:54 pm:

    I am surprisingly shy in such matters. Though not in most others. Affairs of the heart... I'm a total sissy. And I was doing so well too in wanting nothing to do with boys. Damn!

    Still, I can't let an opportunity like this just pass by me. And there will be opportunity for much booze consumption. I mean, if I don't shag him silly who will? Some girl whose not worth half his time? He'll probably marry her or something and then I'll be bummed I never did anything when I had the chance.

    I mean, he can't be totally immune to the idea of single boy + single girl + hotel room = shagging. Can he? He is an adult for God's sake.
    And if he really found me horrible he'd just have gotten a hotel on his own. I'm not nutty here, am I?

By patrick on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 01:02 pm:

    ahhhh stop thinking about it, sometimes if you dwell to much, you hesitate, adn when you hesitate you can goof it all.

    If you have the same flight, start by inducting him into the mile high club,, it's all downhill from there.

    He is a guy, chances are, he too, would love to have a kinky european tour.....

By Quack J on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 01:07 pm:

    No you are great,just climb all over him like a cheap suite and do what needs to be done,sounds like you should have done it alot sooner.Look at how long you two have kept in touch,there must be something going on on both parts.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 01:27 pm:

    Not the same flight, he's still flying into Paris then I'm picking him up from the train in London. Ya, you're right Dr. Quack, In touch a long time,... the whole thing is just so unexpected. And y'know, when he asked to stay w/ me he was thinking I'd be in a room w/ a double bed of course, so maybe I'll just do that. I'll email, it will be easy. As usual I'll make a joke out of it to cover up my nervousness.

By J on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 01:30 pm:

    You go girl,and when you get back I want to hear it all,try to get pictures,okay?

By Isolde on Tuesday, March 7, 2000 - 08:26 pm:

    Tell him to stick it in your ass?
    No, seriously...just tell him. Otherwise you'll have those hated words...sexual tension. (At least on your side?) The worst that can happen is he'll say: "Well, DL, sorry, but..."
    Or you could not tell him, I suppose. I'm with Margret on this one.

By cyst on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 02:43 am:

    lifelong crushes should never be discovered.

    I've lost seven pounds in the last week. I had to buy new jeans. my roommate says now I look too skinny.


    leaning back against the corner, you looked like an erte model. you were totally stunning.

    i couldn't let you leave. i didn't want you to leave. i wanted so badly just to touch your hand. god, your hands, your fingers.

    i wanted you to unbutton your coat so i could put my put my hands on your back and feel whatever warmth the cold night might've left in your body. ... i wanted to hold you. i felt your cheek brush against mine for the briefest of seconds. ... it was monumental. i said your name aloud dozens of times on the drive home, chewing on every letter.


    this is killing me. if I lose another seven pounds, I will look like skeletor.

By heather on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 02:45 am:

    why are you losing weight?

    be careful.

By heather again on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 02:46 am:

    'be careful' was meant to be read in a concerned voice, not a critical one

By cyst on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 02:53 am:

    I've been indulging in a lifelong crush. it's like some awful, highly addictive drug. he's unavailable for anything more than a few stolen hours at a time and email that hampers my breathing.

    I have lost interest in sleeping and eating.

    this can't last, though. eventually I will have to act normal again. I don't mind losing the weight, but now I've started losing friends.

By heather on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 02:57 am:

    crushes are the best

    and the worst

    and the best

    i have a little one of my own right now.

By cyst on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 03:00 am:

    I've cut inches and inches off my hair because he likes it short. I have to find an apartment and I am thinking about it in terms of his visits, which will likely never even happen. it's all very, very bad.

By heather on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 03:07 am:

    cyst what sign are you?

    unless you're offended by that ridiculous kind of question.

    i was just thinking about it today cause my birthday's in 2 days and someone told me how much of a pisces i am. not sure how i feel about that.

    anyway- my point is that i change for people. i can't help myself, i always do.

By cyst on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 09:41 am:

    hey, happy birthday in two (one?) day(s), heather.

    my moon sign is pisces. leo rising, taurus sun.

    an astrology freak I once knew told me I'm a cow in lion's clothing. I'd never heard anything more awful or true.

