This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done. I probably shouldn't be alive today. A few years ago, during the years of extreme depression where I walked the fine line between drug experimentation and abuse, I overdosed on the anti-anxiety drug, lorazepam. I took about seven, which didn't knock me out completely but I totally blacked out. I then proceeded to get into my father's car, which I had borrowed for the evening, and drove across town (from Brighton to Somerville) to my friends house. I was then supposed to drive another 45 minutes to Lowell for a party. I have a vague memory of rear-ending someone on the way to their house, which was later confirmed by my friend Phil who said that I told him I did it. I got to my friend's house and told everyone what I had done. Then they took me to the party. I have two memories of the party, first talking to my friend Ben (who is/was a raging alcoholic) about how he wanted to stop drinking and then watching my friend Brian throw up all over the sidewalk and wondering if it was my fault because he had kissed me earlier and that might make him sick since he's gay. Then we went back to somerville where I got my father's car and drove home. I know this because the next memory I have is of waking up at 2PM in my apartment. I was supposed to be at work at 10AM. I called work and told them that I had an allergic reaction to my new medication and they were fine. Apparently they called when I didn't show up and my roommate, Amanda told them that I was sick. She told me that she tried to wake me but I wouldn't and she kept checking on me to see if I was still breathing. I immediately called my friends to see what had happened. Phil said I got to their house, told them what I had done, that I seemed out of it, slower than usual, and they took me to the party anyway but didn't let me drive. I then looked at my journal which was open on the floor and in it I had written something like this, "oh my god what did i do? i took all the pills maybe seven did i say anything stoopid." Yes, that was dumb. Very, very dumb. It didn't take too long to get my life together after that. It still tugs in my chest sometimes when I think about how I could have died in an accident or stopped breathing if I'd taken any more. It really it home when, a little less than a year later, we found out about my brother's heroin habit and when I saw what that did to my parents, especially my mother...I was like, FUCK...I almost hurt her like that.

the stupidest thing i ever did was move to texas. the second stupidest thing i ever did was fall in love.

Kazoo, that nearly made me cry. I'm so glad you were okay. The stupidest thing I ever did was get severely depressed and withdrawn during my first three years of college. That made me: *make no friends (acquaintances, yes) *keep silent in class *take no educational/experiential risks *want to die Well, I guess the really stupid thing was not getting help for the depression right away. It wasn't my fault I got sick in the first place.

Thanks Spider. How did you pull yourself out of that funk?

kazoo, thats really scary. i'm glad you were able to pull together soon after that. i used to get scared of doing something like that, which is one of the reasons meds scare me. for that reason i quit the claritin, prozac, and lithium i was on right before coming to college, which a lot of people told me was a dumb idea, but i was really hoping i would be able to pull it together without them...so far i'm doing okay, though i have noticed the ADD being a problem. But meds really scare me. the dumbest thing i did recently was falling off a fifth floor fire escape...i landed on the fourth floor, so i was okay except a puncture in my leg which was fine with stitches, but mostly it was just really scary since i didn't know where i would would land.

Kazoo, this will sound crazy, but I attribute my getting better to going to a healing Mass in the summer before my junior year and then seeing the Thin Red Line a few months later. (At this time, I didn't like men, well, at all, and that movie changed that.) All I know is I did absolutely nothing myself -- I didn't consciously work on getting better or changing the way I thought or anything. All of a sudden, I just got better. My thinking did change, but not until after I had had those two experiences.

That doesn't sound crazy. It was years before I actually got to a place where I wasn't having obsessive, irrational thoughts about myself. I think I described this moment somewhere around here...I just looked at myself in the mirror and saw a different person. I stole the lorazepam by the way, which just adds to the utter stupidity of the whole thing. Ophelia, what do you do to keep yourself together? I'm on Wellbutrin now which has done wonders but want to work on getting off it soon. I was hoping by now I would be, but I recently relapsed and have been trying to deal with that. This happens almost every April. Part of it has to do with the change in temperature, and part of it has to do with stupid thing going on in my life.

That doesn't sound crazy. It was years before I actually got to a place where I wasn't having obsessive, irrational thoughts about myself. I think I described this moment somewhere around here...I just looked at myself in the mirror and saw a different person. I stole the lorazepam by the way, which just adds to the utter stupidity of the whole thing. Ophelia, what do you do to keep yourself together? I'm on Wellbutrin now which has done wonders but want to work on getting off it soon. I was hoping by now I would be, but I recently relapsed and have been trying to deal with that. This happens almost every April. Part of it has to do with the change in temperature, and part of it has to do with stupid thing going on in my life.

I tried the Wellbutrin but it really fucked me up. I was also on Zoloft for a while, but just felt like a zombie and quit it because I didn't like myself even more when I was on that. I couldn't enjoy the few happy things I had when I was on that stuff so I quit it two weeks early. Funny thing was after the effects of the pill wore off I meditated a little but didn't really need anything else, I felt so much better just being off of the stuff and not having this cloud of drugs over me, that it just kinda happened. But that is just me.

