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I have a friend who's rather over-protective (one of my best friends). He happens to have a sister that I really like, and who also happens to like me, so far not a big deal right? Well... What i would like to know is how you (any/everyone) would, in the same place as me, go ahead. Do I just, well, ignore him or should this be put on the back burner, so to speak? How do I go about getting some without alienating my very good friend? |
Is your aim just to "get some" or is it to establish a relationship? |
I would sorta mention it in passing to him, and go from there, if he protests, remind him of what I stated above. If he is truly your friend, he should trust you to be good her. |
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Assess the baggage quotient before you make a move since you'd really like it to go to relationship status. That is unless you just want some. In which case your friend might think you're a jerk-bag using the sister Unless she also just wants some. In which case the your friend might just feel weird. I'm only guessing reactions from you saying he is an over-protective type, which I'm sure might also be true of the relationship with his sister? More details more details |
I've been friends with Kevin for 8 years (at least) She was engaged for 1 year and they broke up on the day of their fifth ann. of seeing each other. I'm only projecting my feelings, after a relat. of the same amount of time on to her. so i (really) only have my opinion to go on, but she has made mention that a 'commited' trip insn't what she's after. Baggage?....hummm.....difficult to say....its been made clear that we are both in a state of denile, because (a)I'm her brothers best friend, and (b) 'cause she my best friends sister, but the fact remains that there is a mutual attraction that, well, transends that. it has pretty much (since the last time I posted here) become clear that we are both goingto say to hell with what he thinks. The thing is I don't want him {(Kevin) yes we have the same name} to think that it's the bastard he knows that I have been at times, that is checking 'lil sis out. I have, and do care for her. >"Unless she also just wants some." Well if thats the case, I can deal, but how do you tell 'older overprotective brother' that? that being said, we went out last night, and had a really good time, as a matter of fact, I had to basically throw her out of my car. I just don't know how to tell Kevin that there is something there. I also have yet to figure out the exact "girl-friend quotient" (for lack of a better term) that may come out of this. I don't want to lose my buddy, or have kath pissed at me, but i am beginning to think that it is now beyond control, and whatever I do will only cut one (or both) out of my life. PS. its only at work that I have email. So, while I do read all this, it's hrad to answer with any kind of regularity. |
Here's what else I think, for what it's worth: if the girl is letting you know that she doesn't want a relationship, and You know that her brother is Not going to be okay with you just screwing his little sister (no matter how old she is), why the hell are you going through with it? So you're attracted to the girl, so what? You're both adults, yadda yadda yadda, who cares? You're not a little kid. You're old enough to get the heck over it for your Best Friend's sake. It's not like you're in love with the girl. I don't think it would kill either one of you to put her brother and your best buddies feelings first here. But I'm sure you'll go right ahead and get kinky cuz that's what you really want to do and who cares about anything else? it's been a bad week and I'm being very harsh, but that's still my opinion. |
PS, I bet I know you in the real. |
I'm in such a bad mood. say hello next time you see me in the real. |
1. Given: your friend is going to be irritated at you for moving in on his sister. 2. He may be *irritated* at you, but do you really think he (your friend of 8 years) would cut you off completely just because you like his sister? (Provided you treat her right, of course.) 3. If you go with his sister, things may or may not work out. 4. Best outcome: you get the girl and keep your friend. 5. Middling outcome: you keep the friend and lose the girl (either because you do nothing or #3) 6. Worst outcome: you lose the friend *and* the girl. I'd say go for it. BUT, that said, I agree with Gee is that just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it, especially if there may be consequences. Those are my two cents. |
(it's also a little weird that she's 19 and has been in a steady relationship for five years. what did her brother think of that guy?) - romantic relationships hardly ever last. they often end badly. - 8-year buddydom can last even longer. - gee was right -- you're not going to listen to us anyone here. if what we say matters to you, then you don't really have it very bad for her at all. |
I have decided to talk to my friend before I do anything. Cause like you said cyst, friendship does, usually last longer, and I'd rather stay friends with him then lose everything because I was thinking with my penis, not my head. I'll keep you updated. |
Took my friend out for drinks last night, I stayed on the soda until I had said my peice. I explained the situ. and how I felt, I talked about kath's thoughts (that's his sis). I made it clear that how I felt was not going to change but how I acted on my feelings depended on his opinions. For about ten mins. I thought he was gonna punch me out, then he said "I don't like it, but I trust you, and know that you will treat her right" So after a few drinks we got to drunken talk and he said that he was glad that kath was interested in me and not some "drunken loser, college bastard". So.... I have only to have mom and dad not get pissed at me and voila. |
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when choosy mothers choose the way they want to learn about their daughter's new boy, THIS IS THE WAY!!!! NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN!!!! !DON'T LET ANYONE TALK YOU OUT OF TREATING HER PARENTS THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE TREATED!!!!!! |
it's true |
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I still will stick with noting that she's 20, she's been in a relationship since she was 15 with someone she was going to marry so you really should get out of her what she really wants before you get too attached, and know you are in for baggage big time, especially right now, post engagement. Since you seem to really care for her you sound like you want a relationship with her and since she has told you point blank she doesn't that may really have to be something to be negotiated in the future. Have fun and don't get in over yer head too quick.(though if I were you I couldn't follow that advice). And don't be an ass to the sister or you really will regret it big time buddy. Yer still not out of the woods yet but I do like the wildlife reports. and Gee - thank you for using 'hoser' - aaah! |
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Shes a photographer, so i'll let her take all the pictures. yes theres baggage but, she is a really solid girl. and she is seeing a shrink which is helping alot. relationship wise we are tryin to not head down that road yet but, its getting harder everyday. well thats it. hope everyone has a great weekend. |