By J on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 10:02 am:

    Cyst start eating some cheese and drink some milk shakes,when I weighed 117 people would actually ask me if I had aids.You have to change your mindset about the men you like,I,m not trying to hurt your feelings(you know I love you)but it seems like you like guys that would never deserve you.They all sound like shitheads,your too good for that.I think you should put on some weight and kick the shit out of them,but that,s just me and your you.

By heather on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 10:39 am:

    thank you cyst

    i'm leo rising too. am i a fish in lion's clothing? that doesn't make much sense.

By The Dinner Lady on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 10:43 am:

    No, it's not that kind of lifelong crush. Not the painful kind. I've known him for too long to feel 'fated' about it. I just adore him, he's a great person and I always just wish he were my boyfriend - we have so much in common with what we like he'd be a great partner and it seems like there wouldn't be a lot of icky accomodation. We'll just have to see what happens, I'm more level headed today about it all (Libra scales back in order). He hit me like a tornado yesterday when he was like 'can I stay with you'? He's an Aries, so direct, I will just have to see what happens, just about anything should be fun (except hearing '...but you're an ugly dawg! No go away you smell ick!'). But really, no one is so naive that they would stay in a hotel with a friend of the opp sex and not wonder about the tension. I have packed the contraceptives, Egad.

    Cyst, your love thing doesn't sound very good. You're wasting yourself away, changing your appearance, for what? You're a Leo rising, even with that Pisces moon you should still be regal enuf to know that he should like you for who you are not what you're gonna become for him. But then again with that Taurus sun, Pisces moon combo you'd be a real sensualist, addicted to feelings, pleasure, and pleasure-pain. But w/Leo rising, you should look for a friend to date. What is your Venus & Mars in?

    Happy Birthday Heather! I've had my heart broke by many vague and non-commital Pisces men but the women I like very much. Actually the men I like too but they seem to just evaporate before your eyes. One minute you are the center of their world, the next minute they've moved away with no forwarding address. Has this happened to anyone else? Why did someone tell you you were such a big Pisces?

By J on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 10:54 am:

    All the people who drive me crazy in my life are pisces,my mom ,my brother,garlic breath,and that Jana,the rich crackpot that tried to make me look at her shit.Maybe it,s cause I,m a Virgo.I seem to do best with cancers.In the chineese zodiac I,m a horse(funny since I hate the critters)I get along best with tigers.In real life I,m just a dog.Happy birthday to you Heather,you are excluded from my pisces rant.

By The Dinner Lady on Wednesday, March 8, 2000 - 04:27 pm:

    I rather enjoyed it myself.

    I do notice a big difference between males and females of the species. Like some signs are more naturally at home in one gender - prob because society approves of those qualities. Like w/ Pisces: artistic, sensitive, selfless givers (up to a point), prone to giving people what they want (when they want) - OK for girls, not as easy for boys.

By The Dinner Lady on Monday, March 20, 2000 - 02:31 pm:

    So the old friend wound up being a major pain in the arse, and there was no sex. What a let down. We met up and within minutes he was telling me about the 'beautiful woman who came up to me after some conference I was at and told me my paper was great'. He waited till day 2 to tell me how he'd really "Like to hook up with some hot 18 year olds (he's 34)", It was really kind of pathetic. I mean, even without designs on him his behavior was appalling! Very icky about women. I wanted to say 'oh now I get why you're single, you're a RETARD'. He never behaved this way before. Maybe a recent change? It was sad - he used to be so sweet. What happened? I don't even know if I want to be friends with him now.

    Honestly I got on better with my married friend who I visited there. There's definite sparks between us but he's married with tot and his wife is very cool too so I can't complain. Oh wait, I can. He's hot and we get on like a house on fire. Why won't someone make a robot of him for me to marry?

    Also these things do not exist in England: Skunks, Martha Stewart, the phrase "As Happy as a Clam".

By heather on Monday, March 20, 2000 - 04:09 pm:

    but there are hedgehogs

By Rhiannon on Monday, March 20, 2000 - 04:37 pm:

    I had the misfortune of reading an article in some online magazine about the "nice guys vs. jerks" debate....this article was on the men's perspective of this phenomenon, and it included little quotes from guys.....and there were several "former nice guy" guys in it who said they were fed up with the jerks getting all the good women so they've decided to become jerks. For real. They *decided* to act like jerks so as to get the girls.

