| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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40 is nothing like 14. consult your mirror. |
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it on flickr and post the link. http://www.flickr.com/ |
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I spent my 40th in the ER and it's been down hill since then. |
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things horizontally does not make them any easier to understand. http://www.askoxford.com/betterwriting/plainenglish/instructions/ |
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dentist appointment scare department of motor vehicle? green space park now. thing is to which that of? you know. stuck face. the news is good. you know that is, right!? |
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i'm proud of jack for carrying on and upholding one of the most important sorabji rituals. the rest of us should be ashamed of ourselves for not doing our part in hazing of newcomers. |
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i can't believe what i'm reading. that's gotta be the lithium talking. |
Wait... I DARE YOU. ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE, MISTER DOKTOR PEPPAR. |
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but i meant people who made it into the clique but then left because the hazing of new people is so fucking boring. i don't know, don't listen to me. i'm still guilty of being an asshole. |
I love this place. |
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i thought i was the new guy. |
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isn't "far out" more 60's than 70's ? |
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get that shit checked out, man. hopefully they can knock it out with some novamox or keflex or something. |
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i want my life back |
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groupthink? GROUPTHINK?? droopy, have you gone mad? since when did anyone around here conform to any real or perceived sorabji consensus? if the hazing is played out, then so is Fuck The French, and ha! and fuck you, you ass - and every other sorabjicultureism. so first of all, do not compare sorabji hazing ritual with other kinds of hazing. sorabji hazing isn't about demoralizing. it's way too benign to have that effect, unless you're super hypersensitive. in which case, if you are, you'll never make it here in the long run anyway. secondly, the unspoken (now spoken) rule of sorabji hazing is that if you're new and you can hack it, it means you have a sense of humor about yourself, and so you'll fit right in. fitting in with this diverse, motley bunch doesn't mean much. we take in pretty much anyone (except the likes of o*****l boy, et al). all anyone ever has to do is just keep posting. you know why kazu never got hazed? none of knew she was with sem, so that's not the answer. the answer is because she did a lot of reading first, before opening her mouth. the new people who can't get through the hazing, so what? it's not like hazing somehow filters out the intelligent people, it just filters out the dim and humorless. and the inducted sorabjiites who leave and never return aren't the people who find sorabji boring (those people eventually come back), it's the people who: 1. take everything too seriously, and/or 2. can't laugh at themselves, and/or 3. somehow permanently grow out of it, or 4. die. |
but i don't disagree with anything you said. i guess i just get tired of my own meaness. |
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I feel like weeping and laughing at the same time, it will do. |
i wonder if he means driving around, or actually changing tires. and why the commonwealth spelling? i thought he loved america. sometimes i miss spunk. |
he has a photo on his second post from his last post that was on the front cover of the LA Times, the day Eva was born. The doctor craddling the little girl in pink. |
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what's your model of diversity? it's not as interesting because in some ways we know each other too well, and so nobody wants to argue (discuss, whatever) with anyone else about anything because it might upset them or hurt their feelings. and responses become predictable. it's like hanging out with your family. you want to check in, shoot the shit, know what's going on in each other lives. but anytime someone hints at saying something somewhat controversial, everyone sort of tip toes around it. it seems like everyone is fucking tip toeing around each other. it was more interesting when people said what they meant and got mad, not because i want anyone to be upset, but because at least it meant we were most likely talking about something interesting. even so, i wouldn't call it parochial. wisper's surgery, not parochial. nate's recent diagnosis, not parochial. spider's experience in montana, not parochial. just to name some off the top of my head. what exactly could any of us do to make it more interesting for you? for anyone else here who finds this bbs uninteresting? |
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see? crickets. i'm stewing a little bit, it's true. but to further illustrate the point, my post about groupthink results in a "wow" from droopy. it just feels like when ever someone states something with even a hint of passion, there's this sort of subtle taken abackness. a quiet hush to see what will happen next. nobody says anything until Dougie or Czarina responds, clears the air, and defuses the potential bomb. but don't anybody get your panties all up in a bunch over nothing. lighten up already. there's nothing explosive here, my pretties. it's just an empassioned response. i can't even count how many times i've thought this since my return to the boards in january. |
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still, for the post before last. i don't think people are uniformly passion adverse. but defining this community does seem awkward. |
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and i thought it was interesting (sarah's post). by parochial i meant the way that this place has fallen into a rut and there are no big arguments anymore. i still believe that a lot of hazing has more to do with blocking access to people who will upset the sorabji tranquility. i think that being mostly white, middle-class, american liberals (with the odd exception) is not the model of diversity. maybe i've spent to much time on other bbs's with people from other countries. i've learned to distrust what i think is my free-thinking mind. and what those idiots in other countries think. nate's diagnosis is non-parochial? a diagnosis is just a diagnosis. the only really non-parochial part of it is nate's own response to it. i think he's growing and becoming a broader and better person because of it. one of the reasons i come back here is to see how nate's doing and read his stories. but you should know that i have no hostility. i'm not posting pissed off. this is just honestly how i perceive this place. and i remember cyst and i having similar thoughts along this line. the reason i write this is just to say it. and i am definitely old and boring. |
