take a coffee poop

sorabji.com: Why I oughta...: take a coffee poop

By kazoointoit on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 08:56 am:

    Has anyone ever found coffee to have a
    laxative effect? I realize that caffeine is
    supposed to make you constipated, but in my
    own experience (and stepfather's) this has
    happened, however some people don't
    believe me and I need some back up.


By Dougie on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 09:01 am:

    Yeah, after my first cup in the morning, I start feeling my insides "percolating", and then it's bombs away. Keeps me feeling regular.

By eri on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 09:09 am:

    That was a joke with a friend of mine. We would take the kids to the bus stop (out front of her place) and then we would have some coffee together and let the little ones see each other. We used to always say "Forgive the smell it was coffee poop" (remember we had babies and toddlers at the time) or "Excuse me it's time for the coffee poop". It has always had a laxative effect on me, and just about everyone I know. I had never heard it was supposed to constipate you before.

    As for now....excuse me, it's time for coffee poop.

By spunky on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 10:43 am:

    No breakfast for Spunky now.

By J on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 10:45 am:

    I don't drink coffee anymore,but when I did it did make me regular and about the same time everyday too.I wonder if it's the caffine or if it's because it's hot.

By kazoointoit on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 10:57 am:

    Iced coffee makes for a good poop too

By Dougie on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 11:14 am:

    So does eating coffee grounds, the coarser the better.

By patrick on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 11:30 am:

    coffee does nothing unless its accompanied by a cigarette, but im not smoking these days so. the first cigarette and second cup of coffee of the day, guaranteed poop within 5 minutes.

    now that the mrs is pregnant, the eating habits have shifted a bit in the waffle house.

    im learning the the benefits of wholegrain cereal.

    you can practically set a watch that stuff, from the last spoonful to the bathroom.

    oh and apple juice and cranberry juice as well.

By semillama on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 01:31 pm:

    Coffee doesn't have a laxative effect on me.
    Recently, I have discovered that greasy food
    does. I won't eat Donato's pizza ever again.
    The last time I did, I clogged a buddie's toilet
    on the day he moved into his new house.

    Now I could talk a lot about beer shits, those I
    know all about....

By kazoointoit on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 01:37 pm:

    I told you I wasn't the only one.

By semillama on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:13 pm:

    I think it's all you pansified city-folk.

By Dougie on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:18 pm:

    Wow, that must've been a romantic conversation, n'est-ce pas?

    SCENE 1 -- A Dimly lit Italian restaurant, table for two in the back. Kaz and Sem are holding hands over a just uncorked bottle of Chianti. After ordering, Kaz leans over to Sem, and looks lovingly at him.

    Kaz--(meekly) Sem, um, do you ever, you know, after drinking a lot of coffee, um, find you need to...use the toilet?

    Sem-- Of course my dearest, coffee's a diuretic you know. After a couple of cups, I could put a racehorse to shame. They say you don't buy coffee, you rent it. Or is that beer? Probably beer, but the same could be said for coffee.

    Kaz-- No, I know that, but I mean, does drinking coffee make you have to, you know, go number two?

    Sem-- Coffee poops? You mean like beer shits? Hell no, but I could wax poetic to you about beer shits. Them I knows about.

    Kaz-- Later, sweetheart. Anyways, I was talking to my girlfriends about it, and they all said that coffee has a laxative effect on them.

    Sem-- Well, your girlfriends are weird. I forbid you to ever see them or talk to them again.

    Kaz-- Alright my sweety lovey dovey poopie face, whatever you say.


    (By the way Sem, stay away from Donato's. Tommy's & Rotolo's are the ONLY way to go in Columbus!)

By patrick on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:21 pm:

    i am beside myself in awe

    The Coffee Enema (as a laxative):

    Coffee used in this way has a different effect on the body than if it were ingested orally. When used in an enema, it does not go through the normal digestion process. It is beneficial in treatment when used properly because it stimulates the liver to throw off toxins. Coffee enemas are used in cases of degenerative disease to help stimulate the liver to excrete toxins or "poison bile." This kind of enema is called a retention enema because it is help in or retained for fifteen minutes. As well as treatment for liver toxins, coffee enemas are used while fasting to relieve headaches caused by the build-up of toxins during detoxification. Caution: Do not use petroleum jelly on the tip of the enema- instead use 200 IU capsule of vitamin E to lubricate the end. DO NOT ABUSE THIS TREATMENT
    How to make it:
    Place two quarts of steam-distilled water in a pan and add six heaping tablespoons of ground coffee )don't use instant or decaffeinated). Boil for fifteen minutes, cool, and strain. Use only one pint of coffee at a time - save the rest in a jar.

