1. Ever tried alcohol? (1 point) 2. Ever been drunk? (2 points) 3. Ever play drinking games? (2 points) 4. Ever fall down from drinking too much? (3 points) 5. Ever drink enough to throw up? (4 points) (bonus 1 point for throwing up on someone else) 6. Ever wake up and not remember the night before? (5 points) 7. Ever been forcibly removed from a bar? (8 points) 8. Ever participated in/finished a pub crawl? (5 points) 9. Do you drink regularly? (at least 3 times weekly) (3 points) (bonus: 1 point for each additional day...max 7 points) 10.Ever pass out in a bar? (4 points) 11.Ever laughed at a handicapped person? (2 points) 12.Ever laughed at someone's misfortune? (1 point) 13.Ever try pot, hash, or magic mushrooms? (4 points for each one tried) 14.Do you do drugs regularly? (4 points) (bonus: more than 4 times weekly = additional 4 points) 15.Ever bought soft drugs? (4 points) 16.Ever sell drugs? (8 points) 17.Ever sell drugs to support a drug habit? (12 points) 18.Ever use barbiturates? (8 points) 19.Ever use hallucinogens? (8 points) 20.Ever use narcotics? (10 points) 21.Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours? (8 points) 22.Ever been on a date? (2 points) 23.Ever been felt up? (2 points) 24.Ever had sexual intercourse? (6 points) (bonus 2 points if it was on the first date) 25.Ever bathed with the opposite sex? (5 points) 26.Ever paid for sex? (8 points) 27.Ever taken advantage of someone stoned or drunk? (4 points) 28.Ever get someone stoned or drunk for the purpose of obtaining sexual favors? (8 points) 29.Ever engage in oral sex? (4 points) (bonus: to orgasm--2 points) 30.Ever engage in anal sex? (6 points) (bonus: to orgasm--2 points) 31.Ever engage in the 69 position? (4 points) 32.Ever contract an STD? (12 points) 33.Ever had sex without a contraceptive? (4 points) 34.Ever had, or knowingly been responsible for an abortion? (12 points) 35.Ever had sex with 2 or more people in 1 week? (4 points) 36.Ever had sex with more than 1 person at a time? (9 points) 37.Ever had sex in public? (6 points) 38.Ever had carpet burns from sex? (4 points) 39.Ever had sex with a member of the same sex? (10 points) 40.Ever practiced bondage, masochism or sadism? (8 points) 41.Ever used sex toys? (6 points) 42.Ever pass out during sex? (5 points) 43.Ever been responsible for losing someone else's virginity? (4 points) 44.Ever masturbated while talking on the phone? (3 points) 45.Ever purchased something in a sex shop? (3 points) 46.Ever licked or had someone lick your.... eyeball (2 points) toes (1 point) ears (1 point) anus (5 points) add 5 points if you licked your own anus. 47.Ever had sex with a relative? (5 points) 48.Ever made someone else sleep on the wet spot? (6 points) 49.Does necrophilia, pedophila or beastiality turn you on? (20 points) 50.Ever been arrested? (8 points) Convicted? (bonus 7 points) SCORING: 0-20 A life with the church is too corrupt for you. 21-40 You barely make our scale. 41-60 Approaching normal. You're not much fun on a date. 61-100 Normal. 101-130 Above average. 131-160 You're a social menace. 161-200 You're a danger to society. Who let you out on a day pass? 200+ You're going straight to HELL!

P.S. I scored 192

i'm a social menace no i'm not

at least not for any of those reasons

I,m a danger to society,I got a 187.

above average

I'm interested as to how Patrick, Nate and PJ Boy score.

194 baby!!!!!!!!!!!i think there were only 3-5 questions i couldn't say yes to.

I'm a danger to society as well.....but nowhere near as dangerous as J :0)....I'm only a 162...barely made the grade.