I'll come back and deal with this later. |
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and i love you too, nate. |
back then, all the wingnuts were armed with 15 years of limbaugh, ready to smack down any and all opposition with time tested straw-men and red herrings. now, i can read the huffpo or buzzflash or the daou report and get daily msm news as well as commentary by some very insightful folks like glenn greenwald, digby, the people at firedoglake, etc. then, for a dose of real political ranting, i can read the rude pundit or maryscott o'connor. and that's how i feed my political habit. i don't want to argue with you good people. for that, i'd rather go over to little green footbals, or ace of spades, or redstate, or captain's quarters. although i'm pretty much banned from most of those places that even take comments anymore. |
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perhaps just a tiny bit low...see above -for the record, jack has never posted anything with the intention of "hazing" anyone. note: i'm not saying i'm a nice person. -i thought nate's point re: that person's elliott smith trip was that satisfaction from such a quest was extremely unlikely, if not impossible, not that the poster should go away or be denied access. perhaps i misunderstood. -only mt blocks access, i believe... |
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i so had the hots for cyst. god damn its all funny. |
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scroll way the fuck up pepper come back soon droopy |
big hug. |
line in the sand motherfuckers. everyone had the hots for cyst. am i cross dresser? have you ever seen me in a dress? jack, you're right. i wasn't going to say anything, though. |
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i cried when cyst got married. CRIED. ok. i'm gone until droop comes back. sigh ah nara. |
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okay then. so here's what's weird. i didn't read the boards at all yesterday after my last above. but i had a strong feeling that droopy would sign off again. not because of anything to do with sorabji directly, just because. and i'm not posting out of anger either. even if using the word "fuck" or "fucking" makes it seem angry, it's not. but. the thing that pisses me off is that when the interesting people sign off, it feels a bit like a fuck you even if it's not personal at all. i can see not posting here for years at a time not on purpose but beause some event happened in your life and made sorabji slip into the far-out regions of your universe. but to *purposely* sign off means that these boards have somehow affected you adversely - even if it's just that you're bored with it or you feel it's become a waste of time. to me, that's like purposely signing off and never speaking to anyone in your family or any of your close friends because they bore you or pissed you off. why would anyone with such a strong place here want to do that? if you're bored or pissed off or feel like you're wasting your time (or whatever) why not try to do something about it, instead of just bailing? it's not like anyone here is being abusive. where's the solidarity? okay. maybe i have abandonment issues. it's not fair. now i'm going to throw myself on the floor and kick my feet and pound my fists and have a tantrum. |
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and sure, being diagnosed with manic depression may seem parochial, but the ensuing discussion of the effects of choosing medication certainly is not. in fact, i've been thinking about that a lot lately. so on a different note... it seems to me that a lot of our cultural ideals and goals are centered around the act of making anything bad or uncomfortable or laborious go away. that can't always be good. i was thinking of course a lot about my own life, and how happy and content i am in most ways, but in some ways i am so incredibly bored. obviously feeling bored is a bit of luxury. having acknowledged that, i would never trade in my boredom for lonliness, which was what was in its place back when i wasn't bored, when my life seemed full of adventure. not emotional or relationship adventures, i mean physical adventures and life experiences. tavel, hiking, surfing, exploring. so now i'm content and happy, but bored. the boredom isn't permanent, i'll deal, it'll pass. but boredom feels very numbing. like being on antidepressants was. the often-asked question was never addressed here, and that is, is it better to have the highs and lows and know the difference and live through the good and the bad (as long as you're not going to hurt yourself or anyone else)? *does* the evening out of emotional experiences also take away your passion? or can you have both? would the great artists - the ones who committed suicide or overdosed on heroin or cut off one's own ear (etc) - would they have been as great if they had been medicated? maybe. maybe they would have and not have suffered as much. hard to say. i don't think suffering is necessary to be a great artist or even to inspire any sort of passion. it was and is my experience that passion wanes as boredom waxes. i've become lazy. or maybe it was just that i was busy filling up the incredible lonliness with adventure. and now i don't need to do that anymore. i want to have both. i'm hoping i can. i'm hoping that i haven't chosen to share the rest of my life with someone who isn't into taking as many risks as i am, because i wouldn't give him up for *anything*. but, i'm still bored. |
Of course, that's the point. It also allows you to find other passions, more subtle ones. It's awfully exciting rishing from one emotional extreme to another, but there's a lot of shit you can miss while rushing about like that. Of course, with drugs you have the option of going off them. |
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I wrote a big long thing here yesterday in response to Nate, Droop, and Sarah, but it disappeared and pissed me off so much that I'm loathe to write it again. I'll have to revisit soon, but friends are having a party for me tonight because it was my last day at my job and I must go buy tomato juice and stuff to go with my vodka. If Droopy leaves, I'ma go to Texas and smack a brand on his ass. F'reals. |