By kazoointoit on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:29 pm:

    jeebus Dougie, stop. My tummy hurts

    Patrick, That doesn't sound nearly as bad as
    the holy-do-it-yourself-applejiuce-olive oil
    gallbladder flush

By Skooter on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:35 pm:

    How about tobacco? I do smoke every once in
    a while, and find that often after a smoke, or a
    coffee, it's POOP time.
    Also chewing tobacco will make you poop, or
    puke if you swallow er.

By semillama on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 05:40 pm:

    Speak from experience?

By Nate on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 05:57 pm:

    anyone who can hold a pint of coffee up their ass for fifteen minutes has my respect.

By Kalliope on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 06:28 pm:

    respect me then.

    betcha cant find my chock full o beans.

By TBone on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 06:41 pm:

    I heard coffee enemas were used during wars because it would prevent shock in the wounded.

    They called it a Murphy Drip.

    A friend of mine was making Murphy Drip (to drink, not for an enema) and forgot that it was boiling on the stove. It was boiled down to a moist scum on the bottom of the pan when he remembered it. He scraped the pan out with a spoon. He was talking on the phone at the time and was distracted... for some reason stuck the spoon in his mouth.

    He had a whole pot of strong coffee on a spoon. The next day he said he hadn't slept well.

    'Keep the rest in a Jar' There's a conversation piece. A jar labeled "Ass Coffee"

By agatha on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 08:48 pm:

    Yessum, coffee makes me poop.

    On another subject, I have been doing my kegels very regularly, and boy are they helping!

By J on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 02:48 am:

    A sorabji challenge,find the recipe for a mayo enama,it knocks the shit right out of you,trust me.It had baking soda in it. Dougie,you have your moments,God love ya.

By eri on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 11:46 am:

    Agatha you talking about doing your kegels reminds me of this girl at work.

    She is about ready to have her first baby. She looks at me in the lobby of work and asks me if after childbirth your vagina returns to it's normal size before pregnancy. It took all I had not to bust out laughing right then and there. That was the funniest post childbirth question I have ever been asked.

    I told her that if she wanted her old size back quickly that I recommend breastfeeding and doing your kegels. But it does take an average of 9 months to get back to what you were before childbirth.

    How is the baby agatha?

By spunky on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 01:29 pm:

    what the hell are kegels?
    Or is this another pregnancy thing I dont wanna know?

By patrick on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 01:35 pm:

    kegels are your friend spunk.

By agatha on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 08:38 pm:

    how's what baby?

    patrick, force your wife to do her kegels. tell her to do them every time she pees, so that she can tell if they are working.

By Mojo the helper monkey on Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 10:16 pm:

By Coop on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 02:19 pm:

    Coffee always gives me shits and i find the cigarette thing to be very true. but does anyone know why???

By patrick on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 02:31 pm:

    i heard a smelly rumor that stevie nicks, in an effort not to fuck up her nasal passages as well as her throat and singing voice used to do blow with her anus.

    can you imagine?

By Nate on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 02:40 pm:

    better numb ass than dumb ass.

By TBone on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 07:45 pm:

By agatha on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 09:48 pm:

    How would you actually do that? I mean, how would you suck it up? Would you just stick your finger up there?

    I love that website, Tbone. That guy is SO odd.

By wisper on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 11:57 pm:

    i guess you could have it in an enema.

    or uhm, freeze it with some water in a popsicle mold and cram it.

    yeah, that might work too.

By V on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:08 am:

    When it was Stevie Nicks' last day at RTC Industries, And she see Iqbal Khan so pissed off, guess what then? Immediately Stevie called for D to press cocaine into popsicle once to shove up ass to fly over Iqbal Khan or at least form conspiracy on RTC creeps.

By Dodi on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:42 am:

    Oh my God!! Why can't people just take a normal shit??????????

By RC on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 03:59 am:

    Yes, coffee does make some people 'go' if they don't drink it daily. It's a stimulant, after all. Adding nicotine increases the effect.

    There have actually been some research studies using coffee enemas to treat cancer:


    Not having had cancer or coffee enemas, I can't vouch for their effectiveness. But I'd try coffee enemas before I'd do chemo or radiation, For Sure!

    - RC

By patrick on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 02:04 pm:


    agatha, i suppose you could just dabble some blow on your finger then shove it up there. not very lady like for sure otherwise i dunno.

By wisper on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 06:35 pm:

    or you could take a slightly moist anal plug and dip it in the coke, then shove it.
    It would be like that Lik-A-Stik candies, but the adult version.

