sorabji.com: Why I oughta...: ..rant!

By pez on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 12:56 am:

    it seems like lately everyone around here (except for daniel ssss) ignores me. it's stupid, i try and put in my two cents and everyone behaves as if my messages aren't there. stupid mothafuckers.

    so now i am going to go completely selfcentered and talk only about myself. me me me. now now now.

    it seems lately that very few people actually like me as a person. they like me for what i have, or like me for what i do, but not for my personality. maybe as a novelty.

    on sunday dumpster dave told me that he and emo dave should hide me in a tent and make people pay to meet me. it was really weird and i didn't know what to say so i ran off.

    later on at brunch nim said "lauren, sometimes i want to punch you on sundays" when he got mad because i was asking questions while he was fixing his bike.

    and everyone's so grumpy lately. i don't understand it. and i just happen to come along and they get mad at me for the littlest things, like dancing. or jumping around. or singing my brains out. i wish those grumps would get a grip and realize that they're alive and they should enjoy it!

    whatever. you're not listening anyway. you fuckers. i'll say whatever the hell i want.

    c'mere cocksuckers, take a big ol' bite outta miz pezass. this is one juicy ass folks, 20 years old and unpenetrated. that's right folks, no asssex to this one yet but you could be the first yessirree, only a nickle a whack!

By droopy on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:09 am:

    hi, pez.

By Nate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:51 am:

    hey pez i really want you to go to college.

By Nate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:57 am:


    i think a lot about this college stuff. i am a career boy now, straightened out by this strange feeling of adulthood. responsibility creeps up on you.

    college is the chance to have the government subsidize the youthful exploration of freedom. this do anything idealistic world between the shadow of parental guidance and the spector of career development, children or whatever else smacks us in the goatass and makes us feel like now is a good time to settle in and take notice of time passing.

By Pilate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 08:50 am:

    Don't worry, Pez. You're one of our faves here. Oswald says "hi", BTW. I've been keeping the kid off the net for a few damn good reasons and also, all unholy hell has broken loose out here. Oswald's going through a situation I wouldn't wish on an enemy. He's stronger than I am because I don't think that I could've handled this at his age. But we're out here and we love yer ass. Sending you good thoughts, for what it's worth. Oh, yeah.......Oswald thought people were ignoring him too so you're not alone. I think that people here still like you even if they don't respond to every post.

By dave. on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 09:24 am:

    generally, i like talking at people here, which is different from talking to them. if i want to talk to someone, i'll see if they're on one of the instant messenger jobbys. speaking for myself, i don't ignore people because they suck, i ignore people because i suck. that said, i'd like to take this opportunity to say hi to j. sorry for ignoring you. i suck.

By patrick on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 11:47 am:

    pez i think i respond to quite a few of your posts.

    just yesterday I believe.

    im pretty sure your the kind of girl i would have had a crush on, 6, 7 years ago...for what thats worth.

    im so glad to not read your frustrated posts from home, about the moronic things your parents delt you. Id rather read about frustrations being on your own.

    nate makes sense, you should give it some thought.

    without knowing specifically who you hang with...lemme generalize...ditch the crusties, they're dead weight. keep the record geeks, they're friends for life

    what do you want pez?

By pez on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:03 pm:

    i'm not hanging out with many crusties these days.

    but what i want.... i'd really like to feel appriciated. i'd like to be popular but i'm rather energetic and unwilling to be a hipster. being a hipster = death as far as my mentality goes.

    i've been hanging out with a group of boys lately, 20-28 years old. some have office jobs, one's a graphic artist, my favorite writes articles for magazines. he's cute and we talk alot.

    the bad part of this group is that i'm the only single girl who regularly hangs out with them. i don't want to be regulated to the role of xxxxxx's girlfriend, i'd rather be able to hold my own so i try not to kiss any of them.

    i've also been cooking at gracie's every sunday. free brunch, just show up! but that's being shut down after march 31st. it's sad.

    cassandra (erik the housemate's unemployed girlfriend) and selma (old housemate, came to pdx from salt lake) and i are potentially forming a band called the trisexuals. mostly it's just in the works right now but we remind each other from time to time.

    i'm also involved the the radical art girls and on the core committee for the 2002 portland zine symposium. which reminds me, if you want to see something really cute, click here. i'm hoping to do a zine on d.i.y. healthcare, hopefully the first issue will be out by summer. there're lots of zines on women's health, but nothing really on how to take care of yourself without health insurance. many people i am in contact with every day cannot afford health insurance and/or are afraid of doctors which really isn't fair when they're putting their health at stake.

    what do i want? i want to be understood a little more. i'd like to be respected if possible, but for myself, not for a label. i'd like to sell art to rich yuppies so i wouldn't have to change photochemicals everyday.