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without defining "existential" and "deep" -- yes, it strikes me as quite amusing. but not surprising! that kind of juxtapos-amusement is one thing (perhaps my favorite thing) i enjoy on this site...sometimes. sometimes it's much less amusing. i don't think this discussion is trying to make dr pepper go away. if this "place" is less "interesting" -- it's not because of "hazing." there are multiple factors of influence. dave. noted one influential trend. tiggy noted another. that's two of ??? |
you can't upload to this site unless you get specific access from the webmaster. which you obviously don't have. so: give it up and host your photo on a site like flickr or whatever and link to it. *********** step 1 (a very difficult step): accept that you cannot upload to sorabji.com at this moment in time unless you request access from the webmaster step 2 (a difficult step, but less so than the above): figure out how to host a photo online: perhaps at flickr.com step 3 (might be rough): then link to it here step 3.5: if that fails, keep posting and someone will give you the link to "how to post links" may fortune be with you. and that image had better be some fucking hilarious shit for all the effort you're putting into it, amigo. |
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spider lost the ability to post from the computer she is now using - very similar to what happened to me for about a year. so she emailed me and asked me to post this for her: --- I wanted to respond to your post on Sorabji, so I'll have to do it via email. Could you post this email, though? I'd like to participate in the group discussion. In my case, I drifted away from the boards first because I didn't have regular access to a computer. Then, once I got a key to the computer lab, I'd been effectively "gone" for over a year -- gosh, it feels longer than that; maybe it was. Anyway, when I read the boards again, it seemed to me that the same things were still going on. In a way, it was comforting: in a way, after posting on Sorabji in its many incarnations for 10 years, I feel as familiar with the people there as I do with my older real-life friends and families. I feel I have a grasp on everyone's personality, who they are, and I'm sure I could pick each one out of a lineup if I had to without needing to have met them. But in another way, it was unsurprising and...I don't know what word I want. Underwhelming sounds horrible and I don't mean it like that. But maybe it's the appropriate word. I came back, though, because I missed posting there and I wanted to share my experiences on the reservation with everyone and I wanted to, uh, participate in that group dynamic again. Sarah, I don't know if it's because I haven't been back for very long or if I'm unobservant, but I don't get the sense that people are tiptoeing around each other. When I choose not to post it's because I either don't feel like rehashing an argument I feel I've already had or because I don't want to invest myself in a discussion that's going to require me to engage in research or something. Which is a comment on me and my laziness. I'd like to hear other people's opinions about this. About the passion/art/life issue...I was just watching something (a movie?) and someone made the comment that they chose to live through their art and not through their life. (Shoot, it was more articulate than that.) Whatever the exact phrase was, the sentiment struck me and stuck with me. Living as though all your energy has been diverted to your [art, music, crusade to free your dad from prison -- it doesn't have to necessarily be a creative output] doesn't leave a whole lot over for the rest of your life. You're able to express yourself through the song you're writing (for example) when you haven't already expressed yourself in conversation -- the pressure is still there behind the dam. And it's great for the rest of us when people make that sacrifice and live through their [art/passion/obsession] -- then the world has a van Gogh and a Chopin and a Stephen Hawking, and the whole world is made richer. (Hell, I've thought that about Henry Rollins -- I'm glad the world has someone like that in it, regardless of how you evaluate his writing/music, because we get to learn about what it's like to live like he does, without having to live that way ourselves. That's a great sacrifice he's making.) ******* Side note: One thing I know I just watched is the "House" episode where he has a discussion about this very issue with a patient... John: Yeah, sure. I’ll stick around to indulge your obsession. It’s over. I lost my air. The session the other night, with those kids? That was a test to see if I could still play. I can’t. House: And that’s all you are? A musician? John: I got one thing, same as you. House: Really? Apparently, you know me better than I know you. John: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that’s a big secret. You don’t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That’s because they don’t got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music, you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain’t gonna happen for us. House: That’s why God made microwaves. John: Yeah, but when it’s over, it’s over. ************* But choosing to live through life and not your One Thing is not a cop-out, in my way of thinking. More of your passion is freed to devote to many things -- the people you love, your job, your environment, many interests that enrich you (for example, you can read about so many things and not just your obsession), etc. and you're not so fixated and fixed to the spot. Maybe I've come to hate suffering and loneliness (and the sense of being exiled to my own head, compressed within my own existence) so much that I'd rather be even than take the lows that come with the highs. I'm also not very actively creative -- I love being on the receiving end of other people's art, but I'm not good at producing it myself, and a good deal of that is because of self-consciousness and an unwillingness to risk the embarrassment of exposing myself so rawly. Now I'm babbling. --- |
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big nod on that. over the past few years, various headlines have been posted, apparently to strike up a discussion. and i'm usually so immersed in the news that i've already fully digested the event and can't really bring myself to, as spider said, rehash it. now, if spunk came on and trotted out his bizarro take on it, i'd probably take him on. and probably in a very disgusted and intolerant tone. but i don't feel inspired to just say, "yeah, huh? that's so fucking whatever. when are people gonna wake up?" i think my biggest reason for not posting, even when i do have something to say, is that i simply hate communicating complex thoughts and ideas by typing. i still hunt and peck and i either lose the flow or i try to shorten my response to a point where i won't feel too daunted by the dread of typing it, and then i'm unhappy with the result. |
is that reality or some sorta sorabjian astral plane fanstasy of mine? just checking |
