Bachelor for a weekend Who are you?: Bachelor for a weekend

Whet on Saturday, September 19, 1998 - 06:21 pm:

    Dropped my wifey off to carpool with her friend to yet another one of those weekend retreat things...

    You know, one of those out of state things that you (the spouse) really knows nothing about other than from a copy of a copy with an unintelligible map showing directions to some out of the way place you haven't even ever heard of the name of before..and some noisy message on the machine left after midnight with a phone number and a 'we're having a great time - see you later love you'...? She's got one this weekend, another one next weekend. Seems to be the thing these days.

    Well thats how I came to be a bachelor yet one more weekend. Last night I had evil thoughts like getting wild, going all out and doing something really crazy and foolish, and after thinking about it a while, I told myself, what he HELL I might as well go for it, so I marched right into the bathroom, took a whiz, and left the seat UP. I felt good, almost refreshed - a new man. This lasted about 15 minutes, until I started having nightmares about blood curdling screams coming from the bathroom, as warm buns hit cold porcelain in the middle of the night. Sooo I got up and flipped it back down and all was right in the world..

    Surely I can do better than that I thought. Reaching over the wrong side of the bed, I turned OFF the alarm. HA. I'll show em. Woke up 10 minutes before it normally goes off anyhow. Thought I'd lie back down, enjoy the peace and quiet of the morning with a nap, but within 10 minutes was up, dressed and out working again just like normal. Even forgot I was a bachelor for the weekend, until I saw her car sitting in the driveway, which reminded me I needed to change the oil and give it a tuneup.

    Life's like motor oil. It doesn't change itself.

By Slacker on Saturday, September 19, 1998 - 10:12 pm:

    so is life like a baby, or is a baby like motor oil?

By Whet on Sunday, September 20, 1998 - 10:14 am:

    Baby is like motor oil too.
    Many of life's mysteries have amusing mechanical metaphors.

    The relationship depends directly on what the baby has been eating (i.e. formula/real food). More like 'rear end' oil, to be precise (differential dope 85W-90 for tge mechanically inclined).

    Stinky, somehow gets on your clothes whenever you mess with it - not just a little bit either, and hell to wash out. And the SMELL.

    Babies not being my business or the byproduct of the bachelor lifestyle, I don't give em much thought lest I'm sitting for a neighbor or someone.

    Not that I don't like them. Just I'm one of those touchy/feely types that 'would make a great dad' and my single/divorced relatives like to deposit their offspring on me for a dose of weekend father figure imagry - and whats worse is now that I'm in my 30's, THEIR children have had children and the cycle continues.

    Given a choice? I'd rather change oil.
    MUCH easier.

    You don't get pissed on when you're half way done. ;-)

By Slacker on Monday, September 21, 1998 - 04:41 am:

    most excellent analogy my good man.
    i've changed both, and i prefer the goo over the pooh.
    i sincerely doubt you've ever changed your own oil, let alone the oil in your car.

By Whet on Monday, September 21, 1998 - 01:31 pm:

    Have never changed my 'own' oil, though have intentionally/unintentionally lost a lot of bodily fluids over the years, and most of them I don't mind other than the few times its been various asundry lacerations requiring immediate medical assistance/stitches which contrast strongly with the donated version for the red cross.... but alas part of my job in a way involves the potential for injury by nature, but all in all I've been pretty lucky over the years.

    My equipment oil changin isn't as much of a question these days as is what to DO with the used oil. Classified as 'hazardous waste' can only get away with putting so many gallons in the 'free' dumping tanks at the local autoparts stores - and then have to sign your name and addy etc., and if I keep it in bulk they CHARGE to pick up a 55gal drum of used oil when they used to PAY about a buck a gallon.

    Environmental economics?

By Slacker on Monday, September 21, 1998 - 04:57 pm:

    i've opted for a cost effctive solution for disposing of my used oil. i dump it in children's playgrounds at night when no one is watching.
    pretty stealth, huh.

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