i thought these things happened in white hot bursts of engergy. passionate, vemonous verbal exchanges. convict details thrown onto the table, eviscerated, examined. faults like tumors pulled from the membrane and targeted by a rigid index finger; explained with volume and razor from bared teeth, reddened cheeks pushed tightly against the eyes. it was calm. it was friday night. she made dinner. i only just remembered what it was: fish. the kind that comes breaded in a frozen box, either mrs. pauls or that guy in the yellow slicker. fish for friday in lent. i reminded her that we could have any of the vegetarian dishes we eat regularly (we rarely eat fish like this.) she knew, but fish is what you're supposed to eat on a friday in lent. the irony is that i really enjoy the greasy, processed, frozen breaded fish. we don't eat it often because it is greasy and unhealthy, etc. but i really enjoy it. the whole idea behind not eating meat on fridays in lent comes from a time when most people ate meat every day. maybe most people do. the idea is to give up something you're used to. but for me, greasy fish is a treat. oh well, i'm not really catholic anyway. we talked about a variety of things during dinner. nothing important, maybe. nothing memorable, anyway. i cleared the table. came back, sat down. poured some more wine. we sat there for awhile, talking about the future. i'm adamant about not raising children in a religion. religion, or, at least, christianity, is just not appropriate for a child. it deals with issues and emotions that a child cannot understand alone, and may not seek explanation for. i was told as a young man, maybe 7 or 8, that if you didn't go to church you would not go to heaven. my mom, to her credit, tried very hard to keep us from this side of catholicism. however, we did go to the parish school of religion once a week from first grade until tenth. i remember going to my dad one sunday after church. he was gardening. i remember this clearly, which is rare for me. i don't remember much of my childhood. but i remember him leaning against his shovel, t-shirt tucked into his belt, glistening in the summer sun. "dad, why don't you go to church." he stopped digging, wiped his brow with his t-shirt, and said quietly "because i don't believe in god." i think he said it quietly because he wasn't sure he should say it. he had signed a contract with the catholic church saying he would not interfere in the catholic upbringing of his children. i've told this story to her many times, and she'd accepted that we wouldn't raise our children catholic. friday night i pointed out that this would mean no baptism and no first communion. no sacraments until they're old enough to see an R rated movie. she absorbed that. silently. we went on to talk about the problems we'd been having. the doubts. the differences in how we see life, how we want to live, where we want to be. i'd accepted a lot of her ideas in the past. everything from cable TV to where we'd live when we had kids. not exactly my plans, but i could adapt. humans are among the most adaptable creatures on earth, if not the most adaptable. so there, over the remains of a bottle of wine we decided to postpone the wedding. with the doubts we'd been having, a deadline to decide was not helping. it was worth losing the deposits. it relaxed me. it was very sad, but it relaxed me. we cried on the couch. for a long time. i've never had such a hard decision. to take someone whom you love to such a degree. two lives intermingled for so long. but to realize that, in fact, there is no future there. saturday we cried more, and decided that we should probably break up. we decided later that we should give it some time before making a final decision. but i think it has been made. at least, in my mind. i just can't see this in 20 years. sunday night i shaved my head down to 1/8th inch, and bleached the remains. it scorched my scalp.

ouch! im always amazed at examples of how convictions like religion and child rearing can really really really have an impact on two lovers. even make or break lovers. im genuinely sorry to hear this.

certainly, it is more than just that. there are so many little things that, when taken alone, seemed easy enough to handle. like pebbles... it's easy enough to step over a pebble, but if you pile enough in the road it can be a chore to get over. or even block you like a wall would. with a wall, it's obvious. it's instantly recognizable. it's there. but you might walk up a mountain of pebbles a long time before you realize that you don't want to be doing that the rest of your life. i think this will be good in the long run.

sometimes......our problems just seem so so so so insurmountable...we cry, yell, talk shit, cry, yell, reason, talk, cry, reason, apologize. And then live. Sometimes our situations seem similar to what I imagine its like pass a kidney stone. Until those days outnumber the ones in which we are mindreading, oral fucking, inseperable, dynotwins destined to take over the world, slowly, with chainsaws we are in it for life.

unfortunately, what we do best is watch tv together. at some point the pilot light sputtered out, and no one was watching. i'm glad we caught it before someone lit a match.

That's rough, Nate. It is odd how things like religion can make such a difference for people, but it's good that you guys talked this stuff over now instead of wedding day.

I am truely sorry to hear of your problems. And, just knowing that you guys cryed makes me wanna cry it is so sad. Break ups are hard as hell but some times they have to happan. Religion is a funny thing and has divide more people than anything else in the whole world. People say it bring folks togeather but it also makes big divisions and now you are an other victim of God. Not realy of God but of how folks perceeve God like it seems weard to argue over some body you can not even see but its a huge issue that you have to talk about. You seem smart and careing in the way you talk about this. I am sorry about your break up. Some day me and my boy friend will have to talk about God and Im afraid of what we're both going to say.

I'm sorry Nate.I'm sure the pain is overwhelming right now.I wish I could tell you it gets better,but it hurts for a long time,and then slowly,you start remembering the good aspects of the relationship,and you'll always have those to carry with you.I wish I could take some of the pain from you,because I know how bad it hurts. [and sorry about your scalp,too]

i can't ever even finish talking about god with myself. i'm sorry nate.

it's so ironic that god can split people up when 'god' couldn't care less what happens to any of us.

I'm with Oswald on this, I think I'm going to cry. I guess its good however that you to are adult enough to come to a decision like that. I mean I've always seen it like you mentioned in the first paragraph, and in a way I almost think that might be easier in someways, but I think I'd much prefer the road you two have choosen to the road of "...faults like tumors pulled from the membrane and targeted by a rigid index finger; explained with volume and razor from bared teeth, reddened cheeks pushed tightly against the eyes." I'm sorry to hear that things turned out like they did, and hope things turn out ok for you.

consider this: Often when we see some sports legend [etc.], commenting on their "big win",we hear them dutifully state that they "owe it all to God". So,does this mean that "God" says "I'll grant this guys prayer,and fuck the poor loser in the ass"? I've always been a firm evolutionist.

Panthiest... In my opinion everyone gets fucked in the ass we all just deal with it differently and god sorts it all out later.

a consensual ass fuck is one thing,but a surprise,unexpected ass fuck,well,thats just mean.

there's something out there, but i think my vision of deities are closer to those of the celtic, norse and greek cultures. self-serving superhuman types. it's fun to read about religion...or even just fairy tales. did you know that the norse were the only culture that came up with a myth about the death of their gods?

