what you wish you had said

sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: what you wish you had said

By sarah on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 05:47 pm:

    i went to a really fun dinner party last night. i was invited (independently of Glen) by Glen's friends Pete and Lara. Lara and i have bonded and are becoming good friends, even though Glen and i are no longer seeing each other.

    it was an amicable break-up, btw. Glen and i vowed to stay friends, since we like each other so much and have so much in common. in fact, Glen invited me to go to Junction with him and Kelly (yes, THE Kelly) this past weekend, but i declined because there was a special yoga workshop i didn't want to miss. though when i found out kelly was going, i almost changed my mind. then i decided it'd be more torture than anything to spend that much time in close proximity to kelly.

    Kelly and Glen were at the dinner party last night.

    Kelly and i are both going home to visit hawaii this summer, so naturally that's the default conversation we fall into during the usually rare and brief times we run into each other, which only is when i'm at glen's house.

    so we're talking about hawaii and surfing and i ask him,

    "So, did you ever end up seeing Blue Crush?"

    and he doesn't answer the question. instead he replies,

    "Man, I really screwed that whole thing up, didn't I?"

    what he's referring to is not ever emailing me or calling me after asking me out to go see Blue Crush with him, which happened way back last september, the night we first met.

    his reply totally shocked me. we never talked about that whole episode after glen and i started dating, which was when i started running into kelly occassionally. this whole time i've felt entirely invisible to kelly. i thought he had forgotten about that or not really thought anything much about it at all, let alone felt a hint of remorse over it.

    very quickly i replied to him,

    "Hey, what's in the past is in the past."

    here's what i wish i would have said:

    1. what do you mean Kelly?
    2. well, it's not too late to make it up to me.
    3. holy shit! that's actually how you feel about that?
    4. i'll say.
    5. honestly, i was really disappointed that you never called or emailed me back. i thought we had connected that night, or at the very least i thought i had made a new friend.

    but instead i was a little curt about it, certainly aloof and dismissive. i'm kicking myself for that now. he was being honest with me, and i had a chance to be honest with him, and i blew it. it was his way of apologizing to me and he let himself be vulnerable by letting on to me that he had felt enough to at least express regret. i just was so shocked.

    his reply to me was,

    "That's true, but the past affects what happens now."

    "I guess so..." I said. and then i steered the conversation back to the movie. my heart was pounding and i couldn't swallow and i was freaked out.

    the rest of the night he sat by my side and we talked. he self disclosed a lot of interesting and personal stuff. he was letting me inside a bit.

    at the end of the night, he asked me for a ride home. when i dropped him off, i wanted so desperately for him to say what he was thinking. the energy between us was so intense. but instead we just said, "See ya around," and he went inside.

    but we won't be seeing each other around. i'm not going to run into kelly anymore because glen and i aren't dating and i won't be at glen's house as much, if at all.

By Antigone on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 06:10 pm:

    You forgot:

    6. Nothing a little cunninglus won't fix.

By heather on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 06:29 pm:

    totally, number 6.

    you just need more pregnant
    pauses...hesitate and give him a chance to
    answer his own question.

    can you just call him? like in a couple weeks?

By sarah on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 06:40 pm:

    yes, the pregnant pause. that's usually what i do. why didn't i do that??

    aaaaeeeeeggggghhghghaoiha;oirhga i am totally fucking pissed off at myself.

    you know what though? i don't want to call him. i mean, i made an absolute fool out of myself last time. i emailed him and emailed him and emailed him to the point where i was making jokes about stalking him, and he never once emailed me back or called. i'm not going to do that again.

    if he wants to see me, he'll find a way. and if he doesn't or if he's too scared or who knows what other excuse, then he won't.

    i just wish i had taken the opportunity to talk about what had happened. it was clear he was trying to reconnect with me. he held the door wide open for me and i turned around and walked the other way. dumb dumb dumb.

    why do people make something that could be simple so complicated?

    i want to just go over to his house w/ a copy of blue crush and knock on the door and say, "let'd talk". but i'm too chicken shit.


    how is it that this guy does this to me? nobody does this to me. nobody.

By Antigone on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 07:01 pm:

    Keep it simple. E-mail him (ONCE) and say, "Sorry I didn't talk much last time we spoke. If you want to get together, call me. 555-1212, baby..."

    That's it.