    if and when i go to college, i hope i will know what i want to study. i'd hope that even my bullshit classes (english in particular) are taught by people who believe in teaching and believe in their students. i believe it would be easier to succeed in college now that i'm no longer under my parents' wing, but paying rent and so on makes it more difficult to afford. i know that if i go halftime i could get goverment support in the way of money and foodstamps. and working in retail my boss would work around my class schedule but i'm not sure it would be worth it just taking classes aimlessly without a real goal, no specific degree, in mind.

    i sent my cat to live with my parents because of the dogs here. one of the dogs that was here until last weekend was part worlf and she liked to hunt poor sylvie down and trap her in places. it just wasn't an ideal situation for a cat but i miss sylvie so much and i get lonely sometimes because i've always had a cat.

    anyway, i need to get ready for work now. hi droop, hi nate, hi pilate (say hi to oswald for me, i miss his posts), hi dave, hi patrick. thanks for responding.

By patrick on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:13 pm:

    "but i'm not sure it would be worth it just taking classes aimlessly without a real goal, no specific degree, in mind"


    go. you may uncover that goal. this is not a good enough reason not to go. go when you're ready though.

    pez, otherwise you sound like a normal bright 20 year old.

    what you want will come in due time. trust me.

By eri on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:55 pm:

    I agree. I have listened or rather read you doing some amazing growing in time I have been here. You are one of those few rare people who you read just to see how they are growing into that "better person" and at the same time being true to yourself. You remind me a lot of my cousin Katie, who is an amazingly strong young woman.

By Pilate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 02:00 pm:

    Pez, I'll tell the kiddo that you said hi. He'll like that.

    He's dealing with a suicide, some extreme betrayal at the hands of people he trusted, seriously weird religion, a friend who's in a frightening downward spiral and a number of other complex issues. Like I said above, he's a stronger man than me. And he's turned 16.

    I hope your band works out, and the zines too. Oswald's throwing himself into music, trying to be creative. He says that music (and the love of friends and family) is what's saving his ass these days.

By pez on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 02:20 pm:

    it certainly saved mine. there were times that i was so sad that all i could do was cry or play my flute.

    16 is a hard age to be. i was 16 when i was threatened to be put into a mental institution.

    * * *

    on college:
    right now i'm a little scared to go, because of both the monetary impact and thing my mother has said to me. she told me on my last day of highschool that there was no money for college, on my last day of finals this last june she told me that she didn't think i was the right type for college. it is hard to take my mother seriously these days.
    my parents have offered to help with tuition if i just go back to school but i've been turning them down because it would renew the ties of responsibility and disappointment. my dad told me once that he hoped that i wouldn't turn out like my aunt echo, who dropped out of college and married and army man, living all over the world before settling in maryland. frankly, i'd like to be like her because she's artistic and intelligent.
    just because i've stopped going to school doesn't mean i've stopped learning. one of my roommates is a musician with a degree in anthropology and we were discussing art and chagnon (shagnon? sem whould know who i'm talking about) last night and it was pretty cool. i'm taking a bookbinding workshop on saturday and i've been trying to spend more time with people engaged in intelligent conversation.
    there are so many people in portland with amazing skills that i'd like to know about and i wish i had time to talk to them all.

By patrick on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 02:33 pm:

    pez do you know how much it cost me to attend community college for a semester, taking two classes + a lab?

    Less than $200. Local community colleges cost $12/credit and most courses are 3 credits, where as a lab is 2 or 1. Books and lab fees on top....less than $200.

    If you arent ready to dive into a full four year institution, consider it. Take the classes you want to take, not the ones required for transfer (though some may coincide).

    The fact that your mom said what she said to you (and your dad too) is further proof that you should not take any assistance from them as, like you said, they would use it as a means of control and persuasion over you.

    people you'd like to talk to in portland, with the neato skillz, are also at college being paid to do nothing but talk to you about it.

By Antigone on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 02:40 pm:

    Who the hell is the "pez" person, anyway?

By agatha on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 02:44 pm:

    add me to the list of folks that are impressed with the growing you've been doing in the past year or so, pez. i'm really proud of you, dave and i have even discussed how we relate to what you are experiencing right now.

    i think it's interesting how many people feel like they are ignored on these boards. i never really feel like that, except when i ask a really specific question and nobody answers, which doesn't happen very often. generally, i don't talk to any one person in particular here, so i don't expect a direct response in return either.

    speaking of which:
    heather, you rock so much for sending my family presents. i have plans to send you stuff, but we all know that followthrough is not one of my stronger suites.

By heather on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 03:16 pm:


    well, you know that there's only one thing to do when you've got extra bubble wrap just sitting around

By Ophelia on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 03:43 pm:

    Pez: I'll be starting college this fall so i'm kind of taking to heart all the stuff you've been saying. I dont know if I have any helpful comments, except that I think, for me at least, its really helpful to have some sort of structure in an education, because otherwise I tend to lose intrest in whatever I'm pursuing when it gets to the point where I have to exert a lot of effort. Being in school gives you an incentive to not quit, because you're more invested in it. Also, I guess it teaches you to do shit you don't want to do, which is a good lesson although it learning it sucks. Obviously you've had more experience than me, though, so I'm not sure if I very qualified to give advice.

