The Tractor Lady Who are you?: The Tractor Lady

By sarah on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 03:43 pm:

    so yesterday i took the morning off of work to go to Tractor Training.

    i rent a 450 sq foot plot of dirt at Sunshine Community Organic Gardens, which is about a mile from my house. every plot renter has to do an hour per month of volunteer service for the property. so i volunteered to be a tractor operator. we get to move and manipulate the compost piles, and operate the chipper shredder and mower. the gardens just got this new tractor last year after writing a grant to get money to buy a new one. it's big and yellow and shiny!

    there were six of us at tractor training, but i was the only female there, and only the 2nd female in the history of the gardens to be a tractor operator :)

    yesterday we learned how to check and change the oil, the transmission fluid, the hydrolic fluid, and clean the diesel engine's filtration system, how to drive it, operate the bucket, and all the safety mechanisms. by the end of the four hours i was covered in grease. it was great.

    i still have ten more hours of tractor training left before i can operate it by myself. the rest of the training will be one-on-one.

    this guy who is my neighbor both at the garden and literally my neighbor at my house also showed up for tractor training. i like him a lot, his name is Darryl. he's 41, semi-retired, and a true blue texan type. super friendly and easy to talk to. after tractor training he threw my bike into the back of his truck and took me out to lunch at Jorge's where we split fajitas and drank 2 margaritas a piece. Jorge's is where all magic happens for me in austin for some reason.

    he convinced me not to go back to work. instead we stopped by my house to drop off my bike, pick up the bitch basket (he prefers to call it the Bitchin Basket), and we headed off down to town lake. we spent the glorious, warm, and sunny afternoon nursing a six pack and canoeing around town lake.

    afterward we drove across the street to The Shady Grove and saw Eliza Gylkison play for free and we drank more margaritas and ate hamburgers and talked and laughed and...

    ...and it was just one of those perfect, magical days, where everything was good and right in the world.


    my garden plot is gorgeous. when i took it over there was a mammoth rosemary bush right smack in the middle. i left it in there and dug a wide circle around it, around which i planted the rest of my herbs: basil, marjoram, chocolate mint, chamomile, dill, cilantro, and thyme.

    the rest of my plot is divided up into four semi-circle quandrants and my crops are planted in semi-circles, so everything sort of feng-shui's around the center herb garden. i'm growing: red cabbage, artichokes, cardamom, cauliflower, broccoli, hot peppers, bell peppers, 2 kinds of eggplant, snap peas, strawberries, sunflowers, poppies, cucumber, butter lettuce, kale, collard greens, yellow and zucchini squash, spaghetti squash, okra, beets, and five different kinds of tomatoes.

    it's pretty epic.


    tonight glen is taking me to the forest, and tomorrow we're taking his six year old daughter to Eeyore's Birthday Party. wednesday night glen and i made hula hoops to give to his daughter and her boyfriend Justin. sunday i'm volunteering all day for Austin's Earth Day fest. darryenne's coming with me.


    the gardens are right across the street from the rehabilitation center for the blind. they have a few plots, and there always are blind folks wandering around the neighborhood together, or waiting at the bus stops, often their arms linked together, white canes poking out the way ahead.

    do you ever have periods in your life when you're dead asleep dreaming and don't realize it until something wakes you up?

    who am i to always think that i need anything more or different than what i already have?

By eri on Friday, April 25, 2003 - 04:03 pm:

    Sounds like you are finally having a great time!

    I am totally jealous. I mean, I don't know how to grow shit and don't really have room to grow anything, but would love to start an organic garden of veggies and herbs!!!! I have been concidering starting an her garden (so to speak) in pots in my kitchen, but haven't done it yet.

    Congrats girl! Take it easy and enjoy yourself!!!

By sarah on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 05:01 pm:

    i think glen is gay. or at least bisexual tending toward the gayer side. i've had instincts about the true sexuality of male friends/boyfriends in the past and have always, without fail, been right. sometimes i knew it before they did.

By semillama on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 09:54 am:

    Anything besides instinct making you think this?

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 10:00 am:

    Ex-boyfriends who are now gay will do that to you. (I have two.) My friend Brian used to tell people that I had the most powerful gaydar in the world. When I was younger, I had a tendency of turning men gay and women straight, not anymore though.

By sarah on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 11:39 am:

    hey, i was right! i just came right out and asked him last night. i knew i could do this because he's really cool, and open-minded, and speaks the pagan language of life.

    he's not gay, he's bisexual. he said he took two male lovers back to back about 8 years ago, but none before or since then. he says he enamoured by the full range of human sexuality. or something like that.

    which i am too.

    but i don't know how i feel about this. i have nothing against bi-sexual men, i just have a hard time feeling attracted to men who have strong, outward effeminate energy. i mean, if i wanted effeminate, i'd be dating a woman.

    which would be great too, if i could just find one who wasn't a butch dyke or an annoying radical feminist.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 11:43 am:

    The last time I dated an annoying radical feminist, she wound up with one of my best male friends.

