| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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First, my day started off well when I found my missing green plastic ring with the flower and lightning bug embedded in it AND a Metro ticket with $1.40 on it in my winter coat pocket. I'd been looking for that ring for months and months. Then, today, I am so busy at work. SO busy. So busy that the amount of work I have to do is overwhelming, so I take refuge here and write mundane and pointless things. I'm anxious because I have a report due tomorrow and two of my sources haven't come through for me. On one hand, I wasn't told *when* tomorrow it's due, and the person who gave me the assignment isn't that great with deadlines himself....but on the other hand, I told him twice that I'd have the report tomorrow and I don't like to break promises like that. Anxiety is rising. But I've just had the best hot chocolate. Very yummy. But some fool in our co. might turn off service to Princeton University (PRINCETON UNIVERSITY!) because she doesn't like the way they're paying their invoices. DUDE. DO NOT DO THAT. Relax and negotiate. But I'm planning what cheese I'll get for my dad for Xmas and it's exciting me. My dad loves cheese. It's the only gift he ever wants, and I found a really nice international food store that sells all kinds of European cheeses (like Manchego - very good), and I'm hoping to get my dad six or so different kinds of cheese for him to try. Plus, that store sells black pasta (colored with squid ink) for cooking with seafood, and I'll grab some of that to give to my uncle for Christmas Eve, when, in Italian tradition, we make seven kinds of fish for dinner. He'll be excited! I've been having weird spiritual problems that are messing up my head, but I think I'm finally getting them under control. Thank you, Lord. We finally got this new software in that will allow me to do things for my clients myself, instead of having to ask Mr. Shaky Deadline Man to do them for me. Autonomy rocks! I just have to have the damned software installed on my computer. Ooh! Just heard from Princeton -- everything's cool now. I'm going to make bean soup for dinner tonight. My mother's recipe. Very good. The thing is, though....do I risk driving to the grocery store in rush hour traffic to pick up some sweet sausage that will greatly enhance the soup, or do I make the soup without it, or do I wait till 7:00 or so to go out to the store and then make the soup? POINTLESS! MUNDANE! So....how has your day been? |
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thoughmy bosses are out of town, and work load is, generally speaking, light im filled with anxiety making final preparations for our holiday travel. fucking rental car places are high on my shit list right now for their holiday gouging. the best rate i can get for multiple days rental is about $41/day for a fucking hyundai or someother economic piece of shit. Its like..."hey asshole, im taking the god damn thing for 7 days straight, can't you give me a discount? Nope, peak season, we gouge because we can." he laughs, I growl. im also allocating our funds, sneering at my credit card debt and cursing the fact that when we moved here we did our car registration in the month of december. which means every year, at this time, we have to pay car registration. |
My whole body is in revolt. Aches and pains every where. Allergies driving me nuts. And I forgot my reading glasses. So everything is blurry. But, J's previous post elsewhere made me feel better about my day. I just wish my body would start to cooperate. |
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BUT, I am in the best of moods. I love today. It was snowy and wonderful. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, which means break is quickly approaching. Best yet: I have the most awesome friends a girl could ever have. Whoo-hoo for the world! |
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But its ok, a girl who works in our department knows he's an ass, because he's an ass to her to. She gave me a letter she wrote today, that I'm to give to the "boss" and the VP of the company in the event I am fired... It basically tells them the work that I actually do aside from the misleading that the underling boss who hates me tells them... but it also says that if they fire me for the reasons that the underling boss says then they are morons and she won't work for them... The last paragraph says... "if this course of action is taken, then you can consider this letter a resignation and 2 week notice, because I will not work for people who will get rid of those who do a good job, and work hard mearly because of ones dislike for said employee.." That made me happy... I'm going to go home, order a pizza, kick back with a bottle of sake' and drink my ass off..> then pass out and do it all over again. |