    Also: I too have had times when my flute saved me because it was the only thing I could do to make me feel better. Lots of times I write in a journal, but sometimes there are just no words. Playing makes me feel more alive, and as though there's a purpose to life, if I can at least create beautiful music.

    Finally, Pilate, say hi to Oswald from me. Tell him he's on the right track with the music, since creating something is a good way to make your life more worthwhile.

By Nate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 05:14 pm:

    pez: the government will give you money and you are definitely college material.

By eri on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 05:39 pm:

    Pez, I understand your fears against the finhoancial end of college. Unfortunately many many junior colleges are not $12 a credit hour like they are in sunny california. I had to pay $70 per credit hour for a junior college. I got the company to reimburse it. Probably the ONLY good thing about AT&T. My best friend was a struggling single mom with two kids and decided to go for it. Every single semester since she started (she got financial aid for the first one) she was awarded some type of scholarship. Before she she graduated in December (yeah Sherri) she was offered a free ride for the whole next degree so long as she went back this fall. It can be done. It is scary, but if you work at it, the government and other agencies will help you pay for it, helping to aleviate the stresses.

    Go for it. You have come this far. Why stop now?

By Platypus on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 08:13 pm:

    Pez, I think it's something in the air. Everyone I know is being a shit right now.

    That said, I also think it's excellent that you're going to college. And the government will give you money. Uncle Sam loves poor people.

    Sort of.

    I'm sorry to hear that our captain is having such a hard time, also. I say hi too, for the record.

By semillama on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 08:19 pm:

    Pez, for the first two years of college I had no
    idea of what I wanted to be.

    Now, 8 years later, I am doing what ilove and
    gettign a pretty good wage for it.

    If you were to become an archaeologist, I
    would hire you.

    And I want you to get on that trisexuals thing
    and tape your rehearsals and send them to
    me so I can be jealous you have a band and I

By Pilate on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 10:01 pm:

    I went to college. Graduated, even. Can't say that it exactly bought me a ticket to career satisfaction, but I do think that the experience was valuable. There's a certain amount of discipline that one gains when spending a few years and a hell of a lot of effort chasing a diploma.

    I found that some of the best lessons I learned in college happened outside of the classroom. But the classes served to bring me into contact with a number of intriguing people.....people who could actually think.

    I'll definitely relay all the good wishes to Oswaldo. Poor kid. The funeral he had to attend was very hard on him and some of the other stuff that's happened was almost worse, but the kid's back on his feet again. His ability to be strong in the face of disaster often amazes me.

By dave. on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 11:05 pm:

    pez, stop trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you know what the hell you're talking about. just go to school. do it with or without the help of the parents. do it there or somewhere else. do it sooner rather than later.

By pez on Friday, March 22, 2002 - 12:48 am:



    i'm a little bummed right now because my good flute is broken (only one little tiny thing is wrong with it, but it's something that i can't fix at home and it's something that i can't make up for in fingerings or embouchure) and my old flute needs a complete repad (which costs an average of $180, ick). so i can't play for awhile.

    i'm thinking of taking an art class or two, because it's something that's semi-objective and i really enjoy. plus people actually say that i'm good at it, so it might help to boost my self-esteem.

    cost of community college in oregon: it's rather expensive, but only about half as much as portland state. i took three terms at mount hood last year, with two terms of full time (15-18 credit hours) tuition and three terms of books (my parents paid my first term, i wasn't about to let them pay for the rest out of pride) i easily spent over $2000 last year. it hurt deep in my pockets.

    i know i can succeed though, because winter term last year i had something like a 3.8 gpa, and was initiated into phi theta kappa. go me!

    i could potentially be reimbursed by fred g. meyer but i'd have to work full time and it would have to be a buisness course. ick. no way.

    i've also investigated ethos recently (cheap music lessons, something like $80 for two months worth of 1/2 hour private lessons) and i might take some lessons in piano. i really want to strengthen my keyboarding skills so i could be a real multi-instrumentalist.

    but whatever. time for dinner. ramen tonight.

By moonit on Friday, March 22, 2002 - 01:42 am:

    Pez you rock.

By pez on Friday, March 22, 2002 - 02:03 am:


    i sent you an email. did you get it?

By moonit on Friday, March 22, 2002 - 05:31 am:

    I did!