The death of Norse Gods? I did not know that. And it is surprising, cos in those other religions, the gods don't die, they're immortals. Fascinating that the norse would imbue their gods with human qualities.

i think he'd feel better if i came up and kicked his arse all over santa cruz, then go him drunk. Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune They called the clip a two-headed cow Your hate clipped and distant, your luck, pilgrimage Rest assured this will not last, take a turn for the worst Your hate clipped and distant, your luck a two-headed cow The pilgrimage has gained momentum Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune Speakin' in tongues, it's worth a broken lip Your hate clipped and distant, your luck, pilgrimage Rest assured this will not last, take a turn for the worst Your hate clipped and distant, your luck a two-headed cow The pilgrimage has gained momentum Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune Pilgrimage. Pilgrimage. Speakin' in tongues, it's worth a broken lip Your hate clipped and distant, your luck Rest assured this will not last, take a turn for the worst Your hate clipped and distant, your luck two-headed The pilgrimage has gained momentum Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune Pilgrimage. Pilgrimage. The pilgrimage has gained momentum Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune Take a turn, take a turn Take our fortune, take our fortune

Yes do.Go him drunk.

why me laugh?

poor Nate. things may not work out the way you had planned, but you can still have a happy ending. xoxo

Hell yea,Nates smart,funny,and good looking(and no I've never seen him,I can just tell). I hope he gets a beautiful girl that doesn't mind picking up a vacume and making him a dinner when he comes home.

Why do we bother caring? Our place in the timeline of existence is less than a blip. Our respective collections of molecules in the universe is infinetesimal. Any control we have over our lives is purely imaginary. Most things that happen to us are entirely out of our control. There is only the semblence of order. Towards chaos and decay is the natural tendency of things. Human relationships are the most illusory and ridiculus of endeavors. There are already too many people. Procreation is redundant. Yet the search for our ideal mate remains our most compelling drive. And there is no destiny. The people we meet, the friends we make, the lovers we end up with, all seems so accidental and arbitrary. Falling in love is a leap of faith. Investing one's heart is a neccessity. It is therefore a given that heartbreak and suffering may follow.

one banana two banana three banana four,

Bobby, there is a passage in Another Country by Baldwin that speaks directly to that. I will paraphrase it the best I can. You barely have time to see the Garden of Eden before you see the flaming sword, and it takes strength to both remember and forget. Remembering causes madness through pain and the recurring death of innocence. Forgetting causes the madness of denial. Those who can do both are heroes.

Bobby, we care because Nate is our friend. "Our place in the timeline of existence is less than a blip." And yet, to us, it is the entirety of time. "Our respective collections of molecules in the universe is infinetesimal." And that collection can imagine infinity. "Any control we have over our lives is purely imaginary." Thank you, sir! May I have another? "Most things that happen to us are entirely out of our control." I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, sir! "There is only the semblence of order. Towards chaos and decay is the natural tendency of things." Randomness is an illusion. Contemplate this, grasshopper, whilst I break my foot up your ass... "Human relationships are the most illusory and ridiculus of endeavors." Why do you bother relating this to us, eh? "There are already too many people." You're both the message and the messenger, I see. :-) "Procreation is redundant." There's not enough redundancy in my life. "Yet the search for our ideal mate remains our most compelling drive." Yeah. Ain't it cool? "And there is no destiny." Tell that to your soapbox! "The people we meet, the friends we make, the lovers we end up with, all seems so accidental and arbitrary." And if they are, so what? In the end, there is no difference between randomness and things we don't understand. "Falling in love is a leap of faith. Investing one's heart is a neccessity. It is therefore a given that heartbreak and suffering may follow." Friendship is a giving of one's soul. Investing one's heart is a neccessity. It is therefore a given that we console Nate when he needs it. I'm damn sorry, Nate.

*whisper* has anybody told RC? It is better to find out now that your future ideals dont mesh.. But it doesnt make the hurt any less. Just don't loose yourself in the weed and the alcohol.... m

Bobby, I think we all care because we feel that if in any situation that were to occur to us this way we'd hope that the people here at the Sorabji Support group would either care, or have a discussion thread about it that would last for a week or more. I find the situation that has happened to Nate to suck ass, and I know that in the same situation I would feel completly worthless and out of touch with my scattered world, but I'm not Nate. We here at Sorabji have given countless hours of our time dealing with the problems of others, and delving ours out to other members. It works kinda like a problem trade, we take the problems of others, and let them deal with ours. The only reason it works, is because in the term of ones problems, its almost easier for someone on the outside to deal with them then it is for the person with the problem. We here at Sorabji are part of a HUGE problem sharing network, and will remain so till we all die a horrible death from stress ulcers, or the goverment finds out and shuts our asses down.

and we are masters are manipulating scalp (what's left of it anyway) and horrible at bleaching remains of relationships, like old skeletons scattered throughout the Sorabji Desert reminding us (dangling modifier, who cares...) that relationships are the things that teach us the most about ourselves ... that we do not wish to know. No matter how much bleach, the weakened whitened boney ghost still remains. Speaking of which, I wonder how many Sorabjites have entered into and consequently departed from Sorabjite-only relationships here. Goes back to the on-line community thing versus the real time community thing. Just wondering, and contemplating skeletal remains on a Monday morning...

damn antigone. a lady would be so luck y if you "disected" her in the sack like you did our pal bobby here. i think you could told him to eat dick and screw his "theories" he pulled outta someone else's ass half baked. but i guess that wouldnt be as much fun eh. its hot here man...going to be 80 degrees today. im sweating!!!!

Screw you... Its about 45-50 degrees here and its raining cold rain. And your right, he should be so lucky to be picked so thouroughly clean by antigone, its a pleasure I have exp. only once I belive.

Antigone makes me feel warm all over. {I just came in from getting some sun,in preparation for a Mexico trip with J.}

has anyone contacted the US embassy there and the Mexican officials...to issue the proper warnings?

You just got some sun, and I still make you warm all over? Damn. Texas shares a large, supple, wet border with Mexico, ya know...

To those of you who responded sociably to my posting and expressed your concern for Nate, thank you. I understand. To those of you so enthused by my so-called "dissection," get a clue. Antigone's amateurish and illogical little crtique of my post was hardly a dissection. It was charming, though. Now, to see a proper pack-mentality lambasting of Bobby, check out the "Do you love me?...Bobo the clown" thread.

*yawn*

Hey, Bobby. Read my response a few times. Maybe then you'll pick up on the triple and quadruple entrendes.

