Going out with a really ugly guy

sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: Going out with a really ugly guy

By The Dinner Lady on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 05:43 pm:

    I mean, I'm not friggin' Elizabeth Hurley but I am damn cute but this guy looked like the holographic doctor on Star Trek plus 30 lbs in clothes that didn't fit. He was a great conversationalist and really good in bed but it was like I had to close my eyes to have sex w/ him. Ew! I kept thinking 'I'm being really shallow by letting his looks get in the way' BUT THEY WERE IN THE WAY. He was so badly dressed (I believe that's a urine stain on your white denim shorts you keep wearing with a lint covered washed out black turtleneck) that I didn't introduce him to my friends.

    Never again will I think I'm being shallow. Ik. At least the sex was hot - now if I had just gotten a bag for his head (not that one, the other one!)

    And he snored like a rhino

    OK I'm done

By Patrick on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 05:45 pm:

    hey everyone it's the dinner lady!!

    WOW, from sheik to geek

    you actually let him sleep over?


By The Dinner Lady on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 06:11 pm:

    My new year's resolution - stop thinking with my twat. EGAD!

By Nate on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 06:13 pm:

    woah. that made my day.

By Moonit on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 08:05 pm:

    shallow shallow shallow.

    I cant be bothered.


By cyst on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 09:52 pm:

    shallow's fine. it's not unreasonable to want to go out with someone about as attractive as yourself. I'm getting a little tired of hearing complaints from my bald/fat/ugly/whatever male friends talking about how hard it is to get a supermodel type to fall for them, though.

    urine stain, no. white denim shorts, no. faded black turtleneck, no. all together? my god.

    I once fooled around with a guy whom I didn't find attractive because he wanted to and I wanted to see what it was like. (it wasn't good.) so now I'm exclusively dating cute guys but I want even more.

By Moonit on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 10:06 pm:

    I know shallow is fine - *sigh* Cant you take him shopping or something. That will make me feel better.

By Gee on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 01:22 am:

    I happen to think the holographic doctor from Star Trek is pretty cute!!!

By J on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 09:50 am:

    Welcome back Dinner Lady,well now I know what you,ve been doing since your last post:). I,m with Cyst on the white shorts and black turtleneck,how hideous! I bet you never went out in public if you could help it,he must have been a good cook.You,re not shallow,or you never would have gone out with him in the first place.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 10:43 am:

    He was smart and interesting. The first time I met him he was at his best dressed ever, then after much phone convo we wound up on a 2nd date in romantic location by the sea. The prob was when he showed up I was like 'Wait! What happened here? Could you bring back the other guy?'. I was getting a lot of 'date' pressure from him. So I let him kiss me but then he was such a good kisser... Still, everytime I'd see him I'd think 'I can't believe I'm going out with a guy that looks like this.' and try to make believe I didn't notice his clothes were 2 sizes too small. By the time I found out he wore breifs it was too late. I had fantasies of bringing him shopping but he really didn't notice he looked appalling. He couldn't be rebuilt. He just had terrible taste.

    Gee, if you go for the holographic doctor I think the man may still be available, but remember - urine stained white denim shorts which are too small.

By Crimson on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 12:12 pm:

    i have a weakness for certain guys who don't fit into the mainstream aesthetic standard. then again, i find myself strongly at odds w/ what most people find "beautiful" (hint: most TV & movie star types give me the serious creeps). if a guy is (a) extremely intelligent & (b) cool, it can overcome damn near anything. so, on the whole, i'm often attracted to the people that other people throw away.

    however...as oblivious as i claim to be to looks, i can get suckered in just like anybody else.

    when i was in my teens, i got the crap beaten out of me for refusing to date the local preacher's son. we'd recently moved down the road from a rural church that had about 20 members. the congregation was very peculiar. they'd say "hello" by saluting people. anyway, the PK (preacher's kid) was absolutely clueless. a nice enough kid, i suppose, but he seemingly hadn't heard of anything outside of his church. also, he liked the color pink, so he wore an awful lot of second-hand pink clothes--the kind of clothes you couldn't believe anybody had ever purchased the FIRST time around.

    so here's the basic picture: you've got a homeschooled kid wearing overly tight, mismatched pink clothing; he had crooked teeth & a wild shock of chronically dirty blond hair (there were various hunks of stuff in there that i'd try to identify when sufficiently bored). he worked at wal-mart, which is all he could talk about. he'd recently made his way to the big city (population 5,000) & scored a job at wal-mart.