    Maybe that's what's up with your traveling companion?

By Antigone on Monday, March 20, 2000 - 09:22 pm:

    Sometimes it works, I'm afraid.

    Six months ago I was still pissed off at my ex, but not too pissed that after a few drinks I couldn't talk with her. So, at a psrty (the few drinks part) I did, said some harsh words, and later that night she was all over me.

    We're back together, and the trend continues. When we talk about things and I'm calm and collected she calls me "snobbish" and "holier than thou." When I'm pissed off and yelling, she says I'm "being honest" and "sharing my feelings."

    Confusing, that.

    I'm thinking about breaking up with her.

By Gee on Monday, March 20, 2000 - 11:31 pm:

    that's not confusing. There's nothing more frustrating than someone who won't fight back.

By Antigone on Tuesday, March 21, 2000 - 12:08 am:

    And there's nothing more frustrating than someone who wants to fight all the time...


By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, March 21, 2000 - 10:32 am:

    I really don't go for asshole men so I guess I'm out of the loop. As discussed in another thread here, some people like to have their notions that they are a piece of shit confirmed by those closest to them. I don't dig that at all. Tho I may gripe sometimes about whatever personal flaw I have decided I have today, I don't think I'm shit at heart. I really think people who like 'former nice guys' need to have their head examined. There is no bigger turn off than you not liking me and there is no bigger turn on that you treating me like the queen I know I am.

    Also, I really do wonder about people who say they 'used to be nice but learned to be cruel to those they care about', being kind (at least for me) isn't something you can turn on and off, it's who you are inside. I mean, who can just re-wire their whole behavior towards others? 'I became mean to be lovable'? Come on. I really don't know if I believe these people were ever really 'nice' at all. As for it increasing your attractiveness; don't we all have married friends some of who are terriffic for each other and are best friends and a dream to be around and others who are a drag because they are stifiling and hassling each other all day? I mean, anyone can have a relationship, but one that doesn't irritate you to tears is something special.

    Antigone - My ex didn't fight and it was really really irritating. Our conversations would be like:

    Me: this thing is really upsetting me
    Him: (silence - 3 minutes)
    Me: you know, I'm upset
    Him: (silence - 3 minutes)
    Me; would you like to tell me what you're thinking about?
    Him: I was just thinking about that song by the Pixies...


    He didn't like to admit anything was wrong between us ever, assumedly because if we didn't agree on everything that mean we were gonna break up. In the end our inability to talk about things that were really important just killed it. Maybe your girlfriend grew up in a house where people only yelled their truths, and that's why she doesn't trust anything but screaming fits now.

By J on Monday, May 4, 2009 - 04:35 am:

    I have been at Sorabji a good while now haven't I?
    I want to thank you all for being my friends,I love you all,you all have got me through some really tough times and I sure do appreciate that.
    I miss the ones who went away,Cyst,Spunky,Cat,Crimson,Pug,Sheila and sorry for anyone I missed,and the ones who couldn't help it,Fetid Beaver,PetRock.
    I also miss drinking all the beer I use to be able to do,seriously I could pack it down,now I get bloated, if I'm lucky I can get down two,if I'm lucky and that's just not right!
    Then I saw that most things I posted here were negative,spawns in jail,ripped me off,beat me up...
    Then things got better,when I first started posting here I had one grandbaby,now I have five and I see them all except O,his mom A moved to Flagstaff last August,I guess she likes poverty with a view.
    I forgot where I was going with this.But I loves you all. I am getting senile,that's what you get for talking to Larry for forty f*cking years.

By Dr Pepper on Tuesday, May 5, 2009 - 12:09 am:

    J, good to hear from you.

By agatha on Tuesday, May 5, 2009 - 12:24 pm:

    I love you, J. I don't miss Cat, though.

By jaq on Tuesday, May 5, 2009 - 09:34 pm:

    what's up with that? i don't remember issues with cat.
    might be selective memory...plus i wasn't around all that much during the cat time, i think. so i missed something.

By heather on Tuesday, May 5, 2009 - 11:39 pm:

    cat was the kind of girl that comes in and talks to almost every guy through a secret backdoor if she can find one, if they give her one. the kind of girl that other girls don't trust.
    and the boys want to think it is a secret, but girls always know.

    that said, i miss her too. none as much as the kid who wore glitter.

    everything has changed and nothing has changed and somehow i haven't killed myself.

