I'm a loser

sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: I'm a loser

By agatha on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 04:35 pm:

    I just failed my motorcycle safety class. I'm horrified and upset. I might just possibly be the only 38 year old in the universe that doesn't have a driver's license.

    There. I've said it, anyhow. Carry on.

By semillama on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 04:45 pm:

    i like to eat babies

By droopy on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 04:54 pm:

By agatha on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 05:03 pm:

    Yeah, but the point is that you knew how to drive before your accident, droop. You weren't 39 having never known how to drive.

By V on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 05:49 pm:

    ...v must have every licence in World,but I still have to drive a snow cat in Siberia or Canada.v just dont like that 40-50 below zero in Siberia...

By platypus on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 06:06 pm:

    Hey, motorcycles are supposed to be harder. Cut yourself a break, man. I know a ton of people without driver's licenses, especially in places with good public transit. Personally I think it's a point of pride, like "look at how not dependant I am upon your foolish 'cars' with their breaking and their gas consumption!"

    We are going to take the class over in Alameda, since the one in San Francisco has like a two year waiting list, because I'd really like to get my M-Class. I'm so over cars. I borrowed one from a friend to do something the other day and almost ran out of gas trying to find parking.

By lapis on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 08:59 pm:

    i would put around 30% of sprockettes (ages 21 to 30) as not having a drivers' licence. another 10% aren't allowed to drive because it's too scary.

By sarah on Monday, October 16, 2006 - 11:26 pm:

    agatha, don't feel bad. the motorcycle safety course is HARD! i took it. yes, i passed, but honestly, i can't believe they passed me. the only person who failed did so because he dropped the motorcycle on a turn during the final evaluation ride or whatever. but he was throughout the whole course a MUCH better motorcyclist than me.

    did you drop the motorcycle? how is it that you didn't pass? i can't imagine you didn't pass the written test. well, the texas written test is easy, i don't know what it's like in washington.

    it's okay though. i know quite a few adults who never learned to drive. you can learn, maybe it'll just take you a little while to get the hang of it.

    don't you have a friend who owns a car who would take you to a parking lot and teach you how to drive?

By jack on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 12:57 am:

    i can think of way more, and more common, loser characteristics than this. i know a number of people who can't drive. i guess it's more unusual in some places.

    agatha ¹ loser.

By agatha on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 01:33 am:

    I didn't technically fail the class, but the teacher was worried about me and it felt like he was yelling at me (he really wasn't, that was just my perception). The worry spread to a miasma of self-doubt that I began to wallow in, and I decided to put myself out of my misery and drop out of the class. I didn't actually drop the bike ever, but I came close once when I whaled on the accelerator or whatever it's called and went flying off the course. Essentially, I'm lacking confidence in a big way. Also, my scooter is all automatic so you don't have to worry about any of that clutch and gear shit. Also, they switched my bike halfway through the class because the first one was too big for me, and they didn't give me any time to get comfortable on the new bike where everything was in a different place than the last bike.

    Anyhow, I went home and cried for two hours and got all snotty and wretched.

    I'm going to practice some more on my scooter and gain confidence, then try to take it again in the spring. With a different teacher.

    Yes, I have friends that will help me learn to drive, and I've driven some, but I get afraid and it's really easy to put off. I think that the older I get, the more afraid I am to get into a situation that I have no control of. I'm not worried about my ability to drive safely, it's more of a worry about all of the insane people on the road and worrying about whether my reflexes are good enough to deal with situations involving other insane road-raging people.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I don't usually tell people about my lack of driving ability because it's so frickin embarrassing.

By Czarina on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 11:12 am:

    Oh agatha, maybe you didn't pass the safety class because there's nothing safe about motorcycles.

    Albeit, this is coming from a nurse. You would be so much safer in a car. Maybe you could try what I do when I drive. I am hypervigillant. I know everything that is going on around me, in front, in back, on the sides, my speed is gauged to smoothly merge. It becomes habit after awhile. You just take in everything around you and assimilate as you drive. It becomes second nature after awhile, and eventually, you are able to perform other tasks while driving, because you are always scanning your surroundings. I mean simple tasks, like adjusting the radio, or taking a sip from yur drink.

    I watch carefully, and try not to let myself be in a position where someone can hit me. And of course this is not foolproof, because accidents can happen, but you can decrease the probability by being on top of your environment. When you drive with this attitude you are in control of the situation.

    Driving is one of my favorite things to do.