    "you can't BELIEVE those city people," he'd tell me. "they're something else again. they just ain't livin' for the lord, y'know?"

    anyway, my stepmother was hell-bent on my dating this creature. i had enraged her by dating a jewish kid. at the time, she was on one of her big anti-semitic kicks. i'm of mixed ethnicity, which includes being half jewish. anyway, after she adopted me, she didn't want me polluting my own bloodline by adding even more of a "jewish stain" to it. she finally got so angry over my refusal to date WASP-boy that she just ambushed me, beat the shit out of me & told me to date him, or else.

    so i dated him.

    he was exactly the type of know-nothing schmuck i'd always predicted him to be. after an exciting date of being cooped up inside his family's stuffy, stinking trailer (parking on his mom's couch for what seemed like a decade & being handed his baby pictures over & over) i thanked him for a wonderful time & got the hell out of dodge.

    later that evening, i hitched a ride into town & showed up on my jewish date's doorstep. we ended up hammered on PGA, screwing on top of a pool table. while i was undressed, the boy kissed the bruises i'd gotten from the beating. he was so sweet, in an evil, scruffy sort of way.

    he died a few weeks later in a car crash.

    of course, WASP-boy survived. he grew up, took over the little country church, & will quite possibly live forever. they always do.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 01:30 pm:

    I usually go for geeks. Glasses turn me on. Underfed, dorky, had a thing for a boy who worked in the liquor store because he could use all those hokey adjectives about wine 'oaky' et al. Johnny Depp I wouldn't kick outta bed for eating crackers but my heart really belongs with Matthew Modine or Ian Hart or even Steve Buscemi types. Big noses, glasses, a little effeminate, Buddy Holly types.

    It is good you didn't marry the preacher's son. He'd be alive and you'd be miserable. It is good you had sex on a pool table. WASP boy will never have sex on a pool table. You did the right thing. Doesn't that feel good?

By Patrick on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 01:56 pm:

By Crimson on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 02:07 pm:

    yeah, i think i did the right thing. it does feel good. or at least it did at the time.

    WASP-boy will likely never have sex, period.

    i think of some of the guys my family tried to get me to date & it gives me the fucking willies. they got on this kick for a while where they wanted me to date "manly" men (as opposed to the brainy types i prefer). so they started fixing me up w/ he-man types. it was horrible. each one was more stupid than the one before.

    anyhow, i still tend to favor guys who are a bit odd-looking around the edges...but there's a limit. there's odd-looking, & then there's just plain horrendous. urine stains on tight white shorts is probably pushing into the horrendous category.

    saw a guy recently (i think i might've mentioned this here already)...a stranger. he was very, very heavy-set. he had long, perfect, flowing blond hair & piercing blue eyes. somebody nearby whispered, "look at that fat pig." i didn't see any fat pig. i saw a guy who looked like a fucking angel. his face was so beautiful. i wanted to talk to him, but didn't. that whispering fool couldn't see that the guy was handsome, just because he had some weight on him.

    but hey, as long as people keep adhering to dopey guidlines about what constitues attractiveness, there'll be a larger pool of people for me to choose from. so let people keep on rejecting others because they don't look like movie stars. that's cool. that leaves a lot of spare, unclaimed ass running around. & you know, that's not a bad thing.

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 02:58 pm:

    Yeah Patrick, I'd kiss you. BUT YOU'RE MARRIED see, there's always a glitch. Your wife has a great back. I always admire great backs. Really!

    I would say to you 'baby got back'. OK I'm done now.

By Patrick on Tuesday, December 21, 1999 - 03:06 pm:

    i am not sure if you have ever taken walk thru my photography site, but thats where that picture is so (pardon me everyone else, i know you have heard the spiel)


    Hey RC, have you seen it? I think i made it after you left, give it a go to see the waffles and his miss's mugs and other "art" photos....

    thanks for your patronage!

By HAL-1 on Friday, December 24, 1999 - 12:10 pm:

    I just want to ask one question...

    Crimson, are there more people like you, and where???

    (Because they sure as hell don't live here)

By crimson on Friday, December 24, 1999 - 03:30 pm:

    wow...this is a first. somebody's asking if there are other people like me (as opposed to praying to christ there AREN'T).

    believe me, having more people like me around might not be a good thing. i'm a gentle soul, but i'm also fucking insane. but you might've guessed that already.

    anyway, the reason that there aren't more people like me around is because all the other folks like myself are busy burning in hell.

    still, getting back to the whole issue of looks, i DO feel that far too many people are overly quick to judge others concerning their appearance. i've seen a lot of guys cry (i know, they're not supposed to do that) over being emotionally wounded by insensitive women. i've also seen the reverse of course, & the same thing happens among gays as well. what i'm saying is that this kind of bullshit happens across the lines of race, class, sexual orientation, religion or any of our other traditional, socially accepted reasons for despising our fellow humans.

    so, if there's anything i can stress during this yuletide season, it's that people, in general, are petty, shallow assholes.

    but you don't have to be, nor do i.

    the next time somebody's hurting over an unkind comment, give them a hug, even if it's yourself.

    but watch out for those guys in urine-stained shorts. they're actually incognito agents of the bavarian illuminati. handle them carefully.

