Happy Father's day

sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: Happy Father's day

By Trace on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 03:52 pm:

    Well, I did it....
    We did not go see Erin's father yesterday because annie and mike were over there and we were not going to subject our kids to them. Her dad has been, understandably, upset and heart broken that Erin did not.
    Here is an email I got from erin earlier:

    Mom is pissed because she says we need to have a united front when we go to court. She says we don't have a united front because we still seem to think annie did it (duh). She says she thinks that girl did it. I said that just because there may be a question mark, that doesn't mean that annie's question mark is gone and what's more important is that I protect my kids, period. If annie did it she needs help and if she didn't do it she still needs help. Mom kept trying to talk me into saying that Annie is innocent, but I refused. Mom also got pissed when I said that Michelle had called me and asked me questions about annie and the family and I told mom that I didn't lie and I didn't make anything any better or worse that they were. Oh, well, I am not lying for her. Lying is not in Christophers best interest. Mom can deal with it or screw off. I was not put on this planet to lie for her so that she can delude herself. I was put here to be the best person I can be and she will not compromise that. Besides, it is not about Annie, it is about Christopher.


    Dad says that where Mom is coming from is that DFS deemed it safe for Annie to see Christopher supervised, so we should treat annie the same way mom does. Whatever. I am not doing things Mom's way. Last time I checked, not only was I an adult, but I was also my own person with my own brain. Poor Grandma, this is overwhelming her, along with the fact that Liz didn't get her check and she feels like she has lost her daughter and only has us, everyone else is too far away. She is lonely stressed depressed confused and she feels like she is pinned against a wall with only us. I understand, but I am at least going to try to pick her up a little.

    Mom thinks I am being to hard on Annie. Tough shit. Oh frickin well. This isn't about Annie. It is about that poor baby. Let's take him in the dark of the night and run far far away, with grandma =) at least he'd be better off than with mom & dad. Dad said that Annie kept saying that "she doesn't have a sister anymore" because I won't support her and help her out. I told Dad that she is not welcome in my home until I know that she didn't do it, not just ????. Neither is anyone else who is under suspicion. No one is coming to my home or being around my kids. As far as annie's talk i told dad I had heard it all before and oh well. Then he said that I'm right and he guesses he will have to put on the annie radar again.

    Either way, I am not lying or hiding truth or playing anyones games with this. If they don't like it too bad for them, I am me and I am not going to change me to live in their land of delusions.

    There is another visitation on Tuesday, Dad is begging for us to go and bring grandma too. I don't know. I would like to see him but I am really not up for the games.

    Here is what I wrote to Dad today:


    This is very hard for me to write, as over the past five years I have come to love you and view you as more of a father then my own.

    I just need to clear the air a little bit and see if you can understand where Erin and I are coming from.

    To us, it is a bit to large a stretch of imagination to place more blame on the Greens for what has happened to Christopher then Annie or even Mike.

    I understand that Annie has had altercations with the Green's daughter in the past, but to be blunt, who hasn't had altercations with Anne? How many jobs has she quit or been fired from "because someone there is out to get her", or "They are just mean to me, won't even let me have a break? I could see it happening once, but almost every job? I have myself, unfortunately, witnessed some of the fights between Erin & Annie, and, in my opinion, most of Annie's arguments are baseless and fatless, and driven more by emotion then anything else, and she has become physical quite easily during these altercations.

    The Green's daughter did demonstrate some personality quirks, from what I understand, and Annie & Mike's reception. But bear in mind, she was just standing up for what she felt were her religion's values, regardless of whether or not other people at the ham anyway. And she is 13, and most 13 year olds are a bit moody.

    But to go from being a rude young lady upset about someone mooching in her basement and upset about infringement on her religious beliefs to hitting a baby to the point of bruising and breaking a blood vessel in the eye, on more then one occasion in the span of 2-3 weeks, is quite a stretch. Not to mention the possibility of inflicting the head injuries.