the cat out from under the bed failed and went to get the truck so i could get to the sites. People at work were in good moods generally. We found a point (arrowhead) today that may be as old as 12000 BP. Pretty cool! Plus I didn't have to get in anyone's face or anything and I found another person to run the trackhoe. However, apparently the other directors in the company in different departments are trying to gang up on our dept for some reason I have yet to learn, and my boss is really pissed. He says they are bitter because we are bringing in all the money for the company right now. Apparently there is a lot of petty office politics going on right now, which is bullshit especially right before the office xmas party (which thank god I will not be attending). Then my middle finger is still swollen but not as much as on friday. It's this bump on the middle joint of my right middle finger, on the right side. I hope I'm not develoing arthritis already. Now I am going to go have a beer, come back here and go to bed. |
one of my workmates was told to take a week off and then branded a troublemaker. of course its way more itense than that, but i really don't want to ramble on about it or think about it anymore. ARGH. I have bought no xmas presents, and am unlikely to buy any. If I was a superhero I would be 'IncrediblyPoorGirl' and my special power would be to cause everyone around me to be in debt over their heads. fuckit |
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how about if i tell you about my day on Sunday? it's maybe a good story, kinda long, but i'm waiting for the eggnog breads to finish baking before my 9:30 date with Mike at the Draught House. i've never been there before, but i already know what i'm going to order: Calloway's Vanilla Porter - Dark so anyway, i'll start the night before. saturday. i won $15 playing a card game called "31" at Chip and Amanda's house. Kendall and Christy also were there. these are K's friends. Kevin used to work with Christi. Kendall and Amanda are old buddies from college. Chip flirts with me subtly but inappropriately, though he's really a sweet guy and has a good sense of humor. and he's very artistic. he and Amanda are not married, but they live together in a big old beautiful house. they servered us kahlua drinks and red wine. they had a half-smoked joint on the coffee table but i was too meek to ask. and kevin wouldn't approve. so kevin drank too much as usual. i didn't, so i drove home. we both fell dead asleep at 1:30 a.m. in my bed. the weather has been utterly cold, grey, miserable and the rain has been plentiful, noteworthy. so when i woke up at 9 a.m. to find the sun shining brightly and not a cloud in the sky, instantly i was excited and exhuberant. kevin was hungover. i lept out of bed and called my friend Sara. she always invites me to play kickball (yes, kickball!) with a bunch of her friends. they play every sunday morning at 11 a.m. at eastwoods park, which is just north of UT campus. i needed sun, i needed fun, i needed to be outside, i needed to do something with friends of my own that didn't involve drinking, so i said to kevin: "Would you be mad if i went to kickball?" he's been invited but never has shown interest in going. "No, i won't be mad," he answered. so i jumped in the shower. when i got out of the shower, kevin was dressed and sitting at my computer, putting in his line-up for Fantasy Football. i got dressed. i wore old blue jeans, a thermal shirt, a long sleeved shirt over that, and a faux-fleece sweater/sweatshirt over that, wool socks, and my old beat-up sneakers. after i dried my hair i found kevin putting on his shoes to leave. we smooched goobye and i said i'd call him later. i wanted to ride my bike to eastwoods park, but i didn't want to be late at it was nearing 11 a.m. so instead i drove. as it turns out, 11 a.m. is technically right on time, but also a little early. i was the first one there. i nearly panicked when i didn't see anyone else at the playing field, but then i saw Rob drive up in his old white truck. rob's the guy i have that little crush on. we sat around and talked, and bit by bit all these people started showing up, including my friend Sara. full grown adults, most of them well educated, most of them very cool in a dorky but real sort of way, none of them overtly athletic looking. they just do this for fun. and let me tell you. if you're feeling old, there is no more efficient of amusing way to feel like you're ten years old again than playing kickball. the most notable difference is that the ball doesn't seem as big and scary, though kicking and catching it isn't much easier than it was when you were ten years old. every sunday they pick a different criterium by which to divide up the players into teams. this time it was "grits" vs. "oatmeal". whichever one you liked the most, that's what team you were on. one girl recently had knee surgery, so pitched for both teams. there are funny rules. there are two trees in the playing field, so if you kick the ball into a tree, it's a foul. if you catch the ball as it falls out of the tree, it's an out. if a team scores five points over the other team's score, they automatically end the inning. this does not apply to the first two innings. typically they play 7 or 9 innings, but this time we played about 6 or 7. they decided to stop when the score was even so that everyone wins. :) afterward, a bunch of us went to Red River Cafe for brunch. i drank tea and had a chef salad. everyone else had breakfast. previously i'd run into a lot of these folks through sara, but it was the first time i had the opportunity to get to know all these people, who were from all over the place. they were amused that i moved there from hawaii, which always seems to be a source of fascination to people. by the time i got home it was 2:30. i was hungry again, so i ate