Grant Hutchins Who are you?: Grant Hutchins
By Grant Hutchins on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 01:36 am:
    I am Grant Hutchins

    Feel free to express your feelings towards me in this group...

    I'm listening...

By Pete on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 03:08 pm:
    Grant Hutchins, you bastard! You owe me last month's rent. Pay up!

By Sorabji on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 08:40 pm:
    Grant Hutchins, I thought I told you never to come around here! You're the ugly, rotten bastard who got that job I wanted 6 years ago! I said I would kill you and I will, dammit! And DAMN YOU, GRANT HUTCHINS!

By Belly on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 09:34 pm:
    Grant Hutchins, i've been looking for you all my life. You were the dark-haired boy at the grocery store with the eyebrows that caused me to swoon when i had hardly even entered puberty yet. You don't know it, but you marked me with that stare, and now finally i have a chance to see where it leads...

    Or, hmmmm. Was it Ulysses Hutchins? or Grant? or, actually, i think it was spelled Hutchens... or was it Stuart Grant? No, Stuart Grant had red hair...

By Tucker on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 12:41 am:
    are you the grant that tied your socks to 4 other people's and made a star.........oh i think you are.............that was fun.

By A dog in a bar on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 12:46 am:
    Grant Hutchins! You're the guy who shot my paw!

By Little chuck on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 12:49 am:
    Grant--tell your wife to leave my dog alone! I'm not kidding. This is your last warning.

By Tarmac on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 07:54 pm:
    Enough good-natured ribbing! GRANT MUST DIE!!!

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 09:38 pm:
    Grant? Grant Hutchins? Is that YOU??? Wow. It's been what, like four years? Gosh darn how time flies. So how's Sally and the kids, Josh and Logan? And your Mom? Say hi for me. It's been FAR too long. Now just what did Sally do to Little Chuckie's Dog. I can't imagine. Unless he's been letting that blasted dog out without a leash again! Gosh.

    And Tucker. How are you? Haven't seen you since you snapped that pick of me, Grant, Pete and, Mark with the socks. Now getting back to Grant... what's all this about owing Pete rent? Did you and Sal have another falling out and you crashed at Pete's AGAIN? Jeesh. Do the right thing, pal, pay up.

    Mark... GET OVER THE JOB WILL YOU? The past is in the past. Besides, if you got that job there would never be a SORABJI.COM now would there? How would a Wendy's manager have access to the internet? Hmmm?

    Another thing Grant, RUN from Belly as fast as you can. She's got the CLAP. BAD.

    Mr. Bar Dog, I empathize with your medical dillema, but if you had seen the NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw, you would know that it was NOT Grant that shot your paw. Ken Starr did it. He's getting SO frustrated lately that he can't tell one bitch from another.

    And LASTLY, tarmac, Just because Grant would not loan you the money for that Meerkat farm is NO reason to wish death upon him. I mean Christ, National Geographic has beat those damn animals to death. They are more media saturated than Linda Tripp's bad doo!

    Ok, so, Grant, say hi for me to Sal, Josh, and Logan. Give your Mom a kiss. I'll try not to be such a stranger.

By Underwater on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 10:03 pm:
    Grant Hutchins.

    I repeat: Grant Hutchins.

    I never thought I'd see your sorry, retarded ass ever again in this life.

    You are the essence of evil, the poisoned fruit off the tree of evil.

    I hate you, Grant Hutchins. If the world knew what a vulgar mockery you make of common human decency, if the governments of democratic societies knew how you raped the common people with your limp desires, if the aliens rummaging through the bruised, desolate corners of human experience had any idea of what filth and garbage you thrust upon the human experience -- if only the peoples knew, your life would be the world of hurt and torture that is the lives of those you have known.

    God damn you, Grant Hutchins. The planet will destroy you, you can not expect to thrive as such a triumph of all that is rotten in 20th century life.

By Monitor on Monday, March 16, 1998 - 11:47 pm:
    Grant Hutchins...You magnificent bastard.

By Snacky on Tuesday, March 17, 1998 - 06:43 pm:
    Grant Hutchins, it's a damn good thing for you that goats can't file rape charges!

By Roy on Tuesday, March 17, 1998 - 08:40 pm:
    Hi, Grant! You seem pretty neat. And all these people that you know! I like you Grant! You are my kind of guy. But I will only like you as a FRIEND. I'm not like that -- friends only, okay? Before we become friends i would like to ask you a few questions:
    #1. How are you, Grant? (I'm fine, if you're asking.)
    #2. Do you vote? (I vote.)
    #3. Do you like me? (As a FRIEND.)
    Welcome, Friend!
    Your friend,

By Dick and Ed on Wednesday, March 18, 1998 - 02:48 am:
    GRANT HUTCHINS...YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER! Don't throw this away! It may be the WINNING ENTRY in the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes! Over TEN MILLION DOLLARS will be awarded! Act today!