By pez on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 01:46 pm:

    i just had brekfast with my sister and parents and they told me that i should buy a house! what? a house!

    it's a little weird. i think it's because two of my cousin have recently moved out on their own and bought places... but they're 5 and 8 years older than me, with degrees and steady (re: not retail) jobs!

    i don't understand it. from all sides i'm being told that i need to take more responsibility, get on with my life. finish my degree, get a real job, get married, buy a house, have children. all at once. when my mother was my age, she was engaged (for the second time) and getting ready for her wedding!

    can't anyone understand that i need to live a little? make art to pour my heart out on the floor, play flute out of my dreams? i talked a little about going back to school, not all at once, but slowly easing into it. i don't want to mess up again, it doesn't matter how long it takes but i want to get good grades if i'm paying for it and it'll be hard.

    i'm going to try and sign up for an art class. i've been going to lifedrawing sessions and i enjoy it, but i'd really like to be able to create art well. i used to do some metalworking back in seventh or eighth grade and working with wire was something wonderful but i haven't gotten a real chance since.

    but can i really do it, in addition to working, zine symposium committee, radical art girls, and trying to hang out with my friends at the same time? i've been thinking about getting a job at a breakfast place around here so i could work in the mornings and have all afternoon and evening to do what i want to do, but it's hard.

    oh, worktime. gotta go.

By eri on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 03:07 pm:

    families are great at telling you what you "need" to do with the next phase of your life. They are good at deciding what is "best for you" and putting on the pressure for you to do what they want for you. It can be very crazy and unnerving, but remember 2 things. 1-they have good intentions and 2-you don't have to do what they say. You have been doing a lot of personal growing and the last year, and only you can know what the next phase is for you or even if it is time for the next phase. You still need time to just be young, enjoy life, and experiment with what is out there for you, so that you can find what you want to do and who you want to be.

    Don't let the pressure get to you. You will figure it out in your own time. You will be great and you will do great. Just do it on your terms. That is the joy of being an adult. You have the control to make the decisions.

By Dougie on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 03:17 pm:

    My family's not very supportive. When I tell my parents that I want to move back in with them and watch TV and eat cereal all day, they seem less than enthusiastic, and when I tell them I'm tired of being an adult and having to make decisions, they have no advice for me and tell me to fuck off and then they slam down the phone. It's the constant slamming down of the phone when I call that really hurts.

By eri on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 04:26 pm:

    My family isn't supportive unless it is something they want me to do. They all but threw a f***ing party when they found out we were being transferred 1,000 miles away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I no longer have to listen to my mother bitch about the way I clean my house (which is clean, but I use different cleaning supplies than her) or the way I do my laundry (because I use color safe bleach and I use Downy vs. fabric softener sheets). I don't have to listen to her tell my how wonderful my lazy ass sister is doing or how we all need to forgive her for beating the shit out of her 7 month old son, because it is the christian thing to do (when according to the bible she would have to ask for forgiveness first). I don't have to listen to her bitch about how I need to find a job, when my husbands job pays the bills. I don't have to listen to her bitch about the teenagers I have babysit when my husband and I go out on a date (which isn't all that often to begin with). I don't have to watch her drink herself into a stupor to be nice, I just know to wait until she is drunk before I call.

    Distance can truly make the heart grow fonder.

    Parents can be judgemental and often pushy, but when you are on your own, you can be you and tell them to shut up or hang up on them :)

By Dougie on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 05:43 pm:

    Nah, I was just kidding about my family. They're very supportive. I live 600 miles away, and see them twice a year, and speak to them on the phone every Sunday. "Hi Ma, this is your prodigal son, Dougie. Que pasa?" "Oh hi Dougie, just a minute, let me get your father on the phone." "Hey Dad, what's new?" "Oh, not much. Just watching the basketball game. How about you?" "Not much either. Yeah, I'm watching the same game. Iverson's definitely giving these guys a run for their money, huh?" "Yeah, he's not bad." "Ok, well say hi to everybody. Talk to you next week." I should tape it and phone it in each week. Distance definitely does the trick though. I sometimes think about moving back to Ohio. But I doubt I ever will.

By eri on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 06:09 pm:

    I went back to Missouri. It was good for about 2 years. Then life started catching up with us and it all went to hell in a handbasket quickly.

    You have these mental pictures of the way things were, get there and the changes are something you couldn't even predict. It is cool for a while, but you never really can go home. You always want to leave eventually. It never fits that image of what you want it to be.

    One good thing about Texas. 1,000 miles from mommy and daddy and the whole loony clan. That and Mervyns. I love shopping at Mervyns.

By wisper on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 09:27 pm:

    to get anywhere in life pez, you have to give
    things up, or put things on hold. It's the only
    way to get anywhere. You just have to decide
    what you want to gain, and what you can let go
    The first 2 years of college i barely left my
    room, and i'm lucky i have any friends outside
    of school left. I didn't get a full night's sleep for
    4 years. I stil live on ramen noodles
    sometimes because of the 25 thousand $ or
    so that i spent.
    But i can draw like a motherfucker.
    That's the point. You'll give stuff up, but in the
    end you too will be able to say: "I can ______
    like a motherfucker!"

    And we'll all be proud of you, as long as the
    _____ isn't replaced with 'drink'.

    aw heck, even then.

