Hotter Than a Cold Purple Twinkie Insomnia: Hotter Than a Cold Purple Twinkie

By TBone on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 04:53 am:

    It's hot. Montana's supposed to be cold or something, but it's not. It just keeps getting hotter until the sun sets at 10PM. My apartment never gets a chance to cool off. My cat and my loved one are asleep a foot from each other and laying in almost exactly the same position. Cat's in my spot.

    I was tired all day, but now sleep has become an alien thing. A spectator sport only. Sleep is not for me.

    I'd like to freeze this time right now. Bottle it away and put it on a shelf for later. Leave it behind and look at everything else there is to see. Compare this time to every other possibilty. I want to fill myself with everything else so that I can come back someday, open my precious bottle and cherish this moment of my life properly. I feel like I can't love until I know what it is.

    I used to wonder how people who had everything could ever be anything but happy. Now I wonder how they could ever be happy at all. I'm moving to a smaller apartment in a month. My posessions are opressive. How did I let this happen?

    I'm more tired that I realized. Much more. I'm going to lay down now. I'm going to fall asleep several times at work tomorrow, then come home to a 95-degree apartment and find a dark corner in which to sit. I will make my short list of precious posessions. The rest will be collected, then redistributed as gifts, garage sale miscellania, or ebay junk.

    I will escape these things that own me.

By J on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:39 pm:

    I think you need a vacation hon.

By sarah on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 04:30 pm:

    hot? shiiiiiiiiiit, it ain't hot there, boy. come to texas and then you'll know what hot is.

By TBone on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 05:58 pm:

    Don't you tell me 103F ain't hot, girl. It's broken 100 for the past three days and that's plenty hot for me.
    It rained today though. I danced in it. It wasn't enough to help with any of the forest fires, but it was something. It's quite comfortable now.

    The real problem with heat around here is that the majority of homes and apartments don't have A/C. My apartment is awful. The windows are stupid and fan-proof.

    I keep peeking at the apartment that I'll move into at the end of August. They need to build it faster.

By Antigone on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 07:27 pm:

    Hang out at a mall until 10, then go see a movie.

    If you move to another apartment, get one that's on the ground floor of a multistory complex. If possible, there should be shade on all windows. One of my apartments was like that and I never had to run AC, all summer, in Texas. :)

By TBone on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 09:07 pm:

    I can't stand the mall. It drains my will to keep breathing. But movies have been working well.

    I'm moving to a top-floor apartment with A/C in a month. A/C might be expensive, but I'll get free heat from the people below me all winter.

    I had a basement apartment a few years ago that was awsome in the summer. A cool little cave.

By eri on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 01:12 am:

    Our apartment is in a huge complex, on the bottom floor, on the east facing side, so we only get direct sunlight early in the day. Still have to run the a/c, but always keep it comfortable. It has been hot here, especially when you add in the heat index.

    We are supposed to be at Sea World all day tomorrow. That will be fun in the heat.

By Lapis on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:40 pm:

    Come visit Portland, it's been pretty hot lately but nothing to compare to Montana (or Texas, for that matter).

    No AC, but that's what the library's for. Or the bluffs. And you could try Zoobombing.

By patrick on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:42 pm:

    top floor with A/C?

    hate to see your summer electric bill.

    trees and bushes are also key to keeping your place cool.

    we have trees shading my house. we get beaten by the sun all day long. last night, we talked about all the things we'd like to do if we bought the house. one of the first things would be to add some green around the house to try and break the direct sun up.

    Malls doo suck, but museums, libraries are good. So are Best Buys where you can whip little kids' asses on playstation and gamecube.

By Spider on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:47 pm:

    Book stores are good escapes, too.

    It hasn't been too bad this summer around these parts. It rains a lot, but it stays in the 80s. Last year it never rained and hovered around 95 degrees, 90% humidity. I never went outside when the sun was up, if I could help it.

By patrick on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 12:57 pm:

    i meant to say....we have NO trees shading my house.

By Nate on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 02:10 pm:

    a friend of mine just got back from Iraq where it cleared 150.

    so don't be pussies.

    i'm too close to the ocean for the temperature to vary much.

By Platypus on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 04:03 pm:

    Damn straight, Nate.

    Today it's actually foggy but it misted last night and that was exciting. The last few days it's been really nice, sunny and mid seventies so warm and comfy we went to the river on Tuesday.

    The ocean is a giant thermostat, it rocks.

By semillama on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 04:18 pm:

    Nate, is your friend in the service?

    My best friend gets back from Afghanistan in a couple weeks. I guess then I can give a weather update from that forgotten corner of the world.

