i am who you want me to be

sorabji.com: Who are you?: i am who you want me to be

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, September 13, 2000 - 09:53 pm:

    i'm not sure if i've disclosed here that i have a personality disorder. one thing this means is that i am sensative to the way people perceive me. i read people, and fear that they won't accept me so i try to be what i think they want me to be.

    i was walking along thinking about my ex-boyfriend and cursing the fact that he has found new love in this woman who has the appearance of perfection. i was angry with myself for crying for being sad while i was with him. if only i hadn't cried. if i had been stronger... what... i would still be with him... pretending to be someone i wasn't. trying so hard to be the perfect girl, and failing so miserably. trying at least once a week to die because i could not be what i knew he wanted.
    who am i?

    i don't know.

    i've been being what you want me to be for so long.

    i told, once, the story of how i hated _the bell jar_. another reminder everyday when i post here of how i am nothing. a crazy girl.

    fed full of you,
    i vomit,
    i look around to see.
    has anyone seen this,
    you coming out of me?

    i try so hard to hide it,
    to keep it from the world.
    i am a mindless drone,
    nothing is my own.

By Antigone on Wednesday, September 13, 2000 - 10:17 pm:

    A bowl is not useful
    unless it is empty.

    Become who you are.

By Morlock on Thursday, September 14, 2000 - 02:31 pm:

    On the other hand, a bowl that is incapable of holding anything isn't a bowl at all.

    Then again, who wants to be a bowl?

By semillama on Thursday, September 14, 2000 - 06:33 pm:

    I have several old bowls i must try to re-fit in my future...

    So far, no massive buzes or headaches from sniffin' glue.

    I don't use it a lot anyway.

By Antigone on Thursday, September 14, 2000 - 10:12 pm:

    Hey, you fuckos, I wasn't joking!

By Nate on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 09:56 am:

    i smoked a couple bowls last night?

By Nate on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 09:56 am:

    and thinking about it, those bowls aren't useful if they are empty. they are used.

By Dougie on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 10:06 am:

    Damn, I remember smoking bowls. And when I was out of pot I'd scrape the resin out of the pipe and bong with a paper clip and smoke that. Now that's gotta be healthy for you. Seems like forever ago.

By patrick on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 01:07 pm:

    ahhh the college days, brokedickcar ....i was a master at scrapping, the great part about it, the resin almost recycles it self....after each resin bowl, you get more resin, i think i stayed high for weeks on end , on the resin of the resin of the resin

By Dougie on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 01:19 pm:

    Speaking of resin, any Greeks out there? A long time ago, I had this really great wine, I think it was called Resinata, they put the resin from pine trees (I think) in the wine. It's very interesting. Anybody know it or drink it? Is it very common/popular in Greece? I'm going to look for it at my local booze purveyor.

By Isolde on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 01:40 pm:

    Hard to find good retsina in the US. The bad stuff'll blind you. Stick with ouzo. Only the Greeks, Turks, and me are crazy enough to drink retsina.
    And yes, it's from pine.

By Dougie on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 01:56 pm:

    Thanks for the info Isolde

By Isolde on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 03:07 pm:

    De rien.

By Morlock on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 03:58 pm:

    Antigone: I wasn't joking, either. Let's go start a thread on Koans and whatnot. "Become who you are." You don't have a choice but to be who you are! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

By semillama on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 06:28 pm:



    -JHVH-1 to Moses/Popeye

By Xarquon on Thursday, June 17, 2004 - 03:14 am:

    minty parmesan screams in the toilet


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