194? I'm going to have to go out today and catch up :o)

things i said no to, -#50arrested/convicted -#49 necrophilia/beatiality -never licked my own bum -#47 sex w/rel -never had an abortion or taken someone's viginity -nerver paid for sex -never done a pubcrawl, although some nites i might as well

I guess this means I don,t get the tee shirt.

There's still time to complete the list...if you really want the T shirt :o)

I'm a danger to society (168)

Maybe the should give tee shirts for the sleeziest Male and Female

Maybe they should give tee shirts for the sleeziest Male and Female.

i'm going straight to hell. 243.

liar

243!?! No way...let's see your answer sheet :o)

that's what i came up with, plugging straight into the calc. i'll go again to see if i made an error.

243 again. sorry folks. maybe i am the devil. and no. i won't reveal my answers.

eek. i'm going straight to hell.

what's a barbituate?

7 points.

YOU ARE KIDDING ME RIGHT CYST???? barbituate is anything from a muscle relaxer to a anti-depressant to a pain killer. Sedatives..valium, demoral...opposite of stimulants

Barbiturates (note the spelling) are derivatives of barbituric acid and are used as tranquilizers and antispasmodics. Valium is not a barbiturate, it is a benzodiazepine. Demoral, Seconal, and Nembutal are barbiturates, to name a few.

mmm. seconal. you only scored 7 points spider? you need to come visit me.

Actually 12 points, if you count taking a bath with your brother when you're 4.

god damn Rhi...........may i ask how you racked up those whopping points, besides the bath

Yes to #1, 12, 22, and 45

a friend of mine just took this test. he got a nice, respectable score (just over 100). my husband took it & got a score of 17. i, on the other hand, scored over 200. i'm feeling sleazier by the minute.

Where's Mr. Swine and RC?

Rhi, go see nate, please, for the love of god. You are missing out on some good ole fashioned fun.

before college i had a 6 apparently long relationships make you sleazy

before college I had an 8. I now have a 127. If I wasn't such a loser at dating, I would've made it to Menace to Society by now.

Nate could try his worst, but I am incorruptible. When I die, I will become patron saint of Sorabji.com and intercede on all of your festering souls' behalfs. How's that?

236. pfffffft. i was hellbound before i did any of that shit, anyway.

do they mean the legal or medical definition of "narcotic"? regardlss, I fall in the danger-to-society category, which is wholly inappropriate. I feel that I'm pretty pure. but maybe just compared to my friends, that bunch of filthy miscreants.

Wow. I didn't think I was _thyat_ sleazy.

I got 39. Rhiannon isn't going anywhere near you people. She's our last hope.

87. i'm "normal." that's pretty funny.

Give Crimson that tee shirt,I can,t do any better than her unless I start on my pets,thank God Lucky is a female,you didn,t hear that God okay?

I scored a perfect 0, of course. I'm shocked, SHOCKED at you people. Including Rhiannon. I thought this was a wholesome site.

I got a 47. I was mocked by all my coworkers, when we all took this test last week, except for the LDS guy, whom we sheltered from knowlede of the existence of the test.

Marcus you need to come visit me.

for that matter, anyone who scored under 100 should come visit me. i'm the LSAT workshop equiv. for corruption.

Nate, J, Crimson, Beaver and I will be hosting this workshop. corruption and moral breakdown guranteed. We'll have ya boffing your dog, doing lines, chuggin half yards, and cussing like a sailor in no time. Resistance is futile....

count me in. but my tutorials in depravity don't come cheap. you have to PAY to reach this level of sleaziness.

check your soul at the door.

Day 1 lecture and lab "What Pot, Black Sabbath and Cheap Beer have in common" Day 2 lecture "Shame: What THEY want you to feel" Day 3 lecture and lab "The Ins and Outs of Group Sex" Day 4 lecture and lab (for guys only) "Coke and your failing member" Day 5 lecture and lab (for girls only) "Coke and his failing member, what you can do to turn it around" .....and so on

I like the completely arbitrary assignment of points. Incest gets you 5, but making someone sleep on the wet spot nets you 6.

