we are horny as hell and we know where you live. i saw that when i just came in here. yes, i laughed. i have become nostalgic of this place. i really like coming to this site, this little spot on the internet. i went through the message boards and found posts by me. and re read them. and i realize that i have done quite a bit in my life, how about that? although i still carry quite a bit of baggage (emotinally) with me, but at least i have complete strangers to share it with. i think i am still curious to meet the man who made the spark that all of us have flamed into being from, Mr. Mark Thomas. in reading old posts, i realized what an opprotunity i missed while in new york. i would like to meet Mark Thomas, some day i hope. i think he would be an interesting person. from all of the accounts of his character at least here, and the penis story of course. i guess this time in the desert has possibly done something for me. i am having my work (poetry) reviewed by a gentleman that is a writer, but not of poetry. i think this is good for me. and i have decided to be a good girl and get into collge as it comes. i have been all in a hurry and it is now too late for the fall semester to apply. i read my horoscope and it said "aries, press on in affairs, even tho it doesn't make much sense to, it will be the greatest benifit." i thought....wow, my stars are in alighnment. i miss people sometimes. most times. i think of people i knew for spans of my life only by chance, and how they affected me and possibly how i could have affected them. the gift of myself is perfect at parties. and on a last note, what the fuck does my mother do all fucking day (aside from watch tele and play solitare) that when i come home and am up til 3 in the morning, she has to do cleaning at this ungodly hour? why wasn't any of this started or done earlier? what is happening to her?

hey, if i clean it's at 3am for sure (or i've been up all night) whatever you do, keep up the spark (like gee)

I use to do that it,s obsessive compulsive disorder,I take pills for it now and they work.

i don't know...it bothers me. she doesn't go out at all during the day, she wakes up around 10, doesn't work (daddy is that fucking rich.) and she watches Direct tv plays solitare on the computer, and watches tele on the computer. i leave at around 11:30, i come home at 10:00 she is in about the same spot she was in when i left. then it is like she all the sudden has energy. but all day she won't even go out and get the mail. but when i get home and i am up until 3 am, she will be up just as late and she will start cleaning and then she will just resume viewing the television. and she hates it when i am on her computer cause then she can't play solitare. could you imagine playing solitare for like 4 hours straight? on top of it all, she is sick. she has ungodly high blood pressure, her diabetes is rampant because she can't really control what she eats. my mother gives in to the impulses she has. so if she wants italian sausage and pepperoni pizza she will go out and get it. my father will frown apoun this, so she does it in secret. or tries to get me in on the action. since i am vegiterian, it is a little harder for her to persuade me. she usually has to use money. last christmas my dad told me that my mother will be going to the hospital soon. he said the way she was living her life right now will either give her a stroke or a heart attack. it was almost like my father didn't care it was so clinical. but i know he does care about my mother, i think he just wonders if he can save her life. i mean for god's sake he buys her anything she fucking wants. like an electric tire gauge. all i wanted was a fucking watch (Baby-G) i didn't get that. she asks for a cell phone he buys it. i ask for barbie toys he buys me a paper cutter. he told me that one of the reasons he is letting me stay here and why he paid for me to come out is cause he wants to try and see if i can help keep my mother alive. if i can help in the battle of her self-destruction. i am as much my father'ss daughter as i am my mothers. as i get older i find i act more like my father. so my approach to her is not much different than my father's. not much good. so today we are going out somewhere. i think i should take her to a mall and we walk around shopping all day. and i get to spend daddy's money through my mom.

Get yourself the watch.....it only seems fair.

I was thinking yesterday about all the people that have wandered in and out of my life. I hadn't really made an attempt to grip onto them, I've just let them float away. And some will float back. I'll run into them every now and then. I guess they weren't extremely special, but they definately left an imprint on me. My friend Lisa called yesterday from Portland. She wants me to come see her new apartment. She moved out and got away from her boyfriend, who I tottally knew would be a little fucker but she never listens. She's changed a little, in street sense, but she hasn't changed in brain matter, there's still an aftertaste I receive from her, from various things she says, but I know she doesn't mean to. Which is even worse. She said "I was just really nervous you know living with my boyfriend cause he had a huge temper over really little things." "Uh huh" "And I lost 7 pounds in like 2 days! I got really skinny too, but not as skinny as you." That was the first irk, but wait, it gets better. "You know what would be really funny, if for a long time we just didn't keep in touch, and we saw each other at 40, and you got fat! I would laugh so much and ask "[Jina], what have you been eating??" "Oh. uh, yeah you know, I'd have a potbelly for sure. Potbellies are sexy." "You'll probly get a little fatter when you're older tho." "Probly not. I don't think I'll ever have kids." The thing is I don't think she realizes the effect her words have when she says these things! Reading it back I feel more compelled now to say what the fuck, but at the time it was au naturale with her, so it didn't bother me. I guess I didn't care. It's her weird way of joking that leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. And that's dissapointing. That's probly the only thing I can't stand about her. I just know I'm not on her level, that's what she's use to. But I certainly learn a lot from her.

yea. it's kids that make you fat. she's just being insecure- she's testing herself out on you did you tell her how great it was that she got away from someone that might have hurt her?