*haha.* critic. you're not any better than the rest of us, so stop acting that way. this is like having my little sister look over my shoulder while i'm online--i get enough of it at home so please don't make it everywhere else. why do you waste your time on us, if we're so *dull*?

I feel so chagrined I missed all those multiple entrendes! Holy cow! I am in total awe of your cleverness, despite your blatant self-congratulation. (You should leave the fawning to your adoring fans.)

*sacrifices a succulent soy and garlic-encrusted salmon steak at Antigone's altar*

Actually, I agree with Bobby. Antigone didn't used to be so irritable -- what happened to you, my man?

It was still before 5 in the afternoon, she hadn't woken up yet.

Bobby reminds me of that anal retentive character on Frasier.......you know.... the guy who plays his brother.

actually, he reminds me of kramer on seinfeild--he butts in, unwanted and only *slightly* condescending.

but kramer was scatalogical, eccentric and fucking weird. the bobby kids seems as dull as cardboard.

Now Patrick,I was hoping to keep the announcment of our arrival,under wraps,until they had actually let us into Mexico.No need to cause undo alarm,after all,I'll be there to keep an eye on J. [and you know how prim and proper I am] And my tall Texan neighbor,with his promising suggestions of large,supple,wet........oooh,better get back on tract here. It would be my pleasure to be dissected by such a discerning mentor.And please,fill me with your triple and quadruple entrendes,as your skill makes me quiver with anticipation. And Daniel ssss,if I'm not mistaken,I thought that was your visa,in your pocket? The only thing missing here,is Nate. {czarina bends over,and smiles coyly,in the hopes that Nate will give her, at least,a gentle ass fucking.It might make you feel better.} Hope you're holding up ok.

I'm irritable, Spider, 'cause you're not paying enough attention to me! Cat and Czarina more than make up for it, though. And, Bob, you fawn all over yourself with each self important post you make. In fact, since educating me on my self congradulatory nature is such an illusory and ridiculus endeavor, you must have a massive ego just to think that you'll make any difference by pointing out my perceived personality flaws. Hah! Wade through that sentence! Hah! Besides, we're all in the self important set here at Sorabji. And, Czarina, for me to point out all the triple and quadruple entendres I'd actually have to read what I posted and figure out what they are. I'll leave that as an exercize for Bobby. :-P

troo. kramer was sorta cool, which bob-o is not. and besides, kramer has friends in high places. from what it sounds, bob-o has no friends at all. lissen, buddy, do yourself a favor and drop the prick act. it's easier to suck up to ya if you're not shoving it up my nose.

That's right, pez, no friends at all! I had been lost for eons, wandering the barren badlands of civilization, hoping against hope of ever finding a society that might accept a pathetic misfit like me, when one blistering day, what I thought was just another shimmering mirage amidst the thorny scrubland, as I drew closer, took shape, and revealed itself to be the cozy little village of Sorabji. Eureka!, I proclaimed to myself with tears in my eyes as I gazed longingly upon the gingerbread houses and white picket fences. I supped at the local diner and read back issues of the town paper at the library. Ready to reach out to my new neighbors, I tried the gate at the first house I came to, when ZAPPPP!, 10,000 volts of electricity coursed through my body and I was flung back into the street. My hair was singed, my muscles ached, and my ears were ringing. "That's odd," I thought to myself. And that couldn't be laughter I was hearing from behind those beautiful white lace curtains, could it? Undeterred, I went to the next house, where I decided to climb the fence instead of risking another malfunctioning gate. Part way over, I looked at my hands in total dismay, they were bleeding profusely from multiple deep clean cuts - the symbolic white picket fences were strung with razor barb wire! It was then I realized that this village believed in the principle that good fences make good neighbors. These people don't want or need new friends; they have each other and that's all they need. And now there was no mistaking it, the laughter at my expense was real. Thoroughly cowed, I dragged my eviscerated shell of self back to the outlands, as slings of of insulting arrows shot by snipers of annonymity continued to rain down upon me. Licking my wounds, I console myself with a thought stolen from Woody Allen, (who maybe stole it from someone else), that after all, I wouldn't want to belong to a club which would have someone like me as a member.

Yet another schmo who loves playing the outsider. Play on, MacDuff!

There have been other outsiders!!! Have any survived your crushing gauntlet?

Set sail for dick!

drama queens. groucho marx's line, no?

yes, according to i don't know who, "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members" and for your pleasure, "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

Bobby,you seem to not have realized,that I payed you the greatest of Sorabji compliments,when I offerred you the first welcome to Sorabji."Fuck you,you ass",is the highest honor one can have bestowed upon themselves here.

Thats a good one Heather.As for Bobby,let me see he has insulted Czarina and Antigone,and now he feels like an outsider,he doesn't seem to get it.All I know is if somebody insults me for no reason,they are on my shit list,and that goes for someone who insults my friends.

lo, may we all walk slowly through the sunken shadows and velvet valleys of sorabji drama deserts to come to this place.

i'm okay with him, he's just a little defensive and insecure. not any different than a good portion of us. i think i may have strep.

my head hurts. i always think of my best sorabji posts, late at night, a little tipsy and alone. no, my weiner is not usually in my hand. I'm quite contemplative at night. Then the thought crosses my mind to log on and share. I usually say ahhh fahgetit....and light a cigarette. what was it...last night shit.....*tap tap tap*...something along the lines of erratic Homer Simpson ...i think ti was about wanting to learn to fly or ..AHHHH yes.....GET A MOTORCYCLE!!!!!! I want to get a motorcycle! i just wish bobby would say something else instead of going on and on and on about being treated like an outsider...little bitch. how ya doing agatha?

my feet hurt. doesn't anyone care about my feet? For God's sake!! where is the compassion?!?

i feel for your feet Gee. really i do.

I do to Gee with all my heart and sole.

too

Thank you Agatha for your show of kindness to the stranger. You are a single flower amongst a thatch of gnarly thistle. Of course I am defensive and insecure, it seems so many Sorabjiites have it in for me. And was it not Henry Kissinger who said, "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean everyone's not out to get me."

Who ordered the big box of obvious?

don't whine to us about us, and it'll al be alright. that's the only secret.

bobby, just move on from the anger. tell us about yourself. patrick, i'm okay. i don't have strep. the doctors offices sure ask you a lot of personal questions these days, or maybe it's just because i'm going to a women's clinic now. there was a girl in there about to get an abortion today, i'm pretty sure. i wanted to go give her a hug, but i didn't want to freak her out.

Hey, I stuck up for you, too, Bobby. Ingrate. Just kidding. I like your attitude...stick around.

