I have this pair of pj's that have monkey's on them. When I put them on, I like to run around with my arms in the air, shaking them while I make monkey sounds. Honestly, wouldn't we all like to have monkey-pants? P.S. What you talking about, I ain't eating your sunflower seeds.

years ago in germany, when i was a very small boy, there were a lot of people standing around on the corner asking questions: "why are you standing around on the corner? acting the way you act? looking the way you look?"

last night I went to a friend's house and we watched tv. after I got there I realized I was hungry and walked to the grocery store with my $6 to see if I could find something to eat. he gave me $5 and asked me to pick up a pack of marlboro ultra lights if they had them; if not, just marlboro lights. it was an overcrowded, swanky store, and I couldn't find sushi in the deli section. but I saw someone who had some in his cart, and I asked him where to get it. he spent too long explaining to me where the sushi refrigerator was, and he started stuttering, so I just sort of said, "ok, I'll find it," before he was through. when I got to the register, I realized I was embarrassed to ask for cigarettes. I couldn't look around at the other people in line. suddenly I didn't want to be the chick in the little tiny dress and high-heeled sandals and hooded sweatshirt getting sushi and cigarettes at 7:30 p.m. on easter sunday. not that anyone fucking cared, which is probably my real problem. then I went back to my friend's apartment, where I knew I was going to have to argue. "why don't you just take your clothes off?" he asked. he closed the door to the balcony and turned up the heat. "oh, no, I'm fine, thank you," I said. "well, is it ok if I touch your legs?" I didn't say anything, and he did, and he asked again, and still I didn't say anything. it felt nice and he had a comfortable couch I was sinking into and I was drowsy and I was laughing at "the simpsons" and all was ok except I knew that it was step one out of about 10, and really I only wanted to go up to four or so. "um, don't forget I had my heart broken this weekend," I reminded him. then I laughed at the part where homer goes to a newsroom and looks up the front page of the local newspaper from the day he was born, and the headline says something like "unusually fat and ugly baby born." "so?" he said and he laughed too. "that doesn't mean anything." "yeah, I guess not, but I just don't really want to. I wish I did. you're not mad, are you?" I knew he would have to say no. "no, I'm not ma-ad," he said as he got up to get a cigarette. "I just don't understand." "me neither," I said, as I started putting back on what he had started taking off. "I mean, I don't think I actually had my heart broken, but this is about as close as it gets for me." "you totally didn't have your heart broken," he said. "if you did, you wouldn't be here. I don't mean HERE here, but you wouldn't be out at all. you'd be at home crying, feeling like you wanted to die. and you do NOT have to put your clothes back on. is it ok with you if I take mine off?" "it's your house," I said. I really just wanted him to let me watch the funny, pretty commercials. he walked back to the couch. he was really handsome and had a great body, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

christ. I never got to the point. then we watched "malcolm in the middle," and there was a scene where everyone ran around with their arms in the air, making monkey sounds.

i made a batch of "space brownies" yesterday, we overslept this am........ I remember that part cyst.......i also remember the part when they mention all of the previous versions of the springfield paper and they get to the part about "Hot Sex Weekly".....oh and when Homer drives them to the Zoo instead and makes his famous "Doh!!!!" only it reverbs through the zoo and sends animals fleeing.....including the part in which a monkey rides on a wolf's back i made the space brownies amazingly strong but unfortunately i didn't realize it until this am.

now, it was a polar bear on a moose's back. I had seen all those episodes before, so I watched the special on the Iceman onthe discovery channel instead, then the X-Files, which was a repeat but I had never seen it originally. I liked it a lot.

i thought that episod of the x-files was a little kooky. yeah right polar bear moose......(ergo space brownies) i knew it was some sorta a white and brown fuzzed animal-combo. "all of these papers are printed with a percentage of recycled paper......." Lisa- "oh yeah what percentage?" "uhhhh 0%........Zero is a percent!!!"

you know what the difference is between your people and mine? we got rhythm.

My people have rhythm, and we don't accent the one and three, either...we know it's the two and four. Or two and fur, which I like better. Get up, get on up.

the past two nights i've been wearing men's polka dot boxer shorts and soft white tank tops to sleep in. i've also had a long, lean, warm, young body next to me, since he arrived from the mainland for a visit. the first night we cuddled a bit and he wanted to be close to me and when i woke up i was happy. i felt hopeful and peaceful and calm. yesterday i took him surfing in the morning and he caught two waves. we had margaritas and lunch at a dive across from the beach on the windward side. afterward we napped in the sun and went for a walk. last night, after a long late dinner at my favorite restaurant, we slept in my bed again. only we didn't touch at all and my bed seemed a thousand miles wide. you never know the thing it is that you say or do, or why, but you know the instant the light goes off behind their eyes. as much as it pains me to genuflect to His Porcinity, i'm ready to admit that perhaps swine was right afterall. i think it's just me.

it could be that there's something "wrong" with you and it's not the thing you think it is. something occoured to me today. I often go after men who seem too good for me. They like me as a person and as a friend, but aren't attracted to me. and it seems that the more clear it becomes that they don't want me, the more I want them. The boys who Do want me are the ones I have no interest in. I've noticed that before, but I never knew what I was supposed to do about it. I thought maybe I should just lower my standards. anyway, it occoured to me today that I've only been this way since I was in love and it turned out badly. maybe that's why I do this now. it's a lot easier to just Want someone and be dissapointed when he doesn't want me back, then it is to get really involved with someone and go through all the pain of being craped on. maybe I'm unconciously sabotaging myself. I wonder if knowing this will make a difference.

we must have been twins in a past life, Gee. That's exactly how I feel. Sometimes I actually manage to delude myself for about a day or so that I have a chance. I need to work on that.

what do you mean, too good for you? fuck that! nobody is too good for you. stop thinking that way.

right. the only problem is that the people who are out of our leagues, so to speak, would not agree with you, agatha.

they can go straight to hell, then. don't waste your time with people who think that way.

hey! i started a thread about this i want to talk about it

I saw the most stunningly beautiful man on the weekend. I wanted to speak to him but I couldnt. Chocolate skin, long legs, beautiful sweater with black leather jacket. I thought I would melt. It might of been the alcohol tho.