By sarah on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 11:50 am:

    see that's what i'm talking about.

    so, i knew even before last night that while i really enjoy talking with glen and spending time with him, this isn't the right relationship for me.

    i don't know what is really, but i do know this isn't it.

    so this is the hard part. what do i say? what do i do? without hurting his feelings? i mean, it's not really him, it's me. but you can't say that, it's too standard.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 11:59 am:

    If he likes you, his feelings are going to be hurt...there is no way of getting around that. Just tell him that it isn't right for you, be sensitive, upfront, and honest...personally, I've appreciated it...eventually.

    I find that "it's not you, it's me" as stupid and standard as it sounds, is usually true in some respects. It's like a nice way of saying, "i'm not attracted to you, but that doesn't mean you aren't attractive" which isn't really all that bad either...out of its emotional context.

By sarah on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:15 pm:

    good point. he is attractive. he is intelligent. he is sweet. but it's just not there for me.

    what about "i like you but you're too gay."

    just kidding

    how about "i really dig you, the problem is that i don't really feel like dating at all right now." which is completely true.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:22 pm:

    That seems fine, I mean, it's really all depends on how he feels. By the way, how much does he like you? What if you just happen to meet someone who totally blows you over...would he be hurt if you dated that person? I have a hunch he wouldn't be completely devestated, but only because he sounds kind of laid back.

By sarah on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:34 pm:

    well, honestly, the chance of me meeting someone who totally blows** me over is equal to the chance of me winning the lottery. and the chance of me meeting someone who totally blows me over who also wants to date *me* is equal to the chance of me winning the lottery two weeks in a row. without buying a ticket. so i'm not worried about that scenario.

    glen seems to really like me. it's hard to say. i'm not sure if it's me, or the prospect of him being in a relationship for the first time in a long time and getting sex on a regular basis with someone who doesn't mind and actually likes the fact that he has a kid. you know what i'm saying?

    i have a hard time thinking that people can really like you in any meaningful way in a matter of 2-3 weeks. they barely even know you.

    anyway, i'll be gentle. i'll be honest. and if you think of any great way to let someone down easy, PLEASE let me know.

    i truly don't feel like seeing anyone romantically these days. there's too much other stuff to think about.

    ** isn't it "bowls" and not "blows"?

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:41 pm:

    I could lend you the "let's be friends" line that I used on Sem, but that was really only useful after the first few dates. This is a little different.

    There is no way to let someone down easy because if he or she likes you, it hurts. It's just better to be sensitive but honest. He'll get over it.

    "i have a hard time thinking that people can really like you in any meaningful way in a matter of 2-3 weeks. they barely even know you."

    That's not true, If you mean by "meaningful" like "deep" well maybe, but it doesn't take long to realize that someone is incredible and that, "wow, this incredible person is interested in me!" and then getting let down is hard, no matter how much you actually know the person. And there is something meaningful in that, especially if you feel a really strong connection that seems to be mutual.

By Harvey Wordman on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 12:43 pm:

    I think it's bowls you over, and blows you away.

    Kazoo mussbe sleepy

By patrick on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 01:27 pm:

    i really dig you, the problem is that i don't really feel like dating at all right now."

    sounds like horeshit sarah.

    why don't you tell him everything you've told us...that is, he's a really great guy but more effeminate than you are wanting at this time.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 01:27 pm:

    Today at Emory University

    Kissing & Petting," A Stress Free Zone for Students, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. & 2:30 p.m.-4:30 p.m.

    Second Floor, Main Lobby, White Hall, Sponsored by Academic Support

    And now back to this thread

By J on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 01:34 pm:

    I realized my gaydar was slipping when I had the hots for Simon. I need to get out more.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 01:34 pm:

    Well, if he is in any way sensitive about how effeminate he is, that may contribute bad feelings he has about it. Is Sarah responsible for that? Not at all, but if she can avoid saying something that he might find insulting while still being upfront "I'm just not interested" or "it's not working for " without citing something specific he may (or may not) be insecure about...I think that's a good thing. There is nothing wrong with being a little sensitive to people's feelings.

By patrick on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 01:58 pm:

    she can be easy about the effeminate part. hell she already revealed a suspicion. he HAS to know its somewhat obvious. he has to know this.

    i think saying the likes of its "just not working" or "im just not interested" leave more room for insecurity because of their vagueness.

    look....the guy came right out and admitted he slept with dudes. he clearly has at least a working sense of comfort with that. its a part of him...i know if i were being let go, id feel better knowing that a girl just wasnt digging on strong opinionated personality. thats fine. i know i have such a personality and i know its not for everyone. at least i know.

By kazoo on Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 02:14 pm:

    It's always better to be honest, and she'll know better than us, but I always assume that people aren't as secure as they seem, especially early on. It's also how long it's been. If it's only been a few weeks, then I don't think one is obliged to reveal that much. I think just saying "this isn't working for me" gets the point across.

    Having been dumped as often as I had, usually being told ANYTHING was always a plus, but despite any illusion of "security" I put forth, being offered a single personality felt terrible, because it made me feel like it overshadowed everything else.

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