hello. i'm loaded. i had major oral surgery earlier, multiple tooth extractions, & now i'm savagely blitzed on pain pills. i'm feeling rather wobbly & light-headed. i don't ever post messages, afraid that people will just laugh at my ramblings *pausing now for uproarious laughter*...but what the hell, i'm bombed enough to do it now. i'm a very shy person, reclusive, eccentric as hell...& now i'm typing. humanity will be much the worse for it. i am wondering if i'm utterly alone in the world. if there's anyone else like me. i'm hitting middle age on greased rollerskates & i still feel 15. i don't FEEL old. but yet, my long red hair is turning grey. & that's all right by me, except i think i've missed the boat somewhere. i'm not like other people my age. & maybe that's cool. maybe it's OK to miss the boat, especially if the goddamn thing appears to be on the verge of sinking. i don't give a fuck for all the stuff that most people my age get into. i don't have kids; i don't want any. i didn't do the better-homes-&-gardens, 2 perfect kids, & manicured lawn trip. i fail to see the point in it. i play rock n' roll (metal, industrial, alternative & everything in between) & write. that's what i care about. i've been involved in underground culture since i was a young kid. i care about overturning the cultural status quo, because it makes no sense, & is generally an impediment to human evolution. i don't know very many people my age who are like that. little league moms. church socials. polyester. chopped-off hair & no-nonsense shoes. authoritarian, anal-retentive parenting techniques. keeping up w/ the joneses. that's what it's all about. finding other people (especially other women) who do what i do is kind of rare. why? it's okay that people aren't into the same thing i'm into, but did everybody my age get fucking brainwashed somewhere along the line? i don't care about all this socially-accepted crap. there are rare moments when i wonder why, & if something is terribly wrong w/ me. but even if something IS wrong w/ me, i'll accept that, because i don't see myself changing any time soon. i love songwriting & word-wrangling. i love the few friends i've got. i'm very much into communication. these things don't seem to make a damn in mainstream society. did i mention that i'm on pain pills? my skin feels like velvet. my head feels like helium. & my jaw is on fire, although i'm starting to care a bit less about it now. i love you all. good night & good luck.

I like you.

I AM you.

Wow. Write more.

whoo-hoo! i actually got responses *doing a little happy-dance, knocking over the furniture*... Gee: I like you, too. *nuzzle* Bagpuss: you ARE me? too cool! drop me a line sometime, so i can talk to myself! Moon Unit: write more? what, the above whinefest wasn't enough for you? =) i'll write more, believe me. it's all i do, sometimes. just hang around the cellar, beat the houseboy, & write. you know how it is.

Damn. I'm really impressed. When I started to stop lurking and inititate soul-baring I did it in tiny contained dribs and drabs. I didn't pull up my psychic skirt and flash the full on gynecological psychic open beavvie shot. You got balls, sister. Wow.

this is what Vicodin is for.

hello! i'm back. more pain pills. whee! let's hear it for pharmaceuticals. better living through chemistry & all that. Margret: thanx so much for the cool words! *admiring my newfound balls* balls...yeah...these things could come in handy. *fondling my balls* ooh...this is fun. anyhow, no shit, thanx for the comment! it's good to know that somebody's actually reading my pill-addled ravings. Sheila: all hail vicodin! & meprozine & lorcet & the other goodies i'm also taking. the entire right side of my skull is throbbing...but i'm laughing about it! getting one's teeth broken really blows. just thought i'd mention it.

You got a houseboy??? I'm so jealous.... Does he clean your oven too??

I used to be a house boy at a UW sorority. That's one of the reasons I never went to college.

hi, MoonUnit! houseboys rock. & i'm sure that if i asked the dear little shit to clean my oven, he'd put on a french maid's uniform, drop to his knees, & do it for me. that's just the jolly kind of cretin he is. a house boy for a sorority? gawd, what a job. you poor dear. hopefully, they were bright enough to know what to do w/ a proper houseboy...but somehow, i doubt it. *grin* & now, for a brief rant... this has to do w/ my above comments. about feeling out of touch w/ people my own age. something that i've heard far too much of lately (& thank you in advance for letting me vent about this) is people telling me that i'm "too old" to do certain things. until recently, i had a nose piercing. had it for years. snotty, mainstream types would give me dirty looks about it. as if i could give a rat's ass. i got several snide comments..."aren't you a bit OLD for that?" well, NO...i'm not to old to do as i damn well please. one of the benefits of aging is aquiring increasing personal liberty to live as i see fit. the older i get, the less i owe to anyone. a few months ago, a friend popped up at my place, put on a marilyn manson CD, & quickly left again (ran to the store to get something before closing time). a second person came by, heard the music, & wrinkled their nose in disgust. "aren't you too OLD to be listening to that?" my response? crank it up. i'm not too old to listen to anything that winds up blasting at supersonic volumes through my living room. it's nobody's business but my own. on a whim, i posed for a picture in total gothic gear, in a cemetery (i got run out by the cops for doing a "satanic ritual"...long, deranged story...my black clothing scared the hell out of the small-town locals, who called the cops, who literally ran me out of town). anyway, same response..."aren't you just a bit too OLD to be wearing goth clothes?" AS IF i sit around dressed in black all day long...as if it's anybody's business if i did. when i was w/ my last band, same story. a lot of women, in particular, disapproved. "aren't you too OLD to be cavorting around on stage w/ men?" the men were my backing musicians. as for being too old to be onstage, it'll never happen. i could go on & on, & i'm sure that i eventually will. the primary point here? the entire cult of "too old" can fucking suck me. i will do as i please.

*hehe* You're my mum arent you.... My mother is currently going thru teenhood again. she just turned 41. (She had me at 17 - got my nana to take care of me while she went back to work to support us all). Now that I'm mature (?) and a big girl she's out all night with her boyfriend (who's years younger then her! Go mummy!!) gettin drunk, having fun... and doing all the things she missed out on because she had a child so young... but I wouldn't change her for the world. We are so close, and because she's quite hip I get to borrow some fantastic clothes ; ) When I was about 17 or so, I gave her a badge that said 'I refuse to grow up' and she wore it everyday - including the day we went to the department store to put a lounge suite on hire purchase.... anyway...