    Something that also really helped me when I moved to Oregon from Phoenix, and had to learn to drive on snow and ice, was that my dad took me at night into a large snow filled parking lot and made me do donoughts and semi loose control of the car and put it into spins, and slip and slide all over the place, so I could get a feel for what the car would actually do in these kind of circumstances. I went into that parking lot scared shitless, and came out feeling confident that I could handle the car in that kind of situation. There were no cars in the parking lot, but it did have the big concrete lights that I was absolutely convinced I'd crash or slide into, but i didn't. I learned how my car would react in that situation, and that put me in control. I learned how to steer into my spins and regain control.

    Please don't be embarrassed that you don't drive, I have several friends who don't, and thats by their choice. But you sound like you really want to master this, and I have no doubt that you'll be great at it. Right now it sounds like you are letting it have the control, and you have to take the control into your own hands. You can do it girl.

    I know I'll catch some flack here for my dislike of motorcycle riding, but as a nurse, I've seen enough to stop riding. Its hard for cars to see the cycles, and its hard not to get that rush of adrenalin and try to take a curve faster than you should.

    But don't let my dislike of bikes dissuade you, if its something you want to conquer, I have complete confidence in your abilities. You just go out there and take CONTROL, and then it won't be so scary for you.

    Good luck! :)

By beta on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 11:42 am:

    maybe you just need to find a safe vehicle

By agatha on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 02:12 pm:

    That's totally awesome. I would totally feel safe driving a tank, but I would naturally worry about the cars around me.

    Czarina, I don't actually have a motorcycle- I have a scooter. You can't go very fast on it, and it's all automatic everything, and I was only planning on riding it around town, but I definitely understand your concern.

    Thanks everyone for the advice and kind words. Y'all are alright.

By TBone on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 07:41 pm:

    You'll get it worked out, Agatha. It's far better to be worried about what can happen than to think you're invincible. I've known a people who almost daily have the kind of close calls that give me flashbacks, and they often don't even notice them. Their cars are all denty.

    Be careful and know what to do when things go wrong, and you'll be fine.

By Spider on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 08:46 pm:

    Agatha, I failed my road test THREE TIMES before I passed (for the dumbest things, too, like I didn't turn my windshield wipers on when it was drizzling -- my vision was not at all impaired at the time). I felt like the biggest idiot known to man -- I cried when I got home from the shame. So, I feel you, lady.

    I won't tell you how I got my license eventually, because it involved fraud.

By sarah on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 09:45 pm:

    i was hoping you were going to say it involved sexual favors.

By platypus on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 10:17 pm:


    Come on Spider, don't leave us hanging.

By jack on Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 10:24 pm:

    what if some people need crafty tricks to get the license? don't you want to help?

By moonit on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 01:27 am:

    I only sat my learners at age 30. I haven't actually done any driving yet - because the one time Andrew let me drive his car, I nearly plowed Tarn and I into a cement brick wall.

    I was 2 cm away from it, and I had to pay for a wheel alignment. DAMN YOU CURB.

    Humvee. Thats the way I reckon. Then every fucker will get out of my way.

By agatha on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 01:33 am:

    You have no idea how much better you've made me feel. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

By Dr Pepper on Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 01:38 am:

    Moonit, i start driving at age of 19, by that time, when i was 20, I drove crosscountry.

By Spider on Thursday, October 19, 2006 - 02:37 pm:

    What I did to get my drivers' license was illegal (but, in my eyes, necessary), so I'm not going to elaborate.

    And I didn't get my license until I was 19.

    And the three men who took me on my road test were old and raized my self-esteem, so unless they inwardly got off on humiliating me, no sexual favors were exchanged.

By Dr Pepper on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 01:55 am:

    Spider, my mom and dad treated me like a ignorant, but I fought to gain my wisdom from other people who aren't a member of Family.

By sarah on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 11:52 am:

    my mom wanted me to learn how to drive as early as possible because she wanted me to be a safe driver, and she couldn't wait to stop needing to drive me around.

    so i started driver's ed the day after i turned 15. she enrolled me in a private driver's ed class, so that i didn't have to wait another four months or something until the next school-sponsored course started.

    i took my driving test at night while detroit was in the middle of a snow storm. i am not making that up. to this day i cannot figure out why they didn't cancel the test and reschedule.

    she made me learn to drive a standard, too. i remember being so frustrated while learning to drive that once i abandoned my mom and the vehicle after jerking and stalling my way to the middle of an intersection, and three lights later, was still stuck in the intersection. i just got fed up and got out of the car and started walking. my mom thought it was funny. she was cool like that.

    anyway, agatha - it doesn't matter how old you are really. learning to drive is difficult. and it should be at least a little scary when you're a beginner driver. i hope you give it another try.

    that said, if you don't want to try again, you're not defeated in any way. choosing public transportation instead is probably smarter for a lot of reasons.