some more and called kevin. at first i was going to go for a hike or a run, but at the last minute i decided it would be fun to work in the garden i stared a few months ago at his house. my brussel sprout plants are doing really well. there are no stalks yet, but the plants are tall and sturdy. i swung by the nursery that close to my apartment and i picked up some lettuce seedlings, some broccoli seedlings (which the guy as a gesture of kindness purposely didn't charge me for), some red chard, some collard green seeds, a bunch of pansies that were 25 cents a piece, and a bag of organic compost. i headed up to kevin's and got busy ripping out the weeds and flowering plants that had been growing in the central garden area, planted by the previous owners who were landscape architects. i replanted the flowering and ornamental plants along the house, and then got busy mulching the compost, planting the seedlings, and sowing the seeds. who says you can't grow things in the winter months! i'm going to try. the brussel sprouts survived the frost a couple weeks ago, so why not. after that i got cleaned up and went to the gym for an hour, while kevin went to the grocery store to get us a roasted chicken and some salad greens for supper. when i got home we ate, then we snuggled on the couch for a while with Bailey, the cute and spazzy little pomeranian half-breed he's dog sitting for another week. then i went home and failed to sleep all night. when i woke up on monday, it was another gorgeous, sunny day, but i had to work. today it raining and grey and cold and miserable again. but that's ok. i'm off to the Draught House and there's eggnog bread in the oven and brandy in the cabinet. |
Got up at 6:00, which for me is basically the same as waking up in the middle of the night. It took over an hour to get to the Brooklyn Courthouse from here, but I was happy to do it. Excited, even, because of civic pride and because my life has absolutely no adventure any more. I brought books and pens and pencils and blank books and things to do, but for some reason being there just made me stare into space and hunger for the stray paragraphs I could read off the newspapers of people sitting around me. I thought of how grubby people get when it comes to reading other people's newspapers. One time on the LIRR I saw a guy reading New York Newsday, and he had copies of the Daily News and the ... oh forget it, that's too long a story. I work in a self-important business, and my colleagues at work assumed I would petition to be excused because I am a particularly self-important individual within this self-important business. But I have not even tried to get out of it. I remembered a line from a New Yorker article, describing how Kroll Associates conducted evacuation drills at the World Trade Center before the 1993 attack, and how attendance at those evacuation drills increased to nearly 100% after the 1993 attack. "Higher-ups wouldn't come out of their meetings. All that changed after 1993." While wandering around downtown Brooklyn trying to find the courthouse I overheard these 2 guys talking. One of them did most of the talking, and he was saying "There are 2 of them. One is a little taller than the other, it's 110 stories. They're great! You have to take this big elevator ride to get to the top." I overheard them long enough, and I listend intently enough to be convinced that they were talking about the Towers in the present tense, and that they were not living in some kind of dreamland. I don't know what the rules of their conversation were, but I had to wonder if it was possible that anyone in town -- or anyone anywhere -- didn't know about what happened. In my life I never heard of a lot of things and people and places that other people can not imagine not knowing about. I never heard of Don Johnson or Michael Jackson or Twisted Sister until long after they'd become famous. But who hasn't heard about September 11th? They exist, I know they do. Once in 1997, when checking references for a job applicant, I talked to a man in rural Tennessee who edited a local newspaper there -- and in the course of our conversation that man said he'd never heard of CNN, Charlie Brown, or the city of Boston. Anyway, I didn't stop or talk to those 2 guys who were talking about the Towers as if they themselves were headed over to Manhattan to take an elevator ride to the top. So I don't know what their deal was, or where they went that day. I know that I went down to ground zero on the night of September 16th and the day of the 17th for work-related bullshit, and that nothing had been farther from my mind than going there on my own time. For me, most of jury duty on Monday was spent gaping at the ceiling and the floor and the backs of peoples' heads. Sometimes the conversations among strangers reached fevered levels, and I noticed there as in other random gatherings of humanity that women talk to other women but men do not talk to other men, and women and men only talk between themselves in groups of exactly 2. At lunch I walked through a park to a diner across the way, and looking toward the northwest I thought that that was where the Towers would be, if they were still there. Huge, happy, and absolutely obnoxious. At around 1:45 in the afternoon I and 30 or so others got herded into a 4th floor courtroom. It was for a worker's comp case, so potential