MoonUnit: how cool! go mummy, indeed! she sounds like a really neat lady. i wish my own mum could let go & relax in such ways. but she's a very religious woman, verrrry religious, & very right-wing. what a pity. actually, the "mother" i'm talking about in this case is my stepmother. my real mother abandoned my stepfather & i when i was six years old...she followed some random piece of ass out the door & never came back. given that, i think there's a very slight caveat to my whole belated teenage angst thing: fucking over the ones you love to pursue your own private jollies may not always be the answer. then again, if that's what the lady needed to do, then what the hell...godspeed to her. at any rate, i'm so glad that you posted here. the silence was beginning to spook me a little...thought i might've posted something either offensive or stupid, or both.

It's the time lag. The 'mericans post when us Euros are in bed. Dunno about the Anzacs. Aren't you a bit OLD to be posting to a web board?

Bagpuss: hello! yeah...i AM, in fact, too old to be posting here. or anywhere. but i thought i'd come tottering up w/ my cane & support hose & give it a try! *grin*

Yeah us Anzacs post when the Euros are in bed and the merican's are... uh yeah in bed too i think or eating or workin or some silly thing like that.

hello, moon! *waving* good to see you here! i think i'll just hang out here & ramble on pointlessly. what th' hell. so i'm sitting here watching some silly shit on TV...somebody raving on about flag-burning & why it should be made illegal. why is this still an issue? people get far too worked up about mere symbols. there's some joker on TV saying that flag-burning should be made illegal because his son died for the flag. to suggest that anyone died for a piece of cloth is to instantly trivialize their death. it makes me think of an acquaintance who won't go into new age/occult shops because there are pentagrams displayed there. it would certainly suck to be terrified of--or unnaturally devoted to--a mere symbol. if one views the american flag as a symbol of true liberty (& not all people do, but many claim to), then the subsequent liberty to burn it is a given. to set the flag aside as a sacred cow has nothing to do w/ freedom. freedom has no sacred cows. freedom is about clubbing sacred cows (dull-witted bovines that they are) between the eyes, & getting on w/ the business of being free. just a thought. any counter-thoughts? nighty-night.

Crimson, can you be my hero? I'd been wondering lately where all the middle-aged people like you were, or what was going to happen to me. If suddenly at 30 the army pants would turn khaki and I'd find myself running for the Laura Ashley factory outlet on the lookout for that special tablecloth for when company comes over.... oh god. you grow up thinking it won't happen to you, but I can see it happening, to my friends. The blue mowhawk washes out one day and I can see it in their eyes, in their car insurance forms, in their university application forms, in their voting registration,... And suddenly the same people who asked me to shoot them if they ever got this way are looking at me weird, they don't want to go somewhere and talk, they just want to drink at boring bars like their weekend-warrior parents, and they smile and nod when I talk about school, but in their eyes I see the ever present "how do you expect to get a REAL job?" (I want to draw. For a living. How horrible. Poor me) I'm getting scared and sad. On comes the next generation of dead-eyed suburbanites. Excuse me for being raised to belive that success was getting paid for having fun. Excuse me for hating democracy and denim. Fuck that, man. I can't ever see me buying a mini-van and filling it with my useless clone spawn. I'll never breed. I'll never worry about the color or upkeep of my front lawn, or any lawn for that matter. I still go trick-or treating, for goddsakes. Not that anyone gives me candy. of course, everyone sounds like this during youth..... Crimson, you give me hope you go girl

wisper...WOW! whatta message...thanx so much for the kind words...& for confirming that i'm not the only lone nut who thinks that turning 30+ is no excuse for becoming a stultified zombie. the laura ashley factory outlet. may the gods deliver us. i hated "grown-up" culture as a kid. guess what? i still hate it. to grow up does not mean to experience brain death. i hate the way "grown-ups" look. i hate the way they act. i hate they way they fucking smell. i'm an adult, but i'm not one of THOSE creatures, & i don't really anticipate it happening to me at this late date. hint: when people who adopt the mainstream, leave-it-to-beaver lifestyle condescendingly tell you to "grow up", what they're really urging you to do is to become just as miserable as they are. ever notice how people will bitch ceaselessly about their kids, house payments, home repairs, lawn, & all that other happy crap, & then in the same breath, smile sweetly & ask you when YOU'RE going to get w/ the program & "grow up"? tell them to suck your ass. they're slaves & automatons, & as such, they resent your freedom. grow up! join the herd! moo. duh. nobody has to live like that. nobody has to accept mediocrity as a lifestyle. hey, wisper...sounds like you're my kind of people. thanx again for the words!

God,I,m old,but I guess it,s just a state of mind,and I guess I probably feel 15 inside and I too have red hair.I don,t give a fuck what people think about me,but I get along with most people.Sometimes I wish I,d never had kids,other times I don,t know how could I live without them.I usually wear shorts and casual clothes and the less the better,at least in Arizona in the summer.In fact,the last couple of weeks now i just put my bikini on first thing if I don,t have to go somewhere or do something.I don,t have a hairdo,I just put it in a french braid,I don,t have my nails done,but I can look goooood.I,ve stood in line at Borders to get the Jerkyboys autograph,gone skankin and bowling at the same time.but I kind of like cleaning.I read Bizzare,National Geographic,High Times.and Better Homes and Garden.I,m listening to The Clash,s Train in Vain but I like the Annie Lennox version on her Medusa C.D.I,m just glad I,m still standing and my favorite thing in the world to do is to smoke a couple joints and float in the pool,looking at the sky(no,electric wires hanging over) and being impressed by how green the grass really is.