Damn,my gnarly thistles seem somewhat inert today.I hate when that happens. And Bobby,let me not hasten to point out,that you were the one who responded with such a testy reply to a simple question. But lets move on from that.Again,welcome.Tell us about yourself.

For the record,until I see bobby eat some humble pie,,and apologize to Czarina,he''s still on my shit list!!!!!!!!!! Yea asshole, 10 of them.

actually bobby....don't tell us about yourself. we know enough. and you can check the boards over. assaults of the written word are thrown around like a dodge ball man....no one has it in for you per se....so lighten up. make yourself a target and people will shoot. tell us a lie..... thats good agatha. i havent had strep since i was a kid. the wife went to the doc yesterday too. she's all healthy...and re-upped on her xanex. WAHOOOOO! you know prescrip meds are becoming a big problem as far as abuse goes. I like to attribute it to HMOs and their lackluster attitude....just give em the script...NEXT.....script....NEXT. I was listening to the teens on the bus talking about snagging his moms vicodin....his dads coedine, and his little brothers ritalin.....fucking narcotic cocktail i wouldnt even mix. stupid bitch. all the other kids had similar stories. that guy from Friends just checked into a clinic for pill addiction. "too many pills, so little time" i guess though, we were stupid with pills in high school, so i should go easy on the kids. people gotta wise up. if you are gonna get high off those things...you cant be so obvious. hey J when you going to mexico?

Just as soon as I get better,and believe me when I tell you that I'm checking out that vicodin.You know my e-mail address,I'll see what I can do:)

Bobby, when it came to Nate's emotional problems, you said, "Why do we bother caring?" When it came to your emotional problems, you said, "Of course I am defensive and insecure..." Pull your head out of your solipsistic ass and I'll respect you.

pucker up, tight ass his post doesn't read like he's referring to nate's wreckage specifically. it reads like he's talking about relationships in general. last time i checked, being a jaded, cynical bastard wasn't taboo around here. maybe you oughtta slow that roll and lighten up a little. nitz.

There's a time for everything, but when Nate tells us his relationship fell apart its not the time to pull the "I'll be existentialist for you but please pity my sorry ass" routine.

bobby probably doesn't know nate from jack. and that "call for pity" sounds more like sarcasm to me. but anyway. it's sweet of you to care so much.

swine, i love how you've been swooping in lately and busting people's chops for busting people's chops. anyway, re-reading this thread confirms for me that bobby was the one who came out swinging, not with his first post but after he didn't like the response. i also can't detect any malice in czarina's apparently provocative comment in the bobo thread. bobby is a bitch.

Bobby is Dave's bitch.

and we should all know by now that my ability to discern the reality of a situation is impeccable.

yes he is.

shit, dave. all this time i thought you were your own bitch. pucker up.

This is boring. I'm boring. What are we doing here? We're idiots. All of us. Where's my razor?

Amuse yourself

My initial post was not intended with any malice. But it also wasn't meant provocativly.But I like that it was taken that way.Thanks Dave,you made me feel good :)

i was gonna say the same thing dave......Re:swines appearances. bitch bitch bitch say man...tell us something new. whatcha doing with your music? whats happening? the wife got to pay a visit to the Cooler last week to this band (whose name i forget) but it has Stu, front guy from Jonathan Fireeater. She said it was pretty ok.

For the record, my posts are always meant to be malicious. Please don't take them nicely. Thank you.

Sorry, Nate, that your fine thread got spun on a tangent. When I said "Why do we bother caring...", I never meant to imply lack of caring towards you. It was a rhetorical and cynical observation about how insignificant and meaningless all of our pathetic lives are in the overall scheme of things. It was obviously sloppy writing on my part to leave such a gap between points that readers were unable to connect the dots. When all your friends were sympathizing with your plight, I thought you needed either a VERY good friend, or a total stranger, to say something to the effect that "love stinks" (J. Geils Band). I could've quoted Lord Alfred Tennyson, "'tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." Instead, I said what I said, (half-baked or not), and continue to stand by all that I say. My adverse reaction was not to criticism, per se, but to the viscious and hateful nature of the criticism. Take not the low road, fair Sorabjiites.

all the threads get spun to shit here. keeps you on your toes. kinda like ass fuckin....ya know?

Fuck you,you ass.

[sorry,that wasn't meant for you Patrick]

oh damn

we don't need to tell nate things that he already knows you don't always need advice when you need sympathy

my pleasure, czarina. now you know why they call me "the freshmaker".

bobby, you need to re-read what was said. antigone and hal were not being vicious and/or hateful. maybe this would be a good time for you to give everyone your definition of vicious and hateful. i'd be interested in comparing it to the dictionary definition. actually, don't. i'm imagining what that post would look like and i can't think of anything more annoying. instead, seek counseling.

asspucker. fleshmaker. bobbyflay. cockfarm. piss. so. i barely drink. i smoke weed infrequently. it would be easy to remain. this is my biggest worry. caving in and slipping back into the world i know best. as dull and grey as that would be. at least it is familiar. i'm on a mission.

actually, you all should know by now that dave is my bitch, although he is constantly on a mission to prove otherwise. we know the truth. i got some paper today. it is really really exciting, and the paper sample books were just amazing. it made me want to go back to school for graphic design. incidentally, in the paper shipment was the paper for the covers of my mail art contribution. you mail art friends will get your shit someday not too far in the future, just when you have all given up on me. go look. http://www.mrfrench.com