By Antigone on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 12:21 am:

    Well, shit, everything has changed for me.

    The party I posted about above was sort of a romantic turning point for me. I'd just gone out on a date with the woman who is now my wife, and that must have motivated my ex girlfriend to want to get back with me. Like an idiot I did, postponing marital bliss for seven years. Worst boneheaded mistake I ever made. But now I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been.

By Dr Pepper on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:00 am:

    Hey Antigone! how are you? haven't heard from you for God awfully long time, so what are you up to lately?

By agatha on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:09 am:

    Heather hit the nail on the head. I miss the kid with glitter too- what was his name? Please don't kill yourself. Even joking makes me anxious.

    Tiggy, I'm really happy for you. You deserve to have the live you've got now.

By agatha on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:18 am:

    PS- the "please don't kill yourself" was directed at you, Heather. Just in case it wasn't obvy.

By droopy on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:29 am:

    i don't remember a kid with glitter.

    sometimes i think that, as these boards dwindle to nothing, that the last two standing will be dr. pepper and me - trading trading incoherent stories and non sequiturs.

By agatha on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:40 am:

    I'm not going nowheres.

By Antigone on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 02:35 am:

    Neither am I. I'm still around, even if I don't post much.

    I second the "yo, don't kill yourself" sentiment. It's just over three years since one of my ex girlfriends killed herself (April 17th, 2006) and it still gets to me.

By Spider on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 10:24 am:

    I still love you, too, J. :)

    There are one or two people I don't miss, but I feel weird about naming them. They'd probably sense their names getting invoked, show up all "OH HO BITCH I NEVER LIKED YOU EITHER," and then I'd be like "well....um" and feel like an idiot.

    You know?

    I miss Crimson.

By platypus on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 10:54 am:

    I miss Crimson too. And...ah...darnit, what was his name. The gay kid who was tangled up with Crimson in some way? Oswald? And Nate. Seriously, where the hell is Nate?

    I don't think that the boards are dwindling to nothing. I think they're less active than they once were, but I'm not sure that means that they are dying. Maybe they're just experiencing dormancy.

    I feel like no one new has found us in quite a while, while a lot of former posters are MIA. I wonder if new people drift in and become intimidated by the sheer volume of material and drift away.

    Not a big fan of the self killing, either. Don't do it.

By sarah on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 11:02 am:

    Heather, are you considering killing yourself? please don't. i care so much about you and if you weren't around so many people would be devastated. plus, there are so many surprises in life. you never know what could happen to change things around.

    and for better or worse, i'm not going anywhere either. sorabji is stuck with me.

By Dr Pepper on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 12:23 pm:

    Heather, don't hurt yourself, we all likes you. droopy will be here with us if you like to talk to him.

By patrick on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:21 pm:

    nate is building a desk.

    i know my periodic absences have less to do with anything regarding you or this place and more with my just not caring. which sounds bad now that i reread but for whatever reason i sometimes go to this place where i dont want any friends virtual or otherwise and i let some relationships slip by. im not one to talk to much on the phone though i seem to remember a period of time when i was going through my seperation and divorce where i talk to heather on the phone quite a bit. but maybe thats a dream. I cant be sure.

    i sometimes avoid email and even regular mail. myspace accounts sit dorman. livejournal? cant remeber the last time. sorabji falls into that realm sorta.

    what i love is that sorabji doesnt judge me for my periodic and inexplicable absenses.

    sorabji.....the best booty call one can make

By patrick on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:23 pm:

    and janny you're pretty fucking awesome so the love is mutual.

By beta on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 01:54 pm:

    I think I started reading these boards because of Oswald's postings- I couldn't ever wrap my head around the fact that he was supposed to be 12 or so.

    I don't remember a lot of the people that used to post here, more often than not I payed more attention to Sarah's recipes and dave's (and Tbone? was he a music guy too? I feel like he was) music recommendations than the social aspect of these boards- but I also know the posting was usually funny and insightful, and truly entertaining for someone with a shitty desk job and not enough internet.