Oh,I almost forgot why I posted here,I don,t like to see people burn the flag,but that,s what you call Free Speach,Thank God we still have that right.

Oh,I almost forgot why I posted here,I don,t like to see people burn the flag,but that,s what you call Free Speach,Thank God we still have that right.

I hate that when I do that,sorry.

i still have a flag in my ass still burning from the fourth. Crimson, if I had to take a guess, I would say you live in a pretty small town, right? Leave! (if thats the case) Most of my friends are your age, and you make me terrified to get older, yet I see my friends and I don't feel so bad. Though I am only 24 and my wife is 27, i too fear the complacency of age. Our society encourages it. For example, as married couple we are taxed out the ass because a) i don't own a house or a boat 2)i don't have a kid. The gov't wants me to dump money in the economy, which i understand, and they also want me to breed worker bees and soldiers. I too don't accpet the Cleaver-suburbia type of life. But i also have a fire in my belly that won't let me accept it. I came from it, it was so whitewashed on the outside and so filled with pain on the inside. The fire in my belly makes go out to see bands in small clubs and take little strange pills that bring the bar and go go dancers into a private room in my head, i have a fire that pushes me wake up saturday mornings sit on my porch read a good book and sip OJ & vodka with a bong load, I have fire in my belly that makes me get naked and take lucid pictures with my better half while sippin whisky and laugh and giggle all the while the neighbor is bangin the wall cause Iggy is too loud on the stereo. This drive to never be content is what keeps me going. Some people mistake it for drug abuse. Society would deem me a sex addict, a drug addict and an alcoholic as well as a manic depressive person. But fuck them, I am sane, I have my wits, to me I am sane and they are the insane. and if they pass an amendment outlawing flag burning they will see more flags burning than ever before. Such bumbling fuckin idiots, if that passes and the waffles ain't around for a while, he is probably in lockdown in LA County jail, send me letters please

Waffles,like Iggy would say,your worth a million in prizes.

right!!!!!

what the fuck do you people have against zombies???? i am sick of reading negative stuff about zombies. give zombies a chance. or, if you know nothing about zombies, just shut up.

30=middle age? Oh shit I'm fucked! I guess I'll go find my walker, it's nap time

good gawd! a bunch of folks posted while i crashed. so cool to see you all here! sheila: obviously, you're w/ the zombie anti-defamation league. my apologies to any & all zombies present. i've used it here simply as a blanket term & did not mean to be racially predjudiced against any particular zombie. thank you for pointing out my gross intolerance. please be kind to me if i should accidentally slip & say it again...it's mere cultural conditioning that makes me say it; i'll try to amend my ways over time. j: your posts are cool, even the multiple ones! i really enjoyed reading what you had to say. waffleboy, kicker of much ass: loved your post. verrrry cool. & i do understand the marriage/taxation bit, because i'm married, myself. one of my few give-ins to mainstream culture, although my marriage is pretty seriously non-tradtional. i become happier every day that i didn't have kids. i couldn't imagine it, myself. your post is ballsy & cool. sounds like you've got it goin' on. hope you'll stick 'round & post some more. oh...you mentioned my living in a pretty small town...well, it's a small city w/ one of the larger freak-populations in this state. alternative culture enough to be tolerable. i'll probably be here for about 2 more years. mala-dicta: hi! even though you just spoke to waffleboy, i'll say hi to you, as well! fetidbeaver, the old & fossilized: yes, dearie...i'll be right behind you. naptime for the old fucks. pass the creamed corn. hand me my cane. *grin* actually, there's a reason i mention 30+ as being old. guess what? that's how a lot of young people perceive people over thirty to be. fucking old. i used to get a lot of fan mail from goth kids, mostly about 13-17 (long story, has to do w/ both writing & music)...most of them wigged out when they learned how old i am (at that time, 'bout 30). i got very nasty letters about how i should keep my ancient old ass at home & not infiltrate youth culture, that sort of thing. very intolerant. a few were cool, but many became seriously upset to find out that i'm an old fart (which is something you can't always tell via writing or a cassette tape). they thought i was their age. they were wrong. it bothered me initially, because i never meant to "infiltrate" their culture; i just got published in the right (or wrong) places at that time. i want to see people of all ages working together. ageism is just one more way of dividing the underground (or anything else). anyhow, now such things don't bother me. if folks want to be that petty, fuck 'em long & hard. i wasn't overwhelmingly aware of being old until people began pointing it out to me on a near-daily basis. their opinion of me doesn't really matter...but it's indicative of a change of life i must be hitting in the eyes of others. that's all.

oh hey look at you don't you look like siouxsie sioux I'm mailing my 10-year high school reunion bio off today. "after high school I moved to seattle and became a nirvana groupie. I occasionally attended classes at the uw and frequently annoyed fellow ths grad d.h. with my loud, bad bass playing. I dropped out of college to work at a newspaper in prague. I left the paper to vacation in the former yugoslavia. I came back to the states and wrote a long letter to burgerville because I was mad their ice cream machine was broken. I spent most of a year in central america, where I almost finished 'ulysses.' I almost got trapped in nicaragua but managed to hitchhike back to honduras. in mexico city a girl found the virgin mary in a metro and I got some good photos before the cops bullied me away. I came back to the states and finished my college degree. then I moved to kiev, ukraine, where I wrote and took photos for an english-language weekly. now I'm staying with a friend in paris, on my way to spain, morocco, holland and turkey, I think." my adult life in one paragraph. and I had to pad it with that burgerville crap. I should have mentioned that they not only sent me a coupon for two free meals but a big bouquet of flowers as well. I am that successful.