Bobby talks about something else: I don't think you should get a motorcycle, Patrick. Sure, it's nice to ride around, free from the confines of a steel cage, wind blowing through your hair, sun smiling down on you. There is no finer vacation than a bike trip with friends, camping by a stream. And girls that previously wouldn't give you the time of day, are suddenly clamoring for rides. Think of it Patrick, slender arms around your waist, a pretty head resting on your shoulder, you can smell the scent of her shampoo, and feel her breasts pressed against your back. You can walk into any motorcycle showroom, and for very little money, ride out with unimaginable performance capabilities; power-to- weight ratios and cornering g-force numbers to rival all but the most exotic sports-cars. Oh Patrick, you have absolutely no idea how insidiously seductive the allure of speed can be. I know you would fail to appreciate and respect your motorcycles's power, get carried away with it, and get in trouble. How do I KNOW this? - I've already seen you fail to respect the seductive power of online anonymity, get carried away with it, and abuse it. (You say things to people here that I KNOW you wouldn't dare say to their faces!) If you got a motorcycle, you would imagine yourself as Mickey Rourke's "Motorcycle Boy" character in "Rumblefish," or as Toe-cutter in the original "Mad Max." You would find yourself inexplicably drawn into street races with other bikes or fast cars; weaving in and out of traffic as if life were a video game. On those meandering rides with your new girlfriend, you would occasional pop a little wheelie just to hear her squeal. On those camping trips, you would find yourself rising at the crack of dawn, hours before your hung-over pals, and setting out for a little solo canyon run; braking late into corners, diving across the center line to hit your apexes, hanging off like Kenny Roberts, your kneecap mere centimeters above onrushing pavement, the BRRRRATTT of your bike's exhaust reverberating off cliff faces. The faster you go, the more time compresses like working the zoom while walking with a movie camera, and the more hooked you become, as your body becomes addicted to it's own rush of adrenaline. Someday, Patrick, you might make a mistake, or something may break, and you'll find yourself down at a high rate of speed, that pavement you so recently were the master of, now demonstrating its mastery over you. You watch it very closely through your visor as it passes inches beneath your eyes. You feel this grindstone chew parts of you into hamburger. You may see the road and sky and the mangled remains of your bike tumble about in a nightmarish kaleidascope. And maybe when those few seconds that seemed like a lifetime in hell, coelesce into real time, and you go to get up, but find you can't, because you no longer feel your legs, then, and only then, will you know you've gone too far.

you're a trip. i'm gonna blame this on pms, cause either you're pulling our legs or, well, i dunno. are you one of those people who lives as a perpetual back seat driver? handing out sage advice on thousands of topics and situations which you never seem to bring yourself to participate in? my criticism is not of you per say, but of your trite verbose nature. you're writing wasn't sloppy, it only reeked of never having been there. so maybe i should be kinder. i happen to think the opposite of most of your first post up there. nothing is arbitrary, but that's just my opinion. i occasionally make statements to sound more convincing, but in real life i don't care if you believe me or not. oh. and patrick is occasionally married. [i hope bitch mode ends soon. either that, or maybe that i develop some wit.]

Bobby writes well, although I do agree with heather that Bobby's probably never ridden a motorcycle, much less a 10-speed Schwinn. It's funny how people bust in here, either all gangbusters, offending everybody, trying to be noticed (which I fear was my m.o.), or they sheepishly dip their big toe in the water with a "Hi, I'm Fred" hoping somebody says "hi" back.

Bobby,you take the high road,and I'll take the low road,and I'll get to sorabji before you.With all this high road bullshit you are spouting,I'm really amazed that you couldn't pull an apology out of your ass,but then again, you are an asshole.

j owns the low road we're damn proud of it also we raid the high road pretty often for pretentious language. we have quite a collection. look i'm saying 'we', what was i thinking?

the royal we? everyone crashes. wear leather. i see guys ride around with shorts, a tanktop and sandals and, despite my lack of regard for safety, i cringe. i also secretly hope they drop the bike.

Agatha: Neenah paper is really good too -- high-quality, wide variety of textures, and their promos are clever. I have a Mr.French promo that's a book of funny postcards. I like their '50s-retro image. My uncle's a graphic designer, and a few years ago I helped him organize his paper samples. There's a company in Japan that puts out the neatest hand-made papers I've ever seen...some have bits of seashells in them, pieces of dried fruit, etc. Way cool, but very expensive. You know I've changed my address, right? Email me if you need it again. Thanks, Agatha.

As I sit here,contemplating the mysteries of the universe,as viewed through Bobby's eyes,I can't help but wonder from whence this ability to *KNOW* what others feel and think has come? Is this some omnipotent puissance gifted upon him? Or is he merely a disembodied loop of necrosing bowel,flung carelessly into the martix of life,with the intent of seducing the weak into his shallow reality?

yes, but it can only be described in 2000 words or more. ok i'm done i think.

sortof interesting. so much of this board is about bobby, and he hasn't posted in two days.

bobby posted last night. like, duh.

is this guy for real? bobby you pussy. id be the safest biker around. i'd get nothing bigger than a 600 and avoid the freeways at all costs. and you don't know me.....a lot of what i say here i would say in person. for example..... you're a pussy. all of those wonderful, text book descriptions (straight outta a honda brochure?) could be applied to anything, the minute you step out the door. actually bobby, the only reason i wanna bike is well... because im someone elses bitch. She wants a half-ton vibrator she can head up the PCH to Big Sur on.

i noticed that after i posted. somehow i missed the long rant. oops.

Bobby makes me reckon of thet postum Mammy an' ah foun' in th' road t'other night.

doo doo duh doo doo dudududuh...me stupid.

Czarina, consider the possibility I may be clairvoyant. Or free your mind from the literal, and acknowledge that the meaning of "know" may include examples of imagination or even irrationality. Or do I perhaps "know" by acquaintance with first-hand experience? "Omnipotent puissance" is certainly worth the price of admission. (I would have settled for the more pedestrian "omniscience.") Where or where did you learn all these fantastic words? *sincerity, not sarcasm* [And now a plea for help. Someone please explain to me how to run spell check in the post box.] And J, you sycophantic little sideline cheerleader, your friends are perfectly capable of fending for themselves without your punk interjections. Nobody cares about your dog-eared shit list. The only thing Bobby could possibly apologise for is heretofore exluding you from his alleged trail of insults. Do you NOW feel properly insulted? If so, how did I do that without making any joking threats of violence, or calling you any obscene names. J, why don't you just go ahead and take that low road straight to hell.

you really shouldnt have done that.

What? Lower myself to his level?

what a drag you are, Bobby. you're alienating yourself from the whole group of us. the way you do spell check in your little posty box is to post the message. if you have problems with spelling, someone will let you know. meanwhile, you should trying pulling that concrete block out of your ass and being a nice bitch.

And my kindergarten teacher used to tell my mom, "Bobby just doesn't seem to play well with others."

J's a girl. But don't feel bad...we all thought J was a guy when she first showed up. We also didn't like her much. Remember that, people? Someone even asked her to go away, if I recall. Luckily, she didn't listen. Spider loves you, J.

I get it now. This is a joke, and you all know who Bobby really is.

Right. I mean, how can anyone get a good assfucking with a concrete block up there? I mean, really... Hey, Bob. Did you go to college? If so, where?