Kymical - it sounds like your mother is very depressed. Does she see anyone about it? Certainly staying in the house all day playing solitaire would not be a cure. No matter what your father gives her she's not gonna be fixed with a gift. She needs to explore her depression and why she's trying to kill herself by not taking care of her diet. Diabetes is horrible and that she's not taking care of herself underscores her misery Jina - your friend sounds similarly miserable - in that she likes to take shit out on you when she's feeling low. Then again, if she was a punching bag for her beau, maybe she sees picking on friends as not abnormal.

No, it's sitting around on your ass that makes you fat, and eating this new ice cream called Below Zero! (white chocolate zeros, white chocolate covered almond piees, in almond flavoered ice cream).

if you eat healthy crap is it okay to eat lots and lots of it? I've rediscovered my love of oranges. I cut them into quarters and suck the juice out of them and chew the pulp. I don't actually eat the pulp, but by chewing it I get more juice out.

so you're left with a nasty pile of chewed pulp to deal with?

i know a guy who does that. he peels the oranges, though. he'll keep a bag with him; and when he's sucked all the juices out of the section he's put in his mouth, he spits the remainder in the bag. "what the hell are you doing?" "i don't like that part." i shake my head. "c'mon, do you like that part?" "not individually, but as part of the entire experience of the orange, yes."

I am so happy that my neighbor,s orange tree hangs over my back yard,I can get them for free.Kymical,I,m with dinner Lady about your mom,she,s depressed,when I use to do that cleaning crap,my shrink said it was my way of trying to have some sort of controll in my life,I think he was right.

thats the worst part of the orange. All I can do is suck the juice, and even then i probably leave a lot behind, fruit pulp of any kind is some nasty, chewy crap

Yeah I told her thank god she got out. But the thing is that she's regressing, she wants to be with an ex! Argh, if my head could explode, now would be the time. If I could only beat the shit out of her and make her go, "Hey wait a minute! What was I thinking?!". I told her every guy that comes out of Elma is a real jackass. "Except for Joel." "Uh, yeah, except for Joel." Pussy. She wants kids right away too, so she can be a young mother, and be able to be there for the other generations of kids. "You'll probly have kids within 3 years." "No! I'm in college! I've still got about 3 more years!" "Well, there's nothing wrong with having them while you're going to college." "No dude, that's so not cool. I'd rather surround myself with people who have kids." You know what Gee? I found my new love for orange tic tacs. I bought 2 packs a few days ago and I usually down 3 or 4 at a time. They start to hurt your tongue after a while tho. Oranges are superb tho. I like taking orange slices and pressing them against my teeth to get the juices out.

Dip them in chocolate fondue,yummy!

hey Jina, print this out and give it to her. "dear stranger, you are an immature child. Having children at such a young age would prove to be the biggest ,mistake of your life, not to mention a disservice to the child with such an immature and inexperienced mother. It's folks like you who produce at such a young age for selfish reasons, almost like they are still playing barbie, grow to resent their kids because they soon realize they have missed out on life and become selfish. Soon in your 30 and 40s, when your child is becoming an adolescent, where are you? Out living the life you wish you had 15 years ago, where is your child? Huffing glue and shooting up schools for attention. It's the child who suffers from your selfishness. As someone who got married at a young age (minus kids mind you) i can tell you i have missed out on a lot of things getting married at 21.I am one of the lucky few to have made it work, most do not. Most people, under 25 are so swept by life, they cannot make rational decisions. The decision of children, and marriage are ones not to be made before 25, whether you think so or not, you are being a brat. Depsite what you think, you DO NOT know what is best for you just yet, nor do you know whats best for any child you might have. Stay in school, keep you legs closed when without BC and live life a little before you start selfishly bringing others into this world only to suffer from your negligence. Society is tired of dealing with other people's kids and their negligent parents." there....then slap her around for few minutes.

I had Amee 3 month,s after I turned 19,I thought I was smart,I got on birth control pills but didn,t know it took a few months to kick in.I had to grow up real fast and I really wasn,t ready.I did the best I could.

Well that sucks - I mean you not knowing that the Birth control wasn't working. I certainly wouldn't say that there's a definite age for everyone when it comes to major life decisions like kiddos and lifemates. At 32 I'm shocked anyone would get married earlier than now. I think about all I would have missed out on. The older I get I think we really shouldn't rush this stuff. Sometimes when I think about getting in a relationship I think 'oh but I'll miss this nice single time so much so I better relish it while I have it because it will soon be gone'

Will do Patrick!