I'm 36 but don't feel any different from when I was 20. Maybe I am old because to me anyone under 20 hasn't lived long enough to know jack shit. I see 13 & 14 year olds who think they have the world figured out. (and can't be convinced otherwise) As I get I older I realize what a fucked up mess humans are. I read posts from persons who are studying poltical sciences and they'll post some articulate theory on how government should interact with it's citizens, and I smirk. I use to be one of those, took a class, read a book and now know it all, can't figure out how those older people can be so blind and close minded. But truth of the matter is until you get out on your own and let the world kick your ass for 10 or 20 years, you don't know jack and haven't truly lived yet. SHIT I AM OLD!

I,m old and I still don,t know Jack,but am on friendly terms with Jill.

Crimson303,you poor thang,what a drag to have some jackass rub your nose in that shit on an almost daily basis,if I had to put up with that shit,I,d be in jail so fast.I figure you have two options.1:Just kick their fucking ass(but you would probably go to jail).2:Look at them kinda funny and say slowly"you know,it,s better to keep your mouth shut,and let people think your stupid,than to speak and let them know it"I hope this helps,nobody should put up with that bullshit.

How's Jill been?

hello! i hope the below ramblings make some sort of sense. i'm soooo sleepy. my fingers are typing, but my brain's somewhere else altogether. as usual. fetidbeaver: wow...cool words! i agree in so many ways. but i'll have to admit this: even though i've had some crappy experiences w/ being snubbed for being over 30, i actually can sympathize to some extent w/ people in their early teens (unless they start trying to tell me that i don't know what's going on in the world because i'm older than they are). i can identify w/ adolescents in many ways, because part of me feels as if i'm still there. truthfully, i think there are often more redeemable qualities in the average 13-year-old than in many 20-year-old college students. you know the type...the "i just took professor von sphincter's freshman honors survey on assyrian history; ergo i am god!" sort of person. the kind who dwell in mommy's basement, live on daddy's credit card, never worked a day in their life & are all too ready to get up in your face w/ their latest dose of earth-shattering genius. the kind who produce horrid, ill-crafted, pompous essays on whatever they struggled through a chapter of in last week's philosophy course at cowtown state university. the pretentious, pasty-faced, snide little shitheads who argue w/ your every word, who blatantly ignore obvious facts, claiming loudly that they're right--& in fact, can never once be wrong--because, by god, they've got credentials (meaning they were once the valedictorian of their high school class of sixteen students back home in buttfuck, mississippi). they parrot their professors' words w/o ever bothering to think one little thing out for themselves, while loudly proclaiming that everyone but them is an intellectual poseur. these things (why call them people?) have no real relation to the average college student, who's usually a fairly decent soul just trying to get by. these people grate on my nerves. they don't even have puberty as a fucking excuse for acting like cretins anymore. teenagers, young adults, middle-agers or senior citizens...there are very cool people in all these groups. also a lot of jerks. anyhow, i don't generally have major problems w/ people until they directly fuck w/ me. cyst: holy crap. your 10-year HS reunion bio is so much more impressive than mine could ever have been. if i were to print mine up, it would just be embarrassing as hell. mala-dicta: more meaningful words have rarely been spoken. j: yes, indeed. we must all pause for a moment & weep for the much maligned crimson. *sniffle* anyhow, this stuff just chaps my ass because it's so pointless. there's a lot more going on in my life than just ageing gracelessly. i can rant pointlessly about far more subjects than this single issue. anyhow, i work toward just tuning out a lot of the stupid commentary these days. for some reason, while sitting around last night, i had a really dopey memory come back to me. something i haven't thought of in years...a relative telling me very seriously (when i was about 20) that i was getting far too old to wear dangling earrings. what a pointless thing to worry about. but she was soooo concerned & soon accused me of trying to look like a young girl. i needed to invest in some more mature clothing & jewelry. right around the same time, another relative was bitching about my hair, advising me to cut it because i looked like a damn hippie (this is a bad thing?) & was getting too old to wear my hair long. what crap. i still hear that one from people. i have hair halfway down to my ass & i really don't see the point in getting that perky, trendy little suburban hairdo just yet. when i was a kid, i was always urged, at the threat of physical violence, to look more grown-up & mature. i often was presented w/ polyester pantsuits that would befit a woman in her 60s & told to wear them or else. *shiver* jesus. i used to hide what few cool clothes i had at a friend's house & change into them there. it worked until i finally got busted one day. i was marched home & roughly dragged before a mirror & forced to look at my own lavender bell-bottoms (such garments were really cool then, i promise). my attention was directed to my own crotch (these pants were exceedingly tight). i was informed that the pants made my body look filthy & disgusting. long finger jabbing hard in my groin. "say it...it looks FILTHY!" so i affirmed, in front of the mirror, that the entire region around my fly did, indeed, look filthy & disgusting. it's memories like this that make me the jolly soul that i am today. i'm going to bed.

Your words make perfect sense to me. If you don't mind I'm going to steal "intellectual poseur ". You summed it up perfectly.

Can a girls hair be Too Long? My hair goes to my waist. The other day I let it down while I was at work (usually it's up) and some girl walked by and commented "Oh my God, your hair's long!" Am I a hippie?

hello! just thought i'd pop in for a sec. anyway, it's about 3:30 AM here. i was out walking (a nightly ritual), came back, only to find that there's a major police bust going on at a nearby apartment. there are so many cop cars here that i couldn't get up the driveway. there are police everywhere, just crawling the place & when i last looked, they appeared to be trying to force this neighbor's door open. the whole apartment complex is covered w/ cops. fetidbeaver: steal away! i'm glad you found something among my ravings that you can actually use. gee: personally, i don't think anybody's hair can be too long. well, OK, there are those people who have a harder time growing long hair. maybe it's best for them to keep it trimmed down to manageable lengths. for instance, larry fine, from the 3 stooges, probably wasn't a real long hair kinda guy. some people have hair that doesn't grow down, but out to the side, & it looks as if they're wearing some kind of deranged mammal on their head. but on the whole, i really like the longhair look on both men & women. i have a thing for longhaired guys. it's just me. a lot of women think it's gross, but i like it. it probably has a lot to do w/ the time frame i grew up in, when only complete screaming nerds wore their hair short. back then, if you couldn't grow it long, you just grew it out (the afro is a prime example). keep your long hair. it's just gotta be cooler than snipping it off into some kind of nasty, short little configuration. there's one exception, for me, w/ the whole short hair thing. i usually find short hair repellant on both men & women (short hair is for cops & drill sergeants). but there are some people who get creative & have a nice punky kind of thing going on. if you're gonna have short hair, why not at least cut it in some trippy-ass way? dye it some weird color. something. it's just gotta be enhanced somehow. facial piercings work all right in compliment w/ short, trippy hairdos. baldness is at its most interesting if you happen to be female. i do understand that many guys (& some women) have to maintain short hair for their jobs. i dunno. that's just my middle-o'-the-night fashion commentary. any or all may feel free to disagree.