My daughter Heather took Wellbutrin and it gave her the hives.

i took Popeye vitamins and got the heebeegeebee's

Vitamins. My pee has been glowing for days. When we were kids we took extra bam-bams to get Flin-stoned. Poppin' Pebbles on the Playground ohyeah

"Ophelia, what do you do to keep yourself together?" Um, i dont even know...i think that one reason i was okay was that a lot of my problems were related to a really tense relationship with my mother, and now that i'm not at home, i am a lot less stressed. i was on the prozac as an anti-anxiety thing, and i was pretty skeptical of needing to be on it. but i am very submissive to my mother and she thought i needed meds...thats not the entire thing, i mean obviously the doctor agreed they would help and stuff, and i was somewhat messed up, but if not for pressure from my mom my preferred method would have been maybe therapy (which i was in anyways) and more of a prayer, meditation, etc. approach to being less stressed. I honestly dont know if it would have worked or if the medication really was what i needed to get back on track. But i was ready to try without the meds when i came here...also i didnt take the meds this summer when i was out in yellowstone (i took them along in case i started needing them, but i didn't touch them once), and out there i figured out that in a different environment i was really okay. So here, i have a drawer full of meds, but haven't used them at all, except ritalin on a few occasions. it really does help me. the thing was, with the other drugs, the fact that i was on them stressed me out even more. i dont really know what i did differently to be okay without them, since a whole lot has changed about my life since leaving home, i mean, college is a different lifestyle, you know? so i dont know what specifically enabled me to be okay without the drugs. but i'm pretty happy now.

iv'ebeen taking 1mg of lorazepam for 4 month's now every moning, can any body tell me how i can get off tham thanks bz

Why don't you ask your doctor?

oh spider, you and your easy answers. why should anyone ask a doctor when they could ask a room full of strangers on the internet?

I was on ativan for years. On 11/29/03 crashed my car in a telephone pole found myself in a hospital with cops around me my cloths had been cut off me. No relection of what I did I am still having withdrawal symptoms (it has been over a month). Now waiting to see what is going to happen to me with the law. I blame myself for trusting my shrink. I'm so happy I dd not hurt or kill someone else, I could not lived with that. This has been so painful....I'm still in pain. Hope my husband does not leave me.

does anyone know at whatdosage lorazepam is fatal? i'm afraid one day of accidently overdosing. trying to avoid that, but need it to get thru the day. But it is starting to take more and more just to cope. Can anyone tell me how much is too much.

You need to stop upping your dose, or you're going to wish it was fatal.

If you yourself are upping the dose without consulting your doctor, you are in for a world of hurt. Talk to your doctor about this now.

"On 11/29/03 crashed my car in a telephone pole found myself in a hospital with cops around me my cloths had been cut off me. " ativan must be powerful. be careful a week from saturday.

Does anyone know how long lorazepam stays in your system after your last dosage?

I'm leaving with a friend who got prescribed lorazepam for anxiety, he's suppost to take one or two a day, as needed. Well its gotten worse than that now, he took 6 of them yesterday and he says none today. He is laying in the bed with his jaws hurting, chest hurting, and shortness of breath. How many is two much for him to take a day? Cause I think he's addicted, and I don't want him dead.

Why don't you ask a doctor? Seriously. It's like some people think the Internet is some magical Oracle of Delphi or something.

It's not. oh. sad now.

I have taken Loraszepam for several months. I fill the prescription (60 pills in the bottle) and not once, but FOUR times, (at a 2 mg dosage) I have taken every single pill all at once. So, whatever mg is fatal, I can't tell you, because with all of my attempts, I am still here. And thankfully, off it and getting real help!

send me all your (clearly labeled) failed psychoactive meds. serious. don't make me go through the bullshit of asking my doctor.

that might be difficult seeing as they already took them all in one sitting

oh yeah. nevermind.

Just get them online. I'm sure you get several offers a day in your inbox.

my inbox stays ridiculously free of spam.

Shit, you want me to forward mine?

gimme

There, I sent ya two. You happy now? Well, they're not Loraszepam spam. I don't read them closely enough to know if I get any of those. But it's spam nonetheless!

i misunderstood. thanks, anyway.

I can have my spam checker just forward it all to you. . If you really do something as crazy as ordering pharmecudicals online, do it just to see how it treats you. If you want to keep it up, talk to a doctor. It's easy. . Some of the better doctors ask if you've ever tried the drug before -- recreationally or otherwise. It helps them to know how it effects you.

a buddy of mine scored some real deal absinthe over the internet. i admit though, id be too pussy to take anything over the internet. dave, just drive up to canada. hook up on one of those elderly pill bus tours they arrange.