I'm usually not much impressed with stunningly handsome men. however, sometimes I make out with them on the porch just because I think the physically attractive too often get shortchanged in our small-minded society, and once in a while someone should be kind to them. might as well be me, as I have nothing better to do anyway. sarah, remind me of your url and email address. margret, I love the idea of charting the cast of characters. the last guy is the only one who has been special. I don't think it's really over. I think I'm going to let him save me for later. he could make me good. I didn't write a single nasty story the whole time that seemed like a possibility. anyway, the next fly in my web: already taken, lives in seattle, really nice, cute, very smart, has always had a crush on me, likes to fuck stoned. wait, now I have to think of something that will differentiate him from the others.

Gee, I think we're all like you in that sense.

How did we get to all of this from monkey-pants?

I think it got lost after Cyst's story that ended with the people on "MITM" runnign around making monkey noises. The everyone started comiserating.

Speaking of monkeys, but to change the subject a little, last Monday, on the Simpsons rerun, they had the episode where Homer buys a "helper monkey." What a great scene when Homer and "Mojo" are lying stupefied on the floor in a pile of filth, with Mojo wearing a diaper, both drinking beers, both too tired to move. And then, lo and behold, that same night, on Upright Citizens Brigade, there was a "helper monkey" episode on as well. The planets were definitely in alignment that night. And yes, I watch entirely too much television.

God, that was a great UCB, with the Grim Reapers all claiming workman's comp!

And the parody of Little Rascals -- "Hey Splangy, I've got a headache in my stomach."

Spank my ass with a dildo!

kazoo, your work is laid out. my studiomate remarked to me, while cleaning up up sunday, "man that party made me so fucking horny, there were so many hot women there". Mind you, this guy is my former photographer professor, 40+ years old, an established professional, teaches at Art center and Sci-Arc, esteemed art institutions and a father-to-be. Sweet I thought to myself. His proclimation made me question my own libidio, and the lack there of these days. It was reassuring that you can be his age and still become "horny" in the presence of some seriously sexy people....including a 'little people' porn actress. Despite all the hottiness around me, I never had inclination to entertain an idea of sex with any of these amazing gals that happened to show up. I remember being content to dance with nico and stare at her heaving chest spilling of her shirt. All this talk about attractive, stereotypically beautiful people reminded me of all of this. Sometimes Im a little frightened the libido wont come back, and i could careless about hot semi-naked woman prancing about. im not sure where im going with this though.

I have rubber ducks on my pajama pants. I have a pair of socks with monkeys on them. I have other socks with bees, and another pair with mice. I got them at Target. I saw other pairs at the store with poodles, lions, frogs, monkey heads, cats, sheep, ummmm, alligators, elephants.... No goats or gorillas.

it wasn't this little person as featured on portal of evil was it? (please note that I actually didn't look at the site as I am at work, but guessed based on the description.)

no.

I have monkey jammies. They are 3/4 length.

that fucking site gave me a virus. don't go there!

that fucking site gave me a virus. don't go there!

that fucking site gave me a virus. don't go there!

that fucking site gave me a virus. don't go there!

that fucking site gave me a virus. don't go there!

whoah. that's totally frightening. i didn't do that.

YEEEEEKS!!!!!! It's a virus of mass destruction!

Ai papi - run for your lives!

now wash your hands

Monkeys are noisy.

And they eat nuts,so dont get too close.

I mock you with my monkey pants.

Is that nicks,or jimjams?

I don't know how much I've changed in the last four years. I'm still afraid of boys, when it comes right down to it. Sometimes, and I know how horrible this sounds, I wonder if boys ever feel anything at all. it's seems difficult to imagian boys being in love, and having their hearts broken. I'm not sure why I think that way sometimes, but then Ron goes and gets sad because some cold-ass bitch doesn't want him, and I'm reminded of the fact that Guys Have Feelings, Too. Really, Ron's feelings are very much like my own. anyway.

why do we use the term "spilling" to refer to brests leaving ill-fitted clothes? Breasts don't spill. They ain't liquid. They're more of a gel. They can squeeze or pop out, but definetly not spill.

Fuck. I spilled my breasts again.

all over the keyboard too, wouldn't you know!

and its murder to get the stains off. I wish you'd be more careful.

Oh yeah, guys have feelings. Sometimes, even years later, they remember the good and the bad. And when they talk about their feelings, people look at them funny, think something's wrong with them. Isn't that sad?

Speaking of guys with feelings, I feel bad for a friend of mine. He just had his pet rat put to sleep because of cancer, and he was pretty down last time I talked to him. Pellet was such a sweet little animal. Very friendly. Like a tiny little dog.

Why do pets have strange names,i often drive past a school,and in that school i observe a grave stone for someones dog, r.i.p. NETTLE,faithfull dog...mind you,racehorses are even worse, i cant stand that stupid movie about a horse called "the pie",makes me want to put a brick through the t.v. screen.

Whoever wrote the movie "national velvet" should have been shot...the name reminds me of wallpaper.

...or toilet paper.

I think pellet is a very appropriate name for a rat.

Yes it is,but i just dont like other names."the pie"is just plain stupid.

My cat's name is "JESUS FUCK"

Cool by me Dude,thank God its not "the pie"