| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Whos is supposed to love you the most in life? Your Mother? Your Father? Your Spouse? Your Children? Your Self? My thought has always been that it should be your mother. But, my mother, as most of you know, was probably the one who loved me the least growing up (you just get that feeling when someone chokes you and spits in your face and tells you she hates you). Everytime Erin has problems (health or emotional) her mom calls her a candy ass or says "Oh well, that's life". And then there's Christophers mother. Am I wrong? Is the bond between mother and child not suposed to be the strongest and most tender? |
Pinks self-destruct like Bouncing Betties. |
I dont get it. See, I was always taught loving yourself the most was wrong, like it was selfish or something. Especially if you had children. I have a little dislike of my self |
look at the number of mothers who murder or abuse their kids (& it's not a new phenomenon, it's just being reported more often). i feel that "maternal instinct" is a myth, in the sense that ALL humans who happen to be female do not, by their very nature, love (or even like) children. i know i definitly don't like them & have about as much maternal instinct as a rattlesnake. however, having said that, i certainly don't wish children any harm & genuinely hate to hear of them being abused, because i know what that's like. mostly, i just want kids to stay the hell away from me. i wish they were invisible. my mother, i think, was much the same way. i was often locked in a dark room for most of my waking hours & commanded to keep absolutely silent. mom felt she had to have children, because after all, that's what a woman DOES. i don't want to get into another long, pointless debate about children/parenting, since everybody likely knows exactly where i stand on the point. i just wanted to say that not all women have this so-called maternal instint, & furthermore, many do not CARE if their "biological clock" is ticking (there's another myth). a woman has as much possibility of fucking up a child's life as anyone else. motherhood is not sacred & the bond between mother & child is never guaranteed. it's strongly hoped for & often (erroneously) presumed to exist...but it's not a given. the idea of loving your children isn't something that's carved in stone. i can think of far too many examples of people who clearly don't give a shit about their kids in any way. i had an acquaintance who had six kids. she said that they made her sick to her stomach & that she wished she'd aborted the whole lot of them. she said that in front of all six of them. another person i know said that she loathed her babies & just wanted to slam them into the wall. she felt that children were inhuman, meaningless blobs until they hit adolescence. i also know of a mother who kept her kids drugged so they wouldn't be awake much, because she hated the sound of their voices. motherly love isn't exactly a constitutional guarantee. it's wonderful if it's there...but it's not mandatory or programmed into anybody by nature. i know far too many parents who've told me they wish they'd never had children, including a woman w/ a 5-year-old who says she wishes she could go back in time, skip motherhood, & just get a dog as a companion, instead. when i was a teenager, a friend of mine had a kid. a year later, she told me that she kept praying to god that the child would die of disease so she could get her life back. she really prayed to god for this. she asked me to pray for it, too. she really wanted to kill the child but was afraid of getting caught at it. oh, & the answer to your initial query should be (e): yourself. if THAT person doesn't love you, you're screwed beyond all redemption. |
My mother disliked me and was very open about it. She hated motherhood. If she had any kind of emotional bond with me I never knew about it. She went to her grave hating the fact that she was a mother. |
That is why I am no longer as firm on the subject as I was before (before I started on this board, that is). Now I see that some women (and men of course) simply have no business with children. I think my mom was one of them. The most disturbing type of woman is those whom get pregnant just so the father will marry them. They really have no other use for the child nor any other desire for the child. That would be Annie. Christopher was the tool, and once she got married, he was good for attention for her for a while, but now he is not the attention getter she was hoping for. Unless, of course, there was a problem with the baby. Straying from subject, sorry. Still a little messed up in the head over this. |
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My mother has told me she was never happier than when she learned she was pregnant with me. She's never hit us. She's got her own problems (mostly because of her family), but I know she loves her kids very much and she's tried her best to be a good mother. Free will at work. |
Southern Baptist guilt-inducing. This is a euphamism the church used to encourage people not to wank. |
But, I can see that this type of upbringing is not as uncommon as I once thought it was, or this board has a way of attracting the abused children of the world, and most of us have become cynical and bitter. I must learn to be stronger. |
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Your sick in the head relation, Trace, is a classic example of someone who doesn't love themselves, as are the rest of the examples people threw out up there. Give your self more credit. |
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not that i never wish i had my life back, but it's getting easier to do what i want now that she's a little older. i used to wish that more frequently when she was a baby, but what she gave me in return made my lack of time worthwhile, and besides, i never did much of anything worth mention before i had her anyhow. in fact, i think in some ways she was the kick in the ass i needed to become a more productive and positive individual. i would say that more mothers love their children than hate them, but i have been accused of being an optimist. |
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Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble An' if I stay it will be double So come on and let me know |
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i mean, where's the line? when's the line? What if, suppose, i'm sure i've found Mr.Forever, and years go by, and one day he says he wants a kid? Now i know i always said (when grandmother-types ask because they're often rude) that no way, Mr.Forever will not want children and be fine with my desicion. (and i know I could change, but let's put that aside.) But what IF? He could change. And then i would have to choose, and i would have to leave. What if patrick doesn't want kids? I'm sure it's been talked about, but what IF? so many ifs. Scary. Life. How the hell do any of you do it. How the hell do i do it, for that matter. |
IF ruins so many things. IF usually never happens. |
Erin almost died with her and the doctor said I dont want to see you in the delivery room again. So, I did what I had to to make sure it did not happen. My mom said "what IF you and Erin split up? What IF you found some one else and wanted to have another baby with her?" So far IF has not happened. Erin and I could not be happier with our kids, and she is not pregnant. IF i let IF win, then she might be.... Never listen to the could of, should of, would of, IF, Listen to what your heart is saying now. |
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