jurors had to answer questions about whether they had bad backs, whether they'd ever been fired from a job, what they thought of worker's comp suits in general, if they had any experience with the Staten Island University Hospital. One woman said she was having surgery performed on her at that hospital, and the anesthesia wore off during the operation, so she felt all the pain of being cut open and worked on but was sufficiently neutralized by the anesthesia as to be unable to say anything or ask for more gas. Another guy said he'd "never seen a workers comp case that was not a total fucking joke." I don't much remember what happened next. A bunch of us got herded back downstairs, I sat there gaping at the ceiling and floor and the backs of peoples' heads for another 2 hours. Then we got to leave. It took over an hour to get home. I bought 1.07 lb. of 91% lean ground sirloin and made a fine, fine meatloaf, which I ate while falling asleep to Monday Night Football. |
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when i hear outrageous conversations like that mark, Im convinced they are actors or comedians practicing schtick. Especially in this town. |
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Mike was already drunk when i showed up. my own eggnog and brandy buzz had worn off completely. i was 15 minutes late because i was driving up and down the street and couldn't find the place. i often get lost driving around this town. i had to stop at Waterloo and ask where it was. even after i got directions, i still made a few more drive bys, unable to see it. as it turns out, the draught house is an old english style building that is poorly lit outside and set back off the road a bit. red holiday lights were strung around the eaves. when i walked in i didn't see him. i was looking for a guy in an old, worn-out fly fishing baseball cap. he didn't wear it like he said he would. walked up to the bar and asked both bartenders if anyone had been there looking for me and then left; they said no. no? nobody in the last 15 minutes ordered a guiness, drank it, and left? honey, the one said, a lot of guys come in here a drink one guiness and leave. right. i was disappointed, figuring he probably left, as i would if i thought i was being stood up. i started eyeing the crowd, looking for the hat, making ho-hum and godammit noises under my breath. well, as it turns out, mike was standing right next to me the entire time, his back turned toward me, munching on bar snacks and nursing his 3rd? 4th? 5th? pint of guiness. maybe he had been talking to the guy next to him and didn't notice me right away, or perhaps he was listening to me hem and haw with the bartenders the whole time, deciding whether or not he would turn around and "find" me, knowing full well i never would have found him if he wasn't wearing the hat. for whatever reason he turned around. i had brought three CDs, he had brought a book on Daoism. they were out of the vanilla porter, so i ordered a chocolate stout. mike is a cellphone microchip engineer for motorolla. he went to college at Georgia Tech. he's 41 going on 21. he's attractive, about 5 foot 9, shaves his head nearly bald. he looks a lot like the michael who ruined me a few years ago. both mikes have that stocky, sturdy, rugged, laid back sexiness. this mike plays guitar too. he also likes hiking, biking, hunting, and spends a lot of time in spring camping and fly fishing. he really, really likes guiness and being of irish decsent. mike was born in new york, but grew up in alexandria, louisiana. as a kid, he and his buddy "Shruggs" would make money by picking pecans and taking them in burlap sacks to stores and vendors who would buy them. all the other kids around also picked pecans the same way to make money. one day he and his buddy saw a huge grove of pecan trees on some ranching land, and pecans were falling like crazy all over the place. so they jumped the barbed fence and got busy every day picking pecans. one day they were up in the trees and scrambling around on the ground for pecans and they were making too much noise and they pissed off some of the bulls on the ranch. they found themselves surrounded by bulls, mean bulls, snorting and scratching at the ground. luckily Shruggs had some firecrackers on him, so he lit a few of them and threw them at the bulls to scare them away. mike and shruggs got out of there right quick. well, one day one of the ranchers rode up and told the boys to get out, they had to stop pickin' pecans and setting off firecrackers because it was scaring the cows and they would milk. mike was a kid, he didn't know nothing about milking cows, he thought this guy was looney. just pull harder, he told the rancher. the rancher told him if they didn't stop jumping the fence and pickin pecans he'd come and shoot rock salt at 'em with his rifle. they waited for a week or two, but they couldn't help themselves, there were so many pecans falling all over the place, they couldn't just leave them alone. sure as shit, the rancher came back and shot them both in the ass with rock salt. did it hurt? i asked. shit yeah, it hurt. broke through my jeans, had to explain to my momma why i had rock salt up my ass. well, he and Shruggs wanted to get back at the rancher for shootin them. so they went back a few days later with a bunch of firecrackers. they stood behind the fence