Nate will be hosting a special roundtable on the correct methods of de-beaking a prairie squid. This is a don't miss opportunity.

Damn, Prairie Squid, I forgot! They add 20 points to my score! I qualify for social menance now! Yippee!

I wonder what Czarina is up to,she,s definately up there with me,she,d probably have a cooking with condoms seminar.

J, how do you and Czarina know each other?

oh shit. i forgot all about prairie squid myself. not that i'm going to hell any quicker. i just watched "deconstructing harry" last night. it kind of concerned me. i generally think of myself as a good person, but i'm smack dab inline with a lot of things that that movie identifies as evil.

I,ve known her since I was 17,I met her through Bruce who I had met through that crazy Jana.We just hit it off,she really is one of the funniest gals I know,we use to go out and just look for trouble,we always found it,never a dull moment.

When is Jimbo going to give us his stats?

I recieved an email today telling me that my associates and I are a bunch of "Gutter Rats". All I can say to that is....behold the power of cheese :o)

184 i think that should be just about average.

Rhiannon if you're still reading this thread, you turn the computer off right now and go watch some Brady Bunch reruns. Right this instant, young lady!!

Yes, dear.

Fetidbeaver did my husband send you that e-mail?

I'm feeling a little warm. 211

I knew you would come through,any ideas for the workshop?I thought that on Sunday we could do the lift your legs for Jesus thing.

J, Nope I found out who sent it. She recently became "born again" and says we're all going to hell.

She can call it hell if she wants to,I call it a party.

She can call it hell if she wants to,I call it a party.

Before I take this quiz: What's a pub crawl? Is it supposed to be brawl? Becuz I can proudly say yes to bar-brawling. But I can't imagine any reason to go crawling 'round a pub. Unless someone dropped one of their contacts. Does crawling around the bathroom of a pub count -- i.e. we dropped our hit of mesc & were trying to find it? And I need a clearer definition of #37. Does 'sex in public' mean in a public place? If so/does that cover all outdoor trysts -- i.e. sex on the beach/sex in a forest -- even if only the 2 if you were there? Or does it mean w/other people watching? What if you were in the privacy of someone's bedroom but others were watching you make love (from the closet w/out you knowing)? Does that count as public sex? And what abt having sex w/a realtive before you found out you were related? Wd you have to answer yes to #47?

it's an event in which a you and your buddies designate an area of town and hit every pub possible for a drink. hence by the end of it, you are crawling to the next.

The downtown of HOughton, Michigan is perfectly designed for this, with evenly spaced bars. I have tested thisout more times than is good for me. Th best is in the summer, because you end up at the bar with an outdoor deck and you can enjoy the night air w/out breathing all the cigarette smoke.

Spirit of the West has a song called "The Crawl" which is about...that. it's one of their most popular songs.

In NY/we just called it bar-hopping.

Do you guys not have organised bus trips? Where you hire a bus. get drunk. get on bus. drink more. go to bar. get drink. go to toilet. leave bar. get on bus. drink. get to next bar. go to toilet. get drink. go to toilet. get on bus. drink. get to next pub. drink. go to toilet. get back on bus etc etc. At the last pub - if you make it that far- there is usually food.

it's not a crawl if it's chartered. jeez.

It sounds good to me if it,s chartered then you can,t get a D.W.I.

thats the whole point of a "crawl". you can't crawl if you are ridin or driving.........come on america, step out of your cars, no wonder american is so fat....

my boys took a taxi. when they hit their last bar and were ready to go home they realized they didn't have any money left for a cab and they were nine miles from home. Good stuff.

it always cracks me up when you use the phrase "my boys". when men say "my boys", we're usually referring to our balls. god forbid they'd ever be nine miles from "home".

