| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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************************* [The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"] Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Antigone is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Bob Dobbs. So everyone, please put your hands together for Antigone! [The crowd whoops and hollers] Jerry: Okay, now Antigone you're here to talk about someone aren't you? You: Yes. Jerry: And what is this other person's name? You: Mrs. Krakelscrod. [The crowd squeals with delight] Jerry: Okay, okay, well Mrs. Krakelscrod, is actually here tonight ... [The crowd squeals] Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Antigone, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite! You: What the HELL!!! [Out of nowhere you pull out a Atomic Flyswatter. Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite reaches for the bidet. Out of the shadows Edwina appears] Edwina: Wait everybody, wait! Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite. Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite: Because I saw Antigone and Edwina making out at El Gappo! [The crowd goes absolutely insane] Edwina: That's a lie! I was home watching Martha Stewart's "I'm the Messiah, who the fuck are you?"! Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite? Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Bob Dobbs who has recently become engaged to Edwina. [The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement] Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Bob Dobbs out here because Antigone had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Mrs. Krakelscrod that's right! Bob Dobbs: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Mrs. Krakelscrod! You know how I feel about Mrs. Krakelscrod! Edwina: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Mrs. Krakelscrod! Bob Dobbs: Because I knew that I could never have Mrs. Krakelscrod. But Antigone promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings! Edwina: What about respect for my feelings! [Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Bob Dobbs] Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me. [Again the crowd squeals] Edwina: Oh my God! Are you sick!? [Edwina runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly] Edwina: Antigone take me away from all of this! You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ... [The crowd does its bit] Edwina: Married? [You nod] Edwina: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand! You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Mrs. Krakelscrod. Bob Dobbs: [screaming] WHAT!!! Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night? Mrs. Krakelscrod: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex "pi * e * i" times if that's what you mean. [The crowd squeals] Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Antigone is married to Mrs. Krakelscrod who Bob Dobbs has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Bob Dobbs has recently become engaged to Edwina who was recently spotted kissing Antigone in El Gappo. Now on top of this, Harold the Hairy Hermaphrodite has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Bob Dobbs. Mrs. Krakelscrod: That's right Jerry. Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other. [Cue cheesy background music and fade to black] |
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we have a particularly interesting episode! Nate is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, ten rottweilers. So everyone, please put your hands together for Nate! [The crowd whoops and hollers] Jerry: Okay, now Nate you're here to talk about someone aren't you? You: Yes. Jerry: And what is this other person's name? You: Brock Lesnar. [The crowd squeals with delight] Jerry: Okay, okay, well Brock Lesnar, is actually here tonight ... [The crowd squeals] Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Nate, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... buttery monkey love! You: What the HELL!!! [Out of nowhere you pull out a Bazooka Joe. buttery monkey love reaches for the brainfart. Out of the shadows mark thomas appears] mark thomas: Wait everybody, wait! Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here buttery monkey love. buttery monkey love: Because I saw Nate and mark thomas making out at Trish Stratus! [The crowd goes absolutely insane] mark thomas: That's a lie! I was home watching your mom! Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem buttery monkey love? buttery monkey love: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with ten rottweilers who has recently become engaged to mark thomas. [The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement] Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Ten rottweilers out here because Nate had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Brock Lesnar that's right! Ten rottweilers: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Brock Lesnar! You know how I feel about Brock Lesnar! mark thomas: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Brock Lesnar! Ten rottweilers: Because I knew that I could never have Brock Lesnar. But Nate promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings! mark thomas: What about respect for my feelings! [buttery monkey love walks suddenly across the stage, embracing ten rottweilers] buttery monkey love: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me. [Again the crowd squeals] mark thomas: Oh my God! Are you sick!? [mark thomas runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly] mark thomas: Nate take me away from all of this! You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ... [The crowd does its bit] mark thomas: Married? [You nod] mark thomas: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand! You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Brock Lesnar. Ten rottweilers: [screaming] WHAT!!! Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night? Brock Lesnar: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 22 times if that's what you mean. [The crowd squeals] Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Nate is married to Brock Lesnar who ten rottweilers has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now ten rottweilers has recently become engaged to mark thomas who was recently spotted kissing Nate in Trish Stratus. Now on top of this, buttery monkey love has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with ten rottweilers. Brock Lesnar: That's right Jerry. |
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MMMMM MMM, 22 times baby |