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It's not about having a sense of humor about yourself or being offended by the F-bomb. It's about expecting a level of intelligence and an open exchange of ideas that are expressed with a modicum of civility. If I wanted to engage in name calling, I'd listen to talk radio. I had hoped for a little better from the people who post here. It seems a shame that these boards - that I thought were established to encourage random communication among strangers - have been essentially hijacked by a clique that - whether intentionally or not - tend to chase off new voices. |
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I tend to fall into the dave. camp of posting - especially in regards to politics. I for one am pretty sorry that spunky left, although it seemed he was going nutso at the end there. If nothing else, he was willing to stick his neck out. I don't know that the "clique" so to speak chases anyone out per se. I do know there is a pretty low tolerance for stupidity around here though. If all you can do is post inane babble with no logical content, and ESPECIALLY if you're boring, of course you aren't going to last. I think the lack of new people is probably more due to the lack of political/pop culture discussions. If we have more discourse on the carrying capacity of Britney Spears' uterus or the horrors that Nicole Richie could unleash on the world if she ever gained enough mass to carry a pregnancy to term, I'm betting you'd see more googlenauts surfing their way on to the site. |
i've made out with sarah and nate i don't think that my political opinions are the same as everyone else here |
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And I would have to disagree, categorizing the *regulars* as *like thinkers*. This could not be farther from the truth. I think that we are indeed a diverse group, and don't hesitate to voice our opinions, regarding a number of subjects. Which often results in rather heated discourse. We would not have remained a community, if we laxed into a somnolent inter relationship. We NEED the diversity, thats what makes this an interesting place, a challenging place. For myself, I can honestly say, thats its the trolls that have bored me and driven me away. I simply don't have the patience to tolerate such foolishness. When I check in, and see that annoying , rambling childish attempt at adult conversation, I just leave and move on to find more interesting discussions. I see that J doesn't stop in too frequently, and although I certainly can't speak for her, it is my guess, that it is for the same reasons I have just mentioned, that she doesn't grace us with more of her wit and insights. I do not believe its meaness, or rudeness, but simply an attemp to find those of interest and humor, that can accentuate this environment. |
Karla, whom do you consider to be part of a clique? There are only 20 or so regular posters, and it doesn't seem to me that there's a subgroup among us that excludes the remainder. We're neither entirely heterogenous nor homogenous. I think I'm the only one here who regularly participates in organized religion. We used to have big, mighty arguments over points therein, and now we don't -- I think because we have mellowed as human beings, not simply as posters. I don't start or get involved in debates concerning religion anymore because I got that out of my system a long time ago. I'll point out factual errors, but I just don't have the will to debate issues which I now feel are entirely a matter of conscience and personal understanding. And, shoot, I avoid conflict with *everyone*, partly because I don't have the energy (in most cases) to sustain a prolonged debate. I try always to choose my words (typed and spoken) with diplomacy, so in this sense, what you see of my persona here is exactly as it is if you would meet me IRL. As to being unwelcoming toward newcomers, I see that and I'll admit to participating in it, too. A lot of people show up and just make random posts without familiarizing themselves with this joint first, which is off-putting. When I visit a new board, I always read back into the archives to get a feel for the place and who people are, and many of the one-off posters here don't do that (or seem not to have done that). That rubs me the wrong way, and does the inverse of making me warm to them and want to engage. |
breaks, but IE isn't opening for me now for some reason, and this browser likes to control the visual output of my text. |
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i saw you and thought it was droopy back. goddamnit. |
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i'm only moody for a couple days anyway. no point in lurking and holding my tongue. you don't disappoint me, dougie. you never have. except that tequiza thing. that was disappointing. and aren't you a red sox fan or something? |
i agree with virtually everything karla said up there. i'm just not so sure how much importance to place on what she said. just like i'm not sure how much importance to place on my agreement. or anything else i might think or say. if i'm being honest, it's my propensity to underrate the importance of opinions and observations. i might strongly agree or disagree internally, but i couldn't really ascribe any external, cosmic significance to a remark shared among a very small, insular group of essentially powerless people. we are not the illuminati. our casual dialogues are as meaningless as the conversations among a stamping and scrapping group. meaningless or not, i still check in every day. |
you're good. and, i'm told, your candy is good. |
"your candy is good" ?? that's about the most offensive shit i've ever read on these boards. |
Now I'm sad. I hope droopy isn't really gone. I hope I'm not mean. |
Naaa, I'm just kidding. You've chilled quite a bit over the last..decade or so. And I don't even have to try to be totally insane or dumb anymore. It just comes naturally with age now. Damn we're getting OLD. |
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Agatha, I am not telling you where I'm from. But, I think your from Minnesota or Washington State, I suppose? |
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agatha, not sure about Patrick, but i'm pretty sure tiggy and nate are being facetious. but i could be (gasp) wrong. |
or much more interesting. or much better looking. or much more whatever. in hopes of being cast in the same light. in hopes of earning the approval that the smarter/ more interesteing/ better looking more easily earn. |
dougie: the 5 game sweep sucked ass. i'd rather see the al central bounce the yankees out of the playoffs than the red sox. but just marginally. ps. you're a cunt. dave.: you're a cunt, too. make a fucking stand for once, frenchy. dr pepper: you're a fucking tool. grammar aside, you're an idiot. i don't know why you come back here. clearly you'll never fit in. agatha: shut the fuck up. sarah: you're always wrong. see my note to agatha. patty: fuck you. everyone else: i'd like to pipe hot shit directly from my irratible bowels into your gaping, waiting, moronic thought spouting mouths. |
