I want to know why guys out there, never seem to know when you like them, or when you want them to put a move on you? Guys just can't seem to take a hint. Maybe it is just me that this happens to, but I have a feeling that I am not alone on this one. I throw out hints hard-core that I want this guy badly, and even after a whole night of this at the bowling alley, and a drive home, this guy still doesn't get my clue. Maybe he didn't notice? Maybe he did, but doesn't like me? I don't know, but he could have at least given me some kind of signal as to which of the two it was. So now I ask you guys: what do you look like in a woman? What do you hate,and what do you like? I want to know, so that I can maybe help my situation. And to my fellow women: has this situation ever happened to you? If so, what happened? Everyone, help me, and maybe we can all help each other understand the opposite sex a little better.

I like women who walk up to me and say "I like you" and skip the subtle hints.

Antigone, either you're fibbing, or you're the only man in creation who likes it that way. I've done that. a few different times. With those exact words. It Doesn't Work. asking him out might, though.

Well. I'm usually right up front about these things. I have a decent ERA with that. I take a little time to figure out whether someone digs me, then I speak up. The figuring out part can be tricky. Usually I see whether they laugh at my lame jokes, whether they flirt with me, whether their pupils dilate when they're looking at me and in neither direct sunlight nor an overly darkened room; if I'm on the fence, I might hug them and gauge the hug. Yep. Straightforwardness. What do you have to lose except a little pride? And the putative romance involved in the mystery of the chase? Fuck that noise. I'm getting old, my time is important. Save the pride for when they dump you, it plays better then.

I guess I'm unique in all creation, then. But then I already knew that. And it works if he likes you. Or she.

i'm all for straightforwardness. in my youth, especially, i probably scared a number of men w/ my directness, but so be it. i generally don't waste my time mincing words when it comes to romantic issues. if i like a man, i tell him. if the attraction is sexual, i tell him that, too. it saves a hell of a lot of wasted effort & bogus, half-assed "communication problems". it's pretty simple. when i was in my teens, i decided to cut the bullshit & just operate honestly, rather than mincing around w/ vague talk & innuendoes. if i wanted a man, he damn well knew it. any tact i may possess in regard to asking men out only came later in my life--& only barely. i can still be pretty bold about that stuff. if i find a man attractive, i tell him so. & there is NOTHING a man will fail to understand when you look him directly in the eye & tell him you want to fuck him, if that's what you're after. i do believe in "the thrill of the chase", but it's the thrill of conquering prey as quickly & efficiently as possible, not of pointlessly toying w/ it for weeks on end. some men are afraid of directness. but if a man can't deal w/ honesty, that's his problem, not mine. & it's not as if he's the only man in the world. there are literally thousands of others where he came from. if one man denies me, then it's on to the next. there are a LOT of men out there & at least one of them will find me appealing, guaranteed. it's simply the law of averages. there's nothing to be lost by directness.

'there's nothing to be lost by directness' Honesty is best. I agree. But I haven't figured out why this doesn't work with a man approaching a woman with the same directness. Seems like it's okay for a woman to be direct, but when men are direct, the woman takes offense. Even the most direct women I have known still like the flowers, the opera tickets, the dining and wining and pining. Then too, there' a difference between telling someone you like them, and telling someone your hormones need satisfying and only he or she will do...

I'm never offended and always flattered when a guy tells me he'd love to fuck me. I think that's really sweet and that he's very brave.

I can't help it, I need romance! Much as I try, I cannot have a one-night stand. Well, with the exception of that night in Paris with Rudi, but that turned into a two year stand, so I'm not counting it. I love the idea of the "zipless fuck" or whatever Jong called it. But the reality is too hard and cold for my soul. If a man told me he just wanted me sexually, I couldn't help be flattered that he wanted the exterior package. But I would probably tell him I wasn't some one-dimensional blow-up doll and I don't have out-of-body experiences. In other words, I don't want to be just fucked, I need something on a deeper level or I might as well just choose an appropriate sized vegetable.

the whole romance thing just kind of baffles me. even sweet, wonderful, long-term relationships (like the one i'm presently in) don't require the moonlight-&-flowers routine. that stuff just doesn't seem important or necessary. but that's just me. there are ways to have incredible amounts of magic in a relationship w/o getting all stereotypical about it. keep the flowers, keep the whole package, & give me intellect & depth of character, instead. the other crap's just icing on the cake. directness is good for everyone, male or female. but the whole "directness" issue depends upon the grace to accept "no" for an answer. if i tell a man that i like him & he tells me to fuck off, that's it. i have to back off. i've found that some guys have a problem w/ taking "no" for an answer. he can be absolutely blunt & direct if he likes--but i reserve the right to say "no" & damn well mean it. i do feel that straightforwardness is best, whether in cases of platonic friendship, lust, attraction or love. or hate.

Not me. I prefer a more discreet approach. To make a bad metaphor, I'm like a wild animal: you can't just march right up to me or I'll run away. You have to move very slowly...fast enough so I can see you moving toward me, but slow enough that I don't feel threatened. I appreciate directness in theory, but not when I have to be on the receiving end, mostly because it catches me off guard and I don't know how to respond. I usually either laugh or trip all over my words. Neither response is very graceful. PS. Doesn't "discreet" look like it should be spelled "discrete"? But it's not...I checked.

