| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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which to scrawl phone numbers, directions, grocery lists, thoughts to remember, etc. Yesterday I found my first little notebook, begun at age 18. The beginning of the notebook is not much else but URLs. I was first introduced to the internet during my freshman year of college, and not having a computer of my own and being unable to bookmark any site, I wrote down the URLs of things I liked. I'm in the process of going through them to see if they still work. (So far, no luck.) Actually, the *very* first thing in the notebook is this poem from "Twin Peaks" -- Through the darkness of future past The magician longs to see One chance out between two worlds "Fire walk with me" One page says simply: What can you find if you look twice inside? Another page reads: What is a man with his mother in a wheelbarrow? And the most mysterious entry of all is this: There is what appears to be a fragment of an essay I wrote for a class I took in immigrant literature, and at the tail are two paragraphs that have no connection to the essay. As follows: ******** ...To feel like you belong, to have ownership and speak from a position of ownership is to imbue your words with a confidence and surety and solidity that the displaced do not have, according to the texts we've read. I don't think you really mean what you're saying, not really. I think what's going on with you is that you think you're bad, you've convinced that you're a bad person, and you say those things because you think you have to. You think you'd be a hypocrite if you spoke with reverence. And also you think that it would do no good to try to be good or ask for forgiveness or whatever, because God won't forgive you. You think God would laugh at you if you tried to be good. Or that we would laugh at you. So you keep on thinking you're bad and doing things like this. Only you're not bad. And God won't laugh at you. So there's no reason to make jokes like this, especially when you don't really mean what you're saying anyway; you're just putting on a front.' ********* I don't know why I wrote that. I don't know who the "we" includes, or whom I was addressing (it feels like I was addressing myself, I think only I don't remember being the habit of making blasphemous jokes). And why would I write this down and at the end of a class assignment? Wheels within wheels... I also found Mark Thomas' PO Box address, and a page that reads, "Found Mark Thomas by finding www.slipnet/~eater on 'personal web pages' guide that said Evany's page didn't suck." Evany is Evany Thomas, who now writes for Television Without Pity, but she used to (maybe still does) have a webpage with some really funny stories. |
http://www.evany.com/context/index.html |
this page is most interesting |
once found a notebook in which i had recorded all my thoughts from ages 16 to 18. i burned it. i never had a baby book. my life is so empty. |
that is so freakin cute. |
Small world. |
more adept at pointing..." Very nice. I found another little notebook. This one is mostly empty, but Droopy, your address is on the first page and then in the middle is a list of my dead relatives and you and J (with her real name). I think I had masses said for you all. This would have been 3-5 years ago. The notebook contains nothing more but the following: SEE IF THERE IS ANY SUFFERING LIKE MINE THE BREATH OF OUR LIFE WAS HELD A PRISONER WHO IS SHE COMING FORTH AS THE RISING DAWN She is beautiful as the moon, resplendent as the sun, awesome as an army in array Life of crime - - creativity - charisma - playful - outgoing 29 16 13 19.50 25.50 -------- 103.00 |