I agree DL -- if I were Queen ofo the World/marriage before the age of 30 wd be illegal. J: B.C. pills only take 7 days to kick in & become effective if you start them as soon as yr period ends. But if you were on those Tri-phasals -- fugeddaboudit. Them shits are worthless! Kymical: Yr mom sounds like she's clinically depressed. She needs to talk to yr father abt seeing a shrink & (possibly) getting on meds. But don't let the cleaning jags worry you. Lots of people clean in the wee hours. I almost always clean my house late at nite/becuz that's when I'm home & up. See if you can get yr mother to start excercising. Just a 30 min. walk every day will do wonders for treating mild-to-moderate depression in some people. The endorphins lift yr spirits/the breathing clears yr head/& the excercise tones you up & makes you fell better becuz you look better. I have a tendency towards moderate depression/but I keep it at bay by walking. And you can bet I start feeling down again if I skip more than 2 or 3 days. Even if she won't seek prof. help/she can stop playing the rich-&-idle role. Tell her to go volunteer at a day care center or an after-school program or the local Girl's Club/to spend some time helping folks who need & deserve it. She'll be surprised to see how much 'helping others' does for her personally.

DepoDepoDepo!!! also: when I was a wee tot I used to Love orange tic tacs. I couldn't believe they were supposed to be breath fresheners. I never see them anywhere anymore.

I was too ashamed to tell my doctor what I wanted them for I had been going to him since I was 7,he gave them to me because of my prolonged periods.I did it the first day I got them.Oddly enough I had sex since I was 15,then when I had figured out I could get pregnant I get the pill and was knocked up so quick you,d see colors.

You don't see them anymore?! No way! I see them all over dude. Childhood hooked me onto them too, I was addicted. Couldn't save any for later. So that's why I buy them 2 packs at a time. That's just sad. I'd mail you a pack. 2 even.

Yeah, I see orange tic-tacs all the time. Andrew keeps a full box in his car at all times. Do you have Rite-aid where you are? Maybe they've isolated the tic-tac market down to one little shitty store chain or something.

We get tic tacs. I like curiously strong peppermints. I used to give them to the dog when he had bad breath.

slice the orange in half scrape with teeth from the center toward the rind, to get the juice . Do this all around the orange. Maybe 2 go-arounds for a really fat orange. turn the orange rind inside-out peel the remaining pulp off with teeth and eat it leaving a nice cleaned-out orange rind cup

my mother did the sitting in the house playing solitaire thing. for years. she didn't like to watch tv though. she read magazines. she claimed to have read the World Book encyclopedia once. may have done. don't think she remembered anything from it, though. then she got alzheimer's. gradually it changed from sitting in one spot all day to constantly wanting to go for a walk. she'd be back 10 minutes and want to go walk again.

my father has tried to get her to go and volunteer. tried to get her to take up walking. it is like she will show interest in it enough to stop him from nagging and then drop it. she buys a copy of walking magazine every now and again, she told him she wanted to rok babies to sleep and volunteer. they went down there and she did't follow through. she got an application for a job, they called her back with a quickness, begging her to come work for them at a book store (she likes books) and she just blew them off. i feel bad as a daughter, because i am trying to get my life together. i am trying to work a job, get into a school, move and get back on my feet, i am sorting through this strange "rebuilding" phase. and i see my mother just wasting away, it pisses me off more than anything. little things like she offers to do my laundry since she isn't doing anything today. i come home and she hasn't don't anything, and the laundry isn't done. i am not tryig to sound spoiled, i can very well do my own laundry that isn't it. that is just something that she says she will do and doesn't. i am worried, but at the same time i as her daughter don't know what to do for her. as far as meds, my mother is taking about 7-8 pills a day. for her blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes and depression. she is on Zoloft. i don't really see how it is "helping" her tho. maybe i am seeing it from the wrong angle. but i think that even having to take so many pills depresses my mother, and it seems like a cycle in that way. she would be seeing a therapist if she ever had the motivation to venture outside the house. it worries me, cause i don't know if i can take care of my mother. like i have just realized that i have to be a grown up. and it is like all of the sudden i have to figure out how to turn around and take care of this woman i have never seen as a weak person, or in need of assistance. it freaks me out.

One thing that diabetes does is cause mild depression. (http://adam.excite.com/info/?id=001214&page=Symptoms) Kymical, your mom is probably locked into a cycle: diabetes makes her depressed, which makes her neglect her health, which makes her even more depressed, etc. If she got her health in order, it would probably stop the cycle. Maybe medicine alone can't help her with her depression, but there is a very high success rate for treating depression through therapy with or without medication. Maybe you or your dad could talk her into seeing someone? This must be really tough for you. I wish you good luck.

my brother in law had diabetes and didn't even know it. my sister and he were on the virge of divorce when they discovered it, he was almost dead from such an imbalance in his body. After he got on meds, he has totally changed and they are happy again. It can be that drastic.

i dunno. i hate to think that time will tell. i don't want my mother to go into the hospital, but i worry.