my hair, my hair. Everyone is cutting their hair. Voting and cutting there hair. And bleaching it too, which is sick, unless they make it entertaining somehow, like just the roots or just the tips or all fucked up. The days of manic panic and koolaid hairdye are gone. Rarely do I see anyonve over 15 who looks at all interesting. Here's me, eyeliner vines in KhakiLand. People get it wrong when they say they don't care what they look like. It's reversed. Punks, they care what they look like. They do. I say I don't but I do. The people who don't care are the ones who say they do, but have simple jeans on, sweaters. How can you care when you look so goddamn boring? Skin tone makeup right out of Cosmo. These people spend a half hour in the bathroom each morning just to look 'natural'. lol. You can be sure, if *I* spent that long in front of a mirror I sure as hell would look anything BUT natural. Supernatural. Interesting. But being an artsy-fart, I won't look blank, I can't stand it. I'll be a new masterpiece every day. What was I talking about? oh yeah, hair rules. I can almost sit on mine if I want to. My constant loyal tail, it keeps my neck warm in winter and plays with me when it's windy. Crimson, you should dress more like an adult like I should dress more like a girl. *high five* (*sigh*, boy, this takes me back, I feel 14 again ;) have fun with them cops

long haired guys baffle me, let them mullet die, just let it die pleeeeeeze. I guess I am traditional in the sense that i like girls with hair, I love to rub my fingers, to smell, to feel their hair on my.....ahh better not.....anyway. My whole existence is based my belt buckle, I have the best belt buckle in the world. The gay men I work with all say i should be in the mod squad. They latch to trends and identify with them more than anyone i know. I just have my aesthetics that evolve over time and slowly my taste changes every so slightly. Right now it's my cords (and has been for many years) Levis made/makes cords that don't stoppa rockin..!! I have gotten so bored with thrift store vintage shit that I took to simply buying about 7-10 CK t shirts, i have white, black, navy and grey. I recycle them through out the week, my ankle boots give me security and my belt buckle gives me POWER!!!!!!! my wife finally dragged me to her stylist and made me get a real haircut. Oh what the hell, she kept my same general style but did some work to it to gives me that 1965 Keith Richards look. I dunno, she seems to like it, i don't really care, no wait, I do really (fearing male reprisals).......my bangs also keep me entertained. I think my poor vision has to do with the fact that my bangs have been nose length or longer since middle school.....ya think?

I,m at the point in life where I,m good to get excited if a man just has hair,but that,s just me.

I'm sorry but I must interrupt with a story...inspired by Crimson303's phrase "snide little shitheads who argue with your every word"... Two years ago I worked for my uncle, who's a graphic designer, and we had to go to Las Vegas to assemble a job. So, working for us as assemblers were a bunch of people who lived in a commune in the desert and fought the nuclear testing that goes on out there. These were people who lived the life, you know what I'm saying? Some of them had been to Vietnam, they knew more about how the government really works than a senator, they got arrested and beat up by the cops all the time, etc. etc. So my cousin comes to work, too. He used to be all right, but when he showed up, you've never seen anyone so cocky. He was 18, too. (He hadn't seen me in 5 years, and he sat right next to me, and didn't say a word to me once. Bastard.) Anyway, he starts arguing with the nuclear people. Saying they don't know what they're talking about..."you live in the desert, for chrissakes. What do you know about the government?" This one man tries to be patient with him, saying basically, kid, you're just a rube. Showing him all the things he (the man) learned when he was in the Navy about govt. secrets, how much he learned about the fault line that runs through the test site that no talks about. Mark still doesn't listen. What's worse is that he doesn't have a leg to stand on, and these people are proving him wrong over and over again, and he still keeps going. They're laughing at him, at one point actually telling him to "get his baby ass back to his mamma where he belongs" (what a great line!), and still the idiot doesn't stop talking till him mom comes to pick him up. What an exit! Though I'm not guiltless. I used to be extremely bitter and jaded and thought everyone was motivated by evil and greed, until I realized that, being that I was only 17 or something, what the hell did I know about people? So now I know that I don't know anything. And I don't pretend to. And it freaks me out that kids who graduated with me in high school are getting married and some have kids. I'm 21. I couldn't for the life of me live like that, right now. And 30 is not old. My mom's 51, and she goes to concerts with me and travels by herself and laughs hysterically at "The Simpsons" and on and on. Good god, I'll be the same way when I'm 30 and 40 and 80. Didn't I tell y

ouch

(that ouch was for J, damn time differences, making me write this cheap-ass explination god i hate this...)

Damn computer crashing in the middle of a sentence! "Didn't I tell you that Peter Pan was my favorite book?" was what I meant to say, but it seems so silly now. :) [That demonic computer wouldn't even let me turn it off. I had to pull the plug! Let's hope it's okay tomorrow morning...I worried that it will come on now that I'm at home and the screen will still be frozen to my story and everyone at work will read it and laugh and then get mad.]

