| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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He was the one who was into live action role playing, and who would spend most of the summer out in a campsite, dressed as a wood elf and brandishing a Nerf sword, fighting other people in similar garb. He is the one who is dying a slow and painful death from MS. I am the one who thinks it's karma, or as he would say "the 3 fold rule". Oooooooo, so wiccan! Well, guess who's Livejournal i just found. He's fucking 31 years old and still keeps a Livejournal. And, true to form, even though i spoke my last word to him in 1998 (okay, actually he tried to talk to me at a NIN concert in 2000 when i said "here, i got you a present!" and then put some litter from off the ground in his hand).... even though we broke off so badly that he vowed vengeance against me through his pagan gods (yeah, THAT guy) he *STILL* refers to me as the 'love of his life' and in march if this year wrote a whole entry of poems dedicated to me. yeah, soak it in folks, it's all true. I've also discovered that he hasn't dated anyone since me, except for a months-long fling he had on the rebound at that time. Six years ago. You know that part in Being John Malkovich where the old guy has a whole room dedicated to Malkovich? I'm thinking he must have one for ME. He's no different at all. VNV Nation.... oh GOD. |
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i suppose it wouldn't be so sad if he used it for things other than posting every time he smokes a joint or uses his welfare check to buy drug mushrooms instead of food. its so so sad. |
it is sad. but hell, imagine the depth of the blackness in his soul that your passing out of his life has caused. |
oh, i don't need to imagine it, buddy, it's right there on the page, right between the LARP results and the Depeche Mode lyrics. Here's some now: ------------- Today is not the first time my words have made you mad, your anger seems so misplaced when it's caused by me being sad, I'm only trying to be honest and tell you how I feel, but it only brings discomfort and hardened eyes of steel, I wish that I felt otherwise it would save me from the pain, the more I feel the more you cringe and show me your disdain, one day the door will open and on the other side, you'll finally turn around and see all the tears that I have cried, if that sight should make you weep remember that I'm your friend, despite the tears and heartache I'll be here, for you, until the end. --------------- yup, 30. |
it's so ironic that females are the ones who are supposed to be so emotional, and yet males are the ones who seem to have a Hard time letting go. |
Look what you've done to him, wisper! |
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If he starts stalking you we will have to start a "dealing with playgan men" support group! |
I saved all my crazy exboyfriend's old letters because they were just too good, in a sad, pathetic way to get rid of. My best friend said that if I ever wanted to throw them out, she would take them. Anyway, he used to write out glam-metal love ballad lyrics and sign them with "A. Rose" and "K. Winger" Some of them didn't have names and later when I learned about the internets I plugged some of those lyrics in to see where they came from. Nothing showed up which makes me think they were original works. I'll post some of his greatest hits later. |
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Strongsad is pretty close! But i think PPX is far less stable. He's got all the emotional strength of a 12 year old girl, and picks pot/shrooms/acid over therapy. Oh kazu. You would understand then. PPX used to write lyrics on letters all the time. Usually NIN, as was the style at the time. I threw out all his letters in an unglorified garbage can, after he called me one day just to let me know that he spent an entire evening burning all of mine, one by one, over a black candle. Needless to say, I no longer date goths. God, i should write a book. Spider- me too baby, we could be Super Twins! I am writing you an ULTRA LETTER. It has illustrations and everything. Just gonna take me a while.... so very long..... |
for our relationship, particularly how he treated me after we broke up. Apparently, he really went crazy. He had just gotten divorced from his lesbian wife and was in therapy realizing what a number his parents did on him. Once, I was home on a break from school and my brother knocked on the door and came in with an envelope filled with just glamrock lyrics and no note or signature or anything that he'd left in the door. n |
because he thought he'd "ruined [my] life" I thought that was kind of arrogant, actually. anyway.... |
I just replied to the post he left for me. He was leaving a reply to something i wrote about the whole 11 states = NO gay marriage sadness, and i said something like "Are there really so many people with so much hate in their hearts?" And he said something like "Hatred is never-ending. You would know about that, wouldn't you?" And then after reading his journal he's always going on about how much i HATE him and oh my ex HATES me and i still love her but the HATE.... blah blah. It *is* arrogant. Like i spend every day plotting his doom, he's just THAT important. Or like your life is in shambles now because that guy broke up with you. Oh, the pain, the horror. and so i said: ---------- I don't hate you. I can't decide if that will come as good news or bad news to you. I don't hate you, and I can't remember if I ever did. Sure, I was angry for a while, hurt, but that's to be expected. I don't even get angry when I remember us. It does not consume my every waking moment. It was 6 years ago, J. I moved on. You must understand by now that we were not meant to be together. We fought like crazy. We are both stubborn and incurably catty people. It did not and would not work out. If you can't see that by now....seek therapy. I assure you I have nothing but apathy and indifference for you. It was nice, it got shitty, it ended. The end. But if you need to believe that I hate you, then you can go ahead and believe it. You can have that, if that thought drives you, that's fine. Hell, if you want to discuss this or anything else further, I can email you. Just say so. But sorry, I don't hate you. -------------- I'm sad to think that finding out that I in fact don't hate him will cause his very grasp of reality to shudder and fall. Oh man, i hope he replies. This is too highschool. Maybe he'll threaten me with magik. |
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are you on your bad ovary this month, gee? |
This kind of behavior (in both guys) sounds more like narcissim than arrogance. That can be a cause (or consequence) of depression. |
I am quite Shit right now, so it's entirely possible I'm just looking for things to bitch about. |
is everything okay, gee? |
Like i said, it's so highschool. I meant my actions as well, not just his. Sometimes it is just fun to mock old boyfriends. I think it's fair. Highschool, but fair. i did envision this whole thing only as a follow up to the "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" thread, where the tale of PPX seemed to cause some entertainment. I wish only to entertain!! And so he replied, and it wasn't insane at all. Nothing funny, except that he can't move on. He admitted that he needed someone (me) to finally tell him to get the fuck over it. I sure hope he does, I don't want to see any more poetry. |
SPILL, Gee! |
nunavut I won't mock gee nunavut don't you have nativeblood geebear? nunavut |
I am trying to work out what to do, but what I really want to do is run away. maybe the distance would give me perspective. or maybe I would just be avoiding my problems. I guess sooner or later something will happen, good or bad. |