By droopy on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 01:56 pm:

    i almost got hit by a car yesterday. it was about 6:45pm and i was rolling through downtown fort worth on my way home. i was going down this section of commerce street that has a row of 3-story parking garages. all the ramps let cars out onto the sidewalks; i usually know which ramps have cars coming out of them and watch for them, but this time i was caught off guard. what i remember was that i was rolling down the sidewalk full tilt when suddenly this big wall of metal appeared in my field of vision. looking back on it, i'm kind of amazed at my reaction time. the way it was coming at me, it wasn't going to broadside but clip me from the front. i quickly stopped the chair and put my hand on the metal with an audible slap while i pulled back a little and pivoted to the left. the car stopped and i was shoulder-to-vehicle with it.

    i rolled away and he pulled back into the garage a little. it was a man in an suv. i always have a problem with them because they're so high off the ground and i'm so low that they can't see me. he also had a cell phone to his ear. i gave him a wave of my arm to say, "if where you're going is so important, then apres vou, shithead." he said, "you go ahead! you ok?" (people in my city are very concerned about other people.) i said i was fine and went on. i didn't really realize how close i'd come to some real damage until last night at about 3am.

    you don't need to be one of these people, agatha. only shitheads drive cars.

By Nate on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 02:02 pm:

    i take a bus to work, but there isn't really a public transport option in my town for things like grocery shopping. and generally i don't have time to hitch the horses up to the wagon.

    not that i'm saying i'm not a shithead. just that i don't have a lot of options.

By patrick on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 02:46 pm:

    in any given week, i get to work by: bitchin camaro, skateboard, bus, light rail, subway and my own god damn feet.

By patrick on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 02:48 pm:

    and droop that happens to me every morning or afternoon when im skating down wilshire blvd. some prick comes out of a garage ramp in his expensive foreign sedan at 90mph. now if i were get him, im pretty sure i wouldnt get hurt that badly, so in some ways im sorta hoping it happens because im tired of working and would be delighted to take someone elses money.

By droopy on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 04:36 pm:

    that had occured to me, patrick: i'll bet if that guy had actually hit me, i could've sued him into the ground.

    and i'm not completely against cars. right now there's a deed box and printer's tray that i won't be able to get until tuesday because i don't have a car.

By Nate on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 04:48 pm:

    what are those two things?

By Droopy on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:01 pm:

By Dougie on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:34 pm:

    We got a thing number two filled with trinkets. My favorite are a family of glass swans my sister gave me when she got back from a trip. Also, we've got a lot of those little ceramic animals that they used to put in boxes of Lipton tea back in the 50's.

By Nate on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:36 pm:

    my aunt has ten or so of thing number twos filled with lead type and copper spacers.

    go figure.

By Nate on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:37 pm:

    and dougie, red rose still puts little ceramic animals in their tea boxes.

By Dougie on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 05:44 pm:

    No kidding -- I'll have to get a box.

By droopy on Friday, October 20, 2006 - 06:00 pm:

    at the shop we have used thing #2 vertically to display figurines and, horizontally, filled the trays with dry black beans to display jewelry. i met a woman who keeps one of those under her bed with her jewelry in the trays. a few months ago there was a latin-american folk art show where one of the pieces was a printer's tray filled with mexican figurines.

    i'm not completely sure what i'm going to do with mine yet.

By Dr Pepper on Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 01:01 am:

    Droopy, when I was living in Texas, yes it is a Lone Star State!!, when you mentioned this printer tray, I know some people in Texas does that to collect any items to fill that printer tray, yes, my Aunt and Uncle does that. it is a hobbies, and it always bought my attention about curious items going on display. You can put any small item, you name it! thumb tack, small toy figurine smaller than one inches, a lighter with dice inside. a small glass vial with lincoln penny inside. a watch. and alot of items. in other things, yes I do hated ppl with cellular phone, cause on three different occasion, they rear ended my car! three times, Why? cellphone! fuck!