clearly im picking fights because i can and i missed my therapist last week. |
im picking fights because I missed my therapist last week, and simply because i can. now shove it up your fuckpipe. |
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karla, sarah was saying that you aren't as pretty or smart as her. and even though i've never met you, i have no doubt she's right. if people didn't try to interact with those who are smarter or superior to themselves, who would i talk to? |
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karla, no, that's not what i meant at all. |
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interacting with people who are smarter than you is entirely different than interacting with people who are smarter than you for the sole purpose of trying to APPEAR smart by being associated with smart people. in the above sentence, you can replace the word smarter with "more clever", "more interesting", or "better looking" or whatever and it applies. |
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Dr Pepper, yes I am from Washington. Karla, I still like you and I still don't understand what Sarah is trying to say, so it's all good. Sarah, I don't understand what you're trying to say. Dani, we have both mellowed in our old age. Whatever happened to wetfly? I always hated that name- it made me cringe for some reason. |
agatha, you're so cute when you're trying to be insulting. dave., yeah i fucking said agatha is cute. what you going to do about it? you going to make a stand now/ tbone, i apologize; i didn't realize you were the cock cleaner and not an inscestuous assraper. is that because you're so ugly even your family won't have you (in their asses). spider: you are a sweet, caring person. i adore you. dougie: it will be even funnier when someone explains it to you. dr. pepper: you're still a fucking idiot, tool. |
i see no reason to "make a stand" against such a non-threat. |
half the joy is seeming old and creepy and stalkerish. and the other half is fucking teenagers. |
i'm begging of you, don't take my agatha. oh nate. oh nate. oh nate, ohhhnaaaate. please don't take her, just because you can. oh what fresh hell have i gotten myself into now? i'm gonna lose everything to nate. woe is me! dang. if only i'd made a stand! |
I think I have embarrased myself enough over the years so I guess the only thing to say is nothing at all. But Wetfly is doing just fine! :-) |
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Why?? What's the catch?? I'm scared! |
it's probably the same story as told in thousands of novels and played out in thousands of thousands of lives, past and present. doesn't really matter. everyone knows the story. |
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Nate is just trying to prolong the conversation on this miserable thread. Incidentally, it doesn't look like Dr. Pepper ever managed to post his picture successfully. I think Mark should go to his house and walk him through it. By the way, here's why I'm home right now... http://www.theolympian.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060824/NEWS/60824008 Spider, care to work in a public library? :) |
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for the record, calling you cute was trying to be insulting. |
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There really is nothing to tell except that we still see each other every few months when he comes here to FL to visit me. He didn't die all those years ago. I just wished him dead because I was mad at him. He needs to go back to AA. He's divorced now with an almost 2 year old Daughter. Sharing the details about him and I aint as fun as it was years ago. We did it just to aggravate you guys but I guess it was time to grow up. "Dani get a room already" was hysterical Agatha. I remember it like it was yesterday. |
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lay off the tylenol pm, spunkillama. |
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fuck you all i like my job i am an adult now even though i don't look like one i might have tourette's |
i'm not saying i wish i were you, nate. you're kinda messed up. what do you mean by "take a stand" anyway? i'm serious. |
i really hated doing all that. goddamnit. it just isn't me anymore. even when i'm not serious. "shut the fuck up" ? that is so harsh. i've become such a poosy. i realized, sitting in that class, that i have no desire to fuck any of those girls. we wrote something, and then were broken into groups, and then we read what we wrote to a couple other people. one of the girls in my group, this shy, soft spoken, green hair in her eyes, CCCP jacketed, maybe 19 or 20 year old girl, read this thing she wrote. it was good, and when the teacher came to our group and asked us, basically asked me, if any of us felt that one of these papers should be read to the class, i pointed at this girl. i didn't even think that it would be horrifying for her. because what she had written was good. it was horrifying for her. she had such a little voice when we introduced ourselves at the beginning of class, and again when she read to our little group. the teacher told her she could read from her seat if she wanted to, but instead she got up and stood in front of the class. she was scared shitless. but then she found her voice and spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, clearly, well paced. her writing was good. everyone clapped. it was an instant when she changed how she saw herself in that group of people. i felt like i helped with that, in some small way. that struck something in me. something good. then, the tall, hot, soft-spoken, 20yr old guy read his piece. which was brilliant. fucker. i knew he'd be in that class. but i think he's gay. he was giving me a look oft misinterpreted, and i smiled at him. |
Did your plan work? Did you fuck the gay guy giving you the *look*? |
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point that is is boring." It depends on what your definition of "is" is. |
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isn't that an omen of some sort? |
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It took me so long to get in. It took me even longer to extricate myself. Hotel Mark Tomas' where you can check out but you can never leave. |
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Yoohoo! Martin, where are you? |
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2:I think in as nice a way as you can,he said we bore him 3:It sounds like he's disgusted with us. 4:This makes me sad,I hope he comes back. |
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love you. miss you. |