By TBone on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 05:42 pm:

    Criminy. Why does anyone live in the desert?

    I'd love to visit Portland. I want to move there. I need a vacation.

    I'm not looking forward to the A/C bill either, but it's a small apartment. I also don't intend to keep it frosty like they do here at work. I don't want to know how much they spend on A/C in this stupid place. Hugely wasteful, but they pay beans.
    The hot part of the summer isn't that long anyway.

    It looks like it's going to be a rough fall for the dorm students this year. Most department stores are completely out of fans.

By patrick on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 06:19 pm:

    is it a central A/C system or one of those wall units?

    that makes a differnce.

By Nate on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 07:12 pm:

    my friend is army. he'll probably be deployed to afghanistan next.

By TBone on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 02:20 am:

    Central would be overkill. Small place.

    I've never, in my entire life, lived in a place with A/C. The cars I grew up with and have owned were all free of A/C as well.

    I distrust it.

By Hal on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 11:44 am:

    A/C scares me.

    I live in a cave, it seems to work well. I hate heat, give me snow any day. At least then I know what I'm getting. Although to be perfectly honest, in Montana you NEVER know what your going to get.

By J on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 12:12 pm:

    I can't imagine living out here without A/C in a house or a car,I see bums out on the street corners and I think how can they stand it sitting in that heat? I'd think working in an air-conditioned 7/11 would be so much easier.Bums,go figure.I remember bailing a friend out of jail one summer morning and when we got back to my car a bum was sleeping right in the parking lot on that hot asphalt.

By Lapis on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 08:16 pm:

    Take your vacation and get here! There are things to do and couches to sleep on! There are mountains, desert, rainforest and ocean within a two hour drive! There's bicycles, coffeeshops, FreeGeek and the Know! Come visit me! Portland is fun! And cooler on the hottest days.

    (this goes out to everyone, but TBone directly)

By eri on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 09:27 pm:

    Spunky and I are looking into getting camping gear. We want to be able to visit people easier (hotels are too expensive with the 4 of us) and then we can travel all over the place. Portland sounds fucking awesome!

By Lapis on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 12:06 am:

    It is.

    I am making friends (maybe making out later) with a guy who owns a vintage shop on Burnside. That's another thing. There's vintage shops everywhere, it feels like a crime to wear new clothes.

    Critical Mass! Indie film screenings! La Fonda's Chimichangas! Bridges! Trees! The Pirate Ship! Bike friendly public transportation! Whoooooo!

By Platypus on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 02:39 am:

    I visited my friend M at work today and we ate brownies in the walk in. She just made an excellent giant patchwork coat but it is too hot. Everyone local is running around as naked as they can decently be.

    It's been so fucking hot I want to crack a beer and sit on the roof naked even though I'd regret it in the morning. (The beer, not the naked).

    The river just isn't enough anymore, by the time you get out sweat is everywhere again. Walk in freezers are where it's at.

    I read in the Times this morning that there's record breaking heat all over, especially in Arizona. I wonder what's up?

By dave. on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 02:46 am:

    el motherfuckin niņo

By J on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 04:01 am:

    We are being punished,that's the best I can pull out of my ass,that I have such a rash on.

By agatha on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 03:42 pm:

    Isn't that guy like 40, Lapis? That's a good store, if I'm thinking of the right one. I got Cleo a pair of ruffled brown bloomers there the last time I was in Portland.

By Lapis on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 10:41 pm:

    No, he's 27. It's called Atomic Lily. There's a resident dog.

    Even if he was 40, if he's cool it's ok. It's not like he sought me out.

By Hal on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 10:35 am:

    Molesterbation is really hard when its this hot. In fact the desire for any sexual activity at all is gone from me at the moment, just to god damn hot.

By V.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 11:12 am:

    Hal,have you tried ice cubes down the pants?I am told it works very well.

By Hal on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 11:15 am:

    Ice + My Nuts != good times

By Lapis on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 11:58 am:

    I'm not going to say anything.

By Iv.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 11:58 am:

    Hal,I am at present trying to get into PRAVDA Ru,[the Russian newspaper website]it has a chat room much like Sorabji,but less high tech.I expect The Watcher may be most interested,as he is a most wise and enigmatic person.I suspect there are allready many Americans on this site,[PRAVDA Ru]that is.The only downside is they speak this stilted English,[as i do]with back to front sentences,and spelling mistakes.The upside is its in English.I am sticking with my investigations regarding PRAVADA Ru,due to the story about a U.F.O. that crash in Iraq,and Saddam now understands its whereabouts.[Hal,you are an o.k. guy.]