shootin off firecrackers and scarin the shit out of the bulls and cows. well, Shruggs went and tried to light one last firecracker and the sucker wouldn't catch fire. they sat there with matches trying to get that thing lit. finally it did, and it burned down the wick so fast that Shruggs didn't have time to throw it. he just dropped it. both kids turned their faces away but didn't run cuz they knew they didn't have time, they thought they were going to get their heads blown off. but the firecracker didn't explode, not at first. so they opened their eyes, looked down, and saw the firecracker had landed in a big pile of cow shit. and then the firecracker blew. the kids ran out of there totally covered in cow shit. previous to this night mike and i had talked at length about yoga. oddly enough, earlier that same day mike took his first yoga class. it was hilarious, he said. he happened into the place right when they were starting an beginners class in hatha. everyone was so serious. i swear to god, he said, if she told me one more time to get down into the doggie position, i was going to lose it, that shit is hilarious. all i could think of was the look on my buddy Randy's face if he had been in that class with me and my stomach hurt so bad from trying not to laugh. then they got into the standing tree position, and he told me what, his tree fell right over, there were branches going all over the place. he felt funny because there was only one other guy in the class, but he liked it. he liked the relaxing part at the end and the breathing part. he liked it enough to buy a six-class pass and he's going to keep trying. mike's parents are still married. i don't know if he has any siblings. mike was really close to his grandad, though. closer to his grandad than his own father. his grandad died when he was in college. was he sick? i asked. yeah, he was sick. but he was in the middle of final exams at school and his folks knew that if they told mike that his grandpa was sick that he'd leave school to go stay with his grandad, and they wanted mike to finish his exams. his grandpa died shortly thereafter, and mike didn't get a chance to say goodbye. that still pisses him off. mike's spent most of his life chasing the Almighty Dollar. he's a bachelor, never married, no kids. he used to own a huge home on Lake Travis, across the ways a bit from Michael Dell's house. mike built his house first, and bought a telescope so he could watch Dell build his house. what a structure. about a year ago he sold his house and moved into a little apartment north of town. he could have made another eighty grand on his house if he had waiting another nine months to sell, but you never know that at the time. he took a bunch of money and bought a big piece of land off the grid in colorado, about thirty miles west of the continental divide. he's letting the land sit, while he contemplates getting out of Corporate America. he thinks about what the cabin he wants to build on the land will have to be like if it's off the grid, if he will be able to spend winters there. we finished our beers and he asked me if i wanted another. i told him i was full. Full? yeah, full. don't you ever get full? not on beer. we each drank a glass of water, i went to the ladies room, and then we left. mike drives a brand new huge shiny japanese flatbed truck with the truncated beds, which actually extends to full-length utility when you put the hatch down. we exhanged CDs for books. are you sure we should do this? he asked. why not? well, i really want this book back, but i don't want to put you in a pickle, if you don't want to meet up with me again. i'll leave that up to you, i replied. he thought about it for a moment and decided to loan me the book. i gave him one of my CDs. do you want me to walk you to your car? mike asked. no thanks, i'll be all right. ok. i'll give you a call or something, mike said. sure, i said. i got home at 11:40 p.m. and immediately called Kevin. |
so far today i have missed picking up a delivery and realized that it has been 11 days since i got the traffic tickets that i was supposed to take care of within 11 days. |
But kevin bothers me... Mike sounds cooler... But what the fuck do I know. |
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I hurt all over. And, I don't know why. This is worse than yesterday. And, tonight is grocery night. ARGH!!! I need to find the new "Crabs for Christmas" CD tonight. |
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Yes, I did get a flu shot. I've gotten one every year since my wife was diagnosed with MS. We need to keep that pipeline closed. I've been going to physical therapy for my back. It's doing some good. I just wish it would work faster. But, I didn't get this stiff and sore overnight. So I'll just have to grin and bare it. |
Sarah, if you don't mind me asking, I thought you ended it with Kevin, unless I misread or missed a few posts in between. |
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i'm neurotic and fickle and i have weaknesses. after all this time isn't at least that much abundantly clear? |
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Yet like children we tell each other stories, and to decorate them we make up these ridiculous, flamboyant, beautiful phrases. How tired I am of stories, how tired I am of phrases that come down beautifully with all their feet on the ground! I begin to long for some little language such as lovers use, broken words, inarticulate words, like the shuffling of feet on the pavement. - From Virginia Woolf's _The Waves_ |
