| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Cute boy and here I am, curled up on his couch, with arms and lips touching, and the whole time I'm saying it's wrong. It's wrong. And it felt wrong, but I kept at it and maybe I was doing it out of rebellion.. out of looking at myself, holy shit, I'm only 23. I'm in love with a 33 year old. He's moving in in 3 months. It's gonna be him and I always. That's the plan anyway. And that scares the shit out of me. Oh god, I'm not ready. But I am. He's everything packed tightly in a human body. My own angel with black wings. He makes me laugh. I mean really laugh. So maybe this kiss, this fondle, it was a goodbye of sorts. I told the other boy what it was. "We've gotten past the orgasm, when do we start going back to being friends? You know we can't do this again right?" And I'm feeling guilty as hell, and I can't talk to anyone here about it because they all love Rex and I'll look like a cunt. (Christ, my mom even liked him.) And I love Rex too. And I want to not lie or cheat, or kiss other boys, because when it comes down to it, the rest of them don't add up the way he does. But I did it anyway. And I wonder if someday I'll do it again. And I hate that. And I hope he doesn't sneak in here and read this but if he does, well it's his own fucking fault. I told him to stay away. |
So never mind. |
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Another aunt of mine got married at 43. She's 47 now, and her marriage is okay. My mother got married a month before her 26th birthday, and she and my dad are getting divorced. This is my wisdom. |
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The only way to make a Marriage work is to: 1. Never ever concider divorse a viable option. Divorse is only concidered when one is unfaithful. 2. Always remember your mate is your best friend. 3. Never cheat. You can look but never touch. |
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I do believe more would sucome to wandering than to violence. But, then sometimes I am an optomist. Most times not. |
wandering may be a symptom of another problem. or wandering may just be natural, hormonal and purely physical. |
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and I don't think he understands this.. I'm confident of his love for me. I'm confident in mine for him. He tells me about a girl at the pool hall the other night who wanted him to go home with her. How he said no. I asked, "Well, if it wasn't for me, would you have?" "Yes."...and to be honest, I don't have a huge jealousy streak. I wouldn't flip out if he was with someone else...I can understand why most people would...I'm not looking at this blindly.. but for me, personally, I'm starting to understand that we're not monogamous creatures really...or I'm not. The guilt comes from not being able to tell him.... It's all too fucking confusing.. but I like what I have.. and I'm not gonna screw it just because of pretty lips. |
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