The test is too easy. Here's a harder one: 1. Ever wake up and not remember the night before (having nothing to do with booze or drug intake? (5 points) 2. Ever been forcibly removed from a department store? (5 points) 3. Ever participated in/finished a church crawl? (10 points) 4.Ever pass out in the middle of the street? (5 points – 15 bonus points if you were hit by a vehicle) 5.Ever had sex with a handicapped person? (20 points) 6.Ever eat animal dung or urine? (20 points for each one tried) 7.Ever eat human dung or urine? (15 points for each one tried) 8. Ever slip a vegetarian meat? (2 points) 9.Ever sell drugs to a minor? (5 points) 10.Ever dispense drugs which you knew were screwed up to try to hurt someone else? (15 points) 11.Ever sell fake drugs? (10 points) 12.Ever had someone threaten to kill you due to unpaid debts? (10 points) 13.Ever read the bible/koran/torah for more than 48 hours? (5 points) 14.Ever defecate on the opposite sex? (5 points) 15.Ever performed an abortion? (50 points) 16.Ever ask for customer assistance before purchasing something in a sex shop ? (5 points) 17.Ever work in a sex shop ? (10 points) 18.Ever have sex in a sex shop ? (15 points)

But how do you score?

#5. Depends on your definition of 'handicapped.' If he couldn't find the open end of a condom,then yes. #18 Does a cathouse count as a sex shop? I worked in one once, but stricly on the phones, managing the bookings. And I did do the nasty there, but not with a client. He was someone I knew from the outside who showed up on a bet after I told him where I was working & he didn't believe me. You guys come up with the weirdest catagories... Whatever happened to the basic old-fashioned pervisions, like seducing your sister's boyfriend? Or fucking your step-father? That's why this great nation had gone down the toilet...

I got a 145. Guess I'm pretty middle of the road here.

Ok. I've been out of the loop a while. It's a bitch that I can't access the boards from home. Grrrrr. Anyway... my score is as follows: 132 wooHOO I'm a social menace. I just wish I was able to accept 5 points for being able to lick my own anus. Then I would never have to go out. Now, I'm going to catch up on everyone else's scores.

i got a 30 on the new test. i feel saintly.

If you're a saint, then I'm an angel. 2 points. But he wanted that meat and just wouldn't admit it.

my score on the new test is 72. well, it beats the 200+ i got on the first one.

5 points. you are all bad people, except for rhiannon and gee.

I'm willing to learn, though.

I'm willing but at a 7 I gotta long way to catch up with you all. Second thought, I'm not too willing. I'm easy but not cheap.

o shit, didn't realize there were two tests. I got a 196 (menace) on the original test, only 7 on this last wonderful entry. Ha! I'm 4 pts sleazier than Sarah, 2 more than FB, and I've only been around you folks for a short time. Think of what I could be if I spent all my time here. I could compete fashionably with Rodney and his sister.

once again, gee, training will be provided, free of charge.

I went from being a slutpuppy on the first test to a zero on the second test,which is strange cause I can be mean sometimes.

Try this test. My total was 30.

25 on the murder test. (Less than 70) You are probably a middle class person who faces a normal (low) risk of murder in today's society. You are drinking too much. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body

my total is 64. You are probably a middle class person who faces a normal (low) risk of murder in today's society. You face more criminal (per capita) in the big city. That adds to some of your risk, but hey... You are drinking too much in public. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body. You are drinking too much. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body Firing emplyees always is a risk in a society where no one takes responsibility for their own actions. You suddenly become the reason (obsession) for the fired employee's bad luck. Be mindful of people following you.

Your total is 45. You are probably a middle class person who faces a normal (low) risk of murder in today's society. Your particular job puts you at risk You face more criminal (per capita) in the big city. That adds to some of your risk, but hey... You are drinking too much. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body this test seemed sort of paranoid

Mine was 58 and that was with my drug use and I,m still all good.

huh. apparently my score is really 71, which puts me at moderate risk. if i were 2 years younger, it'd be 86. the folks at nashville.net recommend i bleach my skin and move to the suburbs.