i've been going through a lot of old WAYD posts from '99 for the past two days. been talking about this writing project for years.., friends have demanded that i stop fucking around and come with the goods. somewhere along the line i realized that sorabji.com was the best resource for unsderstanding where my head was back in '98 to 2000. it's been a wildly fascinating and deeply disturbing journey. i thank many of you for giving me the support i needed, and apologize to most for being such a fucking asshole. thanks for your kindness, kelsey. and sarah-- thanks for calling me on all my bullshit. i loved you the most-- which is why i gave you the most shit. you all take care. and be good. -m. the rest of you can go fuck yourselves with the hottest cattle prod in town. (just kidding) EHF, FTF, STUB GUN LOVE. tell sheila to e-mail me. i am deeply, passionately in love with that woman. balls to the wall, baby. balls to the wall. |
man, i'm not just old-- i'm senile. |
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Your life sounds good, Swine, albeit a little calm. You are always missed around here. I'm a librarian now, by the way, and Cleo's 12 and in middle school. Dave still spends a lot of time in the garage arguing politics on newsgroups, and driving all over east bumfuck and back for work every day. Anyhow, thanks for checking in. I wish you'd stay, but you probably won't. Your infrequent pop-ins will have to suffice. |
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how is it that i'm just now reading this? how did i miss it before today? martin. as utterly ridiculous as this seems, this is the raw truth: i've dreaded your return - even if it's just those three posts and poof you go away again. i've squirmed at every mention of your name. yet i recall a few times in the last years posting to these boards in response to someone else, but feeling more like i was writing something directly to you. that's how much you affected me. this explains how in one sentence, only you could wipe away years of lingering resentment, under which was buried a deep, unexplicable affection? i loved you the most, swine, which is why i acted so tough when you hosed me. which was why i always was secretly trying so hard to earn your respect. it's been a long time. i'm happy to hear from you. you sound a little different somehow, yet the same. it seemss like life is treating you well. |
you guys are sick. |
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...... uh.,....... WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF |
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF |
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how do i uploader pic on srojabi? p h r e a k happy ai0ergjdga bhuzfx isabbb09 aegghu aghri rai0ghga; hvzxui,. adsjgiargiaj asghgub hdgse sbuibh bpiofb jgdsgio agjeriw bhgd gweug weboz zvonb gij ajodgs ldk sadklo agdjvooa badh adgskh lkhjg jahie hewpq jd. lagvoerw hgfahig ahdh a dhwoi erjcow. agbren bhed gwerbai aueu aoqq vps avhid av, aewo or agioaewvng agshui eiea e3oq. agoewrig bhaiu aeruawi aspo wo awogi vubhz bnx, aewv. coe fvuie fhuvai. aoegiwgioag gahe uwbzu duws sqp avi ahud avu quFYA FVa vaniuakdgv agosgviag ghdsu gvghs wleo coe fugbuw gvus lsow and wofgahvub bsdu swu shbd dg fsgu dgai, asiow lsdghubgv sd uadh. awegioga agigr oqwpbg bzospbh, gaiowow boster broseph. aegoir whguwi whgvb vx ls wwqpep dgwhq nbbia. woergjaibva anvie auw abhvu ugbq. oqfgbhzv kadsiowa abno asp. |
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ok, this bettered workling file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/sorabji/RTC%Industries%Revenge%Fantasy/WHACK/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/Phreak.bmp |
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fuck! |
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((((HIGH-FIVE!))) great job, team! team pepper action plan: successful. on to phase 2. |
AWAITING PEPPER BRAINTRUST SUPPORT REQUESTS. HOW MAY WE ASSIST YOU? WE ANTICIPATE A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PHASE 2 2008. PEPPERWORLD '08 IN FULL EFFECT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. |
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and how many jacks? |
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action jackson, you think you can filp yourself over a moving car? whooo, I am impressed with that! |
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pollo asado, damn |
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We have fun with the phone and soundboards,I'm just about ready to download that shit talker program I used to have. I still love The Jerky Boys,I'm not a well woman. |
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this is what gets to me. it was september 2006. i wasn't married. i had no children. i don't have any regrets about my life, but this is the only instance i can think of that makes me wonder how different my life would be - for better or for worse - if you had put some walk behind that talk. i was such a complete ass in 1998 and 1999. i don't even think i started to become the person i am today until 2004. and somewhere in between there you went away for a really long time. and now you're back. such a sweet torment. like you once said, hot fuck is never fat-free. that really is the crux of it. there is nothing rational that explains how badly i want us to be close friends beyond these confines. |
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it's all good, and it's all crazy. |
Where are my feet? What am I doing right now? Where is my body? Who am I talking to? How are my toes feeling? What is this sand between them? Am I present for my life? Am I present? Am I? Empty, waiting. |
yeah, wistful, even before walking off into the water. yeah. |
but then again I'm not Amy's lover... MirageMirror — February 21, 2007 — ... The words have been drained from this pencil Sweet words that I want to give you And I can't sleep I need to tell you Goodnight When we're together, I feel perfect When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart All you say is sacred to me Your eyes are so blue I can't look away As we lay in the stillness You whisper to me Amy, marry me Promise you'll stay with me Oh you don't have to ask me You know you're all that I live for You know I'd die just to hold you Stay with you Somehow I'll show you That you are my night sky I've always been right behind you Now I'll always be right beside you So many nights I cried myself to sleep Now that you love me, I love myself I never thought I would say this I never thought there'd be You |