By V.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 12:05 pm:

    Lapis,by not saying anything,you show me you are a true Lady,[but with horns]much regards.

By V.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 12:17 pm:

    Lapis,p.s. I advise you stick with that 27 year old guy,he will give you much more respect than a 19 year old punk.

By TBone on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 12:44 pm:

    I'll try to work out a Portland trip. I just moved to a different department at work and just started on salary pay, so I don't have any vacation time.

    But I could try to charge up some flex time. I'll see how it goes.

By semillama on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 01:01 pm:

    Pravda has become the Weekly World News of Russia. Check out their site for high weirdness anyday of the week.

By V.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 03:01 pm:

    Semillama,high weirdness is a thing PRAVDA Ru are most good at,Most Americans regard PRAVDA Ru,as anti-western,i understand this attitude.,yet i understand from your postings that you are a most bright person.You are able to read between the the lines.For that i give you a lot of respect.[as i allways have]i hope you still post to me from time to time.To enlighten the situation,most Russians, Lithuanins and Latvians and Estoninians,only wish to be like the Americans,allthough we find it hard to admit it.

By V.v. on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 03:21 pm:

    TBone,i understand your situation,[allthough we sometimes have a difference of points of view]i advise,take the trip to Portland,and dam the company to hell.The Company makes s..t loads of money out of you,so now its pay back time,yes?

By Hal on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 04:59 pm:

    Not quite as simple as that V.v. the vietnamese don't take kindly to being "damned" or "fucked" or anything else negative like that. They have an entire custodial staff that I belive has buried more then their fair share of americans.

By agatha on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 08:16 pm:

    Lapis, did I tell you I'm going to be in Portland one or two weekends a month starting in September?

    If not, I am.

    I'm pretty sure that's the store I went to, is the dog some sort of maybe a blue heeler mix, or something? He looks older than 27. Maybe it was someone else.

By Lapis on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 10:39 pm:

    Thanks VV. Do you listen to the Kills?

    TBone: you should. what if: you worked 10 hours/day Monday through Thursday, drove here Thursday night, stayed the weekend and drove back Monday to work 10 hours/day for the rest of the week. It would be grueling but make sense.

    Hal: you should also visit. It's not too hot to "molesterbate" here.

    Agatha: let me know before you get here, I'm starting to get more evenings and weekends off so we can do fun things.
    I'm not sure what type the dog is. I recognise very few breeds. She's a very nice dog who loves attention and sneezes much. Maybe he looks older than 27, but he's very nice and has beautiful eyes and bought me a beer when he closed the door on his shop for a few minutes. The shop is on the south side of the street.

By TBone on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 03:02 pm:

    I may just do that. Or something like it. I'll put in lots of hours this week and talk to my boss about it when she gets back from vacation.

    What with packing and moving and stuff for the new apartment, the weekend of August 9 is probably the only workable weekend for a while.

By agatha on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 07:36 pm:

    i don't think old is necessarily bad, as long as he isn't a perv. if it's the same guy, he seemed quite nice, and his dog ruled.

    i'll let you know when i am going, but i won't know until i'm there what kind of time i'll have. school, and all, ya know. i do know that on the weekends i will be there, i will have class from 6 to 10 on fridays, 9 to 6 on saturdays, and 8 to 12 on sundays.

By agatha on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 07:37 pm:

    oh, and have fun at the zine symposium. wish i could go.

By Nate on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 09:29 pm:

    hey, what's wrong with being a perv?

By Lapis on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 09:34 pm:

    August 9 I'll be camping. Sorry. Last chance to hang out with the LS before she leaves for Gonzaga.

    He doesn't seem like a perv, waaay into clothes though (obviously) but got me into a history lesson and won't give me the answers which is amazingly cool and frusterating at the same time.

    Class? What are you taking?

    I'm looking forward to the zine symposium but a tad frantic. I'm working on #5, filling it with writings on bicycles and cameras and pictures of bicycles, plus something I wrote about costumes and recipes and a short piece about what I believe.

By Hal on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 10:58 pm:

    I would come Lapis, but I'm going to Virgina tomorrow morning at 6:00 am... Should be fun, giant 400 people LAN party.

By Lapis on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 11:06 pm:

    LAN party? What's that?

    Isn't Virginia hot and humid East coast style?

By TBone on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 03:13 am:

    Heh. You gamers.

    Hmm. Maybe some other time, then. I was already considering a trip out that way. I'd like to do it before school season.

By sarah on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 05:09 pm:

    agatha got into library science master's program!