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And you have a weakness for someone who ultimatly is not good for you. Again whathefuck do I know.... I'm still having issues with Marcy. And am completely unable to follow my own advice. |
You really think it's because he just doesn't like you? Makes me wonder why you've always had desks right next to each other. In what manner is he an ass to you and Jen? |
You don't see much of it, if any of it because your gone half the day. But most of his shit goes down in emails, he's not that stupid to make it a public thing... however he has done so on a few occasions. TBone, the ass tried to get me fired once. Hell srini put me on probation because of it. I had certain tasks assigned during the probation to get done and that would be reviewed... I didn't do anything special for it, I didn't change any work habbits, I did them as I did everything else, and the pref. review came out fine. why because I work, for christs sake... Our elustrious boss however does not think that I do, or Jen does. He has some serious personal issues he has to work out, I treat him as the man above me on the food chain and treat him in a professional manner which is what I would expect in return but never recive. And what I find even more insulting is my work is critizized by someone who's knowledge of computers is based solely around what he learned from having to do his job here. The only other thing that bothers me is that he also being the one who says I do not work (which can be prooven false to a point due to the job we occupy, there isn't always a lot of proof as to the work you've done. But with character witness I can proove that I do my fucking job.) anyway the fuck goes to movies on a regular basis during work hours. I don't know what about your job you hate TBone, I noticed you mentioned it. I doubt its the same thing I do, I'm curious as to why you do. |
It's working. But, slowly. Just like how I hurt my back to begin with. |
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today i ate an enormous breakfast. i had a broccoli and squash and garlic scramble, a huge bowl of granola with soy milk, a ruby orange, and a piece of sprouted soy bread with a gob of peanut butter on top. i was hungry; it was intense. then i worked. i built web pages and answered email and made an invitation flyer for my boss' holiday happy hour next friday. i used MS Publisher and made something cutsie and nauseating. i asked him if this was in my job description and he said, it is if you want to come to happy hour. of course, he didn't really mean that. he's a good guy, i really dig him. he's the best boss i've ever had. for lunch i ate a can of tuna, a 16 oz bag of frozen brussel sprouts, and a bit later i snacked on 3 pickles. then i left and went to the gym and did about 55 minutes of cardio. the last five minutes i experieced excruciating lower abdominal/pelvic pain. i kept going, but when i got off the elliptical torture device, i could barely walk i was in so much pain. it subsided on the drive home. when i got home i ate another can of tuna fish on top of a spinach salad i quickly assembled and poured the yummy tahini, lemon, and parsley salad dressing i made a few days ago. next, i put my laundry in the washer, baked cookies, baked an apple/fig/apricot praline tart, a chocolate cranberry torte, and another batch of eggnog breads. also there were peanut butter cream cheese balls chilling in the refrigerator since this morning that needed to be rolled in melted bittersweet chocolate. oooey gooey chocolate. that was fun. then i carefully arranged the fresh-baked cookies in holiday tins with red and green tissue paper, wrapped the breads in tissue paper and silver and green and red ribbon. i folded and put away my laundry, mopped the kitchen floor, and cleaned this place from top to bottom. I AM MARTHA STEWART! MMUUUAAHAHAHAHAH! or maybe not. if i really was martha, i wouldn't be broke, and i'd have a pastry brush and the proper cake ring to bake the tart in. i made do with a 8" springform pam. also: i'm so tired now i'm about to collapse. tomorrow after work and after yoga i'll come home, make warm brandied eggnog, shower and dress and head off to my department's holiday party. the email from Micky to all of us today read, "The drinking will start promptly at 7 p.m." |
It doesn't help that the bosses are getting all weird about productivity... As if constantly adding to the number of programs we have to juggle at once shouldn't slow us down any. I've noticed a couple things though... They're REALLY touchy about internet use. I got a warning about it, so I stopped completely. That way they don't have anything to complain about. And you take Steve's bait way too easily. I've heard you two bicker. He never gets anywhere when he tries that with me because I refuse to get defensive. His previous managing experience was a at a fucking factory. 'Managing' meant keeping people in line. I heard about his new little 8-5 policy. There wasn't anything against the rules about taking a 3 hour break as long as you worked the hours. But if he does that now, it'll be contrary to his own policy. If he keeps that up, take it to Srini. Or I will if you prefer. I actually gave them an honest reason to start watching my productivity. For several months, I was in a downward spiral, and ended up with a month or two where I did jack shit, looking back. That's when I got my little warning, and was just starting on my meds. Now I'm kicking ass for the most part. Enough about that... Sarah, the machines have a little sticker that says you're supposed to stop if you experience sharp pains. Those elliptical things are dangerous. My legs are too short, so it's hard not to get thrown. I've always wanted to try jury duty. |
