good morning america Insomnia: good morning america

By Ophelia on Monday, October 14, 2002 - 02:24 am:

    so here i am writing a paper, needing a break. what is happening in the world today? so much shit, scary shit, and i'm having trouble drowning it out with music. my music is all bob dylan, phil ochs, joan baez, later beatles, used to be more distant stuff, a transplant to the sixties. but now the protest songs feels so relevant its too real and i dont want to face it. but it is staring me in the face every time i stick my head out of the the bubble of academia and i wonder if i can be as carefree as i once was. for a long time i thought that 9/11 had not impacted me, for i could still laugh, and i was not pulled into the patriotic melee, but i was wrong. i realize i haven't had the same innocence in my fun ever since then, there is always a sense of something overbearing, a nameless fear that i am trying to escape. no longer nameless though. it is my fear of responsibility, for i cant be a child much longer. this waking up of the national consciousness strangely coincided with my own maturation process, so i dont know whether my fears are those of every american or those of every kid who must grow up, and it seems that the two are one and the same in me. i feel guilty, i must return to my academic world. those responsibilities i have here, to write this research paper, are even now first on my mind. but i cannot relax, because i am a part of a country i do not understand fully. how can i feel good about that, or even know how to feel about that? i dont even know everything that the flag stands for. i could not say the pledge of alleigence when that tradition began at my high school last year, for the same reason. how can i pledge alleigence to a country i don't understand? how can anyone make such a blind promise? it seems that this type of organization must demand the sacrifice of individual opinion. i do not even know what my opinions are. i'm just a kid. i just want to play chess and tell dumb jokes and jump in leaf piles and pretend i'm at woodstock. i dont want the protests to be happening here and now. just give me my guitar and let me sing the songs not for any political reason, but because they are the songs i grew up on. and already i have enough obligation for one night. i need to write this paper. maybe in the morning life will make more sense.

By J on Friday, October 18, 2002 - 02:15 pm:

    Did it?

By Ophelia on Sunday, October 20, 2002 - 09:13 pm:

    yeah, sort of. i dont think i got much sleep that night. (didn't finish the paper, either, but i turned it late)

By moonit on Sunday, October 20, 2002 - 09:33 pm:

    I'm starting to feel like if I don't travel the world now, there may not be a world to travel in.

    In the Bali bombings some aussies and kiwis were lost. That scares me. I went there when I was 17 and I loved it, in fact I was thinking about taking the Pandyr there as a surprise.

    Not gonna happen now.

By Glug on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 11:08 am:

By Glug on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 11:21 am:

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