    Anyways- I felt like I passed a point where I could introduce myself and not have it be weird- so I never bothered, but I guess it would be even weirder if I became a decade-long lurker. So, uh, hi everybody, I'm Jen- I stumbled into Sorabji because of the mojave phone booth story (back when I lived in the midwest) and stayed because Mark's stories made New York seem like a melancholy yet magical place.
    I kinda blame him for giving me a reason to move here. 8 years later I'm starting to doubt I'm ever going to live anywhere else.

By moonit on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 06:07 pm:

    I know what you mean Spidy. I kind of feel the same way about some absent posters too; but then I don't let a lot of myself out sometimes so they probably think I am just a regular muppet, rather than the interesting person I think I am.

    Heather, please do not go there. It's been eleven shit twelve years since Darcy hung himself and it still hurts and I still miss him. Fucker.

By moonit on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 06:07 pm:

    uh that fucker was directed at him, not you.

By platypus on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 06:27 pm:

    Man, I had no idea there was so much simmering resentment in re:absent Sorabjites.

By Spider on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 07:11 pm:

    Hello, beta. :)

    You know who else I miss? Hugh Jarms.


By moonit on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 07:12 pm:

    not simmering resentment, just a weird vibe.

    hmph can you pick up vibes online???

By semillama on Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - 09:22 pm:

    My son has just spit up on my cat. Our dog cleaned it up.

    I love it when a plan comes together.

    I don't post as much perhaps because I am lazy or more distracted. I also think that 9/11 has had a fundamental effect on the boards as well.The last eight years have been pretty damn serious.

    I'd post more but right now I'm trying to keep a baby from going into fussy territory.

By Antigone on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 01:01 am:

    I resent the fact that fetidbeaver died and hasn't had the guts to come back to tell us all to fuck off.

    This place is a part of me, and I remember vividly the times I've met sorabjites in person, or nearly did:

    When Sem and I got smashed at the Pirates Alley Cafe.

    When I had sushi with Nate when visiting California.

    When I talked on the phone with J while in Phoenix after my nephew was a newborn about to have heart surgery.

    SorabjiFest in NOLA, of course. Wasn't that a lifetime ago?

    Visiting Mark, eating steak with him in Queens, and seeing all of his AM radios.

    Chatting with Dave but not having time to get together when I was in Seattle a couple of years ago.

    Goddammit, folks, we've got to have a family reunion one of these days. :) When I think of this place I'm reminded of a photo I had of all of my closest friends in highschool. I'd look at the pic and everyone in it seemed to embody a god in a pantheon, an archetype. I just feel like I've always fit in this mount olympus we've got here, and that you all are gods in your own right.

By sarah on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 10:11 am:

    i was going to add:


    but you all are being so damn sincere.

    i really miss Sheila the most. i met her, and the geese, and all those fucking cats. i also miss swine, czarina, hugh jarms (!!), and the boognish. and cyst.


    who have i met? heather, agatha, nate, sem, tig (which in truth i was so drunk i barely remember), and i missed by a hair J and Czarina in nola. missed Danielssss by way of a family emergency.

    i think the next sorabjiFest could be moonit's wedding weekend in Las Vegas. not to ruin or crash moonit's wedding, of course, because that would be creepy and possibly inappropriate. but it would probably be the only time we could all meet up. how often would she be on our side of the planet?

    plus vegas, it's cheap to get to from everywhere, it's cheap in general, and the weather is great.

By patrick on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 10:25 am:

    i must have missed hugh jarms, or blocked him out completely.

By Dr Pepper on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 12:24 pm:

    Sound like you guys wants to have another sorabjites reunion soon. I declined to attend the reunion. I liked staying at home.
    I am glad that the spring is around here and I glad that summer here too.
    Maybe, I am thinking about finding myself a girlfriend? I haven't had a girlfriend since my divorce, and my daughter is looking for a job and trying to go to college.
    In other hand; my job been steady slow and I have noticed that some young people are unable to have or hold a job, my nephew been out of job again.

By Antigone on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 02:57 pm:

    When is moonit's wedding? I dun fergot.