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i am hearing you. Dan, i am present. centered. please believe me. everything is beyond perfect, in ways i sometimes can't even believe. i would never turn back time! right now i have love and trust and family, and therefore i have everything i've ever wanted. and if i have everything, why not wish to share it? the only thing i truly have left to want is sand between my toes. you can have absolutely no idea how much i miss it. i need it. in any case, you know, i can say aloud my thoughts and feelings, which i have every right to have, no matter how perfect everything is. i can have them, say them, and be present with them too - and simply watch them as they float by. i am grateful. and i am human. goodnight. sleep tight. i'll see you in the morning. |
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then there are Nate, Sem, Kazu, Patrick, CZ, Droop, the Pepper, Heather, Spider, Agatha, Dave, Dougie, MT, Hortense, J, Tarkis, Swine, Dani, Moonit, and my son's dog Jack. His girlfriend Jamie. other son and his Abigail. The goat, the gorrilla (any body remember the gorrilla???) and swedish chef, yoga, and holotropic breathwork with Stanislaw Grof and the red haired maiden of music Laura, my delightful wife of eleven months, dear friends in Belize Costa Rica and Ecuador, not to mention Antigone and a few others in Texas, the gaddam cat at home, my boys, their mother (even though she is gone now twenty one years). David and Geoff in Melbourne and Jennifer in CA and Mary Jo god bless her musical little heart in Paris. F the French takes on new meaning. My life is full, wonderful, just a fitful ungracious start, so eventful and savory like a southern river lazing on a summer's afternoon. Somewhat closer to ending than beginning perhaps. A wee bit more Jamisons, and a tad bit o sand over here, please. Hold the ice, fan my sunburned cheeks. One and one half hours before the state people go, and I can rest. It's all so good I can't barely stand it. Email me you! |
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i have total crazy brain today. here is a sample of the dumb funny silly crap swarming around up there today: if you are a customer service representative and your job is to provide customer service via live chat, shouldn't you be required to type a minimum of, say, 70 words per minute? why do cars still have hooks in the back seat to hang your dry cleaning on? why did they ever think that was something people needed? is dry cleaning as common as driving a car? i don't get that. the clerk at the dry cleaners looked exactly like my old bodybuilding trainer, Lonny. i bet he was creeped out by how i was staring at him. sorry dude. i bought some Henry's brand all natural pear scented dish soap. i went to use it today, i pulled up the little spout thingie, turned the bottle upside down, squeezed, and nothing came out. so i unscrewed the whole cap to find that there's a seal on the bottle as well. it's all natural dish soap. why is there a seal? does it need to stay fresh? it's all natural, so if it leaks or spills, what's the harm? why does everything have to have a seal on it these days? is that supposed to bring me peace of mind of some sort? should i worried or fearful that something might get in my dish soap? irritating. top ten reasons my marriage is so kick ass 1. still getting laid quite regularly 2. he gets up in the middle of the night with the girls 3. he always remembers our anniversary even though i never do. 4. he never complains. i think Leroy is depressed. i haven't used shampoo in my hair in 6 days. tomorrow i need to rectify that. i do rinse my hair nearly every day, but the reason i hardly ever use soap in my hair is because there was this rock star in a hair band in the late 80s who had the most gorgeous hair. the band did the song, something about 16 and life. i read an interview with him back then and when asked about how he keeps his hair so gorgeous, he said he just doesn't wash it. *that* is why i don't wash my hair but once or twice a week?? yes. what ever happened to Heather Bradshaw? she's not even on fb. what was that guy's name from college who had all the scars on his face? he was hot. speaking of hot, Micky Rourke. we saw Iron Man 2 matinee on saturday, and a year ago or more we saw The Wrestler, which was the last movie i've seen that was of any significance to me. i'm putting Diner on the netflix queue. 5. i taught him how to fall in love with plants and gardens. he taught me how and when to just shut up. mine was the harder lesson by far. if i don't find the keys to the bitch basket before he gets home, i'm in big trouble. 8 hours of flight time with a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. what are we getting ourselves into? senor is going to lose his shit. note to self: pack the children's benadryl. etc. |
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S: so yeah you should have been a fly on the wall at that meeting yesterday S: i mean... i could not have made it more easy or simpler for them to approve (or not) student transfer requests AH: is it like a checkbox or something? S: right, and look at all the different queries i built for them S: http://***.cfm S: cindy was fine S: but terence and larry? jesus h. S: i even built it so that as they approved or denied, those requests would drop off the list and go to another list S: it took them a good 30-40 minutes to wrap their heads around what to do AH: what was their problem S: they didn't even know what they were looking at S: how to read the record S: how to decide to approve or deny S: how to navigate their way back to the start page S: everything S: they were like on a road trip with no map, just totally lost AH: oh lord S: on the fly while i was there i tried to make a page just for terence so all he had to look at were secondary campus requests, to reduce the amount of navigation that was required of him AH: ha S: and it worked, but by then he said he was already in a groove and getting the hang of it. S: and they kept asking me to check to see if their answers were being recorded S: and then this morning more questions about this data set and that data set, and i'm all S: it's just ONE data set. it's all in one place, but i'm separating it out for you, so you know what you're looking at. S: aaarrgghhhhh S: darin and i are both just so over it AH: I bet AH: was it like a non-computer-savvy thing? S: yes, and also just that whole idea of having to do something that they've always done one way, now a different way. not adaptable to change. like as if all we did this year was print it on green paper instead of orange, they wouldn't have known what to do. AH: the mind boggles S: infuriating because these people hold positions of authority and make really good money and are in many ways in charge of these kids’ education AH: yeah, I do consider that one of the more frustrating things about this sort of situation AH: they're higher-ups who can't press a button S: yeah S: and i think that’s why everyone like that, they generally hate or have prejudices against what they would call "techies" S: because we know how much they don't know about what