    Yes, if i was going to get blow into my ass, that is certainly the route i would go.

By V on Sunday, January 9, 2005 - 01:45 pm:

    ...apart from a gas station air line at 100 p.s.i. ... I recall some one did that years back,his stomach exploded.

By Dodi on Sunday, January 9, 2005 - 09:59 pm:

    God you guys, just take some extra fiber.

By Dodi on Sunday, January 9, 2005 - 10:01 pm:

    ....or just hook up with "The King" for some anal sex...he'll clean you out for sure!!

By V on Tuesday, January 11, 2005 - 09:00 pm:

    in his dreams perhaps...

By Da Shitz on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 02:36 pm:

    I was having trouble waking up for class, so I started grabbing a cup of coffee every morning as I walked out the door. I was squirming like no other during my first class every day and had claimed my throne in one of the campus bathrooms between 10:45 and 11:00. I'll be finding a new method of waking up!

By Dodi on Wednesday, January 26, 2005 - 03:14 pm:

    Hey, at least you know what to do now, just in case you ever get constipated...:)

By V on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 08:29 pm:

    just checking in...

By Chicken girl on Wednesday, February 9, 2005 - 02:48 pm:

    drinking some as i type...feelin the rumbles...

By Dodi on Wednesday, February 9, 2005 - 04:10 pm:

    Hey, V.......WHERE YOU BE????????

    Miss ya!

By V on Thursday, February 10, 2005 - 08:26 pm:

    .......and v misses you more than you may think,now my computer expert,Brian is off to Cyprus for a while,so if I get a problem on computer,ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH...(bangs head on wall)...thud,thud,thud...

By V on Thursday, February 10, 2005 - 08:46 pm:

    But...your postings allways make me happy :) ...v has told Brian to bring me back plenty olive oil from Cyprus...I like it on salad...you know,in Spring,v has to go so many places,Moscow (Russia),Athens (Greece)and Vilnius (Lithuania)...a fun year I hope.

By Dodi on Thursday, February 10, 2005 - 11:41 pm:

    Wish I had your exciting life. My family is having a family reuion in April, so we're going to Georgia for that. Then, come July, we're going to Oregon, for a wedding. I really don't feel like going to the wedding, but it's something that I have to do...dragola..

By V on Saturday, February 12, 2005 - 08:00 pm:

    You know something,,,,you think you have a bad a bad life? v goes to more deaths than weddings,,,yet you go to a family reunion?...you are just sooooo lucky,,,darling,as allways,I wish you well....as allways,need I say, love you lots and lots....more stuff,,,my Sister INSISTS on on me going to Lithuania,,,,for once in 100 years,V may return to the old country....and as you know,my Grandparents were force to go from there large farms by commies,so for v,this is a bit awesome,but I will try.

By Dodi on Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 01:18 pm:

    You have to understand V, there will only be about 15 people there, that's it...not much of a reunion.
    Our families grew apart when we were young, so we don't know the other sides to our life (family), so it's just going to be some of my sisters and there kids...big fucking deal. Sorry for the words, but it's really nothing exciting. I don't get along with my family members, as they have teased me all my life. Their all pretty unhealthy and very over weight, so that makes them very unhappy people. I haven't seen one of my sisters in awhile and I have to be honest, I'm not looking forward to the visit. For some stupid reason, she is mad at me and refuses to communicate. I just can't figure it out, but I don't really care anymore. The thing that bothers me, she has taken the kids away from my son, so he has missed out on knowing his cousins. I have another sister, who did the same thing, so it's all abit strange to me. So you see, this reunion isn't going to be an awesome experience for me...but I will do it for my parents, that's it.

    Go with your sister and enjoy the hell out of yourself!!!!! I'm sorry your granparents went through all that stuff, but I'm sure it made them stronger people, you too.

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 04:35 pm:

    Computer problems on this line,but v understands.

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 05:16 pm:

    Dodi,you get me real mixed up now an then,,,,just dont understand,,,,you have a problem with relations?how come?.....you are one of the most bright and smart people on the net,we both are in full understanding of this situation look...just go to it and do your thing....you fearfull or something?...no way,just do it...myself I have all faith in you,v understands your strenth,do you not understand how God dam strong you are???...you underestimate yourself...xxx

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 05:25 pm:

    ...for v,your relations are not good enough to kiss your feet,But go out and do battle.

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 06:08 pm:

    ....also,is so excellent of you to think that my Sister and I go to Vilnius together,is such a good idea,perhaps v will talk with his Sister.You all times have such good ideas....for that,much appreciation.xxx....in fact you are in all ways such a kind person,for that,v regards you as most excellent Lady.