By heather on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 07:36 pm:

    dear sarah and agatha, i didn't mean to alarm. the chance that i will actually kill myself is almost nil. i do think about it a lot though, i don't think i can explain why.

    there is nothing wrong, nothing needs to change except inside of me. i have no real idea where the despair comes from.

    i have an amazing and magical therapist and a lot of wonderful friends that i can count on for anything.

    you just wouldn't believe how often i think about it, and how confused i am that i do.

    patrick, we did talk on the phone quite a bit. it was nice. never did run into each other though. i don't have that phone and i don't think i have your number anymore.

    j wasn't in NOLA, was she? czarina, what a freaking firecracker. damn.i remember the boys all being so quiet.

By Danielssss on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 09:05 pm:

    Ah Czarina, yes. I believe the next wedding is mine and it's June 20th in St. Louis, and i woulsd suspect that not onlyMoonie but many others would feel like coming to it would be a trip to the other side. But if anyone wants to show up, noon June 20 in the woods at my house. Let me know. I think Moonie's might be in March or apr next year?

By Danielssss on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 09:24 pm:

    I am in Detroit again for another 24 hours. Not enough vodka to sustain life here. I check the boards often, miss it when I don't at least check in. Sometimes I write long shitty things and then erase before posting. Cz was also a chain smoker. Each of you became a little more (or?less) real when you sent me candy and errata.I do wish Jim had sent the photo collage of all of us standing like spider's faceless hairdo picture. Nice shirt. Found a hand painted one similar to the overarching rowan tree image in my travels last week to an art show in vancouver washingtonstate. The woman I am marrying does not at all understand but nonetheless tolerates my connection to all of you.

By moonit on Thursday, May 7, 2009 - 11:18 pm:

    Andrew doesn't get it either Dan; but he does love the candy :)

    You all are totally welcome to crash my wedding - I'm not taking it very seriously and drew certainly doesn't - that is, of course, assuming I make it; as we had our bonuses cut, which was massive part of my income; which is why I have been quiet and hiding lately. However, I have another plan, that involves me knuckling down and not wasting cash which as a Leo I tend to do lots of... I am planning on being there. I'll be the one in rags. hehe

By platypus on Friday, May 8, 2009 - 12:03 am:

    Are you still doing a grand tour while he goes...skiing with friends? Something snow related was planned, right?

By Antigone on Friday, May 8, 2009 - 12:59 am:

    Getting married, Danielssss?

    Who knew?

By moont on Friday, May 8, 2009 - 05:24 am:

    I'm probably just going to get to LA, then go through to Vegas - meet him there; and then maybe spend a couple days in LA before we fly home again. I can't miss Disneyland and the teacups!

By patrick on Friday, May 8, 2009 - 10:05 am:

    did i ever mention that fetidbeaver mailed me some very fun pharmaceuticals?

    that was pretty awesome.

    of course now that i dont live in LA anymore everyone seems to be passing through.

By heather on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 04:45 am:

    this year i no longer desire to be free from myself. a feeling that was very close to me for over a decade at least.

    the simple and not-exactly-true statement is that i am a completely different person.

By Daniel on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 01:30 pm:

    untethered. either way you are likeable.

    I heard from Fetid Beaver, he tells us all to f'off... the other side is not what anyone thinks it to be. so heather, stay and dance a while.

    I have been writing a workshop about the shadow self and how it is represented in addictive behavior such as gambling, and researching Oazark and Appalachian folk hero literature that smacks of the shadowy archetype of the dark side of humanity. And gesturing toward Robin Wiliams' Fischer King role, further comprehending the initiatory power of trauma, and so on.

    Workshop is Sat Oct 9 at lake of the Ozarks.

    I have not heard from Droopy which is still somewhat alarming... and still no word on a password for scrabble, which is not.

    Can we ever be free from self? untethered? shifting about the void? into internet land and sorabjiville, but still never quite free. I'd like to explore just how free we /I really are/am.

    yeah, wtf. Me in my saggy baggy whitey tidey Hanes. At least the ssss is gone.

By heather on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 01:59 pm:

    it was just my less crass attempt at saying i don't want to kill myself anymore. because those aren't quite the right words. there never are quite the right words.

By Daniel on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 06:59 pm:

    I love the sound of rhyme: heather'd and tethered, and sanguinous metaphor of meaning of heather'd being the vehicle for the tenor of the metaphor, that is, soft, downy, heath and heather-like as in the misty morning bogs of western Ireland. or something like that.

    i am glad you have changed on this, that selfserving of all self serving acts, self-annihilation is not at all being mindful about anihilation of self.

