| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Bob Rivers- Twisted Christmas The Restroom door said gentlemen, so I just walked inside. I took two steps and realized I had been taken for a ride. I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. What could be worse? Then Two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. The Restroom door said gentlemen, it must have been a gag. As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag. She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with a bag. I could tell this just wouldnt be my day, what can I say? It just wasnt turning out to be my day. The Restroom door said gentlemen, and I would like to find The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign. Because I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind. Now I cant sit with comfort and joy, boy oh boy, no Ill never sit comfort and joy Thank god you did not have to hear me sing that! Merry christmas, Sorabjinites! |
This silence of an Ozark winter day be yours to savor Its wind of icy breath and spirit feel Stay close the fire this morning, singing Find love in the jays at the feeder Smile helpfully to the clerks in the store Slow down to enjoy the flakes as they fall Rise and stretch to the brightening sun Recall the debt it daily forgives Recall each gift of magic and light and each other’s wonder I wish the watchful gaze of many snowmen be yours today And power of great snow crusted trees of steadfast oak be yours today And the grip of new snow tires be yours today So too the Light of many suns be yours this morning time Playful touch of dancing tigers be yours today Prayers of many saints as well. The renewing thoughts of solstices past be yours today Likewise forgiving words of mothers be yours today Affirming YES of thinking feeling pausing be yours today Flight of an eagle be yours today Steadiness of snow stung dreaming rabbits be yours today Patience of grandfathers also be yours Sight of an owl in blizzard and fin of the salmon upstream yours today Strength of brown bear hunting and curiosity of the careful little mouse The welcoming in to a stranger’s table and hearth to you this day For today the sun has returned over the ridge Beyond the straight beech and embracing mountain ash The stark and peaceful willows lay leafless in tribute and in awe For today begins the lengthening of daylight’s warm cradle Well in advance of spring’s first light breeze through the woodland hazel But today marks the promise of its coming Winter Solstice 2000 © Daniel L. Smith |
I'll be Home Alone taking cards, phone calls, and gifts. Smiles to all! Next year folks y' all are invited. Food's on me, weed's on Patrick, airfare is on Sarah (it WAS her idea). Okay, kidding. But anyone close this holiday give me a jingle. |
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got some mighty sad news today, and i ain't got nuthin' to say i heard some mighty sad news today and i don't have nuthin' to say my baby left me, got me drinkin' on christmas day lord, i tried to fetch religion, but the devil would not let me pray lord, i tried to fetch religion boys, but the devil he would not let me pray that's why i gotta stay drunk all christmas day ooh, on christmas day you know that's one day i hate to have the blues you know when she walked out and left me she give 'em to me so i have to drink 'em all i don't even have a christmas tree in my house unless she comes home but if she do come home i will enjoy this christmas yes, run here baby and let me tell you what i got to say please run here darlin' and let daddy tell you what he got to say unless you come back to me, i'll be drunk all christmas day. |
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off like "My Sharona", etc.... i heard the most lascivious xmas song ever on the radio yesterday morning but naturally they didn't say who it was... the title might be something like I've got a present for Santa, and he's got a big one for me... all i remember was a line about (the singer, female) i'm gonna take off all my clothes and wait for him under the tree... his North Pole is big and cold... sliding down my chimney, so hot and tight... i showed him my cookies, he loves to put them in his mouth... before going South... if anyone actually owns this record, please identify yourself, you will win big thank god for student radio |
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In the bleak mid-winter Frosty wind made moan, Earth stood hard as iron, Water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, In the bleak mid-winter, Long ago. Our God, heaven cannot hold Him Nor earth sustain: Heaven and earth shall flee away When He comes to reign: In the bleak mid-winter A stable place sufficed The Lord God almighty Jesus Christ Enough for Him, whom cherubim Worship night and day, A breast full of milk And a manger of hay: Enough for Him, whom angels Fall down before, The ox and ass and camel Which adore. What can I give Him, Poor as I am? If I were a shepherd I would bring a lamb; If I were a wise man I would do my part; Yet what I can I give him Give my heart, Give, give my heart. |
it's called "I've got some presents for Santa", by Sarah Taylor and Bill Mumy, according to this site: http://www.mistletunes.com/ novel90.html I'll post a download site if I find one. |
the best version is by John Denver and the Muppets, from their album together |
performed by the Jenerators on the compilation CD of Mark and Brian (LA radio show) holiday shows, performed in 1992 |