By heather on Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 04:42 pm:

    dear dr pepper

    what is your first language? where were you born? what do you read?

By Dr Pepper on Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 05:03 pm:

    heather, Why do you ask?

By moonit on Sunday, October 22, 2006 - 07:05 am:

    oh man. ohman. OH MAN.

By heather on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 12:55 am:

    i ask because your syntax confounds me

    i am still interested to know

By Dr Pepper on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 01:05 am:

    Heather, if you don't like my English, or my language, so, please kick my mom and dad's ass for me.

By sarah on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 11:28 am:

    the doctor is making it up, and you know it.

By heather on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 01:38 pm:

    there has been nothing mentioned about "not liking" anything

    why do you refuse to answer my question? i just wonder how certain things happen, how people become homeless or movie stars or south korean slave trade prostitutes. how one could be surrounded by something but act in a completely different way. it takes some sort of effort to ignore the vernacular in a country where people are watching television 98.5% of their time awake.

By agatha on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 03:35 pm:

    I second heather's curiosity.

By droopy on Monday, October 23, 2006 - 04:04 pm:

    i 3rd it. where do your parents come from?

    your suggestion of a vial with a lincoln penny in it made me think of something: i used to have a penny that somebody had stamped the mason "G" symbol into. it was stamped from the back so that it appeared in bas-relief on lincoln's shoulder. i never thought it would be worth much, but just now i googled "mason symbol penny" and found one just like mine that some antique site was trying to sell for $45. i lost track of my penny, i hope i can find it again.

By Czarina on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 12:49 am:

    I'm with the gang on Heather's curiosity,too.
    I don't find it rude or intrussive. It's an honest request. And no one means any discourtesy to your parents.

    G'luck Droop on finding your penny!

By Dr Pepper on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 02:10 am:

    Sarah, I am not making it up.

By agatha on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 02:12 am:

    Just tell us where you're from already. Sheesh.

By sarah on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 11:00 am:

    the way i see it

    this is exactly what he's been waiting for.

By heather on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 11:56 am:

    how very boring

By sarah on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 12:03 pm:

    maybe not to a 14 year old.

By Nate on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 01:39 pm:

    he's in his 40s. he was born in dallas. when he was six years old, he was followed down a slide by another child. the child's feet hit him so hard in the head that his skull partially collapse. he was in a coma for three and a half weeks. he nearly died from cranial hemoraging. clearly, he survived, but he sustained some permanent brain damage. he can support himself, work, lead a fairly normal life, but his cognative and language functions are slightly impaired.

    his parents were born in dallas and omaha, nebraska. their parents are eastern european transplants.

By Spider on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 03:17 pm:

    You're talking crazy, dude.

    He was born in the wilds of Alberta, Canada, to a renegade lumberjack and his fur-trapping wife. They were a taciturn couple, and as such didn't do a very good job at teaching him fluent English. (Think Nell but with bears and log-trimming lessons.) When he was 12 years old, he hitchhiked to Calgary and there got a job cleaning out the coops at a cockfight arena. His employers loved him because he spoke so haltingly he'd never be able to get out a story to the police. He stayed at the arena until it was shut down in a raid (the other coop boy had no such handicap) when he was 17. He snuck onto the undercarriage of a beer truck and made it into the States on the sly.

    He's been hiding out under a William Gibson-wannabe's trailer in rural Idaho ever since. When the Gibson-acolyte goes into town to get Mountain Dew, he sneaks inside through a rotted floorboard and posts here.

By sarah on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 04:56 pm:

    he's a half korean, half southern white trash 9th grader attending the Waco school district's "alternative campus" high school. he's there because, after his korean grandma busted him with a pile of photographs he took using his camera phone of his female teachers' butts while they had their back to the class, he ran away from home. the cops picked him up two days later, after he hitch-hiked to Laredo and was trying to cross the border.

    he's being raised by his grandmother because on the day of Dr Pepper's first birthday, his dad went up in flames with the Branch Davidians, after which his mother, then only 17-1/2 years old herself, fled to san francisco where she got a job sweeping up at a hair salon during the day, and at night in Chinatown for a "oriental massage" under an assumed name.

    he speaks perfect Korean but has never been to Korea. his English isn't so good because his grandmother home-schooled him until he was 9 years old and wouldn't let him watch more than two hours of TV a week, even though she herself loved the show Murphy Brown, and a lady at her church loaned her VHS copies of the night-time drama Dallas.

    because of his unfortunate life and upbringing, he's always been an outcast, so he actually likes the alternative high school. he gets a uniform and structured free time. he hopes to earn his GED by the time he's 17.

    he found this bulletin board one day while researching for a class project on his idea for converting public pay phones to area-secured camera cell phones, because boy oh boy, then *anyone* could get some great anonymous photos of women's asses, no matter where you went.

