1 am, saturday, still alone at 27 1/2

sorabji.com: Insomnia: 1 am, saturday, still alone at 27 1/2

By Semillama with too much time on his hands on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 02:13 am:

    posting about my last broken heart on the saddest/happiest song thread reminded me of why I have been kinda depressed lately. Every so often, i get this way when I have too much time for reflection (like friday nights, lately). i am nearly 30 and I have never had a relationship with a woman that lasted past six months. My friends tell me that women will be after me in my thirties, because they'll be ready to settle down and i will (hopefully) be financially secure. This is supposed to be comforting.

    what is missing is someone to share things with. I miss this acutely, more than sex. (Seriously, waffleboy) When a woman has caught my attention in the last few years, it's not because she's sexy but because she seems like a person I'd want to spend a serious amount of time with.

    Let's face it, though, I'm not getting any younger and i'm not that attractive to begin with.
    women like their men to be taller than themselves, it appears, and I'm on eye level with most. Sometimes I feel like i'm kiding myself when I hav etried to make eye contact with women I find attractive in social settings. I've studied how men and women flirt and the signals that are given off. I've been doing that since high schooldances, and refined it after studying anthropology. Of the "i'm intereseted" signals that women display to men, I owuld say i have dated 90% of the women who have shown them to me. i have only dated 5 women. Maybe it's differnt when the signals are being directed to you firsthand, and not observed third hand, but somehow I doubt it.

    Ok, i know I'm a weirdo, and that's not what most women want. But i am also honest, compassionate and loyal, which were one valued traits. I read like crazy and listen to all kinds of music and play all kinds of music and love all kinds of movies. I love being outdoors and I know the value of sitting inside and vegging out at the tv. I understand personal space. as one of my best friends insists, I'd make an excellent boyfriend (of course, this is the same guy who said he had about three girls who wanted to meet me the last time I was in Seattle, which didn't happen).

    Of course, maybe the reason women don't find me attractive is i'm a whiny freak who detests the status quo. not exactly the equation for financial and reproductive success.

    screw 1am misery, this shit is getting older than me.

By Gee on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 02:45 am:

    I like weirdos.

    Romantic problems are the worst. I hate feeling like that, so I try not to think about it. I think I've exhausted the "is there something wrong with me?" avenue, and I'm now into "screw 'em all."

    I suspect things will not work out with the boy I had my (evil) eye on, even in the most basic way. Which is confusing, cuz I honestly do believe he's interested in me. He just won't make a move, and I'm tired of doing it all myself. So, things are not gonna happen the way I wanted them too, and I seriously think I'm missing out on something really great with him (just a feeling). My friend Tommy says he doesn't know what he's missing. I say if he doesn't know what he's missing, how can he suffer?

    Sem, you sound like you think you're a pretty good guy (that's not a bad thing. it's good to know how neat you are.), so what's the problem? Is it them or you? Who usually ends it? How come your romance's fizzle so fast?

By J on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 03:00 am:

    Sem,you sound all good to me,I think your cute,you know a lot,I thought you were older.

By Antigone on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 03:32 am:

    It is older than you, because I'm 17 days from being 29, and I'm basically in the same boat. (OK, I had a date last weekend. But, it was the first in 6 months, and the second woman I've dated in 5 years...)

    I've only dated 5 women too.

    Being tall doesn't seem to help in my case, as I'm 6'4"

    Your litany sounds remarkably like something I'd write, so maybe some recent decisions of mine will help. Maybe we're coming from a similar perspective.

    I've decided to set aside caution, at least when making contact with a woman. I am so shitty at being able to tell if a woman is interested in me I don't even try to figure it out anymore. I just ask. At the moment a few rejections are better than staying lonely. It's too late in the game to wait for someone to come to me.

    I've decided to work on myself. I'm exercising more, learning a new musical instrument, and getting more involved with my church group. Maybe some of those activities will make me more attractive to women. Maybe I'll meet someone while doing them. Who knows? It doesn't really matter, though. I enjoy the activity. I don't feel as lonely when I'm involved with something worthwhile.

    Finally, I've decided to not let loneliness bother me as much. My uncle, who I'm like in many ways, didn't marry until he was 39. His wife is wonderful and he's glad he didn't marry anyone before her. What they both tell me is, "Don't settle for anyone who doesn't think you're the most wonderful person in the world." If I have to wait another ten years to find that woman, so be it.

    After making these decisions my loneliness has become somehow lighter. It's there, but it doesn't fill me anymore.

By About halfway to dreamland on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 03:52 am:

    Ach, we must be long lost twins or something.

    i also haven't dated anyone in about 5 years.

    I started working out a couple years ago, but it's all for me, not to attract girls.

    I think part of the reason it's bad for me now is that i'm sort of stuck here in a place and situation that is not conducive formy kind of romantic encounters. i am hoping things will pick up when I move into La Crosse next year, i'll be in a better position then. if that doesn't work out, i am definatley going back to school.

    just waiting sucks though.


By J on Saturday, September 11, 1999 - 03:57 am:

    My Dad didn,t marry till he was 30,I don,t think he really wanted to.

By Pink Eye on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 01:50 pm:

    I'll be 33 next month and ALONE. I guess I'll have to jump into my "I don't need women" phase again.

    Got anymore room in your boat, Sem?

By Jinafishes on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 04:43 pm:

    Do it all for the nookie.

By Waffles on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 05:27 pm:

    godfuck!!!!! ENOUGH with the kid rock lines...fuck that guy and his silly assed "music" suck a fart outta my ass why dontcha

    after my glimps of mtv this weekend....i am a little sensitive to inane pop culture.........

By Fetidbeaver on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 05:43 pm:

    Wanna be a cowboy? hahahaha

By Jinafishes on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 06:00 pm:

    Oh yeah, I forgot reading about your wonderful trip to Candyland. Well uh, yeah. The music the days really stink. Seriously can't think of a song right now that is one that I just love. None. Don't let the rap/rock depress ya.

    It really wasn't good advice anyways. Pinky, just check women out, stare at someone from across the crowded room, do the things you can't do while you have a woman, find your inner asshole and all those great things.

By Tae on Monday, May 15, 2000 - 02:23 am:

    instead of exercising, look into a martial arts class..


    if you get in a good school, the workout will be better than anything you'll get in a gym, it won't be as lonely as working out by yourself, and you will be learning how to defend yourself.

    women also take these classes to learn self defense. nothing breaks the ice better than taking turns throwing each other around.

    there was a guy at my school who lost 35 pounds in a month.. (he was 260 when he started).. i started at 180 and am now 168 after 3 months, have better muscle tone, and have met some cool people.


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