    99.99% of the cribs I have seen in my life do not have sides that come down far enough for a baby, who barely rolls over, to be able to fall out of. I cannot imagine that this is a possibility. I am also included to agree with trained professionals such as doctors who said that the injuries were not indicative of an accidental nature.
    The force required to cause a skull fracture on a 7 month old child is far greater then even falling 2 1/2 to 3 feet to concrete. Goose egg, yes you bet. Skull fracture?
    But, if some how that did happen, why did they not take the baby to the e.r.? I imagine Christopher had to be in quite a bit of pain when this happened. Not taking him (gas is not even an excuse, the hospital has ambulances) is child endangerment.

    It is not emotion that causes us to point the finger at Annie or Mike, but rather logic. Annie has a history of lying and manipulating to get her way. And never, ever admitting she is at fault. Of course she is going to say she did not do it. Of course we are not going to believe her, because she always says she did not do it. And most of the time, there was no one else around who could have done it.

    When she watched Hayley, she left her unattended on several occasions to go horse back riding, or sleep. She also spanked or hit Hayley on many occasions, even after being told repetitively not to. Her response was always "I'm her aunt and it's my right".

    Given her past history, can you honestly blame us?

    We cannot blame you for not wanted to believe she did this. She is your daughter. What you are going through, I cannot even pretend to imagine.

    But, Erin and I cannot put the girls in harm's way. Ever. We would be negligent to do so. Our heads and, unfortunately our hearts, tell us what we do not want to hear.

    Even if they (Annie and Mike) did not put one scratch on Christopher, then what kind of vegetable would you have to be not to notice the injuries he had? And if they did notice (which they most certainly must have) why did they not do anything? That is a safety hazard in itself.

    Erin and I will not hide the truth from anyone who asks, or paint any pictures as rosy, or as dark, as we can. Anyone asks us anything, and all we will be able to do is tell the truth. Because it is about Christopher now. And his well being and safety. It's not what's best for Annie, Mom, me, Erin, or Mike, but what's best for Christopher.
    That is where we are coming from.

    Annie has had 22 years to get these problems she has had corrected. Once you become a parent, it is no longer about your problems. And it is no longer about you. You'd better have them under control, because now you are responsible for a new life. I think it is great that she is getting help, since Mike told her just the day before she said she needed help that the only way he was going to take her back is if she got some. But, I fear it was too late for Christopher.

    You know as well as I do that Annie showed she did not care about Christopher before. You know as well as I do that Annie is in it for Annie. You know as well as I do that she is not to be trusted any further then you can spit.

    We cannot and will not trust her around our babies.

    I hope I have not come across disrespectful or rude, because I respect you more then I will ever tell you. You are my dad. I say all of this out of love.......

    Now I am just awaiting his reply.

    I hope I did the right thing

By Nate on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 04:15 pm:

    fight for that child, trace. i'm sorry that you no longer have the support of erin's parents.

    personally, i'm not sure that the email to her dad was a great idea. at least, i don't believe it will help much.

    you know where to find me.

By Trace on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 04:59 pm:


    If you and Erin somehow got the idea that Mom and I are disappointed in
    you because you feel the need to protect the girls, that is the farthest
    thing from the truth. As far as the situation with Christopher and
    everyone else is concerned, this is where we are at:

    At this point in time, there is no definitive evidence pointing to any
    one individual. We realize that Mike, Annie, Mike's family, and the
    Green family have not been cleared. Bottom line is that we simply don't
    know who did it, period. As far as the Green's daughter is concerned,
    she was extremely rude at the wedding, stood in our own house and tried
    to tell us what we MUST DO! Religious convictions are one thing, but so
    is common courtesy and a regard for others. She displayed the same lack
    of manners, the same rude and overbearing attitude, and the same
    hypocritical duplicity as her parents possess, not at her church hall,
    but in our home! She also made the statement that she would do "ANYTHING
    THAT IT TOOK TO GET RID OF MIKE AND ANNIE". That doesn't mean that she
    hurt Christopher, but the door is still open as long as they haven't
    been cleared.