By TBone on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 09:37 pm:

    I've taken to this new thing with school this semester...

    I'm going my homework and studying and stuff. I've made it to my 4th year almost entirely without doing those things...

    And I've got no time now. But hey, I'll be able to...


    Wait, it'll come to me...

By semillama on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 11:31 pm:

    If you want to actually buy a house, talk to
    Mavis. And move to Duluth, since they have a
    kick ass first time buyers program there.

By pez on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 11:56 pm:

    where's duluth?

    no way am i buying a house. that's just about the last thing i want to do right now. i think i'd leap off the overpass into the freeway first. no, not quite...

    but almost. at my current financial situation, maybe. if i were in a "steady" relationship. but no. no snuggles for pez.

By Platypus on Friday, March 29, 2002 - 11:57 pm:

    my sister just bought a house in portland.

    i also just found out i had a sister, which was slightly odd. but it's apparently a very nice house. maybe i'll visit.

By pez on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 02:19 am:


    come visit! we can run wild around town and peruse the selection at food not bombs! besides, it's only a few hundred miles north.

    my sister's birthday was a week ago. she's seventeen and still wants to be a lawyer.

By Tom on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 06:09 am:

    Whoa. You've got a sister? That's crazy. and I'm insatiably curious, now. You gonna hook me up? *grin* I'm just kidding, of course. Hey, I'm dragging Danae up here at some point, you should join. Be fun. I need an excuse to see Pez, anyhow.

    Speaking of which, Pez, don't suppose you have a roommate named Kathleen, do you? Totally weird idea that's been going through my head lately. hrm remind me to email you at some point.

    right. I guess I should also suffix this post with the *me be drunk* message. not that it matters.

    blah. yeah.

By pez on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 12:41 pm:

    nope. no kathleen in the house. why?

    if you wanted to see me, you could have showed up at pioneer square that time. that made me a little mad.

By TBone on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 01:36 pm:

    I prolly should have visited pez since I went through portland on my way back from San Fran, but we decided to drive straight through, and we hit portland pretty late.

    Are there still plans for people to meet in your vicinity this summer, pez?

By pez on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 03:11 pm:


    click here. and here.

    it's scheduled for july 12-14. and i am so excited. check out my page to see what else is going on.

    blatant advertising, i know.

By Tom on Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 11:06 pm:

    I know, Pez. Still sorry about that. But it's been a year. I met a Kathleen recently who lives in Northeast; we got to talking about 'zines, and she also mentioned a roommate who had your name. *shrug*

By pez on Sunday, March 31, 2002 - 02:31 am:


    i don't know any kathleens, but i do know that there's been at least one other zinester named lauren who's lived in portland in the recent past.

    it's not that an uncommon name.

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 12:17 pm:

    id love to introduce all the Food Not Bombs crew to the "Soap not Stink" program.

    ok that was bad and tacky.

    i know post op "kathleen" in WA who creeps me the fuck out.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 12:26 pm:

    there are a few dreaded punks here, but very few crusties.


    have you ever been to food not bombs?

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 12:37 pm:

    in Raleigh my good friend Jared (who coincidentally lives in Portland now going to culinary school) used to be involved with them...I went to one or two of their Sunday get togethers.

    What do they do in Portland, get together in a central park?

    yeah i think all the crusties have migrated here.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 03:36 pm:

    sunday's used to be gracie's days... but yesterday was the last one.

    in portland, food not bombs gathers in either the north park blocks or under the burnside bridge, between the hours of 5 and 6:30 pm depending on what group is doing it.

    ha ha. *points and laughs at crustie-phobic patrick*

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 03:53 pm:

    i wouldnt have a problem with them if they did more than sit around and bitch about everything.

    I wouldnt have a problem except, that (most) claim themselves anarchists yet hit me up for change and smokes every god damn day.

    how can you be anarchist and so god damn needy at the same time?

    and again, i have problems with their anti-corporate cleanliness issue as well.

    don't want to support meg-global corporations with useless items like deodorant and such? fine. but at least get a bar of plain ivory soap and jump in the god damn creek once a week.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 04:07 pm:

    dr. bronner's is wonderful and isn't owned by proctor & gamble. thankfully most portland punks know it.

    it's not just an issue of corporate support, but keeping clean is proven to decrease risk of getting sick, in turn keeping people off prescriptions and out of hospitals. which are the same mega global corporations that sell the soap but charge far more.

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 05:12 pm:

    i admire your personal activism, as it reminds me of me during a time when i felt that such things mattered.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 06:11 pm:

    why don't they matter anymore?

    personal activism isn't always about politics. it's remaining true to yourself (and a little to your wallet).

    i'm starting work on a lowcost/diy healthcare book. i have no clue when it'll be out, but it's going to be huge, with instructions, interviews and hotline numbers. so many people can't afford health insurance at all, so there's gotta be some way to avoid having to pay huge hospital bills.