My boss is flawed but admirable. And today is the office off-site Christmas party, and I don't think anyone knows that I'm not going, but I predict that I won't hear anything about it from him next week. He just showed me how to run this special kind of report on my new software, so now I can do it for our clients instead of asking him to. I've done one report already. It's kind of sick, but I feel like I could do this all day, because it makes the clients so happy when they get them. I told that to my boss and he laughed at me. |
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I like that. Mine is too. Greatest guy in the world. Lousy manager. Other phrases I've enjoyed here recently: dave's "a book that teaches kids to clean up after their damn selves every once in a while with out turning it into a fucking goddam struggle between good and evil" was hysterical. Somewhere here I saw old stuff that had been sent to Mark's pager, and one said something along the lines that "the word 'karate' wouldn't seem so threatening if it was spelled 'carotty'". Cat's getting the last word in in a volley between her & Patrick: "I really work for an insurance company and in my spare time, I make American flags." Point, set, match. Nate's "sharon is putting the nazi back in ashkenazi". Along with many many more. Keep up the good work, guys. |
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Slow process. In anycase, no he's tried a couple times to get me fired. As for his time policy, I would prefer you do when you feel its been pushed... I'm trying to avoid as many ripples as possible, srini trusts steve more then me for some reason (been here longer I suppose) and thus its a matter of proof when steve tries shit... Oh well, I'll hang on. I'm trying to be calm professional and reserved when talking to steve, and its working thus far. He doesn't know what to do, he gets lost. You do know the man is extreamly easy to confuse, but he'll never admit he is confused... Its hilarious. Anyway, I go to bed last night at like 9:30, wake up at 8:05 with my cat nibbling on my feet (kitten teeth hurt.) and I'm tired as fuck... Its no fair why can't I just sleep like normal people. |
Maybe you should look into transferring to a different department. Might make your life better. Hell, maybe you'll get to travel. Some words of wisdom from the poster on my wall: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now. |
Well you know I've tried the little sleep thing. I'm trying to develop normal sleep paterns, which is hard to do after 19 years of avoiding such a thing. I'm thinking about CAD support, but its a matter of if srini will let me, and whether daryill will take me. |
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Every part of my body aches. I don't want to be at work. I just want to be in bed with the covers over my head. But, "I owe. I owe. It's off to work I go." I could just (use your own favorite explative here. I can't. Not from work anyway.). |
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One word... thats it.. GOFORIT. |
Why thank you Dougie. You oughta see my baseline serve sometime ;) |
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today is the second day this month i've lost to severe depression. i couldn't go to work. i couldn't eat, sleep, or shit. i couldn't talk. i went for a bike ride. because my car is broken. i rode up to the bank to deposit the money my mother and auntie gave me for xmas and the money my grandmother gave me for channuhka. because my balance was, before the deposit: -$16.39. that's without paying my $630.00/mo for December's rent. and i have a job. my boyfriend doesn't have a job. so you can only image what his bank account looks like. and i'm not even a gold digger. i've been broke lots of times and yet still perfectly happy. but here i am not happy. i really try to be. i try to supress the anger and disappointment. i try to look at this as a New Adventure. but it keeps coming back to comparison. i'm living in the past. i cry because i used to wake up to a view of the blue ocean and diamond head crater and now i wake up to a grey sky and a view of a parking lot. which would be fine, i guess, if my relationship was happy. if i could afford the $40 i spent at Payless Shoe Source for two pairs of warm winter shoes and socks and dress socks for work. and my car is busted again. instead of picking me up to take me to the mechanic's like he promised to, kevin decided to have lunch with an old cronie of his father's and left me stranded. which would be fine if i were in hawaii, where i have a host of friends and family who could help me out, instead of here in austin where i have no one to rely on. and now, no money either. at least in hawaii i had surfing. i hated my job but at least it paid enough for me to afford to fix my car and even have the cushion of a savings account. i like to try to act like everything is okay, like there isn't suffering, like i have it good. and maybe compared to a lot of people on earth, i do have it good. but the fact is, i'm living in the past. i want my life to be as happy and fulfilled as it was before i fell in love. love is good, but it's not enough. people who are not in a relationship think that being in a love relationship is the only thing they're missing. that's so wrong. all you need is to love yourself and love your life. there isn't anything that anyone else can give you that compares to that. |