Sorry Whisper,I just said that cause my husbands going bald,it doesn,t matter to me,I didn,t marry him cause of his hair,but I have a mean streak in me and when we use to argue,I,d call him a bald headed bastard,cause I knew it would piss him off.I guess after he saw that Tom was younger than me and had lot,s of hair,then he realized that he really fucked up,fucking my slut ex-friend,and that fat ugly ho at the health club.I just still can,t understand how men can plug it in bolonga,when they have steak at home.

1) Long hair on women is pretty. 2) Long hair on men is not so pretty. 3) I love the name "Wendy", and I have a Tinkerbell fixation. 4) I hate bologna.

hello! wow...a lot of posts since my last one. rhiannon: that's a hell of a story! too funny (or frightening). my husband was once lectured on world history by a guy in his late teens. many amazing facts were learned. did you know that napoleon lived during the time of the druids? that the pilgrims came here from spain in 1492? that the spanish conquistadors gave canada its first taste of civilization? that marijuana was "invented" in the 1960s? it was so out-of-control...this guy had just recently arrived in this state & kept boasting loudly that people here were nothing but dumbshit southern hicks. but oddly enough, the "hicks" could regularly correct him on point after point. this kid had never traveled outside of his tiny northern town. he hated all native americans, despite the fact he'd never met one. & although he was a preacher's kid, he couldn't name what religious denomination he'd been raised in...he finally made a stab at guessing ("uhhhh, lutheran?")...turns out his old man was a reverend in a white supremacist cult. this punkass kept telling the men he worked w/(ages 30-60) every day that they were stupid, uneducated hillbillies...& then wondered why he was suddenly getting assigned to the most crappy, menial jobs in the whole place. nobody could stand this guy. additionally, he despised the local women because they were all too stupid to fuck him, despite the fact that he sometimes gave them beer. in a similar story, i once knew a 19-year-old pathological liar. it was really weird. when people first met this young woman, they went absolutely nuts over her. she was statuesque and beautiful. she blew into town one day & instantly began taking over every scene she entered into. but a funny thing happened. after several weeks, she turned ugly...to almost everyone. her personality was so repellant and loathsome that people couldn't stand to be around her. it somehow translated into physical perceptions. she began to be regarded as seriously ugly, even though she was physically beautiful. it was bizarre. anyhow, this person was a pathological liar. at age 19, she was telling people that she'd been a pediatric surgeon, had been a consultant on wall street, was a former multi-millionaire (but somebody stole all the money from beneath her pillow one night), was the descendent of scandinavian royalty & had to make frequent ceremonial trips to norway & so on. it was such an obvious pile of horseshit. if anybody dared to call her on it, god help them. she's get this horrid, ugly look on her face & start screaming at people (in her charming, nasal little twang) that they weren't as sophisticated as she was, so they couldn't possibly understand the workings of the upper class (she was a hooker who dropped out of school in the 9th grade). anyway, she'd get guys to fall in love w/ her & then treat them like complete shit. she'd siphon their money, fuck around when they went to work (she was caught at this game many times) & make outrageous demands ("if you love me, you stupid sonofabitch, you'll get in the car right now & drive me three states away to buy me a cabbage patch doll that i could get at the wal-mart down the road...NOW!") anyhow, when she left town, well...not a single damn soul missed her. naturally, i should insert here that liars & flakes come in all age categories. but it was weird, how the pathological liar suddenly was perceived as ugly. the phenomenon can work in reverse, as well. i've met people who are, by mainstream standards, not considered attractive at all. but their personality's so beautiful that it starts mattering less & less...& after a while, they somehow seem a bit more attractive, although they've done absolutely nothing different, in terms of their physical appearance. rhiannon, your mom sounds too cool. 30 isn't old. it's just that certain elements of society seem to think so. waffles: hey, cool post. good to see you here. i've just gotta say, though...long-haired guys are IT. think about it. even many women who'd never let their sons grow their hair long will buy romance novels. what's on the cover? long-haired men, damn near every time. such women SAY they hate long hair on guys, but who are they drooling for? the longhairs, of course. anyhow, i despise romance novels w/ all my heart, but the marketers thereof don't create those covers by accident. they have a grip on what many women find attractive (although i'll admit that they're often pitching to the frightening women w/ rollers in their hair & ten kids to chase around the trailer). they want some long-haired romeo to sweep them off their feet. why? well, a lot of women like to feel & smell silky, shining, clean hair rubbing all over their...ah, never mind. your belt buckle kicks ass. as do your bangs. wisper: you sound too cool. i agree...why go about looking normal all the time? i'm sort of schizo about it, myself. sometimes, i'll look normal. then i'll get a wild hair & show up in public wearing completely outrageous shit. & even on days when a simple t-shirt is in order, i sometimes figure that i might as well pull one out of the collection that's offensive to the point of impending arrest. anyhow, dressing up in various non-mainstream clothing can be an interesting creative act. i agree that makeup is too much of the same old thing these days. if you're going to wear makeup, then wear something interesting. j: you tell 'em! the "bologna" comment kicked my ass. as did the "bald-headed bastard" comment. you rock. gee: hello! again, i think long hair's pretty on just about anyone. tinkerbell rocks. bologna sux.

Crimson,what state/country do you live in?

j: howdy! i'm in arkansas, USA.

Oh my God, thats almost like living in West Virginia,I feel your pain.

*laughing* i lived in WV for a couple of years, too. it's infinitely scarier than AR. WV's got some pretty scenery, though.

i have a friend who just left for Little Rock for 7 weeks, he is working on a movie there, are you in Little Rock, if so have ya heard about the big ole Hollywood big shots in town? Arkansas and West Virginia scare me equally.

i'm not in little rock. i'm in the northwest part of the state. i lived in LR for years, though. haven't heard about the hollywood thing...i'll have to ask my best friend, who's down there. don't be scared of arkansas. there are the usual redneck goons here...but not as many as the media cares to portray. there are also educated, cultured people here. also, in traveling around the country, i've discovered that rednecks are everywhere. the south doesn't have a monopoly on them.