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 06:31 pm:

    i realize it doesnt have to be political.

    you have X amount of time on this planet. what are you going to do?

    i was perhaps put down by the looming sense of futility.

    Trying to walk a straight and narrow line, especially as a consumer, is more stress than I need.

    your book sounds like a fantastic idea...really. I wouldn't talk about it to much, especially in a publishing circles. Shit like has potential to slip away.

    Meaning, 6 months from now you could see the very same idea for a book on the "New Arrivals" shelf at Powells.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 06:47 pm:

    too true. but i don't intend it to be a full fledged book. i want to do it in zinester style. it's not something meant to create a profit, only an awareness...

    and so it's going to begin where it will get the most action per view first. it will not be professional by any means.

By patrick on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 07:05 pm:

    understood. by why limit the potential?

    Have you seen any of those DIY books like "Book Your Own fucking Tour" and "Start Your Own Fucking Label" ?? If I recall, they were published by the folks at Maximum Rock and Roll. Nice paperback books that were cheap but also professionally printed.

    its a really good idea for a book, you should make the most out of it. Direct the "profits" where you want, to perhaps fund future projects.

By eri on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 07:33 pm:

    As someone who has had to learn too much about health care when hospitals don't care enough to provide it and only want to push more fucking prescriptions (that won't help) on you, I commend you for your thoughts on this. I know a lot of people here who would be interested in something like that.

    Too often you see someone with a minor illness who goes to the doctor, gets some freaking brand name prescription and the problem never goes away. They become resigned to this for the rest of their lives. My neighbor recently had that problem. I took a listen to her chest and gave her a bottle of medicine I got at "Dollar General" for a buck. She was fine 3 days later.

    Your book can span much more than just those who don't have insurance, but those who want to know the right things to do.

    This would be a priceless tool. If I can help in any way, please let me know.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 07:54 pm:

    right now i'm just trying to get my thoughts in order. i'm thinking it will have three basic sections:


    with all sorts of cross-references. it won't just be about diseases, but taking care of oneself. i want to include sections on self-defence and childbirth.

By Fb on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 08:04 pm:

    chapter 3, do-it yourself coronary bypass...

By eri on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 08:30 pm:

    information on different forms of natural childbirth are hard to get ahold of. I know there are other aids other than Lamaze, but I don't have a clue about them. I don't have any use for them anymore. Can't have any more kids. Wouldn't want any more anyways.

    Either way, that would be helpful information.
    Good luck.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 08:38 pm:

    no no no.

    it's a "lowcost/diy healthcare book". not completely diy. and most of the book will be focused on PREVENTION. if you live a specific lifestyle you'll be less likely to need a coronary bypass.

    i'm planning to talk to massage therapists and midwives, various types of alternative medicine specialists. i began to think of being a midwife a couple of years ago, i think it would be a helpful stand against corporate warfare.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:21 pm:

    Huggles for Pez.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:27 pm:

    "please tell me the truth. just say goodbye for once. i'll understand."

    Can't do that sorry....

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:29 pm:

    I refuse

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:30 pm:


By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:30 pm:

    then don't.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:30 pm:

    then don't.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:31 pm:

    Double Post....

    To hell you go.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:32 pm:


    no, i'm too good for hell.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:34 pm:

    oh yeah, btw... On the subject of:

    "please tell me the truth. just say goodbye for once. i'll understand."

    I'm dense... I know it... I'm sorry.... I really, really am.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:35 pm:

    s'ok. happens.


By eri on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:55 pm:

    When I was talking about the different labor aids I wasn't talking about drugs or anything. They are things that you would learn from midwives. Alternative methods and breathing excercises and meditations that can relieve the pain and stresses of childbirth.

    This sounds amazing. Go for it!

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:57 pm:

    Your trying to save this thread eri....

    Give it up...

    it won't work.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:57 pm:

    i will.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 09:58 pm:

    save it save it save it.

    it will work, this thead won't die.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:00 pm:

    ah ah ah ah
    stayin' alive
    stayin' alive

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:09 pm:

    Its so dead....

    and you know it Pez.... Let it die, don't prolong the pain and suffering.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:13 pm:

    bugger off!

    you're the pain and suffering to this thread, so just... just....
    fuck off!

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:14 pm:


    I made her swear....


    That means I've won.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:16 pm:


    you do so not win.

    i could have said bugger agin but you wouldn'tof understood it.


By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:17 pm:

    wtf are you talkin bout willis....

    I talk with Moonit regularly, I know what bugger means....

    so.... <sticking tounge out at you now.>

By PEZ on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:20 pm:


By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:21 pm:

    what... is that spanish or something....


By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:23 pm:

    i don't speak spanish, dude.

    je parle le francais.

    et, toi, tu est un canard moins la tete.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:26 pm:

    Je parle français trop et, vous, vous est un canard sans le tete, a tort. Son: Un canard sans la tête.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:28 pm:

    Und Deutscher außerdem..., So... versuchen Sie nicht, mit Ihrer minderwertigen chinesischen Sprache zu gewinnen.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:29 pm:


    i don't do accents.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:31 pm:

    Vous Détruisez
    Sie Verlieren
    Você Perde

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:35 pm:

    so what if i don't speak five languages....