By Dodi on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 06:17 pm:

    Your right, my relations are all crap, with my sisters and brothers, but with my friends, it's all good. I have so much fun with them, but I wish I could be that way with my own family. I have tried so many times to get back with them, but for some stupid reason, they don't want to. I'm glad their willing to go to the reunion, but I'll take that, one day at a time.

    Well, I'm off for a facial..chat with you later, my friend..xo

By Dodi on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 06:17 pm:

    Oh, thanks for putting a smile on my face..:)

    Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 08:43 pm:

    ...FACIAL,YOU? now for me Dodi,you are no more than 20,so how come?you are going for face stuff?you know if you get more good looking than you are,you may give men heart attacks.xxx..,..DODI,you remember what v once posted,that I allmost fell off my computer seat when I first saw your pic?is still true,you are so amazing.

By Dodi on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 09:44 pm:

    You have to remember V..I'm not getting any younger, so I have to stay on top of that fact. The facial that I do, well, it's all done with micro-currents. It's a machine that helps boost cell recovery...ya know, inflammation, tissue damage and vitality. I do this once a week and I like it...ALOT!! If I have any injuries, I go in for this treatment and it really does speed up the healing process. NO, I don't go to a salon and have all the stuff done to my face, just this therapy. It takes at least 10 sessions to see positive results and it must be working, cause I don't look my age. I can't say that I look 20 (but thanks for the compliment), but if I can slow down the aging process, then all the better. I really appreciate you saying the nice things V..it makes me feel good. I really want to cut my hair short again, cause it's getting pretty long (half way down my back), but I think I will look older, but then again, they say long hair on a person my age, makes us look older...don't know. I like my hair longer though, makes me feel sexy. :0)

By V on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 10:29 pm:

    JEEZ,for me you allways look so sexy,you know something?on one day after christmas,v saw his Sister,i see her once a year,but this year she got old so so fast,her hair goes from brown to white in one year,it creeps me out,she is 51 years old,she says it is part of the ageing process,v is not in to getting old,in my head,I am 20,25 tops,I dont get old,but my relations do,am I a vampire?...am I a lost boy?

By Dodi on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 12:18 am:

    I have a sister who looks so old, she creeps me out too. She is 45 and looks well into her late 50's, but that's what she gets, cause she smokes, drinks and gets regular tans. She is still pretty, but when you get up close to her, it's scary. I shouldn't be so mean, but it's true. I used to be a lifeguard and always had a dark tan, but I don't have too much sun damage going on. I'm starting to get some grey hair, but it's not too bad..yet. I kinda like grey hair, so I don't think I will dye it. My eyes are a real light blue color, almost turqoise, so I think the grey will only bring that out more. Plus, I wear lots of turqoise jewelry and I think older women look so beautiful wearing it. Oh well, growing old is the pits, but what can ya do?

By V on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 12:44 am:

    Hmmmmmmm,look forward to shouting out "bed pan,bed pan",,,,,,naaaaaaa,missed your chance,,,forget it nurse,i,ll wait for the day shift....

By V on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 12:47 am:

    ...but you and me being vapires,we live for ever.

By Dodi on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 01:53 pm:

    LOL!! I swear, you crack me up!

By Dodi on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 01:54 pm:

    living forever? Sounds good to me.

By V on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 08:49 pm:

    Dodi,dont end up as my Sister,so old,with grey hair,in one year,...if you need to live forever,do it..............you know something? at the turn of the last century,people of such age as us were expected to be dead,for me,I will go for 100 minimum,you also?,,,BUT,200 YEARS SOUNDS EVEN MORE COOL.Am I nuts,dont think so,you know,even if I see a flower bloom in my garden,life is worth liveing....waaaaaal,that kinda makes us vampires,and you just have to see "lost boys".

By Dodi on Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 12:41 am:

    I've seen the movie V.

    I don't think I want to live that long, but if I do, so be it..:)

By V on Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 05:59 pm:

    now look,v sees you go through such heartbreak stuff in your life,you need some kinda payback,,,dont you agree? is it not YOUR RIGHT? ....now for you to dive head first off a high bridge ,bout 200 years from from now sounds SOO COOL,AND THE REAL FINE THING IS YOU COME BACK...you know,I dont ever give give up on any thing,now I dont allways win,just most of the time.