Can you go back? Please... Just the thought of you living there and seeing that, aside from the thought of waking up to the sky you see now vs the ocean.... Please please please go back, if not for you (which is why I'd hope you go back.) but for me... |
Go back to Hawaii. Today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today!!! |
till then there's shiner bock. hang in there, sarah. |
I never could understand why you would want to leave a tropical island paradise,to come to Texas,or any other state for that matter. Sometimes,loves not so great. But at least in Hawaii,you had beautiful scenery,and alot of half naked hunky men to oggle.That alone,should be reason enough to go back. |
Although I know that its not my place or responsibility to help someone, I feel bad when I cannot and helpless as well.... (*Note* this happened quite often with Marcy and still does, like when she's sick or had a bad day and just needed someone to be there, and I was 3 hrs away, with no gas and no money, and could only talk to her on the phone.) This is the situation I see here, I still retain my opinion of Kevin. I just don't like the guy, never met him I know... But thats irrelivant, you get a feeling about someone. Its not that I think he's a bad person, probably a great guy. Just not for you Sarah. You are a oriented person, you are ambitious, you have a job, you try and do sweet things. As far as I can tell from the various what so posts you have made Kevin is not. Go back to the island. For some reason or another I feel like I could be there and help or something. But then again I guess I'm all fucked in the head. Pay no attention to me, I was dropped repetedly as a child. |
so, yeah. that. |
Now would be a great time to go. Of course, how you can afford to live in a place where practically everything except pinnaples and macadamia nuts is imported is beyond me. I read Christmas Trees cost from $50 to over $200. Ouch. |
I'm just one of those people that wants to be helpful in ways they connot possibly accomplish. And therefore feel lame all the time because there isn't a damn thing they can do to help other people or themselves... I'm just going to shut the fuck up now. |
They made a fortune.Unfortunately,that fortune went up their noses. |
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damn high-falutin' yankees. |
It was the guy's "I never get full on beer" comment that killed it for me, if you want to know. |
i came up with an exercise to help me learn how to roll my r's for spanish: r-r-r-rabbis r-r-r-relish r-r-r-rhiannon's r-r-r-rump r-r-r-roast. it seems to help. got your recipe, thanks. i forwarded to a friend. |
heh. Y'all. |
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We always "Warsh hour dishes in tha zink". Dontcha no hon. So much for my Bawlmorese. |
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i am going to hawaii. i leave here the 24th and am scheduled to return on the 5th. i'm not going to see that older guy again. he's nice, but that wasn't right of me. i did something stupid because i am confused and depressed. gotta be more careful and sensible from now on. i shouldn't make kevin the problem. he's not the problem, he just is who he is, he's doing the best he can to get through his own life. the problem, really, as always, is me. *i* am my problem. typically i don't do xmas. i haven't done xmas the last 8-9 years in hawaii, except last xmas when i was in michigan visiting family. but this holiday we had a small party. i have been reunited with an old college girlfriend. i cooked that extra turkey with homemade jalapeno cornbread stuffing and it turned out even better than on thanksgiving. we also had salad and curried lentil soup and artichoke dip with sundried tomatoes. and i had some leftover eggnog breads and xmas cookies. there was bourbon and brandy and beer. also i've rediscovered the joy of gift giving. i'm happy because i have presents to wrap and use to surprise and make other people feel loved. and it's really warm here today. in a few minutes i'll ride my bike down to south austin and take my last yoga class of the year in austin. the next time i take yoga, i'll be in Puna, on the Big Island. i can't wait to get home. i love all you guys with all my heart. thanks for being so sweet and supportive. i hope you all have a great holiday. |
"Writing in 1944, the UP's own Robert Traver said of north country Finns: 'Their brogue is inherently the funniest I have ever heard.' He then gives an example, a no-huniting sign posted by a Finn landowner. It read: NOTIS YOU WHOS TO GIVE IT YOU PROMISS FOR HUNT IT MY LAN? BETTER YOU LOOK OUT ELSE I SOOT IT YOU WIT DA 2 PIPE SOT GUN. AND DATS TO BE NO PULLSIT." |