    Right. Just grateful you found the voice to say the words. Someday, the record may elucidate the why's of such feelings, of being not-exactly a different person when data would suggest you are indeed a different person.

    and if i can say so, an important person to many. But I digress, and don't want to cross contaminate or whatever it is that i do so well.

    Yup, never just the right words. They are so imperfect. But even images can portray a lie, yes?

By heather on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 07:28 pm:

    your last (paragraph?) seems to come forward slightly as some kind of a challenge? is it? if it is i can't tie it to anything.

    self-serving sure. when you have enjoyed hours daily of desperate, hopeless, weeping, despair for no earthly reason the only hope is that you are not required to stay.

By Daniel on Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 12:28 am:

    No challenge at all intended, unless you have images of late you wish to share. I see little enjoyment in despair, but it a damn creative time in my lifestyle... but even so, despair "for no earthly reason" does not seem to justify the label of self serving. I'd like to hear more of the angst but more particularly I would like to hear more of who you really are. really.

    I have a particular and perhaps odd view of suicide, and likely will someday act on "the gulf of mexico in the sunset walking exercise" desire to end my life, but not now, and not for no reason. My reason as far as my degenerate thinking can fathom would be... if there is no hope for continuing in a healthy, independent manner of living, I would not want to burden my sons with caring for me. It's that simple, and that particular. Otherwise, it seems to me to be a choice that hurts the people left behind.

    I always felt, and only recently have ignored the feeling, of being slightly if not wholesale disconnected from everyone. Only child, fairly alone, independent, not tied down, yearning for connection and roots. This after being born in a family so enmeshed that you had to ask to take a shit, and everyone had an opinion. they mostly left me alone, the little people pleasing anarchist that i was. My parents are both dead, mother 45 years and father over 30 now... I have no siblings save two step sisters one of whom has dropped out of sight and the other won't talk. My other sibling has never sought me out, nor I him/her. All I have is a baby picture that my father's girlfriend sent my mother at the time.

    So disconnect, yes I understand, but with someone as creative, gifted and beautiful as you, I just don't know enough to understand.

    And who says we are "required " to stay? that sounds awfully religious, or am I entirely off base as usual?

    Noooo, the challenge is to get in the cage, day after day, whether NOLA or Vegas or in your own backyard, and love, sweat, share, and help until your spirit is filled and your body exhausted. And we aren't required to stay in the cage...either...there is a park here and there, a satin pillow topped mattress, and a moss strewn stream filled with watercress if you're hungry. Everything you need, everything i need , we each no doubt have...in abundance...it is my wants that get me into trouble, it is my view of the cage as drudgery that saps my joy de vivir! it is the emptiness of loneliness on a friday night that cries into the void.

    ok, enough of this self serving stuff. On to Ice Cream...

By heather on Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 05:21 am:

    by enjoy i did not mean enjoy, certainly not any traditional version.

    that's the point, there is no more angst to hear about. i am not that person.

By agatha on Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 11:51 am:

    I have faith in you, Heather.

By Daniel on Saturday, September 18, 2010 - 12:37 pm:

    righto. I would much rather hear about the person you are and are becoming than any angst ridden Dostoyevskiian character you may have played in the past. In AA I keep hearing that 'we will not regret the past, nor will we shut the door on it, but we will learn from it, accept it and today as they are, and not worry about the future.' After 23 years of going there, I am beginning to get it.

    Playful images, joyful moments, surmounting the odds and loss, circumventing disaster as if the trickster is laughing with us, encouraging the next unknown adventure.

    If nothing else, this is one big adventure, to paraphrase Peter Pan remarking about death. And if we are indeed the sensate arms and fingers and noses and tongues of a loving creator, forgiveness takes on a new meaning. What possibly could go wrong and stay wrong and hurt us?

    Even and especially picking the wrong life partner does not have to be a terrific and horrible event, unless we make it so.

    None of us are who we were ten years ago, or maybe we are. It doesn't really matter if I stay in the present. Thee boards and these threads can remind me where I was and who i was when i posted something, and yes, that is certainly part of who I am, but it does not define who I am now...or what i am becoming.

    I AM.... BECOMING (sniffle) the Netty Pot MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    back to gluttony now for a momentary station break


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