| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I don't know, it always seemed like taking the basics in life and the things that sometimes should be special and should stay kept away from the public and putting them on a cyber pedistal for everyone to see and go ahhhhh isn't that special... I guess I'm just to cynical for that shit. |
I also agree that anything as insane as a marriage proposal ought "sometimes should be special" and that little Chrissy and whatever his name was "should stay kept away from the public." Isn't there another string here where the current technology for altering web site visit counters is available? Someone who knows oughta look into that. Wonder what'll happen to ol Chrissy when her counter gets to 999,998 and she's two votes short of a marriage? Wonder if they'll have a contest to see if they should conceive their first child or have artificial insemination?? May be she can insist on a recount of the dimpled chad. It shit like this that keeps me coming back to the commercial free internet highway. Happy Saturday. Off to the woods with chainsaw in hand. |
i need some coffee. |
Now, where'd I put that duct tape.... |
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blame dave. |
I could have been a contender. |
I think the best way I can describe my feelings about this is in the words of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. "If we listened to everyone who critizized us and quit making fun of certain groups then we would be disciminating hypocrites, so instead we stick with the path and make fun of everyone. Its the only way to be equal." |
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so i went to Costco first thing this morning because i just got a membership and i wanted to give this Bulk thing a try, especially considering that i eat so much food, my monthly food bill nearly matches the amount i pay in rent. of course, i came home with enough food to feed the entire western hemisphere, and i had a lot of stuff that needed to be put in the freezer. my freezer is one of the only scary parts of my house. it's not gross, it's just mysterious. i've had so many housemates come and go over the past 3.5 years, and the freezer has accumulated a lot of weird, random items that sort of linger in there and i'm not sure whose they are or what they are or if i have the right to throw any of it away or what. and the state of the freezer doesn't actually bother me at all, so mostly i don't even think about it. but today i needed to make room for the Ultra Humongous Packs of Stuff that i got at the Costco place, so i decided to sort through all of the mystery frozen items and throw shit out. there's been this big, roundish thing on the bottom in the back. it was wrapped in what appeared to be several layers of brown paper and plastic bags. i thought it was a huge sourdough bread or... or... shit, i didn't know what it was, and i didn't much care. but it's been in there for a very long time, and if it was bread, it probably had freezer burn by now, and even if it didn't, whatever it was had been in there long enough for me to assume that it was never going to get eaten. so, after tossing out several bottles of frozen water, a bag of white rice, peas, and old baked goods, i hauled this big roundish thing out of the freezer to inspect it. i tore through several layers of plastic bags before getting to the brown paper, which wasn't a sourdough wrapper, but rather just a paper grocery bag. and when i tore that part open, what did i see? an orange and white striped paw. paw. it was a dead cat. a fucking dead cat. in my freezer, with like, the food. and i knew it must have been my housemate John's cat, because he is one freaky dude. i mean, he's fine, he pays his rent and he's calm and most importantly he's never home and he minds his own business. but he's also an art student at UH and a heterosexual freakshow who wears my old dresses and paints his nails and is bald and tattooed and pierced and generally bizarre. my other housemate Jenn is also an artist. but she's a fairly benign, normal girl, an art teacher at a public intermediate school. she was in the kitchen watching me unload the freezer when i discovered the dead cat. when i saw the paw, i just sort of froze with my mouth open. and she was like, "what is it?" and i said, "oh Jenn, you don't want to know. i don't want to know." she was like, "oh god, what? what is it?" and i'm like, "i'm not going to tell you, i'm going to pretend this wasn't in the freezer, i'm just going to take it outside." and she said, "it's a dead animal, isn't it?" and i said, "yes, it's a cat. and it's john's i bet." and she said, calmly, "i've known lots of weird artists before who were into Dead Cat Art." and i was like, "that's not art, that's just fucked up." and she said, "yeah, i know." so i took the cat outside. i thought about digging a hole in the yard, but it was kinda rainy today and i'm not feeling well (currently having the worst ovarian cyst episode flare-up since surgery...) so i just left it in the bag and put it outside. i knew john would come home at some point before he had to go off to work tonight, so before i left the house, i wrote him a note. Dear John, Please bury or otherwise get rid of the DEAD CAT that was in our freezer. I needed the space for, uh, food. The is at the bottom of the lanai stairs. The shovel is behind the house. Thanks. -s then i went out to the mall to return all the crap i bought impulsively on wednesday. i couldn't stop laughing to myself the entire day. i was wandering around the mall grinning or outright laughing every time i thought of that dead cat being my freezer. i mean, it's been in there for so long and it's just so utterly random and absurd and really this is just one isolated incident that somehow represents exactly how chaotic and random life is in my household. anyway, when i got home, i noticed the bag was not at the bottom of the stairs. i was relieved that it was gone, until i got inside the house, where there was a note for me. S- Cat was a pet of mine that got run over. I froze him immediately & am going to use it for a taxidermy art project. John i opened the freezer, and there was the layers of bags surrounding the big round thing that looked even more like a giant sourdough bread. i was horrified, but what can you do? it was the guy's pet for chrissakes. but the thing's been in there for literally months and he should have done his art project or whatever with it by now. So I left him a note and he'll get it tonight if he comes home, otherwise in the morning. John, I am sincerely sorry that your pet got hit by a car. I cannot tolerate having it in the freezer. You really should have told me you put a dead cat in there. Please take it to school tomorrow, otherwise I will get rid of it myself. -s i almost can't wait to see how this one is going to turn out... |
Does no one have any respect for the dead anymore, fucking christ. |
The cat should be in the cat freezer. He should buy a cat freezer. Sheesh... Some people! |
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no. is that a movie? what was it about? the title sounds like it's supposed to be a funny movie. like bill and ted. |
see it. |
Sarah, maybe you should look into john being in the movie industry or something like that... |
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Frozen pet story: So, one of the guys who works in the forestry department here lives over in the hilly area. He lives at the top of a ridge, and owns the land below it too. So, his dog got creamed by a truck at the top of the hill and froze stiff over night. He found the dog, and decided to bury it with the rest of his dogs at the bottom of the ridge. However, instead fo taking it down to the bottom of the ridge and carrying it in to the site below his house, he ties a rope around the corpse and tosses it off the cliff. Of course, on the way dwon, the dogcicle gets hung up in the trees, so he had to take a length of PVC pipe and poke at it until it fell out of the tree. Then he buried it. |
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gives new meaning to the phrase "Stupid Pet Tricks". |