I was at a rummage sale last summer when I spotted in the corner of the garage a motorcycle under a dusty green canvas tarp. It obviously wasn't included in the sale, but curious, I lifted back the cover to reveal the most beautiful gleaming black Norton 850 Commando with gold pinstriping that seemed to glow. It had slightly bent forks and a few minor scrapes, but otherwise was in pristine position. I attempted to make an offer on the bike with the nice middle-aged lady running the sale, but was told it wasn't for sale. She was keeping it as a momento of her late husband. Every Sunday they used to go for leisurely rides in the country together, and dine on brunch at a favorite inn. Her husband was a safe rider, and they both wore helmets, but nontheless, one Sunday, a car left- turned in their path, and that was the end of Sunday brunches at country inns for them. Her husband died in her arms in a ditch on a lonely country road.

Swine,has there been enough yet? That,unfortunately,was a fatal error Bobby. Why do you persist in referring to yourself in the third person?Perhaps because you have been ostracized from the pleasantries of life?Have you found it necessary to regress into some pseudo persona,to watch life from the sidelines,not having the balls to participate actively in it? My above post was intended to show you how mundane your attempt at cheap drama was.These *fantastic* words are accessible to any and all.I suggest you start at your local library. You really shouldn't have insulted J. This won't go well for you. Now,if you'll excuse me,my ass is severly sunburned,and I need to go find some aloevera to rub on it so Marks nose doesn't peel.And you seem to have an abrassive effect on my already chapped ass.

Bobby,I don't care what you think of me,I think your a pusillanimous piece of shit,a sanctimonious sugar coated piece of shit,I have a large sausage that's just waiting to go up your ass and then I'll intoduce you to my pack of starving dogs, I don't think they wiil like you anymore than I do,jackass.

I am such a slow writer. 10 new posts often appear by the time I post, and I'm out of sequence. I am a college drop-out. A wannabe. An uneducated, (or self-educated) rube. All I know of writing, I learned from reading. Riding the bus to school on dusty roads, library book in hand, eyes strained from the bouncing text.

will

you know bobby....i could cross the street and take it from a bus. i live in southern california....i could die in an earthquake right this very minute..... whats the point in citing an example of someone getting killed on a motorcycle? people die on motorcycles all the god damn time. they also die in cars, plane and trains. pussy.

rubic cube: looks easy, but almost impossible to figure out if you don't want to spend your life at it.

J, if you really don't care what I think, then why bother retorting. And I don't care if you're a girl or a boy or whatever, why do you have to be such an example of lowest common denominator? Patrick, go ahead and get a motorcycle. Prove me wrong.

Gosh bobby is like a bad case of herpes,he just won't go away.

my uncle drive a motorcycle cross country and takes pictures all over the world. when he's at home, he's a cop. motorcycling isn't dangerous, if the driver is experienced, aware, and safety-minded. it's a lot more efficient than driving around town, one person in a gigantic suv. for another thing, if the motorcyclist hits anything, it's almost guaranteed that damage will be less than that of a car. would you rather a motorcycle or a car hit your house, bob-o? most states require a motorcycle safety course and extensive practice before a person can get their motorcyclists licence.

clap on! oh, wait, that's gonorrhea.

Patrick can't prove you wrong, Bobby. You have yet to assert anything provable. Motorcycles are fucking dangerous, though. I've nearly killed myself many times on them. I'm giving mine away today. (Literally! A friend's coming over at 2pm to look at it, adn it's his if he wants it.) But I may buy one again, one day. I love riding them. Anyway, Bobby, what college did you drop out of?

prove you wrong what? im not denying the danger of a motorcycle. thats factored in when i say i want a motorcycle. but there's danger in everything. you're a pussy. i probably won't get a bike anytime soon because of the money. but your sentiment is as pointless as me reminding J, that when she drives to mexico...she really should consider staying in...because you know, she could get killed.

i dunno. i'm still cracking up about the pucker up, tight ass drink at Fat Cock. that and the poster in the breakroom advertising "a parade of 23 LIVE NAKED TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE juggling FLAMING CHAINSAWS! tonight! starting 5:30PM at CHARAS, 605 East 9th Street! BEAT BACK THE FORCES OF GENTRIFICATION!!!" got no sleep last night, but i'm sure as hell all over that shit. anyway. i can't focus on any of this. subrational grafitti. can't wait to go back to sleep. gotta pick up some live naked flaming transgendered people on the way home.

You might want to get some pickles and mustard to go with that too. The flavour of chargrilled breast implants can be a bit lacking to the uninitiated.

mmm. salty.

shit. i don't wanna eat 'em. i just wanna wind 'em up and watch 'em go.

ass sex na dbisexuality are going OUT of style and they are being replaced by transgendered sex. mark my words

you mark your own fucking words. mark the non-words, too. do you drink a lot of coffee, patrick?

Happy Birthday Dave,I bet I know what you'll be drinking:)

yes dave....why? happy birthday butternuts!

actually wait....define "a lot" i usually have 2-3 cups in the am....and sometimes 1 on in the afternoon. and maybe some over the weekends

Oooooooh,Happy,Happy birthday Dave! Drink one for me.

here's the traditional "hippo birdie". do everything i'd do, and go on.

yeah yeah, thank you all, yay for me. patrick, it's just that some of your typos look like they could only be made by a caffeine abusing parkinson's patient.

So, Patrick, if I rolled into your local Starbucks, long black stringy hair disheveled and greasy from traveling, wild glaring eyes set into insomnia-induced dark sockets of a gaunt pock-marked face, scuffed leather vest over a tattered and faded red flannel shirt, sleeves shoved back to reveal a "LOLA" tatoo (in tribute to my daughter) inside the right forearm, and ordered my usual large caramel latte with an extra shot of caramel, would you set down your espresso and your poetry, clear your throat, and really say out loud to me, "You're...a...pussy!"? Antigone, in response to your seemingly sincere inquiries about my education, I blew a perfectly good scholarship at the University of Minnesota Institute of Technology. I was supposed to follow in my great father's footsteps, but my heart wasn't in it. It was hard for me to make the adjustment from best at my hick hometown, to being a middle-of-the-packer, an also-ran, a small man on campus. No excuses, I was, (and remain), my own worse enemy. Worked like a madman out of stubborn insistence to support myself, overslept, missed classes. Instead of studying, would hang out in seedy bars, hustling pool, or smoky coffee shops, getting humiliated at chess by Russian immigrants. If I had to do it all over again, I would pick a perfectly useless major of interest to me. (Is writing a major? Go ahead and laugh.) Photography or cinematography would be fun. Anyway. Water under the bridge. And J., J., J. I've noticed that those most lacking in argumentative firepower are the first tt resort to name calling and threats when frustrated, like a child who sweeps the pieces from the board in a fit of pique when losing at a game. Threatening assault with a sausage and feeding me you to your dogs is just the sort of hateful "criticism" I object most to. How many perfectly good rants have you spoiled in this fashion. You behave like a bully and there's no excuse for it. Don't you dare say, "just kidding," because that's invariably the response of all bullies when confronted with their actions.