By Taetia on Sunday, December 26, 1999 - 01:40 pm:

    I don't know what my partner looks like any more -
    objectively, to other people.

    All I see is his love for me, and the patience and
    kindness with which he cocoons me from the world.

    (But he always has clean underwear.)

By Ignorantcunt on Sunday, December 26, 1999 - 04:41 pm:

    That's handy in case of an accident. Congrats.

By M on Sunday, December 26, 1999 - 10:52 pm:

    Crimson, your comments make me think of Leo Buscaglia. I know it's na´ve and pedestrian stuff but I was thinking of what might make my world, and the rest of the world for that matter, a better place in the new year. Nice to know that there are still kind people around.

By crimson on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 12:49 am:

    my god...leo fucking buscaglia. i'm quaking w/ fear. =)

    still, thanx for the comparison, i think. anyway, the truth is that i'm not exactly a sunny, perky, happy-go-lucky apostle of kindness--but i try not to be a complete jackass, either. somewhere in between the two extremes is a reality i can deal with. surface-level, bullshit "kindness" is no substitute for a deeper, inner grace. yes, i'm a complete monster, but i like finding other monsters to love senseless. i've always loved the concept of being a friend to the friendless.

    then again, there are a lot of psychic vampires out there. they'll suck you dry & leave you incapable of loving other, more deserving targets. & i hate that. i hate that there are people out there who can turn love into a dangerous business.

    taetia, i can understand what you're saying. definitely. & as ever, that clean underwear part is crucial.

    i'd spout a few more joyous platitudes here, but i can't think straight. i've got a raging chest cold (or something, possibly even impending flu) & have got a head full of meds. doubtless, i will be thinking kind thoughts about my fellow man as i wheeze up what's left of my lungs.

By J on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 12:21 pm:

    Hang in there Crimsom,I,m sending you some good vibes:) My mom always told me about making sure I had clean underwear in case I got in a accident,but if I did,I don,t think I,d be worrying about urine stains or skid-marks.But I change my panties often and sell the used ones to perverts around the world,hey it beats cleaning toilets!!

By Czarina on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 01:31 pm:

    Sometimes I don't wear panties, what will happen to me if I get in an accident?

By Patrick on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 01:47 pm:

    i never wear underwear...........

    and what is it about "...I don't wear panties.." that is so god damn titilating?

By crimson on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 04:31 pm:

    hey, thanx for the good vibes. no shit. unfortunately, the whole illness situation has gotten far worse instead of better.

    anyway, j, you've sold your underwear? *grin* been there, done that. pantyhose & bras, too. surprising what some guys will pay for such artifacts. i used to sell a lot of worn stockings/hose/shoes to foot fetishists. a weird market, but it used to bring in some cash when i really needed it sometimes.

    saw a site recently where people were selling used kotex online. now, there's a specialty market...

By The Dinner Lady on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 05:19 pm:

    Used kotex? That means I've been just throwing money away every month.

    Here's a weird story. My cousin told me at XMAS that he and a group of his pals in upstate NJ used to drive by this guy's house with yer foot out the window - shoes off - only a sock. Anyway, if the guy was in, and interested, he'd flash the lights in the house. You'd go up his driveway and the guy would come out and say 'show me what you got' and you'd have to roll up yer pants and show the guy yer socks (BTW only males, no girl sock!). Then, if he liked them he paid you $5 for them. This is how my cousin and his friends made extra cash, selling used socks to this pervy man. Though as far as perversions go I think this is pretty tame, plus it was at least profitable for my cuz.

    Czarina, don't worry about the days you're panty free. The only accident you need worry about then is a visit from your aunt flo.

    Crimson: Psychic vampires? Would you like to meet all my exes at once or just one at a time...?

By J on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 05:42 pm:

    One at a time,please be gentle.Crimsom trying harder,when I was on the streets as a kid this street kid that looked out for me tried to get me to shit on this perves coffee table for $50.00,I seriously considered it too,we were that hungry.Czarina,I gave Jimmy Sue your e-mail address,he wants to scan our asses to you.

By The Dinner Lady on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 05:53 pm:

    OK, but why not poop on a guy's table for $50? What was your personal reason you said 'no, this has gone too far. No pervy pooping'?

By J on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 06:04 pm:

    I don,t know,it was a glass table,I was 15,I just couldn,t do it but went and met the dude,we were that desperate.He kept rubbing his crotch,it just didn,t seem right.