By heather on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 05:33 pm:

    this is more like it

By agatha on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 10:20 pm:

    He was actually raised in the brothels of Bangalore and became a eunuch against his will at an early age. In 1995, 11 year old Pepper and 12 other children from his brothel were smuggled to the United States by members of the Indian Pentecostal Church of God. He was adopted by a Pentecostal family in Milton, Florida, where he just recently got his first apartment. He works the graveyard shift at the local Walmart. Pepper is also finishing up his GED and plans to matriculate in business classes at the local community college next fall. He understandably still has issues with intimacy and struggles with periodic depression, but overall feels that his future is looking bright.

By jack on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 10:24 pm:

    she was not shy.

    she was quite forward. at first, he was taken aback and she made him a little bit nervous. but she won him over quickly. more like took him over, if you want to know the truth. like a late july cloudburst passing over. who would think? the woman from the dentist office.

    but, as so often happens, what is charming at first soon drives one bananas, like a barrel of monkeys' bananas.

    bananas. monkeys. chimps.

    now it's just a nightmare to think about it.


    that dentist office is a long way from dallas, a long way from the trip to waco, a long way from working for the southland corporation. his parents spoke little english, but he was born in texas. he was going to learn english. he was going to get a driver's license. he could be president. some co-workers muttered behind his back about the paint fumes. the densitometer that always fucked up. possible unfortunate exposure to benzene, etc. so moving on wasn't so bad. it wasn't so bad at the warehouse and distribution center, even though that damned XXXXXXX XXXXXXX was always telling stupid jokes and that damn XXXX XXXXXXXXXXX had scary eyes.

    so a couple of doctors mentioned something about erratic ignition or cognition and linguistic abilities. he hopes to earn his GED by the time he's 47.

    tomorrow is the first day of the best of his life.

By jack on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 10:29 pm:

    holy shit. is this a dr. pepper fanfic page now?

    dr. pepper, this could get ugly if you don't answer heather's questions!!

By heather on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 11:14 pm:


By Antigone on Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 11:50 pm:

    he's a collection of 42.8 billion dental nerve clusters, thrust into sentience by a recent strong barrage of cosmic rays from the vicinity of proxima centauri. Unwilling to face this newfound awareness he shacked up with a no good slut from Arlington who gave him syphilis during a seven day marathon fuckfest that could only be described as, "corpusculent with a twist of lime." "Why, Stella? WHaaaaaAAAAAY??" he cried in desperation!! All the while she frittered away the millions he'd cleverly earned in the African Smegma Futures market. Yes...he thought...one day...I will have my sticky end...

By agatha on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:14 pm:

    Surely, this can't be over. I like the way this "I'm a loser" thread is shaping up.

By Nate on Wednesday, October 25, 2006 - 10:28 pm:


By Dr Pepper on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 01:41 am:

    Well, thanks for the postings and comments, first of all, My parent was never born in Dallas, neither do I. I am not a korean, also there sre various of words you posted yesterday do not sum up to this point, you all are not making any more sense. All of these do not exist. I likes to post my words to this post whetver I likes to says. This is truly a insult to my intelligent.

By dave. on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 02:01 am:

    dr pepper is sasha baron cohen

By Nate on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 02:12 am:

    that's no moon.

By Antigone on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 03:32 am:

    That's no moan, that's a grace ablation!

By ... on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 03:33 am:

By jack on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 08:36 am:

    dr pepper is artificial intelligence. he is the first, unsold, production model of our new personal android line of products, capable of a variety of human tasks.
    we anticipate the language capabilities to be smoothed out very soon.
    interested investors, please contact the pepperbot for details on his manufacturers and programmers.

By Czarina on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 10:50 am:

    Well, ya all got it partly right. He is a master cock-fighter and there is a dentist involved.

    He learned his cock-fighting skills here in the swamps of southern Lousiana. Thats also why he never learned to speak proper English or French. It's not a Euoro-french they speak in the swamps, but its not true English, either. Its an unusual blend, that is difficult for the ear to decipher.