By J on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 05:49 pm:

    Way to go Agatha!!!! That's something to really celebrate,we're so double dog proud:)

By Lapis on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 11:06 pm:

    Oooooooh!!!!! Yay! That's really cool. You should talk to my friend Greig the zine librarian.

    Do you want to be a library librarian or a college librarian or something else? Librarians are so completely cool.

By BluePowder on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 04:54 am:

    It has been pretty hot in Oregon these days. My A/C is being a bitch and has decided not to work for me the past three HOT as hell days. I had to lay around naked for a long time, trying to sketch something to keep my mind off of the sweat on my neck. My boyfriend lives in Virginia.. hot hot hot.

By Blur on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 12:11 pm:


    Wait. How old are you? How much do you weigh?

By agatha on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 01:37 pm:

    Thanks, Lapis! I want to be a public library librarian, possibly in youth services, but it really depends on what the market is like when I graduate. I should talk to your friend Grieg. I got this zine the last time I was at Reading Frenzy called Zine Librarian Zine. It ruled.

    I still want to hear about the ass doctor.

By eri on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 02:56 pm:

    I totally want to hear about the ass doctor, too.

By Lapis on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 09:35 pm:

    There's a second issue of zine librarian zine. I'll get a copy and send it to you, along with my new one that I'm frantically retyping and laying out.

By agatha on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 11:29 pm:

    Supah! Thanks!

By sarah on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 12:15 pm:

    i went out with the ass doctor last night. it was only date #2, but the boy is mine.

    lock, stock, and anus.

By eri on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 12:28 pm:

    Details, girl.....we need details ;)

By sarah on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 01:18 pm:

    i'm afraid to talk about it. i'm superstitious and don't want to jinx anything.

    but i will say it's going really well so far. he's all that and a bag a chips. right from the first moment we met it was like we were ohana... family.

    i'll also admit i got a huge kick out of riding in his new (ahem) black BMW Z4 Roadster 3.0i

    i got in and as the top glided down automatically i turned to him and said,

    "Hey, guess what? I drive a convertible too."


    "Yeah, they're a lot of fun. And suddenly you find yourself belonging to the super secret subculture of convertible drivers."

    "That's true! Once you drive one, you can never go back. So what kind do you have?"

    me chuckling, "I got a super slick 1993 Cabriolet with 130,000 miles on it!"

    him laughing, "That's great!"

    "Yeah, i love it. my dad sent me matching hawaiian seat covers and two bumper stickers. One says 'Got waves?' and the other says, 'I'd rather be surfin'."

    he turned and grinned at me and said, "Right on, sister."

    i plucked the cheesiest CD out of his collection, slipped it into the changer, turned the volume way up, and off we drove, both of us playing air guitar and singing aloud to Everclear.

By eri on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 01:59 pm:

    Sounds cool. I won't ask you to jinx it. I am glad things are going well.

    I love the little old Cabriolets like that. I once debated getting one, but it isn't the smartest car for my mass assuming family :)

By agatha on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 02:20 pm:

    go, sarah, go!

By semillama on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 03:34 pm:

    BOTH playing air guitar? how did he steer? I can see air drumming with the steering wheel and stomping with your left foot for the bas drum, but air guitar? unless he was just using one hand.

By Lapis on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 03:34 pm:

    Vroom vroom!

By semillama on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 03:36 pm:

    also, I vote that we now refer to Sarah's friend as "Doctor Ass". It has a better ring to it.

    Plus, you can sing along with Kiss' "Doctor Love" and just change the word love for Ass, and voila! instant theme song.

By sarah on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 04:33 pm:

    Dr. Ass could steer with his knee. if he handles his women like he handles his car, i'm in for a treat! he's a great kisser. also, a hair grabber. very sexy.

    hmm. i think i'm making him sound a lot different than he is in real life.

    he's 36, very attractive, very ambitious, has his own radio show in addition to being an ass doctor/surgeon, just bought a new house in an old-school/funky neighborhood downtown, loves to party, has lots of friends, and is a responsible adult who can take care of the details of his life with little fuss.

    despite the fact that he basically has it *all* going for him, he's not a walking ego trip. in fact, he's exceptionally kind and considerate, very modest, he's a family man (his elderly father lives with him because he's the best equipped of his 3 other brothers to do so), down-to-earth, fun, and motivated by a real desire to help people. i mean, come on, you'd have to be a fucking saint to want to do something like look up old men's asses all day long.

    he's on call this week, and then i'm going to michigan on tuesday, so we won't see each other for about 10 days, which sucks, but probably for the best. don't want to get too carried away, or go too fast. this one requires patience.