By heather on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 07:12 pm:

    maybe without the 'baby'

    i didn't realize you'd stalked him already ;)

By sarah on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 11:08 am:

    last night i went to the garden and harvested two grocery bags full of tomatoes. i went over to lara's house to gossip for a while, and she told me i should stop by kelly's house and give him tomatoes, since he lives a few blocks from her.

    which i did. he wasn't home, so i left a really sweet note and four huge tomatoes. i also left tomatoes for glen, and for marrilee, who lives two houses down.

    as i was pulling away from marrilee's house, kelly comes riding by on his bike. he was with one of his students who graduated in June (kelly teaches latin, history, and environmental science at a prestigious private school). so i stopped to say hi, and told him i was just by his house and left tomatoes and i said how nice it was to hang out with him last night. and that was that.

    so whatever. i'm glad i did that, because i feel like it's out of my system. it's up to him to decide what to do from here, and whatever it is, even if he does nothing, it'll be okay. somebody who makes me that crazy should probably be avoided anyway!

By patrick on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 12:30 pm:

    my tomato plants are out of control.

    they arent actually mine. they are on the otherside of the 3 ' picket fence between myself and my neighbor. they never go on that side of the house and probably arent even aware they are there.

    cherry tomatoes. because they have been neglected, they are out of control, as we all know, a couple of dropped tomatoes and you've bunny-like production.

    i've probably brought in close to a 100 or so cherry tomatoes within a weeks time to share at work and there are still countless tomatoes left.

    i dont even eat the bastards, at least not straight. but i like picking them and giving them to people. sharing bounty is a good thing.

By semillama on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 04:50 pm:

    it is a good thing. Imagine if pot was legal.

By Platpus on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 05:24 pm:

    Tomatoes are so good. Fresh garden tomatoes taste like a fresh breath of sunlight, or maybe just heaven. I pop them straight like the scrumptious fruit they are.

    What are people around here eating these days? I haven't been hungry much so I have been eating/drinking a lot of juice and smoothies. Last night I had my first solid food in a while, vegan pad thai the local thai place makes which is yummy. This morning I've had a mango, blackberry, and apricot smoothie and a lot of lemonade, since Santa Cruz organic is on sale for 99 cents a bottle at Harvest, so I bought a flat of it.

    And my landlords have all this fruit coming in in the garden, so they made zucchini bread and gave some to me, I in turn spread the bounty myself since I haven't been eating much solid lately, it just all turns to ash in my mouth. But the boisenberries and raspberries came in and they are yummy. Berries are specially good. I want to make blackberry pie this weekend for the tea thing I'm allegedly having.

By Spider on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 05:34 pm:

    I've been eating pretty poorly lately. I'm sick of cooking and I'm sick of eating basically the same 5 things (not all at once). Last night I had a tuna sandwich and some hard caramels for dinner. This morning I had eggs and cheese, and for lunch I had broccoli and a soy burger. Yum- er, -uccccchhh.

    That reminds me...I need to go to the grocery store before I go home tonight.

    Blackberry pie sounds wonderful. Nothing is so refreshing as a ripe blackberry.

By agatha on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 08:09 pm:


    I'm going to be lame again. Please forgive me but...

    (he's playing you. please don't go there.)

    Love, your pal Kelsey

By TBone on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 08:51 pm:

    Gotta watch out for them Latin teachers. I've never met one or even heard of one who wasn't completely off his/her rocker. That can be good or bad, but certainly not predictable.

By heather on Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 09:14 pm:

    with one of his students?

    i'm with kelsey

    he looks to be in play-the-field mode, the
    self-centered version. best to let it go.

By agatha on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 12:13 am:

    yezzzzzz. whut hether sed.

By sarah on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 10:23 am:

    one of his students... the student was a boy! sheeeesh.

By sarah on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 10:24 am:

    but yeah, whatever. i'm letting it go. but you two are very wrong about him. kelly is a prude. he hasn't dated anyone in a couple years.

By sarah on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 10:35 am:

    oh, and in addition to the chocolate and coffee foundation upon which my diet is based, lately i have been eating a lot of food from my garden. a lot of tomatoes, and a lot of things made with tomatoes, zucchini squash, eggplant, and peppers. i've also been eating a lot of tuna fish. and homemade chai.

    has anyone had Valrhona brand chocolate? it's my new obsession. 71% cacao, baby.

By Spider on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 12:06 pm:

    Is that low-carb chocolate in a dark blue wrapper? I think I had some the other day.

    My grocery store sells British "digestives" (tea biscuits) of all kinds in the international foods aisle, along with the Aero and Galaxy bars, so last night I bought a couple packages and had a nice meal of baked beans on toast, a handful of tea biscuits with chocolate on them, and two cups of Earl Grey. Bad for my pancreas but good for my spirit.

By semillama on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 12:27 pm:

    Kazoo has gone into mondo cookbook mode, so now I feel the bar is raised for me cooking.

    I am actually not too horrendous of a cook, as long as the recipes are straightforward.

    I need to find me a cookbook that just speaks to me, i guess.

By Hal on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 01:28 pm:

    Latin Teachers are an entity of their own.

By J on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 03:10 pm:

By semillama on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 04:34 pm:

    I'm one of the private contractors they refer to J, so no worries here.