Bobby, you're getting very very dull now. Just take your toys and go home. Or stay around and play nicely.

I'm not kidding.And while you were educating your self,you seemed to have passed over the manners,and if I recall, your the one that had such a snappy little comeback when Czarina posted about "what's in your pants".You don't just come here and insult people and expect everyone to like you.

a) you wouldnt find me in a starbucks you'd find me at the window flipping you a bird for being a pussy and ordering a caramel latte. actually wait....no, id like to see a guy, as you describe order a latte? that would be god damn funny! do you order that skinny? grande or venti? b)i hate poetry c)yes, if you had said what you said about motorcycle riding, assuming i had stayed around for that longwinded mouth fart....yes..i would have said you are a pussy. I would tell my own brother the same thing. pussy. i understand dave. i dont have parkinsons.....but i have been exceptionally sparkly today for somereason.

well, slow down on the estrogen, mr. sparkle. you'll only end up with a wicked case of man tits. i'm kinda starting to like bobby.

j is not a bully j is certainly not kidding she might be the sweetest woman ever with the worst case of potty mouth. i trust her even though i've never met her and i don't trust many people. i have a strong taste for realness in people [and no, i'm not going to define it]. just drop the defenses- be a spikey bitch if you want, but not a narrative pussy. you have a daughter named lola? tell us about her if you would.

Believe it or not, Lola is named after a race car. http://www.mlodeent.com/CANAM/06acar66.jpg She is eight years old and lives with my ex-wife in another city. I haven't seen Lola since Christmas, and I miss her. I have some girl scout cookies she sent me in my freezer. Frozen caramel delites really hurt my teeth. Yes, I'm a big fan of caramel. I generally don't waste my money at Starbucks. I make my own caramel lattes at home. Does the fact I have a 20 Lb. cache of coffee beans and a 6 bottle stockpile of caramel syrup make me a latte survivalist?

Bobby's starting to grow on me. What was your major?

Czarina,et tu??From now on your on your own.

there's a place in town called lola's room. no one under 21 is allowed. somehow, i don't care.

hi j. there's ketel one in the freezer and tropicana in the fridge. help yourself. i gotta go to sleep. lock the door on your way out.

Not so fast, big boy. What happened to the transgender takeaway? I can smell a good story a New York City block away.

Cazrina, I was near completion of IT's 2-year "lower division" core, with an emphasis on Mechanical Engineering, when I bailed. End of story. When meeting new people in the real world, I often rub them the wrong way, but with time, I somehow manage to grow on them. Of course, there are always those like J that never waver from their first impression.

The boy next door died the other day,I just found out yesterday when my s/o came home from work.His mom was just sitting outside when he pulled up and she told him what happened and asked to borrow our lawn chairs.I'm freaking,I was just talking to him a few days ago,he was saving up to buy wheels with lights in them,now he's gone,he was only 12,and he was a good kid,I hope there really is a God,any God,just something,some place he can go.He was always chubby and when he got sick a few days ago,they are on a H.M.O plan,and the doctor said he had allergies,he kept getting sicker that by the time he ended up in the hospital,they said he had only a 50/50 chance of living.He had diabetes,why didn't any of his doctors figure that out in twelve years? His name was Demetri,his veiwing is tommorrow,funeral Monday.It just doesn't seem real,I really liked him,and his mom,she's in shock,it's all so fucking sad.I wish I could go back to bed,I got so tanked last night that I don't even remember posting my last post.The only reason I'm up now is cause a certain slut puppy forgot her key and woke me up at 6 a.m. I don't understand why something like this could happen,he was only twelve,he had a crush on the girl across the street(he never told me,but I could tell).He's gone,in a blink of an eye.If I didn't have to babysit today,I'd just start drinking so I could just pass out.There was no reason for this.

Bobby lowers his defenses just enough to explain why he has been so spikey: I really identify with that Andrew kid in San Diego who shot up his school as a result of being picked on. Like him, I went from one high school where I was very popular to another where I was bottom of the food chain, tormented, called names, beat up, etc. I made things worse for myself by not backing down to anybody; fighting back despite my laughably scrawny frame. It didn't help matters either that I could be (can be?) such a sarcastic little smart ass. I would go to sleep every night dreaming of ways to extract revenge upon my tormentors. When you're a kid in a hell like that, it is all you know. It seems like there is no way out. When immersed in a combat zone, the larger world out there, and a future beyond the current time seem like such abstract concepts. One of the things I am most ashamed of in my whole life, is that there was one kid even beneath me on the pecking order, and I picked on him too. I would give anything to take it all back. Years later, I learned that this sensitive intelligent young man was working as a desk clerk at a seedy downtown hotel. I went to see him to apologize, but he pretended not to know what I was talking about. Belated apologies are often too little, too late. Anyway, back to our friend Andrew. One aspect of his case that didn't get much press, was that insulting of him he saw posted in a teenage chat room was apparently the final straw that made him snap. The lesson for us should be that there are real human souls behind the postings, and we should think twice about what we say. Just because we're online doesn't give us carte blanche to be uncivilized.

Oops. Took so long to write that missed J's post. Inappropriatelly out of sequence again. Sorry to hear about Demitri. (And maybe I have an incorrect first impression of J as well)

J,I am so terribly sorry.The death of a child is a most unwelcome awaking.Please,stay strong,and go and comfort his devastated mother.I can only imagine the hollow horror she is experiencing.Please,go and give of yourself what you can.She will need all the help and strenght that anyone can offer.Just be there to listen,to lean on.And talk about him.So often in situations such as this,people tend to shy away from speaking of the dead,because they are afraid,and don't know what to say.But,it is important to speak of him,and how much you thought of him,this helps validate him as a real being.And this will help her.As you know,I personally don't believe in any form of spirituality,but I have found in dealing with my patients,in similar circumstances,that speaking of God,and his "all knowing" seems to afford them great comfort.Just be there for her.And I'm here for you.If you need me,I'll be at work tonight,and would be very glad to talk with you.I'm so very,very sorry Janny.I love you.Do you want me to call now?