    When he was a gangly lad, his father, an ex-patriot of Nova Scotia, needed the little Pepper to help supplement the family income, and as he didn't have shoes,[because no one living in the swamps needs shoes], he couldn't get a job at the cock-pit. So his padre, being the clever man that he is, cleverly figured out he had to get some shoes to go town and get a job, he decided to use ready resources, and told the little big-eyed Pepper, "Naw boy, you gits out there and don't come on back till you's a-toting me a good sized gator so's I kin make ya some of dem der shoes."

    Which explains where the dentist comes into his story. It wasn't as easy as little Pepp thought it would be to bring in that gator, and now they say he has a "memorable" smile, that one doesn't soon forget.[they say, padre tried to fill in the empty spots with gator teeth, which gives him somewhat of a quizical appearence].

    But at least he got the job at the cock-pit. He tried to do the job of cleaning the coops to the best of his ability, but something about those big ole gator teeth just didn't set right with the roosters, and when little Pepp would reach in, those big old cocks would just open up on him. They slashed his arms to shreds, and many of them died trying to defend themselves against his "memorable" smile.

    So when he went home with no money and flayed arms and hands, ole padre said , "Its time for you to see the Dr.,Pepper. And to this day little Pepper has mistakenly called himself just that.

By Dr Pepper on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 11:43 am:

    Guys!, be nice, I am your friend.

By semillama on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 12:09 pm:

    This is nice for here. Look at all the effort spent in coming up with
    an exicting back story for you.

    Now, don't go ruining it by actually telling us anything about

    carry on.

By Antigone on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 02:37 pm:

    Yeah. This is like a sorabji love hug.

    We luuuuuuuuuurve you.


By heather on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 03:56 pm:

    i am still pretty annoyed by the doctor, but the rest of your are dear to my heart

    don't insult my intelligent

By TBone on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 04:15 pm:

    Dr. Pepper lives in the future. He has discovered a way to trade electronic signals with the past, and has used this technology to connect to the ancient Internets. The English language is one of many ancestors to the common language of his time, so researched ancient English dialects, but he failed to focus his studies on the correct time period, so his hastily-assembled version of the language is made of pieces spanning centuries. His observations of Internet social norms of the time told him that people often chose aliases based on characters or products that they enjoy. He chose Dr. Pepper because the slogan "I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper" led him to believe that it was a common product that people identified with.

    Even in his own time, he has never been the best of communicators. He is 189 year old and has not been in a relationship for more than 60 years. Decades ago, he was a devoted follower of the Church of Sorabji, but after the death of his girlfriend of 63 years, he lost his faith in Mark Thomas as his personal savior.

    He has not told anyone about his discovery or his communication with the past. His goal is to find evidence that Mark Thomas never existed, or failing that, to find a place for himself in the early doctrine.

By patrick on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 05:38 pm:

    dr. pepper is my seeester.

By semillama on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 05:40 pm:

    i still like to eat babies

By Nate on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 06:10 pm:

    69. babies still like to eat you.

By Antigone on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 07:54 pm:

    Early doctrine. Fucking classic, man!

By jack on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 10:47 pm:

    yo, pepper, this is all friendly, mister.

    so, are you going to answer heather's original questions? people are genuinely curious in a friendly way.
    not that you need to respond.

    people can do whatever the fuck they want

    including you, mAAAAAAn

By Dr Pepper on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 02:40 am:

    Jack, to answer to heather's question, yes, English is my language thought. I always had some trouble with English language. and ,I am not a foreigner.

By sarah on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 11:37 am:

    head injury story wins! congrats, nate!

    p.s. i was not and am not genuinely curious.

By heather on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 12:48 pm:

    sarah is so hardcore


By Dr Pepper on Saturday, October 28, 2006 - 12:29 am:

    Sarah, what are you talking about?

By V on Saturday, October 28, 2006 - 05:24 pm:

    Dr.Pepper,if you have Polish,L
    ithuanian or Russian blood in you,o,k,by v,otherwise,re-incarnate yourself.,,,the Sorabjis will melt you down for scrap metal.

By Dr Pepper on Saturday, October 28, 2006 - 10:47 pm:

    V, Insult me if you like. I have been insulted many times. No hard feeling :-)

By V on Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 10:12 am:

    Dr.Pepper,you got v wrong,I dont insult you,I admire you for not giveing up,all I say is watch out for the others :>{

By Dr Pepper on Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 11:12 am:

    V, all I liked sorabji for chat and issues.


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