By Czarina on Monday, December 27, 1999 - 09:03 pm:

    "J" I'll be eagerly awaiting the arrival of your asses.

By The Dinner Lady on Wednesday, December 29, 1999 - 02:09 pm:

    Oddly it's the rubbing of the crotch that makes me think 'OK, ya no pooping there'. Interesting what items you decide are just one over the line

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, January 4, 2000 - 10:17 am:

    OK, the ugly guy just emailed me again. This is part of his weird thing I think. He is someone who is 'friends with all of his exes'. I find that creepy and honestly at least a little dysfunctional. After we split (he was the one who told me he 'could never feel seriously about me' after 2 months, I was the one going 'wait, I'm way out of your league, how can you be the one deciding you don't want to go out w/ me?) he kept emailing and calling wanting to be buddies because 'I just love being with you and talking to you and doing things with you'. At this point I decided he was wacko - ie: I love being with you but don't want to go out with you just be buddies (which sounded to me like 'lets have sex and not a relationship')- whatever. Now he mailed me again. I do remember enjoying talking to him, but I do find his post dump persuit of me creepy. I mean, he was the one who said he didn't want to be with me. Am I missing something? Anyway the whole thing pisses me off. Now that I've written this all out I reckon I shouldn't email back since I feel creeped out

By J on Tuesday, January 4, 2000 - 11:37 am:

    Fuck him,can,t you reject his e-mail?

By The Dinner Lady on Tuesday, January 4, 2000 - 04:10 pm:

    If only! I already opened it. It's sad to say that I didn't think he was as much of a freak until we stopped dating. Now I see an unpleasant side of him I never wanted to see.

    Perhaps I will shit on his coffee table in protest of these emails - hee hee

By cyst on Wednesday, January 5, 2000 - 10:19 am:

    send him the first post in this thread.

    your first couple posts about him here do not make it sound like he's the one who dumped you, though.

    I've been sour grapes lately too.

    monday I was driving around with a girlfriend and she was being really nice and I was saying stuff like, "well, he didn't have a very strong jawline, either."

By The Dinner Lady on Wednesday, January 5, 2000 - 11:45 am:

    I didn't really dig him that much but he's the one who made the call. I was trying to believe 'no no, I'll just go along and maybe I'll start liking him more'. This is a habit that's going south in 2000. It is much worse being dumped by someone whose league you feel way out of. Baffling and disturbing. His post-dump 'lets be friends' hassles are irritating evidence that maybe he realised he blew it. Phah! Buh-bye baby.

    FYI - I am sure his jawline was an excellent reason to kill the love.

By Patrick on Wednesday, January 5, 2000 - 12:10 pm:

    is this the same guy that you started with around here, the very nice guy who was hesitant to have sex, or is this a different guy?

By J on Wednesday, January 5, 2000 - 12:15 pm:

    I think it,s the same one,reject his e-mail,you don,t need to keep in touch with a mistake.

By cyst on Wednesday, January 5, 2000 - 09:01 pm:

    yeah, that is a bad habit, dinner lady.

    I mean, you meet a guy. he likes you. he wants to take you out and stuff. you're not super into it. but you're willing to consider.

    the three possible outcomes are:

    you end up liking him more. do you really want to like him more? I mean, what if you pay attention to the all the problems you saw in him in the first place? are those really going to go away? will they get even worse over time, when he's no longer trying to impress you?

    you end up liking him less. waste of time.

    you end up continuing to feel nothing for him. why bother?

    I'm going to drop this whole "well, let's just try it and see what happens" line too. it doesn't seem to work.

By The Dinner Lady on Thursday, January 6, 2000 - 01:31 pm:

    Cyst, You are a straight talkin Mama. Muchas gracias. I went to an astrologer (yes, goofy but she was incredibly cool) a month ago and one of the things she said to me was 'you have very little emotional front window so you try to talk yourself into things when it comes to romance - oh this will be good for me I think'. Why bother with therapy when I can go to the astrologer? She was right.

    Usually the fellers are all about me so well hay they like me that's a good sign but yes the reasons I'm not interested off the bat always reappear later on: too depressed, too needy, too much in need of someone to save them from themselves are favorites.

    No way man, 2000 is a whole new Dinner Lady. One with less icky boys I pray to God.

    And no I won't email him back.

    And yes it's the same guy. Ack. Embarrassing - duh. My girfriend said to me "Why is it when you're a woman you can't just say 'Look I just wanted to have sex - sorry you don't mean a lot more to me.'"

By J on Thursday, January 6, 2000 - 02:25 pm:

    Oh come on,you can say that.You will still get nailed and then they know how it is right off the bat.


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