71 You face more criminal (per capita) in the big city. That adds to some of your risk, but hey... You gotta be out-of-your-mind to use drugs and AT OTHER PEOPLES' HOUSES...Whew. Not a good plan...risky Never misuse drugs unless you are ready to go to jail. Marijuana is dangerous to your arrest record and lungs. Appreciate the risk you face if someone wants to use the knowledge of your drug use in a way to damage your reputation. You are drinking too much in public. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body You are drinking too much. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body Never misuse drugs unless you are ready to go to jail. WOW! I got some preachin from that place. Some of those questiosn are hard to answer. I have no idea how long it takes cops to get to my house., muchless the fire department.

5. And I'm guessing it's actually even lower.

get the fuck out. just living anywhere *near* DC should put you up over the top. isn't DC still the murder capital of the world?

33.

in rereading my lecture that fucking site gave me, since when did my reputation of mary jane use effect my chance of being murder.... suzy Q neighbor-"ohhhhhh he smokes dope.....LETS HANG EM!!!!!" Rhi, are sure that site isn't a ploy by the American Family Coalition or something....?

i got 32, and the told me not to do drugs unless i was prepared to deal with the Man.

I got a 10, by the way, on the second test featuring all the wierd church shit. All of it for selling fake drugs. I think I should only get like 2 pts. for it because my part was just to buy the zig zags so my little brother could roll up celery seed joints to sell in school.

sem, rhi, margret, http://WWW.LAWEEKLY.COM/ink/00/13/music-epstein.shtml

I heard it wasn't a good album. It seems like a scary concept, actually: Rollins rocking. In fact, one review compared him on this album to sounding like Brak from "Space Ghost." Brak is a good thing, Henry sounding like him is not.

45 on the murder test, and like Swine I have a drinking problem in public places. And in social situations. Like I wasnt aware of that. Other test was 20.

I was 47 - since I work for the Gov't. You are probably a middle class person who faces a normal (low) risk of murder in today's society. Your particular job puts you at risk You face more criminal (per capita) in the big city. That adds to some of your risk, but hey... How would you know how long it takes police to get to your house etc? I used to work in a play theatre and once a man was beating the shit out of this woman outside my window and I kept calling the police (3 blocks away) who didn't come for over 20 min saying 'that's not our area'. I was afraid to open the door and let her in the box office because the guy woulda beat me up too. It was horrible. Of course she didn't press charges because it was her BOYFRIEND. - ah l'amour!

Mine was 83 on the murder test. The fact that my job has me handling drugs and the fact that I have fired people in the last two years put me more at risk.

Wow. 98. Which is nowhere _close_ to my actual risk. I think it's because of the gang affiliations? And the drinking, I guess.

40

just got a 70 on the murder test. i scored higher than that on each of the sleaze tests. apparently, my chances of being sleazy outweigh my chances of being murdered.

But what about being involved in a sleazy murder?

Your total is 13. (Less than 20)The Metropolitan Police Department is hiring. Look at our main page for hiring details if you think you qualify as a police officer Marijuana is dangerous to your arrest record and lungs. Appreciate the risk you face if someone wants to use the knowledge of your drug use in a way to damage your reputation. You are drinking too much. You cannot control ANY situation with less than optimal control of your body Can you imagine me as a Cop!!??

What scary religious test? I didn't see one. The new Rollins is pretty straightforward rock. i have to admit i liked the jazz rock stuff better.

From here on in you are Officer Semillama to me. I hope you will bring law and order to Sorabji.

hey dinner lady, just for fun, when i went home for lunch, recallign our conversation of Fudge...i got my copy of Ferocious Rhythm out.....it's been a while......what a happy CD

are you by chance on the "thanks" list?

i got a 12 or a 14, depending on what one's definition of "felt up" is. i didn't even try the second test. gee, we straightedge baptists have all the fun...