    in this case, patience is passion contained.

    last night was actually a celebration. he's just signed a contract to start working for a new physicians group. apparently it's a much more prestigious group of doctor's than his current gig, which will end November 1st. he didn't say that, but he said it felt like he was getting called up from the minors to the majors. oh, and he loves baseball too! man.

    anyway, when he called to invite me to meet him for a happy hour beer at the Gingerman, i had no idea it was to celebrate his promotion, until i got there. when i got there, a smallish group of his friends were already there, which later turned into quite a large group of friends.

    his friends are wonderful. in fact, i barely talked to Dr. Ass, i was having so much fun getting to know his austin clan. i bonded with one woman in particular, and we exhanged numbers, and she and i are going to get together before i leave for michigan next week. his friends are all over the map in terms of job/career (teachers, lawyers, artists, furniture builders, engineers...), ethnicity, interests, etc. i was really impressed that he's managed to surround himself with good people - i think that says a lot about him.

    after that the group broke up and he invited me to go with him to meet up with two other couples for a long late dinner. these were old friends of his from his days at Rice. they were very kind too - though i definitely got hazed a little, but i took it like a champ.

    after we closed the place down, his friends invited me out dancing with them, but i declined and Dr. Ass needed to get home too, so he dropped me off at my car back at the Gingerman, but not before kissing me for a good long while.

    which means if nothing else at least we're headed in the right direction.

    he has November and December off while he's "between jobs" to do whatever he wants until he starts w/ the new group the first of the year. he's going to hawaii for most of november, and currently is contemplating what he'll do in december.

    i have 3 weeks off in december. i'm hoping by then we'll be ready for a trip to greece together.

    ack... see what i mean? i get carried away. look what you've made me do! i'm totally jinxing myself right now, goddammit.

    actually, while i do hope things go well, the truth is i feel completely level-headed and confident about it, almost detached, in a good way. my instincts tell me to sit back and let it unfold, let him lead the way, and just go with whatever happens. this is a whole different deal and i'm not going to get stupid.

By patrick on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 04:46 pm:

    i drive with my knee all the time.

    i uh.

    never got into an accident.



    im gonna go now.

    way to go sarah......enjoy yourself. fingers are crossed.

By Spider on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 05:01 pm:

    Hooray, Sarah!!

    "his friends are all over the map in terms of job/career (teachers, lawyers, artists, furniture builders, engineers...), ethnicity, interests, etc. i was really impressed that he's managed to surround himself with good people - i think that says a lot about him."

    This is a really good sign.

By Spider on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 05:03 pm:

    PS. I'm impressed by your ease at connecting so easily with the new people you meet. That says a lot about you.

By eri on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 06:08 pm:

    I am glad that things were so comfortable. I mean, I don't see your usual uneasiness about the direction this might take. You seem carefree and to be just enjoying yourself. I like to see you like this!

By Sarah on Monday, August 4, 2003 - 12:24 am:

    something has changed. for the better. generally speakng that is. i think a mo' betta explanation should wait utnil tomorrow when im not on ambien and valium and ginger cinnamon tea following 30 minutes of deep meditation. my brain is on its way to neptune at this very momen, and my booty is on its way to my bed.

By Lapis on Monday, August 4, 2003 - 06:07 pm:

    Agatha, I've lost your address. Please email me.

By semillama on Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 10:27 am:

By J on Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 11:31 am:

By sarah on Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 11:33 am:

    holy shit that's funny J.

By Hal on Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 02:11 pm:

    Back from Virginia, Fuckin A that place is humid. Oh and fuck that sea level shit, it took me 3 fuckin days to get drunk.

    Had hella fun though, at one point at like 4 in the morning me and this other guy decided we're hungry and we want Taco Bell. So we up and start driving, after like 5 minutes we're like "I thought you knew where we were going." - "uhh, no I thought YOU knew."

    So we spend the next 2 hours driving around lost as fuck in Virginia, and some how as were just about to stop and ask for directions we drive by the hotel. There's even a video of it.... Pretty good stuff, you guy can email me and I'll see what I can do to send it to you. (mpg format.)

    There are also LOTS of pictures.

By Spider on Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 02:19 pm:

    Where in VA were you?

By Hal on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 - 03:46 am:


By Lapis on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 - 11:06 pm:


By Hal on Thursday, August 7, 2003 - 12:55 am:


    Westfields Marriot, 4 Star Ambasitorial Hotel. Good stuff, very victorian.

    Very fuckin expensive.

By Lapis on Thursday, August 7, 2003 - 12:58 am:

    Fancy fancy.

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