    As for Mike, and especially Annie. They are also under the same umbrella
    of suspicion. Put simply, they may or may not have done it themselves.
    Whether or not they did it, they should have gotten the poor little guy
    proper medical attention the first time he was hurt. There were bruises,
    Mikes mom said that she saw them around the time of her graduation last
    month. As far as I am concerned, she is as guilty of neglect as Mike or
    Annie for not having them get Christopher to the doctor/hospital. As a
    mother with numerous children of her own, she should know even better
    than Mike or Annie as they are young and in-experienced (their
    inexperience is certainly NO EXCUSE...but Mike's mom should know

    If Annie did hurt Christopher, she desperately needs help.

    If Annie and Mike didn't hurt Christopher, and someone else did,
    they still need help because they abused him through neglect by not
    getting medical attention.

    I cannot dispute your comments about Annie's past behavior, as I was the
    target for a lot of her anger. I cannot dispute you comments about the
    way she treated Hayley, I have seen her "attitude" far too often. I know
    that it is a particularly bad one at times. Once again, it doesn't prove
    that she did it, but as with the Green's daughter, it leaves the door
    open. Whether Annie did this or not, she needs help of some kind. As
    long as she honestly realizes that she needs help, gets that help, and
    honestly works to overcome her problems, Mom and I will not abandon her.
    She is our daughter, and as such, we still love her. We don't agree with
    everything she does, or how she sometimes acts, but she is still our
    daughter. If you and Erin were in a similar predicament, we would not
    think any differently, but thank goodness that you aren't! To put it
    simply, as long as Annie makes an honest effort to change, then we will
    support her in that. I ask you and Erin to help us in such a way that we
    aren't fooled by a charade masked as an honest effort.....In other
    words, help Mom and I see the entire picture, not just what someone else
    might want us to see. Be honest, but please be gentle as this is
    particularly hard on Mom right now.

    I believe you will find that we pretty much agree about this, so please
    don't think we are mad, disappointed, or anything else like that. We
    believe that Christopher's well-being is the primary concern because he
    is a helpless baby and cannot care for himself. Because of this, Mom and
    I are fighting like the devil to get him back in our home. We feel that
    the best thing for him right now is to have all of us caring for him
    until his parents are capable, and cleared, to care for him again. By
    all of us, I mean Mom and me with Erin's assistance during the day while
    we are at work. Both of you have done such a wonderful job with Micki,
    we are really amazed. This kind of help is just what little Christopher
    needs right now. In order to get this done, one thing Mom and I believe
    is that we must show the authorities that we, as a family, are united in
    the desire to give Christopher a healthy and safe home, and that we will
    do everything possible to help Mike and Annie overcome their problems so
    that one day that healthy and safe home is with them. Don't for a moment
    think that we would support his going back under their care before they
    were ready for him, but when they are ready to care for him, he belongs
    with his parents, provided, of course, that it is safe for him to be

    I really believe that we agree on just about everything, but it seems
    that some mis-understanding crept in (or is it just my imagination?).

    Thanks for being frank and honest, I intend to do the same.

    Keep the faith, and keep your chin up! I'll try to do the same.



By Dougie on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 05:25 pm:

    Trace, sorry to hear about your problems and all, but don't you worry about posting all your family's woes publicly? I mean, you're not exactly the most anonymous one here. I know my family would freak if they found out I was posting their soap operas they call lives, which is why I don't. Maybe your family's cool with it?

By patrick on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 05:26 pm:

    seems pretty level.

    trace, one quick question as i try and keep up...who is erin?

By Nate on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 05:40 pm:

    that's his wife.

    looks like it went well, trace.

By Trace on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 08:12 pm:

    I think so.


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