J,I'm glad we talked :) And Bobby,please don't be offended that I didn't respond to your post. I was very concerned about one of my dearest friends. I gotta go to bed,[I'm beat],so I can get up and go back to work in a couple of hours. Again,welcome :)

there is a good article in the LA Weekly this week about putting perspective to the high school shootings...and the subsequent grandstanding by politicians, draconian rules and laws and media hype. the fact is, more people get struck and killed by lightning than shot in schools. Here we are in an age trying to teach our kids tolerance, yet we have this "zero-tolerance" shit going on thats ruining even the good kids with suspension. Kids today are smarter, doing better on tests, volunteering more, doing less drugs and yet we are kicking them around because the media gets us all worked up when these shootings happen.

I love you Czarina:)I just called the florist to send flowers to the church,and took some chicken legs out of the freezer,I'm going to make fried chicken for them,I don't know what else to do.No parent should out live their kids,as much as I bitch about my kids,I love them so much.I think I posted about how I wasn't even going to look at the little bastard when I found out Amee was pregnant,now here I am stewing because I was expecting him today and he should have been here by now.I've watched Demitri grow up,I always worried that kids would pick on him because he was really over weight when he started school,but everyone loved him.I'll be there for Valerie,long after everyone else is gone,I've been looking for God all my life,now I know why I could never find him,yesterday I quit looking.

Sweet Zombie Jee-zus, I really can't leave you people alone, can I? An observation: My impression of Bobby here is that his opinions/assertations/observations strongly remind my of the comic book character created by Jhonen Vasquez, Wobbly-headed Bob. He appears in Squee! and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. What the hell was this post about again? Oh, yeah. Sorry Nate. appendix: J seriously rocks my face.

what the fuck is this welcome to our circle crap? we're spiny and ugly and we don't like new people. dave., we share a birthday. it's the birthday of assholes.

Sems back!A bright light in my dismal day,boy have I missed you,did you get my e-mail? Mavis is looking for you.Happy belated birthday Nate,your not an asshole and neither is Dave.

happy bday, nate.

Happy birthday, asshole(s). I will toast you later with a beer. Perhaps it is pathetic that I missed this place, it was only a month, but fuck it. Ps. Backhoes KICK ASS.

backhoes are beautiful.

Welcome back Sem mate. Next time, don't be so bloody long or we'll have to make you go through the initiation ceremony all over again.

Fuck You You A(u)ss. You can always tell when I'm cheerful, I start insulting the people I like.

Heather is beautiful,I just saw what she posted,I love you Heather. I guess Bobby,the only difference between you and I,is that when I was picked on in school I just would get so mad,that no matter how much bigger than me the person was I always managed to beat the hell out of them. I never picked on anyone. But I was good to go if someone was picking on someone else,somebody that couldn't defend themselves.I had to practically beg Czarina to stick around here as it was,she thought everyone was mean,and I was defending her.My veiw of you might change,but your going to have to earn it now.I'm in no mood for fighting,I'm just trying to distract myself,so I don't think.I put a roast in my crock-pot,instead of the chicken so I can get tanked,and not have to worry about burning the house down.My husband is pulling a 12 hour shift(Thanks Uncle Sam,you bastard)so I'm not going anywhere or doing anything and I just want to get drunk.

And a big hard Birthday spanking to Nate.

Bottoms up Nate.It would be terribly remiss of me to not offer the obligatory ass swatting. Happy B-day!

heather is beautiful, yes. happy birthday, nate. welcome back, sem. you were missed.

Happy birthday Nate. CZ I was Not Sleeping I was Comatose. Anybody want a twenty by sixty greenhouse? Neighbor's got two of em, complete, 2 blowers n 1 furnace n double layer plastic over galvanized frames, hanging pipes for baskets, baskets, and all 8 tableparts 4x60 each...really cheap really good and really easy to dismantle. Lemme know. What was this thread about?

hey, what about me you yinned-out, crystal-humping, hippy-ape? it was my birthday, too.

yang yang yang... forgive me, Dave, for overlooking your belly button day. How come you don't get down on CZ for "HBD Nate" and no "HBD Dave"? Geez, I cd take things personally, you know how sensitive I can be... I don't know a Crystal.

she expressed her appreciation further up there. i can't be too greedy. you're forgiven, peacemuffin.

Daniel ssss,I resent you trying to take yourself out of the limelite,and putting me on the hotseat,in regards to your forgetting to wish Dave a HBD.There'll be an obligatory ass-swatting for you,too.

happy birthday days ago, nate and dave.

oooooooowwwwwwww i'M SOOOOO sensitive.... more please.

hey Daniel, i'm sorry i threw the blame on you for that bit with Pilate's kid awhile back. i've been meaning to apologize for awhile. i was quick to apply the blame. after, when i had paused for thought, i realized that the action didn't fit my impression of your character.

Reading this reminds me of, "I just want my life back!" Damm, I can't remember her name now. Glad to see nothing has changed :o)

lucy phurre

Oh yeah, thanks

I missed you Fb,glad to see you back,how are you?

Pretty good. I'm almost off all my medications. Doc thinks I'm back in remission. Thank God. I was going to have to start chemotherapy March 1st. I had the chemo 9yrs ago and would rather die than go thru it again. How are you? How is your neighbor lady? I see you are going to Mexico, I'm going to send you an email in the next few days. I have something I would like you to do down there. (it's easy) Thanks J!

What the hell is this about cancer FB????? I thought you quit posting because you hooked up with a new woman,shit are you o.k.? Send me that e-mail,you know I care:)

Not cancer. Autoimmune disease called Dermatomyositis. The immune system regects your own skin and muscles. I had been in remisson for 7 1/2 years but flaired up again last April and I have been fighting it since then.

Harsh, beav... Don't die.

Me die? Only the good die young.....I'll be here forever.

FB,has this all started since they let that fucker out that killed your brother?Want me to make some more calls?

Beav,if you die,can I have your pelt?

I'm glad your doing better FB:)

Czarina, you really don't want my pelt...it stinks. J, I'm alot better. Thanks. The hospital I went to work for "Terminated their employment agreement" with me due to absences during the probationary period. The funny thing is I singed a two year contract and recieved 2,500 dollars. Later I decided I hated the place but was bound by contract. They broke the contract which released me and I kept the 2,500 dollars. I'm going to work at the state maximum security prison. The pay and benefits are the highest in the area. They are building a "special needs unit" AKA Super max unit. I hope to work that unit when it is finished. I have to attend a 10 week self defense program, where the do all kinds of stuff to you, like pepper spray you etc. I can't wait to get on the job. I know others who work there and tell funny stories about the prisoners. (one of the prisoners takes his shit and makes it into little snowmen, lines them around the toilet seat and talks to them) Are you still going to Mexico?

you mean turdmen. unless snow means something entirely different over there. dude, that job sounds truly wretched.

Yep,we're going:)