they should know about S: we expose their weaknesses in this fundamental area of work and life, and just general competency that people working at their level should have. a minimum technology proficiency, it doesn’t apply to them I guess. AH: right S: i didn't even get a thanks AH: what. S: it was like i was the one who was making it difficult for them. AH: jesus S: because they didn't understand the nav S: |<< S: << S: >> AH: ha S: >>| S: had no meaning to one of them AH: they don't use the internet I guess. S: how can that be? AH: i know AH: but sometimes I think it's true AH: you can always totally tell who uses the web a lot and who doesn't S: cindy was double clicking on all the hyperlinks AH: SHUT UP AH: wow S: sorry for ranting AH: no problem AH: I get how this sort of thing sucks AH: and it starts to get impossible to be patient after awhile AH: you can only repeat the same thing so many times AH : that's why I was always impressed when I'd overhear K****n doing trainings at Admin S: i'm starting to understand why those folks haven’t put a higher priority on instructional technology S: why they dissembled that department and took away CITs AH: right AH: it's their weakness S: they obviously don't see it as fundamental AH: but it so is AH: thirteen year olds can hack stuff S: exactly. and it’d be one thing if we lived and worked in a rural area with little access to tech resources, but for chrissakes we live in the silicon valley of the south. S: i hate the south. but i’ll save that rant for another day. |
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and where is droopy? can someone please get on that? it's hard to believe i can't find his email address in my contact list. |
auditors gone. will i get a raise because of 100%? head is spinning, relief is spelled g-o-n-e. |
During one of these conversations, an exasperated state employee told us it should "think outside the box." I think some of them think computers are nothing more than puppets operated by techies hiding under the table. In this case, it turned out that they didn't even have rules. Everyone applied their discounts a little differently, and when they did try to give us rules, they were self-contradictory. |
It was the governor who actually saved the line item last year, and it was he who struck it this year, and elminated myjob. But I am told today unofficially that I should not lose heart, that something miraculous and anonymous is about to happen where the funding will continue. Yep, that's what I heard. I am politically incorrect, and love it. |
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yeah, and one of those people i was complaining about is a fairly young guy who has a PhD. like, please tell me, in the last ten years, on what planet have they been handing out Ph.D.'s to people who can't navigate a web page? |
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and that's not even the problem, really. because i'm well aware that those folks know a hell of a lot more about their profession in pedagogy than i do. the problem is that blame is being placed on ME and TECHNOLOGY for their ineptitude in this area. it would be like me blaming the book and the author because i can't read. |
JoanneGillespie (PhD) author of CyberDOTrules calls me a techie....heh, she has no idea of how inept I am... |
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there are huge, gorgeous blue herons that live in my neighbor's tree. every year they return to the exact same tree, make a big nest, hang out for a while, have babies, then fly away again. there are so many of those trees in our neighborhood, all about the same height, planted during the same year. why that one tree? why that one family of herons? it's so mysterious to me. maybe sem knows. |
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Great Blue Herons (and herons in general) stick with a nest colony until the trees die. We have a species of heron that only breeds reliably in one place in Ohio (Yellow-crowned Night Heron), which just happens to be in a sycamore tree in a ritzy neighborhood. Who knows how many generations of herons have used your trees? One thing more: in January-March of next year, check out the nests in the colony for Great Horned Owls, who sometimes will take over a nest in a heron colony for themselves, well before the herons show up. |
about the late night owl omen) we've sorta taken over the notion that an owl is her spirit guide. it was mere coincidence that a lot of the themes on her toys and such are fucking owls. coincidence? hell if i know. all i know is everynight there's owls hooting around our house and their timing often coincides with her either just waking, or going to sleep. we observed in the dark a territorial owl showdown a few weeks back. these are barred owls,, which are not small and to see two (maybe 3) going at in the pitch black, making unconventional and distributing non-owl like sounds was just crazy. i also saw two squirrels fucking.....or play fucking, or playing and fucking yesterday which was also a first on my wtf animal list. |
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interesting. do we have great horned owls down here? i know we have owls, they are small and cute. though my friend with her super itty bitty chihuahua won't let the dog wander in our yard unattended because she's afraid that owl, or one of the turkey vultures, is going to snatch it up for lunch. one of those tiny owls lives in the tree behind our back fence, over the creek. its hooting drives leroy berserk at bedtime. the herons though, my my my, they are so blue and so gorgeous. they glimmer in that tree. it's enchanting to watch them. |
subconcious. last night i was dreaming that an owl and some other large bird (of prey?) were squaring off in some fantastic battle. i was watching from afar with eva's plastic binoculars and up close the two birds were actually a human/bird hyrbid like creatures. bird bodies with human heads and faces and they were fighting a major battle that got the attention of the whole forest. only i woke up and realized there was a big fucking owl hooting right outside my open window. and this took place after hazel came to our bed for her 3am feeding. its like they call her, or im witness to her mystical subconscious doings. |
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everyone, enjoy this day, bring peace to your corner. be grateful, not hateful. |
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H...owl by Ginsberg, "who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty incantations which in the yellow morning were stanzas of gibberish, who cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht & tortillas dreaming of the pure vegetable kingdom, who plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for an egg, " http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=179381 |
wisper: wisper! |
