i had a six-hour shift today. roughtly about halfway through, this guy comes in. pretty normal looking, unshaven. probably three days worth of shadow, from seeing my dad while camping. he starts asking me lots of questions. personal questions. "where did you graduate from?" i'd been told to be as vague as possible. security was watching. "did you go to gresham or barlow?" "yes." "you went to barlow?" "sortof." it was strange. i thought he was going to steal something, but he never did. he was constantly watching me and harmony...or looking everywhere, like a bird does. moving his head with sudden jerks and muttering to himself. at one point i drpped something behind the counter and bent over to pick it up. suddenly i hear "yes, ma'am." and the guy is standing there watching me. eventually he left. he wandered around the store for another hour or so. finally security nabbed him. he was talking to himself in the home department, rubbing something soft all over his face, acting almost as if he were masturbating. they made him pay for it before kicking him out. i was glad to hear he'd been kicked out, but rather insecure. i felt so exposed, that what clothing i had on wasn't enough. i bought a jacket over my lunch and wore it for the rest of my shift, shaking like a leaf. i'm wearing it now. when i left after the store closed, i waited until two other people were walking out at the same time so i wouldn't be by myself. i almost never worry about such things but i am now. why me?

wow and i am just listening to sorabji's rose garden by habermann.. and i never get people wandering into my place looking at me while i bend over and pick up something.. so like why you? and why not me?... meanwhile is anyone here really interested in this composer?... or did yall get here because of the underwear dealer with the same name?....i am listening... as i write and it sounds like keith jarrett on acid.. but then this is not a music site is it? or is it?... are yall deconstructionists?

i am...i've been working on a "construction/deconstruction" photo project for nearly six months now.

Speaking of creepy, the little paragraph that greets you on the Sorabji entrance page was about Paul Bernardo, only with Mark Thomas' name substituted for his. One of the girls that Paul Bernardo kidnapped and killed was taken when she was locked out of her house. Her mother had locked her out to punish her for missing her curfew. At Bernardo's trial, the mother had to watch the videotape of her daughter being tortured and killed. Think about that.

why?

Because I told you to. Now do it.

ick. i remember how i used to read those "true crime" books...disgusting how they use rape and murder to make money. i remember when i was in eighth grade and they had the anne frank exhibit at the highschool...for months we were studying the holocaust. watching videos of people being tortured and killed, survivors talking of the terrible and macabre events. and the dog picture. this poor dog had its lips pulled back with a mechanism, so it would appear constantly snarling. it had been trained all its life to rip people apart and to eat them alive. seeing that picture made me puke.

Fuck creepy people... I mean I'm creepy sometimes, but not in the way that I stalk people, or follow them. I'm awake all night long, I sleep during the day, I don't talk to people alot at first, and then if I know them I'll talk. I do weird things once in a while because I'm feeling the need for attention... But I sure as hell don't rub things on my face as a form of masturbation... I know what kind of people you mean too, I use to work with a couple of them. I hated it. I mean nice guys when they weren't being complete fucking weirdasses... One guy used a buffer on his head because, "it feels good dude!" Fuck people.

i used to think i was invincible because i'm a big girl. not like i'm made of steel or anything, but being over 6' tall and fairly heavy can give you that feeling. then some bastard comes along and all of a sudden you're tiny and unclothed and they haven't done anything that's considered dangerous. it's a crazy world and i wish it weren't so, but what can i do?

pez, amiga, I'm supposed to be the only 6'+ gal in portland. I'll be there on the 17th, so make yourself scarce, ok? no hanging at reading frenzy for you that weekend.

oh, yeah, and next time some creep bothers you like that, just act like he's not getting to you. act like you couldn't care less if he stared at you all day. those weirdos are attention feeders and they'll get bored of you fast if you totally dismiss them. and when you're alone always walk like you mean it.

haha. sorry, i'll be at home on the 17th....finals coming up and i want to get straight a's this term...i know i can. i'm going to reading frenzy on friday and dropping off my zine. it's the onle with the sheep driving the car and stickers.

I know this would make it easy, but what's it called?

swearing at traffic keeps me sane. hehe, and a few days ago i heard of a band called swearing at motorists.

I love it when a contestant loses her pricing game on The Price is Right and they play that tuba music consisting of four notes followed by a downward groan. That's simply adorable! :-)