Gee is a straightedge Baptist? You're grabbing more ass lately than I am, Crawford.

I can't believe it took me three minutes to get that. man.

three minutes to get what?

hi gee

fine, then. don't say hi. whatever.

hi dave.

that is so funny. I knew even before I scrolled down that you were going to say that, Dave. I think you're the funniest of the sorabji folk.

uh . . . i meant "gee" as an emphasizer, not a noun of direct address.

don't be facetious, gee. or, be facetious. anybody want a cat? he might not want to shit in your house.

I'm being serious. you make me laugh the most. see what I mean? Saying "that was funny" just sounds phoney. I don't care what anyone says, next time I'm LOLing.

well, you're probably the only one who thinks that. (besides myself, of course.) i'm serious about the cat. if you live within a couple hundred miles, i'll deliver. if you live farther, i might consider meeting halfway. i don't care what you do with him afterwards. stuffed, he'd make for a hell of a conversation piece.

hi sarah. time to get up!

That cat looks crazy,I bet it shits anywhere it wants to.

Fuck, there's no way my cat could linve with something like that. That's one scary animal. let me check with my friend who's crazy about cats.

i love him, but he's gotta go. i'm considering ripping up all carpetting in my house, so he won't have anywhere to shit. plus, i hate carpetting. with our luck, he would just shit on the new couch instead. he looks really funny with a haircut.

are you getting rid of him because he poops too much?

Um...I almost considered it, until I saw the picture.

you would be the only person (besides us) ever to own a rare persian/pygmy sasquatch hybrid cat-thing. yes he poops way too much. he poops like a dog, a very bad dog.

you're not really selling him very well.

he was nice before he started pooping. i don't think he would do it in another house, we have two other cats and two dogs and the child, so...

Agatha, have you checked out organic (rather than psyche oriented) problems? Might he have worms?

he has worms all right, even after we blew a hundred dollars on him at the vet last week. he can get outside any old time he wants to, but prefers to shit in the house. i'm pretty much through with him at this point.

i prefer to shit in the house too. it's cold out.

Have you tried dabbing a little vinegar in the places he likes to poop - cats hate the smell of vinegar. Also, if he poops a lot, you might want to check his diet. Most foods you can buy from your vet are much better in terms of reducing poop than supermarket brands.

That grading scale is all wrong. I got a 186 and I know I'm normal. And a barbituate is a punchline to a bad joke, as in, "That's a bar-bitch you ate."

Oh shit, we're talking about cats now. That's what I get for coming in late. Carry on.

yes, the vinegar doesn't work. nor does the other stuff with the enzymes in it. he isn't only pooping, when he has no poop in him, he just pees. if cleo's door is open, he will do it in there. if it isn't, he will do it directly outside the door. he hates me for some reason. the vet said he was fine except for the worms, and treated those. we also got him groomed and flea dipped. i have no more money to spend on the cat.

does he have aproblem peeing where the other cats pee? Do they use the same box? He may be weird about that. Most cats, dogs as well, like to do their business in something like dirt, grass, pile of clothes, litter so they can shuffle and "bury" the mess.....one of our cats used to pee on dirty clothes and towels on the floor, usually when the litter box needing changing, but not always. Once we started picking up our clothes and not giving her anything to pee on, she stopped. have you tried bribery with catnip at the foot of the litter box.

the cats all go outside, so there is no litter box issue. i think i am going to start pulling up the carpets next week. he is definitely trying to make some sort of point, because it is a very consistent pattern. oddly enough, he has also been really overly affectionate at the same time. i don't know what the fuck is going on.

Huh. That is fucked up. OK. He looks really freaky, btw. He'd make a good screen within a screen shot with Dave.

I got 6 points yah for me!!

This thread was great. We need to have threads like this once again.