| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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If Santa were to be honest... Dear Santa, I wud lika a kool toy spce ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell. Santa ****************************************************** Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ***************************************************** Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay . Santa ***************************************************** Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. Do me a favor . Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa ****************************************************** Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? YOur friend Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the crap table. Hey , you wanted to know Santa ******************************************************* Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like the song? Love, Jessica. Dear Jessica Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, Can I please, please, please, please, please have a pupppy? Your friend Timmy. Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa **************************************************** Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Dear Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don'tlive in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa **************************************************** |
Except. At our local pub, the Salvation Army comes along to sing Christmas Carols. It's a great night full of beer and piss and good cheer. Anyways, a few years back, the Salvos bought along a Santa who was obviously a not-quite-reformed alcho. My girlfriend and I were innocently singing along and Santa kept trying to win onto us. We ended up chasing him around the pub hitting him with our carol books and yelling "Bad Santa, bad Santa". Should have seen the look on the kids faces from the lounge. |
That made my day, Cat. |
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when i was really little, like most kids i would wake up at the crack of dawn on christmas morning. but i was afraid to go out into the living room. i would stand in the hallway, just out of sight of the christmas tree, and listen. i was afraid that i was up so early that Santa would still be at my house delivering presents, and if i saw him, he'd take all the gifts back and vanish and never return. i never heard Santa rustling around or anything, but i would run into my parents' room and wake them up and make them go check for me, to make sure the coast was clear. you know they must have loved that. |
there was a christmas party at my then-friend Shreyas' house and I remember looking out the window with some other kids and seeing the glowing red light from an electric tower of some sort and thinking it was Rudolph. Then Shreyas' dad or uncle or something started rattling his keys and we all thought it was Santa. |
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we decided it would make nico and i considerably more happy for a small price. and it has. However....there are some other matters at work here. saturday, we thought our lil buddy H would like to come over and help us decorate. i was making dinner....(im working on perfecting a marinara sauce) and I need taste testers so I though...heh, invite lil Haddy, his Mom and Pop, and his baby brother Milo (altered names are being used to protect....whomever) over. Nico got something in advance to put under the tree for the two kids so...all was well. They came over, my marinara was most excellent, my italian dressing even better. All were happy. But lately, spending so much time with these folks, there seems to be a sense of pressurized domestication that is making me a bit uncomfortable. Im not sure about it all. Also, our friends remind us, over and over what good parents we would be and we should do it, and they would help us any which way and that wse should have that little girl that nico wants and on and on and on and on and on. I think Hado's Mom is attempting to live vicariuously...wanting someone close to her, to share the experience with again. Nico and I are very fond of their two kids and in fact, in a drunken stupor, she asked us if we would be their god parents. I got so very uncomfortable at this notion. We had such a good time trimming the tree and so forth that the entire family passed our at our house. They all crashed on our bed, with the exception of Milo in his porta-crib. The cats hid all night. They didn't know what to make of such tenacious and curious kids. Nico and i were perfectly happy to camp out in front of the tree watching old black and white movies till the wee hours. Anyway, Im just sounding off...not really looking for any insight per se...maybe you have some, maybe you don't. in fact im wondering what my point was to begin with. oh, my tree. it looks nice. |
you do what feels right, patrick. |
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I narrowly escaped having to tell him what was in that drawer by simply saying "its not toys, its where I keep my socks" |
I am not trying to tell you what to do or what not to. I am just trying to share a little bit about how it changed me. As insane as it sounds, I am very happy with who I am as a person. I am happy with my life and the direction it is going in. Believe me, though, it is a total 180 from where I was 5 years ago. |
having kids is changing to be more in favor of having them, but i still really don't see my self reproducing until my nid thirties and then, well, that's 6 years away and I would like to spend more time with a wife childless than that, so maybe it would have to be adoption or just dote on friend's kids. All assuming that some lady would find me worthy of marriage within the next couple years. |
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I invited them over because I felt this urge that it would make the kiddies and subsequently the parents happy to come over. There was an element of comfort, a new sense of comfort as of late that prompted me to do this. And I was right, everyone had a great time. And I did enjoy myself, despite feeling a bit awkward at times. Being that they live a block a way, not only is a sense of domestication at play, but community. I now have knowledge of schools and I know where playgrounds are, the good ones etc etc. Shit the wife was at trader joes last night stocking up on our weekly vino and she runs into them. Its borderline weird man. |
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It was the first time in years I've actually wanted them. Which is really odd. But, like Sem, I would want to spend some alone time with a hubby first... and I'm 26 now... by my bud Sharon's maths skills... it would be about early to mid-30's for babies too. But that doesn't count the fact that I have yet to meet anyone I am remotely attracted or interested in... dammit. smelly lady with 1300 cat life here i come. |
I've never recovered my Christmas Spirit since. You would not believe the uglieness that customers are capable of unless you see it everyday for a while. I really wish it would come back. |
Nico has all but ruled out having children beyond the next 2-3 years. She's turning 30 this Feb. |
THATS EXACTLY THE MALE DOMINATED BULLSHIT THAT HAS HELD WOMEN BACK FOR OVER 2000 YEARS. Women can have babies when they want to. Men are just the insertion tool. |
over-muchly feminism? Patrick, i think that biologically you have a very good point. Its strange how in the present day we have pushed the "normal" ages for biological events around to fit our social sturctures. |
the older the parents the greater the chance that once could suffer a health condition, with old age, therfore leaving the child with only one parent. A woman taking drugs to have a baby at the age of 40+ is terribly risky not only for her but the child as well. Clearly the dumbass above has comprehension skills,as i didnt advocate dictating women to have children by a certain age only that i think its better they have them earlier than most women are these days. Clearly the dumbass doesnt know what the word fascist means either. |
clearly, he is a dumbass. |
I will make you rich in the next few years.......... |
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(hope it lasts) |
i'm being slighted day after day ("....they take some brain away, to the far side of town.....") fuck. |
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