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:36 pm:

    You Lose.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:39 pm:

    i don't. i never lose.

By Hal on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:43 pm:

    No, see you already have.

By pez on Monday, April 1, 2002 - 10:44 pm:

    no i havent

By eri on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 08:34 am:

    Oh NO!!!! I am really interested in something Pez is talking about. I am trying to have a conversation and understand what she is planning on doing (which I think is amazing and wonderful). I am offering useless ideas and asking dumbass questions. Yeah, I must be trying to save the thread. It couldn't be that I was being genuine. Pez wins. I am first runner up. The thread is not dead!

    Now, if only I knew what bugger meant.

By pez on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:16 am:

    bugger is british for fuck.

    but no, it's cool. having people ask questions helps me get my thoughts in order.

    you could email me and not have to go through the trouble that is hal's war on my thread. but that would be defeatist. keep it here!

By sarah on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:18 am:

    hi pez.

    just wanted to say that i am not ignoring you, even if i don't type words in response to your posts. i read what you write. i read almost everything on these boards.

    you should go to college. the thing is, you don't know if you don't at least try. and get this, it's true: THE GOVERNMENT WILL GIVE YOU MONEY TO LEARN COOL SHIT. and student loan interest rates are the lowest they've been in a long time. lock in on it now.

    you want to be a writer, right? so take some creative writing classes.

    and kiss a few of those boys. it doesn't mean you're anyone's girlfriend.

    have a great day, pez.

By pez on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:38 am:


    i told my favorite that i had a crush on him last night. it's not mutual so i'm happy to have it over with so we can be friends without my feelings getting in the way.

    and i'm thinking about signing up for an art class or two. i could never be a writer (professionally, having a talent on demand would be awful... i don't do deadlines well) so i'm going to do a bit more living and think about what i really want to do before i go back for sure.

    knowing what i want to do gives me the motivation to do well. i could probably qualify for some grants and scholarships because i'm part of the community college honor society.

    i told myself before and i keep reminding myself. i don't want to have to go into debt to get a piece of paper that says i did my homework. i don't want it to be that way.

By patrick on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:55 am:

    "i told myself before and i keep reminding myself. i don't want to have to go into debt to get a piece of paper that says i did my homework. i don't want it to be that way."

    your looking at a tree when you need to be looking at the forest with this idea pez.

    fuck the degree, what about your HEAD???

By Midwife on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:56 am:

    first of all....stop birthin babies lyin on your back. You gotta squat...get gravity on your side. Less likely to tear.

By Spider on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 12:58 pm:

    Pez, listen - college (a good college) isn't like high school. You actually do learn things that are interesting and fun and that make you think in new and exciting ways.

    I had an English professor that allowed us to turn our projects in in any medium. A classmate of mine did needlework illustrating a scene from "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" for her final project. I wrote a poem involving a sentence from J.M. Coetze's "Life and Times of Michael K" for mine. Discussions in that class were a blast. Any idea -- *any* idea, no matter how wild -- that you could back up was considered and analyzed. So much fun.

    College isn't about the degree, it's about the experience. It's a very valuable experience.

By Spider on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 01:01 pm:

By TBone on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 02:35 pm:

    Going to college is good for lots of things. And just because you have a degree doesn't mean you have to work for someone else with talent on demand.

By pez on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 04:25 pm:

    ok, ok... but i don't think i'm ready to go to college right now.

    i love to learn, but i don't want to go through the same bs that i had to go through at mhcc.

    i wanted to go to berklee, whitman and the art school up in seattle. i didn't get a chance to look at them other than pamphlets in the mail.

    oh, screw all that... can't you tell that i'm scared?

By patrick on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 04:40 pm:

    clearly you're chicken shit, but thats not a good enough reason.

    its these kinds of things that you are chickenshit to do that you should muster up the courage to do. They don't stop coming at you.

    Marriage, starting my own business, moving cross country...all *scary* in their own way.

    HELL, even submitting a bid last week for a large photo job that will net me almost a grand for two days work was scary. its serious stuff but you have to do it.
    i like calling myself a photographer and i can't be one if i pussy out on such things.

By Spider on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 04:51 pm:

    I found going away to college one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was very attached to my family, and I found it very painful to be away from them, even if I was only 45 minutes away. It took about 2.5 years for me to enjoy myself at school because of this.

    Laugh at me all you want.

    I also learned SO MUCH in college. I also LOVED being in a place where everyone was a good student, and everyone loved learning. You didn't have to dumb yourself down for anyone! You could be smart! Out loud!

    Pez, all this could be yours.

    Change is scary. It's scary by definition. It's okay to be scared.