You are right Crimson,out here they are cowboys,in the south they are white trash rednecks.Where in West Virginia did you live?

hello, j! in WV, i lived in the morgantown area, right near the PA state line. where are you located?

I live in Arizona now,at least Morgantown is a college town,a little bit hipper than the rest of the state,I think Joni Mitchell wrote a song about it.Funny,that reminds me of the time me and a girlfriend hitch-hiked there from Charleston after they found 2 headless bodies,just to see Grand Funk,Mona had a pen that would protect us,God we were stupid.Oh,Chandler AZ.I like you,I like everyone here.

since i moved to the west from the south, i have found the desert white trash far more creepy than the toothless red necks in the south. here they are still toothless and live in trailers, only it's in a desert setting, they drive strange winnebagos and believe in UFO's.

by theway crimson, wanna mail some of those funny pain pills to ole waffles? of course when yer pain is gone.......

Hey,I have perfect chops,she needs those,we are not well.

EH...COME AGAIN?

She needs the pills,I must be the W.V.exception got all my teeth,and sweet-pea,you know we are not like the others.

are you drinkin again J? Are you at home or work? If you at home sippin martinis, then.....well....you ....you.....you suck!!! cause i am so fuckin bored at my work all i can think of is hittin the ceiling with my wife and why the gay men i talk to on the phone tell me i have a sexy voice and ask for a picture. I just don't have the heart to tell em I am token straight guy in the office

Today I got an invitation to New York from a guy on the phone who told me I had a beautiful voice. Please. I laughed and then "accidently" disconnected him.

Hey!!! I,m at home,I.m a dog,why do I suck,I would rather be doing something,I just can,t,my husband doesn,t trust me.I,m in kind of a prison.

why doesn'ty he trust you, and you don't mind being told you can't do anything? Do you have the happiest postman on in the hood? You don't suck, I meant that affectionately as to say, "man you suck I wanna be home chillin like bob dylan too"

hello, everyone! wow...i've just had a hellish online experience. in the past 24 hours, i began posting to another board (not connected w/ this site at all). as a result, i've made a lot of brand new enemies. i don't even want to really talk about where i was or the intimate details of what i said, but my comments were (to me) just not that big a deal. i realized pretty quickly that i had freaked people out, so i issued two back-to-back apologies. well, these people got even MORE offended by the wording of my apologies & began flaming me outright. i issued a third apology a while ago. i really & truly didn't mean to piss these people off. it's exactly what i was terrified of when i got on the 'net...that i'd end up just freaking people out instead of truly communicating. i feel like a creep now...but i really didn't mean any harm! i disagreed w/ somebody, but i thought i did so in an articulate, calm way. it wasn't perceived that way. & now i'm the wicked witch of the internet. jesus. bottom line: i'm so glad that i've got cool people like all of you to come talk to. i can say damn near anything in here & everybody seems to roll w/ it. i like that so much. somebody on the other site--the one where i cheesed everyone off--told me that just because i had a certain negative opinion about something didn't mean i had the right to go telling the whole world about it online. somehow, i disagree. these people seem very defensive & cautious about negative commentary, in ways that i didn't fully understand when i first found the site. because i disagreed, i've been accused of attempting to undermine "their" entire site...& i haven't been posting there for a full 24 hours yet! anyway, it feels safer on this site than on the other one. there's a part of me that wants to go see what additional nasty posts people have left me...but i almost hate to go there now, because i'm so embarrassed. does this make sense? you folks have just gotta be some of the coolest people i've ever run into online. i can open up & say whatever i feel...& anyone is at liberty to disagree. i like being able to offer outrageous or weird opinions sometimes that i might not go expressing on the street, but would like to say SOMEWHERE, nonetheless. thanx for being your fine, cool selves.

just thought i'd add a postscript: i checked my e-mail. the main person who was bitching me out on that other site actually sent me a really nice note & apologized to me. i apologized right back & now things are much calmer. however... i still like this site better.

It is better,the best.Waffles,he doesn,t trust me.

I am beginning to love you J....and you are right I don't trust you....you seem to have a sadistic side,

Other people have pointed this out,but I just have to do what I have to do.I even found a site called Revenge R Us,but I can,t find it now.I meant my s/o does not trust me.

oh I see, well.........have you given him reason not to trust you

Not lately,to my credit I did not tell him Tom,s last name,but he went to the bar that I use to go to and found out.Then I know he went there twice and spoke to him twice,I know this cause he called me from the bar and asked me if I wanted to talk to Tom,but I hung up on him both times.That was a nightmare.

why are you married if this is the case, there's no love with no trust

He loves me,we did almost divorce after that,but the court made us get counseling,by then I wanted one too.He has changed alot,he hates to go to conserts,but tonight we are going to see the GooGoo Dolls,Fastball,and Sugar Ray,and I know he really doesn,t want to go,he,s just doing that for me.

well I guess that is nice that he is acting selflessly, i have learned that that kind of behavior will get a man laid...yes? i had some insecurity issues with my wife a while back, she travels alot and I was creating these scenarios in my head, i was sure she was screwing around on those trips, our sex life was in a lull, i was convinced she was getting some elsewhere, she is an attractive woman and gets hit on all the god damn time. Anyway, she made me realize that she wasn't and if I kept accusing her that she would out of simple spite and resentment...i was pushing her and giving a reason to cheat by not trusting her., Trust is hard, it's earned and I would have a hrad time if she didn't trust me.