"discrete" means separate. "discreet" means hush-hush.

Ah, that explains it. I've seen "discrete" in my readings a lot.

yeah, like antigone sez....... we like the game of chase, but only if we know we are in a game we have a damn good chane of winning. Guys are not mind readers and do not make habit of disecting your morse code. Thats a waste of your time on both parts. If you like him, tell him, ask him out or as nate might have it in his world, wack him over the head and instruct him to place his penis somewhere dark. CONFIDENCE.......very key, very attractive and a must. Women are attracted to confident men and likewise for men. Skittish behavior along with uncomfortableness, and insecurity is not something that appeals to anybody i would suspect. A women who knows what she wants and makes an attmept to get what she wants is very attractive. ya dig?

I have always taken "no" for an answer. Always the first time as well. I don't know if this makes me a gentleman or someone who gives up too easily. I also agree with Patrick's statement of assessing the chance of success and again, I don't know how successful I am at gauging my chances. Either I am really good, which is why I rarely ask women out on dates (because the odds almost always seem to be not in my favor), or I am really, really awful at it, which means I have been alone for too damn long for no good reason (in which case I probably deserve a boot to the head for being such a moron). Goddamn! There was a huge tick crawling across the bottom of my monitor just now. I grabbed it with my Leatherman and applied as much pressure as I could, then placed it in the trash, where it started moving again. I then dumped some stuff on top of it, so hopefully it won't make its way out. I fucking hate those things! I guess that last part wasn't very romantic. Although it qualifies as roamin' tick.

tick.

That's the tick-et.

I've always been direct. I figure mincing around and pretending social grace is silly, since it often becomes painfully obvious...at any rate, I appreicate people who are direct, and I am direct. I may refuse someone, but I'd rather they came up and talked to me then stalked me or felt tense in situations with me, etc. Anyway

there's direct and there's direct. it's do they dance or not. After they've made a move, do they catch your bounce or is it all about just having someone who follows? or could they be so taken that they will dance you over the parapet? now that's something. i don't like having things all sewn up, that's sort of what direct implies. but forthright is a good move. open the basket and see what's inside. is that all there is? but wait, is there more? but wait, now the basket is closed... well, we don't have to worry about the basket for awhile. do we? think i've exhausted all the metaphors for tonight.

for a man: "If i buy you a beer, will you let me fuck you up the ass?" for a woman: "If you buy me a beer, I will let you fuck me up the ass." this is all you need to know

Will somebody buy me a beer?

will you fuck me up the ass?

Fucking someone up the ass for beers.....at last, a conversation I can relate to. I've been thinking about the whole "directness" issue since I first saw this post. I've got to go with directness, personally. I think it might be a function of age. When you're young, the headgames can have a certain (limited) appeal. And that's what all the talk about romantic "signals" and "chemistry" are: thinly disguised headgames. I find that as I get older, I just don't have time for such nonsense. I like a guy who'll cut the crap and tell me what's on his mind. But the beer-for-sex thing....hey, sign me up, Chief. Although the young ones these days are so fucking picky. They want you to buy them dinner, too. So it's a beer AND Taco Bell before you get to see any action. What a drag.

honey, if you can get 'em in the rack for a beer & taco bell, you're still doing all right. i know 2 different guys who ended up screwing for mexican food. no shit. one got drunk & wound up giving a blowjob for a bag of tacos; the other one allowed himself be tied up, whipped & covered in hot candle wax for a 7-layer burrito or something. now, THAT'S desperation. is there such a thing as being too easy?

Too old for romance? Spare me some of my illusions. If the art of loving has gone, what will they write poetry and songs about? Fuck it, I know I sound idealistic...but I am. Do they still shoot you for that? Incidentally, I don't like beer. And we don't have Taco Bell here. Guess that means I'm never getting sex.

Maybe you will get some,just not up the ass.

The Art of Love isn't lost, but it doesn't have to be cliches, either.....I've got to agree with Pilate, tho----all the jazz abt "Chemistry & Signals" is mostly headgames. Anybody wanna buy me a beer and let me fuck them up the ass? I know it doesn't sound like a fair trade on paper----but what goes around comes around....

I've just found out they're opening Taco Bells in Australia. Read something about the search for a dog to be in the commercials. Anyways, there's hope for me yet!

Okay...beer didn't have anything to do with what happened with me last night, but I figured I would tell you people about it so that you would be less disapointed in me. I stopped bull-shitting around with this guy while we were on the dock during a party, I have liked him for a long time, and my previous tactics didn't work for over a year, so I said "fuck it", and was just up front with him. So when he asked me what I was thinking, I said "I wish you would kiss me", and sure enough, being forward with him, and yes, Patrick, I was confident...for one of the first times in my life, I was confident...and I got what I wanted...:)

Yay you Star. I was tempted by a boy. Actually it was a struggle not to go home with him. The first time since I left the grump. I wanted to go. But I didnt. I wonder if I will see him ever again.

how are things going with you and the grump, Moon? I don't think you ever mentioned if you're going to give him another go or not. if I'm prying, I'm sorry.

Austrailia will never be the same again.