By DEZ RAVIOLI on Wednesday, March 18, 1998 - 07:12 am:

By Aunt Jilly on Wednesday, March 18, 1998 - 11:31 am:
    Grant, you're alive! You've been gone for years and the last we heard, you had joined Heaven's Gate! We all thought you left us, along with the rest of them a year ago. What a relief! Stop by and see your uncle and me real soon, boy!

By The Real Grant Hutchins on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 02:30 am:
    This man is NOT Grant Hutchins! I'M the REAL Grant Hutchins and he has stolen my identity! The imposter has wrecked my credit rating. His antics have gotten me fired from my job. My wife has taken the kids and left me. I've been forced to move into a boarding house. And I'm typing this on a computer at the public library. For the love of God, PLEASE, I BEG YOU, HELP ME STOP THIS MAN! I'M THE REAL GRANT HUTCHINS!!!!!

By Dr. Hans Cleuver on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 06:50 pm:
    Grant Hutchins, Or should I say the former Margaret Hutchins - You still have an outstanding balance of $6500.00 on the sex change I performed on you in 1994. Please remit the remaining portion immediately to avoid legal action.

By Sugarbaby on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 07:36 pm:
    Dont you guys have any brains at all? Come on people, get with it, THERE IS NO GRANT HUTCHINS! Its just the government, playing with your minds!! Dont buy into it!!! I am telling you that we must unite and be strong, we must go against the government and end this cover up! Every time you write something down the government takes it and de-codes it, and, and ......................LIES! THERE ALL LIES I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Slacker on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 09:07 pm:
    my dearest grant:
    thankyou for the wonderful weekend. i can't believe you knew those hillbillies. at first i was a little apprehensive of going back to their shack with them for the evening, but once that gin hit me i became less leary of those sons of zz-top lookin bastards. man can you eat paste!
    if the opportunity arises again in the near future, please contact me and i'll arrange for jerry springer to record the festivities.

By Tito on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 03:31 am:
    One thing's for sure: If Leonardo does attend the Oscars, Grant will be on his arm! They make a STUNNING couple!

By Michael on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 07:58 am:
    Oh, Tito you so catty!

By LaToilet on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 09:22 am:
    You so CRAZY!

By Marlon on Friday, March 20, 1998 - 01:56 pm:
    Put some clothes on! Stop crying!

By Jamiroquay on Saturday, March 21, 1998 - 12:42 am:
    grant i've seen you naked. it's not a pretty sight!

By Devine Brown on Saturday, March 21, 1998 - 03:29 am:
    Hmm, Hugh GRANT....GRANT Hutchins. Coincidence? I think NOT!

By Mom on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 12:22 am:
    grant, remember when i told you to take that diaper off your head and put it back on your sister?
    aren't you glad you did?
    where wuold you be now, knowing you had your sisters diaper? THEROPY! THAT'S WHERE!

By Satchmo on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 12:25 am:
    Grant, I can't believe you did that!! HOW DARE YOU SHOOT THAT CLAY PIGEON!!! that could have very well been a clay goat. IM A GOAT!!! I am very offensive toward my fellow goatmen/women/children. And don't you EVER, EVER, EVER!!!! hurt a goat in your life

    ps i used to "kill goats", thats bad i stopped

By PetRock on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 12:41 pm:
    Dear Grant Hutchins,

    Apparently you are very well known throughout the Sorabji community. I would advise you to not come around here for a while; at least not until you change your evil ways.....

By Liam on Monday, July 13, 1998 - 02:55 pm:
    Well Grant Hutchins,

    I hope you're satisfied with all the trouble you've caused with this posting. Cyberspace is not a plaything and it is obvious that you are too immature to handle this responsibility properly. In the future, please take the time to consider the effect you're posting will have. It is clear that you have caused nothing but heartache over the years to a great many fine and innocecnt people. The postings that I have read reflect a pattern of behaviour on your part which is highly offensive. As you are probably aware this board is designed for those of us dedicated to serious topics of concern. You're setting a very poor example for Josh and Logan and if I were Sally I would divorce you and go off with that goat you had your way with at the mouse pad convention in Tallahassee.


