| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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On the other hand, I'm loving it in Ireland, although I miss the daily commentary Sorabji provides. Alas. I'll be home soon, I suppose. Staying in a gorgeous cottage across a lake and...woah. I'm thinking about absconding to the shores of Glanmore lake forever. Be well, all. |
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Not that one should live for the after-event, just pointing it out. Because in deciding for the future, often, we're trying to set it up so we'll feel a certain way... All that freedom that you long for, when you have it, it doesn't taste like you thought it would. Different. That's all. When the pressure is gone, everything shifts. |
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as a child i would be the one responsible for staying home to take care of my sisters when they were too sick to go to day care. i remember missing field trips and play days. i would be angry and upset, but i would understand that my mother needed things... i recall having my sister sleeping in the same room as me when she was less than a year old. it was my responsibility to get up with her in the middle of the night. at 11 years old. i was a mother to my sister and my mother who would be sleeping soundly in her bedroom. if i got to feeling as if i were somehow being wronged and i complained, my mother would tell me how selfish i was and how she was supporting me, and how she hated her marriage. how good i had it... look at her life... she wasn't happy... she didn't need me to be so selfish. a few months ago i swallowed a lot of pills... my roommate made me call my mother after i got out of the hospital the next day. she came to get me... she told me how selfish i was. she told me how she was dying and how i need to be here for her and for my sisters. for gods sake nothing in my life could be as bad as hers. i doubt i'll ever be truly free... my guilt holds me back. |
Guilt? Guilt over what? What have you done wrong except expect her to act like a normal human being and let you live your own life? And selfish? Do you see how manipulative she is, and how hypocritical? And you! Instead of taking your life, period, take your life back from her. You're an adult (right?)...you don't owe her anything. The fact that she's a psychic vampire releases you from any obligation you have. The more you stick around, the more you're letting her get away with all the garbage she's gotten away with for years. God, I'm mad. I have to go calm down. |
sucking, leaching, weak, dependent, pathetic things that destroy the people around them. if you have been raised like this- get help. once you get away from your current dependent- you will find another- for sure. or they will find you. and it will seem normal. and you will feel needed. |
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Although, I am r eturning earlier for other reasons--my father is really cut up about this, and I kind of feel like I should at least be with him. I'm having a huge pain changing the ticket since I don't have a phone. I just hitched 75 klics to see if the person in the States I asked to change my ticket for me had done it, and she told me that the travel people want me to call them with the ticket info. Only guess who left her tickets at home? So I'm going to have to call the person in the States and argh.... bleh. anyway. i love it here. literally, the most beautiful place on earth. i'm thinking i need to buy land or something, we're on the shores of this incredible lake and...woah. woah. sheep. |
Thanks Patrick. |
"little apartment" "little friends" "little bottle of wine" "little dining table" "little teapot" |
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