By Spider on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 04:52 pm:

    I forgot to add:

    Once you get past the fear, coolness abounds. It's like anything else worth doing.

By agatha on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 04:59 pm:

    pez, here's what i think you should do, when you are ready. not that you asked, but whatever.

    1. move to olympia. the diy ethic is very alive and kicking round these parts. cheap rent, etc.
    2. live here for one year.
    3. apply to evergreen, and get in state tuition, which is only slightly more than you would pay for community college. apply for financial aid, and receive it. take out as minimal an amount in loans as possible.
    4. go there.
    5. graduate seven years later, like the other greeners.
    6. go forth and kick ass.

    what you should not do:
    1. work menial customer service jobs for ten years because you dropped out of college.
    2. get knocked up and have a baby.
    3. decide to go back to school with a one year old.
    4. drive your partner absolutely nuts until you graduate.
    5. decide to apply to grad school and drive your partner even further into the dark place.

By pez on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 05:47 pm:

    i've heard alot about olympia... i've been meaning to look around there sometime.

    my cousin went to evergreen for 3, 4 years. she said i'd fit in there.

    but right no it's too sunny not to ride a bike. i'm getting off the computer.

By eri on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 06:01 pm:

    I did the "what you should not do" aside from finishing college. I agree.

    Pez you have so much potential to make postive change in your life and with the world in general. There is so much you can do. Just go to college, graduate and do it! Change is always scary, but I remember a girl having issues with her parents and scared to move out. Look at how far you have come already. Don't stop now. You can go so much farther!

By Antigone on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 06:27 pm:

    pez, I spent a few years being scared I couldn't get a master's degree.

    It was a snap.

    Now, I've spent years being scared of getting a PhD. It won't be a snap, but I know I can do it. But I'm still scared.

    Be scared. Do it anyway.

By Hal on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 06:53 pm:


    Damnit.... Foiled again.

By pez on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 09:17 pm:

    ha ha.

    i've been wandering about all afternoon,
    thinking about things.

    if i chose to go back to school, how would i
    know if i were doing the right thing?
    would i meet people who understand what i've
    gone through and still want to be my friends?
    are there environments that are loose enough
    so i can do project that i want to do but still
    have the support i need to stay motivated?
    would i end up leaving everyone i've ever
    known and be forgotten?

    i am really scared, i think i know the answers
    to all my questions but to go somewhere with
    everything i needand want to do i'd have to
    leave everything i know and love behind.

By Czarina on Tuesday, April 2, 2002 - 11:24 pm:

    I told you you should have stayed home and sucked off your parents.

    It makes school ALOT easier.

    No one ever listens to me.

By TBone on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 12:16 am:

    There's no rules, kid. There's no "the right thing." as in the perfect thing.

    You won't wake up one day and realize that everything would have been ok if you hadn't gone to school. Or you will, but you'll be wrong.

    You'll probably do that regardless of what you choose.

    There are good friends to be had wherever you go. And I don't think people forget the pez.

    I don't have one shred of regret for leaving my hometown for college, but I suppose we're different that way. I had a desperate need to get out of there. I left all my friends behind. Some of them followed the following year, but that first year was great. I met tons of really awsome people.

    You will always have to do stupid projects in school that you don't want to do. But there's always more.

    Enough. I know. Anyway, you rock it. Toodles.

By pez on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 12:54 am:

    i would've gone crazy if i stayed in that house. i had already.

    if i start making plans to leave right now it will be just like me. i was in a similar mindset when i began making plans back in august.

    it's really funny, because just about everybody that i see either rarely or online says that i should go to school, while those that see me in everyday life suggest a different job or an apprenticeship. it's probably the different cultural circles that i travel in, but interesting nonetheless.

By Fb on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 02:57 am:

    (1) quit job/school/responsibilities.

    (2) sell your body.

    (3) become a junkie.

    The answers are very clear....do it now....

By Fb on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 03:03 am:

    also, it's been awhile but it needs said, "FUCK THE FRENCH!"

By Czarina on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 05:42 am:


By patrick on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 11:43 am:

    "while those that see me in everyday life suggest a different job or an apprenticeship"

    how many of those you see went to school?

    your questions and apprehensions are irrelavent as they could all transpire without you ever setting foot on a campus.

    Cut the shit and go pez.

    As nate said to me once, there no reason not to be a better human, or at least try (or something to that effect). There is no harm to come from going to school, only good.

    Pez have you read Kerouac "On the Road"? How about "Dharma Bums"?

By pez on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 01:22 pm:

    parts of on the road. no dharma bums.

    i will go, eventually, but now is not the time.

By Antigone on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 02:33 pm:

    Famous last words.

    I've been saying them for about four years.

By Spider on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 02:37 pm:

    When is it ever the right time? Just go and do it.

    "So, Miss Spider, why aren't you going for *your* advanced degree?"

    Oh. I.....uh....

    I admit: I'm too lazy.


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