Spite and resentment makes me do things like that too.Is Crimson still with us?Waffels,what if your wife accused you of fooling around while she,s out of town?

well. thats a starngely posed question, you mean what would i do? Well if I was innocent i would probably laugh and be angry as well as defensive. I often laugh when I am telling the truth in situations like that. It's strange frustration that I get when I feel the other person is being so absurd as not to believe me, strange i know. If she was accusing, I would get frustrated with her insecuritites, as she was with mine. If i was guilty, I am not sure what i would do, it would depend on the circumstances, if it was a drunken accident or premeditated affair. If it was drunken accident I might confess, if it was an affair I would lie porbably, hell Idon't know cause neither of those situations have come up did you ever care to see pictures, you never gave me youremail, it's not important

I appreciate your honesty,if I could figure out how to give my e-mail without my man finding out,I would,can you post them?Then again I might get jealous.I saw you posted that your picture was going to be on a book,but I never saw it.

well our company webiste has not put the book up yet, it comes out in august and I do not have a website nor and I that apt at com-puter shit to post on one of those geocities sites. May I suggest a hotmail acct or something. If I could post them I would have a long time ago.

I,m hooked up with Deja news,Planet all,and Onelist.

so does that mean you have a private address with them, such as ...."jjjj@dejamail.com or somethign of that nature. If not, go to hotmail.com and you can get an address in about 1 minute

Speaking of someone who has seen the pictures (if they're the same ones, anyway), J, I can tell you your husband would probably be glad if he found out you got them.

thanks Rhiannon, your sweet

Damn,I went to hotmail and filled out the form,when it came to submit registration,I hit it and it just kept spinning.

hotmail is quirky like that, try again, I am sure it will work. Or try yahoo.com email or excite.com. They are all the same

I went to yahoo,same thing,I got to get off my ass in a while and make it look like I do something,I,ll send it to you tomorrow night,my s/o has to work a 12 hour shift at night.

do you have your browser set to reject cookies???

hey...just thought i'd pop in for a moment. i've been busier than usual today, or i'd have posted more. after tomorrow evening, things should be back to normal & i'll come bless you w/ more of my pointless ravings. interesting to see you both talking about your spouses. i have an unusual relationship w/ mine. he doesn't really give a shit what i do or where i go. i don't care where he goes. he doesn't care who i talk to or write or e-mail or cyberfuck. we don't do that jealousy thing. it takes too much effort & we're both such lazy shits that we just can't be bothered. basically, my husband & i were platonic friends who lived together. then we got married on a whim. we've been together for a decade now. i was married once before, when i was much younger, to a hippie biker. after 3 years, we divorced peacefully. i haven't seen him in about 15 years. gotta dash...i'll check back in later!

Waffles, why don't you just make it easy on the world and go to freaking Tripod and get yourself a free freaking website! Then you can post the URL of your ohsosexy wife once and for all and the internet world can bask in her glory. http://www.tripod.com

Hey Gee,whats up?Look I finally figured it out.I wonder why I thought that was hard?Crimson,my relationship was like that too,till 3 years ago,sigh.

hello. just a quickie, this time. i'm going back to the dentist in a couple of hours. this appointment is coming way the fuck too early in the morning. generally, if the sun's up, it's time for me to be in bed. i'm one of those nighttime creatures. i occasionally advise people not to expect me up before 4:00 PM unless i'm getting paid or laid for it. anyway, just wanted to extend my greetings. maybe i'll get more pain pills & come say something terrifically meaningful in a while.

well..GEE the answer is simple, I do most of my posts here at work, I can't download any of the software necessary to set up a page, it's too much trouble, and I like to keep my activity to a minimum. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it's not that important to share my photos.

ok scratch the last comment. I am working on it, and Hopefully I will have apage shortly. I had trouble up loading my files. The fuckers don't acknowledge .bmp files or I don't know anything about building a web page. I conceed to the latter

ok folks, I have something to work with, here it is the Waffleboy home page...more to come.....it's bare i know, I will keep you posted http://members.tripod.com/accustat/

Looking good! Be sure to put up the photo of your wife (what can we call her besides the red-headed meatmobile?) taken through frosted glass. (Do you know the one I'm talking about, or did I make that up?)

I THINK YOU MAY HAVE MADE IT UP, I haven't gotten them all up as of yet, and you can call her Nico, cause tthats her name

ok, so with dave's help, I have added more pics. So if you give a rat's ass take a loot at my updated page......I am so proud of myself http://members.tripod.com/accustat/

heya, waffleboy...what a neat site! i haven't finished poking around the entire thing yet, but the pix i've seen so far look great! congrats on throwing together a cool-ass webpage. mine will never look so good. i have zero graphic talent whatsoever. none. i've always envied those persons who are gifted in the visual arts.

thanks, believe me, i really didn't do shit. It's html for idiots, but thanks for taking apeek

well, waffles, to see what kind of rancid crap happens when i attempt doing a website, you can check out my links page. this is part of a much larger site that's still under construction & not available, except for my pitiful links section. all i give the reader is links. ooh, that takes talent. that shitty wallpaper? designed it m'self. urp. it was supposed to be part of an "underground circus" site, which is why there's ringmaster-type gibbering on the page. i was doing this site w/ other people, who just vanished on me & left me holding the bag. i add little things here n' there, as i can. anyhow, this HTML nightmare oughtta make you feel much prouder about your own page: http://members.tripod.com/~happydagger/krap.html

Rancid Crap?I think not,I love it!!!I see we have a lot in common,since your page has a circus theme,check out the Jim Rose Circus Sideshow,Ive seen them twice,and they will fit right in there.Waffles,I checked out your page,but some of the pictures are scrambled,I think cause of this webtv,I,m going to get a computer,cause theres so much that I can,t get on this,like shockwave,java,and longer audio,it pisses me off.

yeah, webtv sucks a big one........

j: hello! i think i do have a jim rose related link on that page (or maybe it ended up on the second page, which you can reach from there). thanx for the kind words about my site...i hope to do a lot more w/ it over time.

Crimson,I,ll be sure to check it out!!Waffles,your dream house,I use to pass that house everyday when I worked at Shoneys in W.V.,I could see in the windows from the highway,I would have done anything to get my ass in there.I think I remember reading that he built another one in another state.You have fine taste,that is a house to die for.

hi crimson, you rock my world. i wish you were my girlfriend.