that i robbed that bank and murdered someone and went to prison for the rest of my life, yesterday. Do you have any regrets?: that i robbed that bank and murdered someone and went to prison for the rest of my life, yesterday.

By You........... on Monday, November 9, 1998 - 03:41 pm:

    i thin im completely nuts.

By Berry on Wednesday, August 2, 2000 - 05:35 pm:

    i'm happy yes i am
    i'm happy as a ham
    sniffing dirt feeling the sun
    i'm happy having fun

    i'm happy with bong-hella
    i'm drinking salmonella
    i gave a way my prescription drugs
    i don't want any more
    swat! swat! swat! swat!
    get offfa me!

By Jay on Thursday, August 3, 2000 - 09:06 am:

    thats good. got anymore?

By sarah on Thursday, August 3, 2000 - 08:46 pm:

    i sat with three guys last night at their house (the token female roommate is vacationing on the mainland) and we watched a movie about family values last night called Fresh Blood.

    anyone ever see it?

    when i went to the bathroom after the movie both the toilet seat *and* lid were down. this was not only noteworthy, but startling.

By sarah on Monday, August 7, 2000 - 05:12 pm:

    i went over to their house late saturday night and we played cards. hearts and euchre. the toilet lid was up, but the seat was down. more importantly, however, there were candles lit.

    in the bathroom.

    in a house full of late-20-something guys.


By Satan on Monday, August 7, 2000 - 05:14 pm:

    Maybe they were FAGGOTS!

By Zephyr on Monday, August 7, 2000 - 05:27 pm:

    Nothing wrong with that.

    Sounds...interesting, to say the least.

    I know I'd do something like that. I love candles and torches.

By Paul on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 04:34 pm:

    what is this obsession so many women have with the toilet seat? Men dont bug out if the seat is down.
    In this age of equality it seems that everyone should have their own responsiblity to put the damn seat where they want it..without pissing of half the planet.,

By Nate on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 05:00 pm:

    i don't know who the fuck you are.

    i cannot stand it when the lid isn't down. lid up, seat down. fuck!

    goddamn oppressive chicks!

By Hal on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 06:34 pm:

    Fuck that just confused me...

By pez on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:46 am:

    put both down and it's no worries. put both up and it's swimming time.

By Hal on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 05:51 am:

    Nahh... You need to learn how to levitate your ass.

By TBone on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 09:51 am:

    Or look before you sit. There's all sorts of
    things that could be going on that I would
    consider worse than water on the ass.

By Czarina on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 11:24 am:

    I fall in my toilet alot.I think my family may be booby-trapping it for me.And the sad part of this story,is,I still fall for it.I never look where I'm going.So PLOP,and I get a wet cakes.

    On a related note,I had another bad experience
    with a toilet at work.The hospital has these metal
    arms that you can bring down,and when you flush,
    an incredible amount of water,under pressure,is released.This is so you can clean out any receptacles,containg body fluids,or secretions,without getting your hands in it.[and yes,we do wear gloves,but somethings are just so nasty,that you don't want to touch it,even with gloves on]
    Well,as many years as I've been working in hospitals,I had no idea you could rotate the shower head thing,[on the the toilet],and aim it at the ceiling,and just wait for your prey to come along.I was drenched,my hair,my make-up,my uniform.
    I had to applaud my co-workers ingenuity,in coming up with that plan,because,in all honesty,I more than had it coming.I have played pranks on everybody at my hospital,from the housekeepers up to the administrator.So all I could do was laugh.
    [and change into dry scrubs]

    You'd think I would have wised up by now,and be wary of what danger may be lurking,in the seemingly innocent guise of a toilet.

By agatha on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 12:25 pm:

    Okay, first of all, I feel the need to point out that the underside of the seat acts as a sort of "splash guard" if you will. Nobody wants to walk into the bathroom and be assaulted with the view of the underside of the toilet seat with its various sundry mystery splatters on it. It's just nasty. Secondly, men use it up and down, and women use it down only, this makes the odds of it needing to be down greater than the odds of it needing to be up. Plus, it's just the polite thing to do.

By Nate on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 01:07 pm:

    the polite thing to do is to put the lid down when you're done.

    keeps the cats from drowning, too.

By Paul on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 01:15 pm:

    ok..keep the cats from drowning..i can buy that.
    stop the dog from drinking..ok..makes sense.
    You dont wash your toilet seat and the bottom has nasty things all over it you dont want anyone to see..again..makes sense. But just cause some woman
    wants it her way..sorry. It dont make sense. Ive heard the excuse that women say they fall in. Well..duh! Maybe you should look at the seat anyway to make sure one of us dumb guys didnt piss all over it. Again..I am for equality for all people for all things. Also a side note..where does this holding the door open for women come from? Is it so guys can just look at a the womens ass as she walks through?

By patrick on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 01:47 pm:

    just pee on the floor, and solve the whole god damn problem all together.

    im with cats like to drink out of the toilet.....god forbid they fall in

By Dougie on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:29 pm:

    Anybody see Me Myself & Irene? Pretty good but uneven movie, but the hysterical part was Jim Carrey pissing after sex, pissing all over the place and not being able to control it. It's so true too.

By pez on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:44 pm:

    don't people in europe and asia just pee over a hole in the floor?

By Nate on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 02:59 pm:

    ya. they don't shower and they eat dogs, too.

    fucking non-americans.

By Toiletsoftheworld on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 03:02 pm:

By Cat on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 03:20 pm:

    Yep in Asia, they mainly squat over a hole in the's like a normal toilet but it's sunk right in. They have a lot of "Western" style toilets in places like Hong Kong, though they sometimes have a bucket of water to flush with.