By The lone fucker on Saturday, September 12, 1998 - 04:38 pm:

    THis IS GRant HUtchins.

By Slacker on Sunday, September 13, 1998 - 06:24 pm:

    dear mr. hutchins:

    in regards to your recent application for a liquor permit, we regret to inform you that your request has been denied.
    after great consideration we have concluded that, although you are a schizophrenic bastard, a liquor permit is not necessary if you are drinking alone.

By Kelsey on Monday, September 14, 1998 - 01:40 pm:

By Southie on Monday, September 14, 1998 - 10:40 pm:

    Fuck. Grant Hutchins. I'll be fucking damned.

By Slacker on Tuesday, September 15, 1998 - 09:00 pm:

    grant hutchins has been cancelled due to a lack of interest. we apologize for any inconveniance this may have caused.

By Grant fan on Tuesday, October 27, 1998 - 02:52 am:

    yer the man Grant!
    ROCK ON!!!

By R.C. on Wednesday, October 28, 1998 - 12:14 am:

    I have to go now becuz I've thoroughly peed my pantalons. You guys have no idea...

    Sweartagod/if Saturday Night Live had a webpage back in the late 1970's where the cast members hung out when they weren't rehearsing/THIS woulda been it!

    You people need representation! Jerry fuckin' Sienfeld was NEVER this quick or funny -- even live -- & he's worth $60 mil now.

    Grant's being sued for sexual harrasment for fondling Marilyn Manson's new boobs back stage at the the VH-1 Fashion Awards. And I hear Grant's agent at ICM has dumped him & is looking for hot new talent. You shd give him a (conference) call.

    Shit! There's a puddle in my chair -- gotta go!

By Grant Hutchins on Sunday, May 2, 1999 - 01:41 am:

    Hi, this is Grant. Any messages for me?

By Semillama on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 11:36 am:

    "Bob" stopped by, said something about you, him and the Fightin' Jesus going out for a few beers, rounding up a posse, and kicking the crap out of the Aluminum SUpersonic Nazi Hell Creatures from Inside the Hollow Earth. Oh, and I have that 'Frop you wanted, but it cost a little more than we thought, so you owe me an extra $2.5 million. I guess the paln to re-animate Brandon Lee was a bust, but the Jerry Garcia Clones should be up and running soon.

    I think that's about all.

By Margret on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 12:02 pm:

    Hey Grant, the answer to the trivia question is: "Somewhere." What did I win?

By Wisper on Thursday, October 28, 1999 - 10:53 am:

    Grant, you low-life, two-timing horse shit eating fucker, GIVE ME BACK MY SOUL!!

    (i missed this thread)

By Patrick on Thursday, October 28, 1999 - 12:12 pm:

    Dear Grant,

    In an ongoing effort to make our publications profitable, we find it necessary from time to time to adjust your draw. We hope your see this as a move in your best interest. Please make note of the new draw, and adjust your distribution accordingly.

    Should you have any questions or concerns please direct them to your sphincter. We are tired of your lousy sell-through!

    The annual double issue will be on-sale in two weeks. Please advise your retailers to suck shit and leave the title on the shelf for at least an extra 2 weeks to accomodate the lazy public.

    Best Regards

By Wisper on Thursday, October 28, 1999 - 12:43 pm:

    that's fuckin IT Hutchins!
    I found that little "present" you left for me in my mailbox, and mark my words, tonight that yappy little mutt of yours is going bye-bye. The cops are on my side this time. Watch your back.

By Semillama on Friday, October 29, 1999 - 09:42 am:

    Attention: According to certain theories of Quantum Mechanics, any two pieces of matter that were once connected retain some form of connection after they have been split, even if they end up on opposite sides of the universe. What happens to one simultaneaously happens to the other, implying a faster-than-light transmission of energy. This has been born out by experiments with photons.
    Now, if the Big Bang theory is correct, all matter erupted from one highly dense point some 10 billion years ago. Therefore, all matter in the universe is connected (similar to the Eastern concept of "All is one").
    Conclusion: We are all one with Grant Hutchins.

By J on Friday, October 29, 1999 - 10:09 am:

    Oh God,give me strength!!

By Pivot on Saturday, March 11, 2000 - 01:51 pm:

By Grant Hutchins on Wednesday, January 17, 2001 - 04:28 am:

    Hey, I just stepped out for a bit, did I miss anything?

By semillama on Wednesday, January 17, 2001 - 12:36 pm:

    G: "God damn you, woman, God damn you to hell!"

    W: "He already has, Grant Hutchins. He already has."