By Dodi on Friday, February 18, 2005 - 01:40 am:

    Everyone goes through heartbreak, such is life. I'm glad you have this way of thinking V, cause it sounds like your not afraid of anything, unlike me.:( To never die, that would be cool...just as long as I can shop for eternity, makes it sound worth while....:):):)

By V on Friday, February 18, 2005 - 08:19 pm:

    You know,most all of the kids I was at school with are dead,some took an o.d.,one died of a flesh eating bug that started in hospital,you know,one of them "super bugs" that nothing can beat,2 or 3 more got cancer,car crashes,now I dont know any that are still alive,but I still live,you know,many years back,I did a lot of building work for Steve Martin,a Jewish guy,I asked Steve what it was like to get old,he said,"when you get to 40 you start to feel death,when you get to 50,you think about death every day"...now I,ve found that to be so true,but I dont ever give up,if you give up,you die.,if you talk yourself in to it,then indeed you will die,and I still love that "native American Indian" saying,"a man dies when he feels it is time for him to die",well,I,m still going for 200 years,see you there?...have a party?....dive off a bridge together and go for another 800 years?

By Dodi on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 01:31 pm:

    V...how old are you exactly?? I don't think you have ever mentioned it, so I'm really curious.

    I have lost many friends...murder, suicide, car accidents and illness. I just went and got my hair cut and went to someone new. This guy is 63 years old and we were talking about kids. Well, come to find out, I went to Catholic school with his daughter (8th grade). It was so weird, but interesting to hear how she is doing and she's doing quite well. We talked about this other girl..Jackie Kelley and he told me, she was murdered by her husband, for drug money. WOW!!! I was so sad, cause she was a beautiful girl and I thought nothing like this would ever happen, at least to anyone that I knew. I didn't know anything about it, cause it happened in Arizona. Man, that sucks! I don't like to think about death, but at times, I think about my parents. My parents are in there mid 70's, so the thought of mortality sets in. I also think about my son, cause it's something I never want to happen. He's my life! Don't think about it V, just go about life and be happy. Have you seen the movie..'City of Angels?' You need to see this movie and when you do, let me know what you think, okay?

By D on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 10:45 pm:

    Hey V, Is that true Stevie Nick dead? And thank you for supporting my grudge aganist Iqbal and RTC.

By V on Monday, February 21, 2005 - 08:20 pm:

    Agent,it is allways so nice to meet you,we both suffer,and are waiting for the Sorabji "welcome wagon"...but we may have a long wait...but do we care? we can make, as we both know,our own fireworks...also,is Iqbal Turkish? Muslim,?... tell.,in detail.

By V on Monday, February 21, 2005 - 09:02 pm:

    Dodi,5 mins ago,I was young,now I am older than "The Watcher"...I think I pulled the wrong lever on my time machine....as I posted some way back,and as Jagger sang "been around a long,long time"....................perhaps I am indeed a vampire.,I tend to out live most people,when I was 20,thought I would not get to 30,and so on,and so on,and so on,but I still live.Perhaps I have a reason for liveing when others die,but I dont know what it is yet.Perhaps one day I will find out.

By D on Friday, February 25, 2005 - 12:29 am:

    V, Iqbal is either India or Pakistan. I had some trouble getting along with him tho. but , Just a curious question, What is with stevie nicks? All for now .D

By D on Friday, February 25, 2005 - 12:35 am:

    Anyway, RTC Industries still a Douchè Bag!

By V on Friday, February 25, 2005 - 01:24 am:

    D,you know I like your postings lots,you know what "patrick" called us tonight? "blood sucking vampires"...thats YOU,me,and Dodi,in fact anyone who has not been here more than 10 years,now I dont know about you Sir,but that calls for action,and I tend to think you have ways to get even,...more stuff,you know,I have met people like Iqbal,his name is Ahmed Djemal,he is Turkish,and the biggest shit head in the world.If I could kill him and get away with it,I would....D,patrick is a problem to us,can you take on this problem?...think you can.

By V on Friday, February 25, 2005 - 01:33 am:

    D,nicks I have no info on,but for you will rake around,and hope some tale that she is dead is just gossip.Perhaps you same as me tend to think she was a real good looking gal.

By Dodi on Friday, February 25, 2005 - 01:00 pm:

    I don't think she's dead.

By V on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 12:34 am:

    ...no.I also dont think so,but v will allways try to help a fellow Troll like "D",,I just dont like the present attitude of the "old time" Sorabjis,they are "inbred",and as such are retards.

By Dodi on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 01:13 am:

    I think their Jizzymoppy thingy is out of wack, so their alittle pist at the moment.

By V on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 02:22 am:


By Dodi on Saturday, February 26, 2005 - 01:33 pm:

    Man, their soooooo uptight. I think they need to take a "chill" pill and relax.

By V on Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:28 am:

    Do you ever feel you are dealing with 13 year old kids? I do.


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