Tell me where your buddy got that absinthe,please:)I always wanted to try it,even thought of making it.

i dont know but i will inquire. actually, they shipped out of AZ, i do know that much. you need to be sure and buy stuff produced in either Czech or Spain. Those are the only two places where production is still legal. He got some shit made in france, but who knows.

Alright, who's fuckin' with me? I just got this spammage: ********************************* will respond to your inquiry shortly. For FDA-Approved ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests, as well as Progesterone Cream, BBT Thermometers and other fertility products, please visit: Ovulation-Predictor.com http://www.ovulation-predictor.com Thanks Again for Visiting! Mira info@ovulation-calculator ********************************* DAVE!

We can buy absinthe here. Some clubs sell it, and some bottle stores.

it wasn't me, man. but it looks like spamguard caught ya.

Have you ever tried it Moonit? Patrick did your friend like it?

huh, funny to come back to this thread a year later. some of my friends, or acquaintances, really, had a bottle of absinthe this fall. i'd never heard of it before, but i was curious. they didn't offer me any. i was planning on doing homework that night anyhow. i hate the amount of email i get. and i hate spam as a part of that. makes my life too cluttered. that's all i've got to say about those ones, and i've already mentioned spring. just missing the place i guess.

j i tried some of myself. its ok. but its really hard to tell if its the real deal. i had some stuff a friend actually bought when in Czech. Last 4th of July. We cooked it up right, with the sugar spoon etc and I had about a shots worth and was T- Rashed. The stuff my friend got in AZ. I only had about a cocktail glass worth and i was no where near as messed up as I was previously so Im skeptical. moonit, while they may market 'absinthe' in NZ, im willing to bet its not the original concoction as its only legal to produce in those two countries ive mentioned. Id say 90% of the shit being sold out there as 'absinthe' is not the real concoction. J, scour the net, thats how he found it but buyer beware, i get the impression most of the shit out there is refined cough syrup.

I've seen recipes for it on the net,I remember you needed wormwood.

OK, GODDAMMIT! ****** Hello !!!!!, We have received your request to join the hfs-assn group hosted by Yahoo! Groups, a free, easy-to-use community service. This request will expire in 7 days. TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE GROUP: 1) Go to the Yahoo! Groups site by clicking on this link: (*#&$(@*#*(&@#^$(*&@#^)(*@#& line above into your Web browser's address bar.) -OR- 2) REPLY to this email by clicking "Reply" and then "Send" in your email program If you did not request, or do not want, a membership in the hfs-assn group, please accept our apologies and ignore this message. Regards, Yahoo! Groups Customer Care Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ ******

are you getting a lot of that? that's unfortunate. coincidentally, i want to know who's responsible for the odd stream of messages that i've lately been getting. typical example: ************************* Hello pompous fuckface!, We have received your request to join the eat-hot-fuck group hosted by sorabji.groups, a free, easy-to-use community service. This request will expire in 13 or 23 minutes or whenever the webcam updates. Take a wild guess. I'm Rick James, bitch! TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE GROUP: 1) Go to the sorabji.groups site by clicking on this link: ....//................ or by pasting the above line into your Web browser's address bar and then a) post a confessional narrative, b) bait, c) exude cryptic smugness, d) whine, e) beg, or (preferably) f) all of the above (especially if drunk). Then wait for approval and/or abuse. Waaaah!/Hug!/Pout!/Snarl!/Smooch!/Etc.! -OR- 2) REPLY to this email by clicking "Reply" and then "Send" in your email program. Then enjoy the spam, nonsensical recipes, and repulsive but compelling images! If you did not request, or do not want, a membership in the eat-hot-fuck group, please accept our most sincere UP YOURS, ASSHOLE! and bite/lick our privates, fuckface. Regards, sorabji.groups Customer ass-fuckers Your use of sorabji.Groups is subject to OUR GOATSUCKING WHIMS ******

(though i don't know who's sending you garbage, antigone)

Well I had a shot, with the sugar and the spoon etc, and it fucked me up. I don't like it.

jack, I feel warm and gooey all over.

now that's just eerie. i was just about to start a new thread called "I Am Sick and Tired of Feeling Warm and Gooey!!!!"

g) use poor grammar h) end each sentence with multiple exclamation points i) type in all caps

dave., just order 30 tablets of 150mg wellbutrin over the internet. i have no idea how expensive it would be, they'll fed ex it to you overnight. or just go see a doctor. it might even be good for you. love, sarah

dave., Have you tried St John's Wort? vile putrescence, Antigone

how long does the anxiety last after you start taking the loraz? i cant'seem to find the right amt of pills to kick it.

Someone needs to create an "ASK YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR" macro.

doctors don't know either. uhhh, try . . . ummm. . . 50 mgs less . . . uhhh, per day. no, per dose. yeah, per dose. try that.

But whatever you do, ALWAYS... . no, wait... . NEVER...

snort it up your nose

whys that?

It will give you a rush