    Except I think it's a horrible idea. Very bad. Yet another example of the absolute chaos this administration is intent on distributing throughout our country.

    I expect you can look forward to the "ClearChannel Grand Canyon National Park" and the "Coca-Cola Mount Rushmore National Monument" anytime now, not to mention the "Ski-Doo Yellowstone National Snowmobile Recreation Area" with concession stands operated by "Ted's Montana Grill."

By heather on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 04:50 pm:

    i'm surprised it hasn't happened already [the
    cross-branding of landmarks and parks]

    such a badbad idea

By Spider on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 04:59 pm:

    Now I know how Jesus felt about the market in the Temple.

By semillama on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 05:00 pm:

    Good analogy.

By semillama on Friday, July 18, 2003 - 11:55 am:

    Holy Shit, Hooray!

    House Halts Administration Plan to Outsource Park Staff
    Conservation Group Declares Victory for National Parks

    WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. House of Representatives decided today to preserve language in the fiscal year 2004 Interior Appropriations bill that protects national park staff and visitors from a damaging White House policy that would outsource to private contractors up to 70 percent of positions in the National Park Service.

    “This is an enormous victory for our national parks and for millions of park visitors,” said Thomas Kiernan, National Parks Conservation Association president. “We need the Senate and conferees to also stand up for our national parks and not allow the administration to put the stewardship of our national heritage in the hands of the lowest bidder without full consideration for the implications to our parks.”

    Interior Ranking Member Norm Dicks (D-Wa.), and Representatives Mark Souder (R-Ind.), Brian Baird (D-Wa.), and David Obey (D-Wis.) spoke on the House floor about their concerns with the administration’s privatization policy. Even the co-sponsor of the amendment to strike the language from the bill, Representative Tom Davis (R-Va.), said that the “administration’s plans overreach.”

    The House Committee on Appropriations added bipartisan language in section 335 of Chairman Charles Taylor’s (R-NC) Interior Appropriations bill that would have stopped the administration’s plan to privatize government agencies, such as the Park Service, until Congress could develop a better understanding of the costs and consequences.

    National park positions subject to the administration’s privatization scheme include archaeologists, biologists, museum curators, interpreters, maintenance workers, and others whose jobs are critical to meeting the needs of park visitors, educating school groups, and protecting the parks.

    “The administration’s allies in the House realized that there was enough opposition to their privatization scheme and did not want to risk a loss on the House floor,” Kiernan added. “The key now will be for the Senate and conferees to withstand the massive pressure being brought to bear from the administration, which has threatened a veto over the provision.”

    The version of the Interior Appropriations bill approved by the Senate Appropriations Committee does not protect the Park Service from excessive outsourcing, although the Committee added specific language to the bill exempting the U.S. Forest Service. Floor action in the Senate could occur later this month.

    NPCAProtecting Parks for Future Generations®
    Founded in 1919, the National Parks Conservation Association (NPCA) is America’s only private, nonprofit advocacy organization dedicated solely to protecting, preserving, and enhancing the National Park System. Today, NPCA has the support of more than 300,000 members. A library of national park information, including fact sheets, congressional testimony, position statements, and press releases, can be found on NPCA’s web site at www.eparks.org.

By J on Friday, July 18, 2003 - 01:28 pm:


By semillama on Friday, July 18, 2003 - 02:03 pm:

    crap- not so fast. the EVIL EMPIRE moves fast.

    White House threatens veto of Interior bill over provision
    By Jason Peckenpaugh
    The White House threatened to veto the Interior appropriations bill late Wednesday over a provision that would halt funds for competitive sourcing at the Department of Interior and Forest Service in fiscal 2004.
    In a statement of administration policy, the White House said senior advisors would recommend that President Bush veto the Interior bill if it includes the provision, which is Section 335 in the House version of the bill. The full House is scheduled to take up the Interior bill on Thursday. Bush has not vetoed an appropriations bill to date.
    "Prohibiting funding for public-private competitions is akin to mandating a monopoly regardless of the impact on services to citizens and the added costs to taxpayers," said the administration.
    House Republicans will try to defeat the measure on the House floor tomorrow. Rep. Pete Sessions, R-Texas, will offer an amendment to strike Section 335 from the bill on Thursday, according to spokeswoman Gina Carty. "Congressman Sessions has a long history of being interested in government efficiency, and one of the primary ways to achieve that is through public-private competition," she said.
    Reps. Tom Davis, R-Va., and Charles Taylor, R-N.C., who chairs the appropriations subcommittee where Section 335 originated, also have been active in negotiations over themeasure.
    Environmental groups, including the National Parks Conversation Association, and federal labor unions support keeping Section 335 in the Interior bill.

    Brought to you by GovExec.com


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