Make something of my life What have you failed to do?: Make something of my life
By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Wednesday, March 4, 1998 - 12:36 pm:
    Pull up a chair folks and have a seat.

    I will be 29 years old in exactly 46 days. One year shy of a new decade. And what do I have to show for it? Hmmm? Nada as far as I can tell. I graduated highschool in June 1987. Did not, do not, and will not ever have any collegiate ambitions. Basically loafed and loafed from graduation until March 1988 when I started working for the local telephone company as a 411 (Information) operator. This was my very first job, and I HATED it more than life. But one truly spectacular thing did dome of this job. I met my very best friend in this world, Linda. I thank God everyday that she is in my life. Her kids feel like stepchildren to me. From this job I went on to collecting past due telephone bills. Now this is a MAJOR step up from being an operator. Met some very nice people here too, but was still unfulfilled. While a bill collector I got my driver's liscence one week after my 22nd birthday. Two months later I was the proud owner of a new car. BRAND spanking new. Roughly one year later, My father died (we were not close and I am beginning to regret this, as in retrospect people really were not as bad as they seemed.. *sigh*). One week later one of my most beloved aunts passed away. This crushed me. It was such a shock. To this day I can still hear her voice and her very happy guffaw style laugh. The autumn of that same year I moved out on my own into a one bedroom apartment. I loved and still love being independant and on my own. But I needed some companionship. Alas, my darling cat. She brings a smile to my life atleast once a day, even when I feel the lowest of the low. Winter of 1994 was absolutely horrible and by now I am a Sales Rep with the phone company and LOVING that job. A cousin died of Leukemia the day after Christmas leaving behind a jerk of a husband and three beautiful children. My cousin was 28. Another aunt was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and thankfully beat it and is still cancer free, but man what a winter. Now comes what I thought was going to being me permanent complacency at work. A promotion (temporary but still a promotion) to management. I spent almost one year as an Assistant Manager and loved it. Then my everchanging world falls apart again. The promotion ends and I go BACK to the Sales rep job. I was depressed. Majorlly. Thankfully this lasted only 6 weeks and I was called back on yet ANOTHER temp promotion. This one again lasted almost a year and again ended. Once back in hell again, I made the most irrational, unthoughtful, descicion of my life. I resigned. QUIT. See YA! Cashed out my pension. Got work consulting making almost twice the amount I was making in Management at the phone company but alas that too ended. I have now been unemployed for 4 months. Did I mention I traded in my first car for a Sport utility vehicle? Did I mention it got reposessed? Did I mention I have the world's worst credit? *sigh* Anyway, here I stand on the verge of another birthday, and still have not made anything of my life. And wondering if I ever will. Oh. Also, I'm overweight, gay, and deeply entrenched in the closet. I am not unhappy to be gaym believe me, but I am unhappy for society's outlook. Oh well, my GOD did I really say all that? *sigh*

By R.C. on Wednesday, March 4, 1998 - 02:07 pm:
    Jim, you're gonna be alright. Unemployment is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. I just quit my job/& I've been grateful for the free time to do some thinking & serious writing. (The Muse only ever seems to visit me when I'm so busy I can barely breathe -- much less stay up late scribbling.) Mark posted some interesting thoughts abt unemployment earlier this year. I don't wish to sound flippant abt yr problems/but as long as you've got a roof overhead & 3 squares/don't sweat the small stuff. Overdue bills & car repos have nothing to do with who YOU are. The people who care abt you don't give a shit abt yr credit rating. For now/neither shd you.

    It seems like the only time Americans get to sit down & rethink their lives is when they get sick or get fired. But sometimes/the best thing fate can give us is time to sit & think. Abt the silence within our hearts. Abt the truths we never tell anyone. Abt what we really want from the world. Closing in on 30 makes everybody take stock of themselves -- except the assholes with too much $$/who only care abt doubling their net worth & retiring at 40. So don't waste yr energies fretting abt bills or fighting off panic attacks. Use this time to figure out what Jim truly wants/& how he's gonna get it. The life you've lived so far doesn't have to be the only life you ever have.

    - R.C.
    Director, The Institute for Advanced Studies in Slackology & Higher Unemployment

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Wednesday, March 4, 1998 - 02:49 pm:
    Thanks for the pep talk R.C. *smile* I hit a particularly low period when I typed that rant. I was feeling real low. I'm much better now. Thanks! *hug*

By Guess on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 08:25 am:
    You go girl! (And you too R.C.) *G*

By R.C. on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 01:32 pm:
    Thank yew vurry much. (You wdn't be living in Chicago, wd you Guess?)

    But do keep looking for a gig, PajamaBoy. Becuz it's big fun to interview for gigs you don't 'have to' take. (And you know those are *always* the one's you get offered.) I assume/ since you were with the same company for so long/that you've got a tidy sum stashed in yr pension fund/so you'll be comfortable living off that $$ for a while. I did that the first year after I got out of film school. It was movie work or no work for me! My mom described it as "Burning yr future to finance yr present, you idiot!" But to me/that's what's money's for. Makes no sense to save it for when you're old if you need the cash while you're young.

    Enjoy yr freedom -- you'll be back to being a working-stiff before you know it. :)

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 01:39 pm:
    R.C.-- aforementioned pension $$ is all gone.


By Guess Again on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 02:08 pm:
    Nah...I'm closer to Jim instead...

By Golden Boy on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 05:07 pm:
    i "guess" he is not from chicago r.c.

By R.C. on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 05:54 pm:
    Okay PajamaBoy -- then it's time to start robbing banks! I've always wanted to do a heist/but I can never find the proper partner in crime. At least I know you're thoroughly motivated. :)

    There's at least one bank robbery in my little city here in FL. per week. Lord knows guns are easy enuf to get here -- & legal to own. It's practically a recreational pursuit -- like fishing. Generally small takes -- under 50K. But anyone can live for a year on 25 gand if they're frugal. So, e-mail me & we'll twak abboudit!

By Rocky the Squirrel on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 07:00 pm:
    where I live, people rob banks with (disguised)
    rocks, soda cans...etc. I'm not making this up!

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, March 5, 1998 - 11:16 pm:
    LOL, R.C., not banks, Walmarts... LOL

By Golden Boy on Friday, March 6, 1998 - 12:03 am:
    go for the gold...

    there are racing tracks in florida!!

    hint hint

    hit those gamblers...

By R.C. on Friday, March 6, 1998 - 12:24 am:
    No, no. The 1st Rule of Robbery: Only steal from the insured.

By Slacker on Friday, March 6, 1998 - 03:05 pm:
    i wish someone would steal my pc.

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