By Boston Globe on Tuesday, January 1, 2002 - 04:47 pm:

    Grant Hutchins....I have an incriminating picture of you in a dress.....

By Cat on Tuesday, January 1, 2002 - 05:20 pm:

    What's incriminating about it? Is it Osama bin Laden's dress or something? A nice little strappy sundress number made out of his turban?

By Czarina on Tuesday, January 1, 2002 - 09:28 pm:

    AKA.....Boston Globe:

    I think perhaps you have incriminated yourself.Because i'm sure as a journalist,you wouldn't mention that you had this pic,[ie., authentication],had you not personally taken it yourself.So please give us details of the affair.

By Pug on Wednesday, January 2, 2002 - 01:34 pm:

    I wouldn't rule out plagiarism....I've heard about these Boston Globe types.

By Pug on Wednesday, January 2, 2002 - 01:36 pm:


By Grant M. Hutchins on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 12:34 pm:

    My name is Grant Hutchins, I found this site by
    accident - googled myself on a whim. Now I
    am sorely confused and bewlidered at what
    I've found. I thought I was the only Grant
    Hutchins. To my dismay, I have discovered
    that there is another Grant Hutchins, an evil
    bizaro, alternate universe,
    Spock-with-a-goatee kinda guy. Pray for me.

By semillama on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 01:02 pm:

    You can't fool us, Grant Hutchins! You're the
    man with th egoat behind the shed! You're the
    one adjusts the cross haris for the sniper
    rifles! You're the one who leaves the back
    door propped open! You're the one who puts
    the hair in salads! You're the one who keeps
    encouraging studio executives to put teeny
    bopper idols into movies!

    "Damn You Grant Hutchins! Damn you to

    "He already has, semillama. He already has."

By Czarina on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 03:53 pm:

    Is he the one responsible for that nasty bandaide I found in my grated carrot salad?

By moonit on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 11:05 pm:


By jack on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 03:09 pm:

    And, so, after oh so many years....Years filled with visions and voices....Grant Hutchins' revenge fantasy was about to become reality.

By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 06:58 pm:


By jack on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 07:19 pm:

    grant hutchins?

By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 07:27 pm:

    ...nope,jack as allways.

By jack on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 07:30 pm:

    you don't even know grant hutchins, do you?

By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 07:34 pm:

    is he like you,gay?

By heather on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 09:36 pm:

    when i was in junior high there was a girl who went to my church
    who was all excited about some guy named grant hutchins. i
    don't think i ever saw him but she said he modelled in local
    papers, maybe for hudsons or something, and she collected
    them. what a great story, eh?

By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 09:42 pm:

    ...yes,it is,but was he like jack,gay?

By heather on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 09:45 pm:

    are you writing from a prison? really it's the last explanation i
    can come up with

By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 10:05 pm: he was gay?

By jack on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 10:05 pm:


By V on Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 10:07 pm:

    now the last poster really IS gay.

By Cat on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 04:55 am:

    V is a homoloco mofo.

By jack on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 06:58 am:

    Ha Ha Ha, Hutchins! "Gerrymander"!

    Cat, you're so butter pecan.

By semillama on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 08:42 am:

    Last week I had Maker's Mark Butter Pecan Ice Cream.

By Nate on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 09:39 am:

    that's strange. last week i had jack daniel's butter pecan gellato.

    i'm not making one of those sorabjiite change some words things, either. i'm serious.

    i'd never had ice cream that tasted like bourbon before.

By eri on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 11:24 am:

    Ice cream that tastes like booze....rock on!

By Antigone on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 11:55 am:

    We're headed for a convergence.

By semillama on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 01:24 pm:

    it was quite awesome. The same place makes ice cream with the local awesome stout as well. plus Cocoa Zin, which of course is a chocolate/zinfandel ice cream.

    They are known for their Salty Caramel which rocks, and their Thai Chili ice cream (Peanut Butter, coconut, and chili). I may have mentioned their Blackberry and Sweet Corn ice cream before, which knocked my socks off.

By spiracle on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 03:09 pm:

By Antigone on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 03:22 pm:

    Do they have garlic ice cream?

By V on Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 12:25 pm:

    ...if they do,jack wants some whupped up his ass.

By V on Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 09:52 am:

    jack,you read that? you pervert prick.

By jack on Monday, October 10, 2005 - 08:44 pm:

    Grant Hutchins, you son of a bitch. I want you to apologize to the people of Pakistan right now. Motherfucker.

By jack on Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 08:31 am:

    Grant Hutchins, that was a truly marvelous sunset you generated last week. The People's Party thanks you for your contribution.

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