    In Europe, they have "normal" toilets. Except in England there's a little ledge for some really odd reason. Nepalese public bathrooms are the most disgusting in the entire World,

    I'm an expert on toilets around the globe. You'd be surprised how handy this amazing knowledge is.

By patrick on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 03:22 pm:

    my wife visited her former bosses home in Japan to have dinner with his family. she said the toilet in his house was unfuckin was like the captains chair of the USS Enterprise with heat controls, as well as ass washer options. It was all digital on an arm rest.

    In china though, she said things are QUITE different. You are responsible for your own toilet paper....and she says you might as well leave your shame at customs.

By Nate on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 04:06 pm:

    the toilet in my hotel in japan had a control armrest too. bidet or warm shower for your ass.

By patrick on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 05:20 pm:

    thats too fuckin cool.

    instead i got these "eco-friendly" toilets that take 3 flushes to get ANYTHING down....even cat poo. hardly eco-friendly.

By Hal on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 05:27 pm:

    I want a super toilet... The captains chair toilet sounds nice, although I'd want a TV mounted straight ahead, and of course I'd need a mini fridge to the left.

By Cris on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 06:13 pm:

    the other day on the news i saw a gold toilet.. it's worth a lottta money, but i don't think i'd pay millions of dollars for something i crapped into.. feces does not belong in gold toilets... gold plated toilets do not belong in this world! i say TO HELL with the gold toilets!

    blah... i have a headacheeeee.... and i feel like singing

    and i'm hungry too.. so there! :P

By Hal on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 07:04 pm:

    Usually when I have a headache, I perfer a cup of coffee, and an asprin...

By Cat on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 08:21 pm:

    Bad grammar and poor spelling give me a headache. I know I'm just being a Nazi, but I can barely read the boards lately without cringing. And we're not just talking about typographical boo boos or little idiosyncrasies, this is bloody word murder.

By Oswald Jr. on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 08:47 pm:

    Then stick to reading my posts. My grammar is perfect.

By Dougie on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 08:58 pm:

    Word murder morphed is wurder. Cat's screaming bloody wurder.

By agatha on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 09:20 pm:

    Heh. Go, Oswald! I have enjoyed your posts the most of all, lately.

    Cat, go post on dumbass. Now. You too, Sarah and Droopy. I kicka you asses!

By Hal on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 10:23 pm:

    I'm sorry Cat...

    I guess Ill ned too trie beter.

By Cat on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 01:41 am:

    That's a big improvement already, Hal. Keep up the good work and you might even get a gold star.

By pez on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:07 am:

    the world needs more gold stars.

    starlight, starbright
    first star i see tonight
    i wish i may, i wish i might
    have the wish i wish tonight

By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:20 am:

    Uh huh... Thanks...DOE!!!

    Nahh, I know how you feel sometimes Cat. Although we must press on in these difficult times.

By patrick on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 11:47 am:

    Well cat you DO work in journalism right?

    So its only natural you get weird and irritated by pisspoor grammar.

    (was that ok?)

By pez on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 01:34 pm:

    i was in the habit of correcting grammar in the emails people sent me for a while.

By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 02:44 pm:

    Patrick that would be true and all, but for the 3 year stint that I was in journalism, I hated grammer checks and refuse to be a part of them. I was a photographer, and the only thing I had to get gramatically correct was my by line, and pic description. Other then those two things, my motto at the time was "fuck writing." Hell thats where I found sorabji, since then I've had a cool english teacher that kinda changed my outlook on writing, but I must admit, if it wasn't for that, I'd still hate it.

By crimson on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 02:44 pm:

    i used to teach college english. prior to that, i worked for years as an english tutor for a different university.

    & i still write like shit. go figure.

By Hal on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 02:58 pm:

    Just means, that you taught it, and you could do it if you wanted to but you CHOOSE to write bad... Lowers people expectations.

By patrick on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:26 pm:

    no one busted ee cummings balls about it

By Nate on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:31 pm:

    a lot of people busted ee cummings balls about it.


    we need more asssex, less gramma!

By patrick on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:38 pm:

    rather i should didn't hinder his regards as a prominent poet.

By patrick on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:39 pm:

    you dont get ass sex do you nate?

By Cat on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:52 pm:

    J is the only poster here who comes near e.e. Her posts are so cool, they go beyond grammar and spelling.

    Maybe I'm really bitching about the quality of what people are saying. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a bitch.

    I just hate it when turns into a dumb fest and I don't get my daily does of witty, brilliant little lines or juicy heartfelt arguments.

By Nate on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 03:59 pm:


    damn damn damn.

By Pug on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 04:32 pm:

    I had two grammars once----but they're both dead, now.
    Crimson is actually a grammarian from hell. I've seen her at work. Don't let her self-deprecation or her lapses into colloquialism fool you.....
    Hal, I'm not even going to spend a precious minute ripping into your "lowered expectations" post for its lack of grammatical merit.....
    Nate----you're right concerning assex. (ass sex? asssex?) It's time we listed our furshlugginer priorities, here!!!!!!

By agatha on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 09:05 pm:

    when i'm feeling far from witty and brilliant, i usually don't post at all. it happens very frequently to me, which is why i'm so lousy about updating my weblogs.

By Isolde on Friday, March 2, 2001 - 09:19 pm:

    Hey, speaking of updating weblogs, how about MAILART?

By agatha on Saturday, March 3, 2001 - 01:42 pm:

    I've actually been in the process of finishing my damn section of the mailart. It involves much pasting and letterpress and I just haven't had the goddamn time. I have started making progress on it this week, though. I just quit my second job, so I actually have weekends off for the first time in three plus years. I think it's going to be cool when it's done.

    Sorry I'm so lame. I truly feel bad, but it can't be helped at this point.

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