No Pictures Please


sorabji.com: What is your definition of hell?: No Pictures Please
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Bell_jar on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 09:34 pm:

    i'm working on a stuff that sucks. could all of the frequenters please describe what they look like. if you do not i will merely use my imagination, which will surely do you the justice you deserve. thank you for your coopertion.


By Isolde on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 09:50 pm:

    I look kinda like Satan.


By Tom on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 10:00 pm:

    6 and a half feet tall, built like a spaghetti noodle, hung like a horse. Gaunt face, small gold-looking-rimmed glasses. beard and sideburns, but not continuous. Brown hair for the facial hair, bleached lemonblond for messy (albeit short) stalk of upstanding upperheadhair. mediterranean coloring, big lips, high cheekbones, slightly underfed looking, with a renegade eyebrow. Damned sexy.

    No comments necessary from the peanut gallery.


By Isolde on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 11:51 pm:

    Not at all sexy. He only wishes he had those attributes.

    Patrick will have a picture of him with his Smints.

    And a picture of me, for that matter, though I'm not looking terribly Satanic.


By dave. on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 12:10 am:

    bell-jar, i'll send you a pic if you give me your email. only because, as you may have noticed, i have stunted descriptive abilities.


By dave. on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 12:11 am:

    oops, sorry bell_jar.


By pez on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:18 am:

    you saw my pic, but that was sitting down, knitting, and hidden.

    medium red-brown hair in a grown-out bob. large hazel eyes, a spattering of small moles. sometimes described as "very norweigian". six foot even, with a boyish frame: slightly muscular upper arms and broad shoulders, small bust and hips, no waist to speak of. bony butt, and rabbit-like feet, re: long and skin-ny!

    we have a photograph of my great-grandfather, peder pedersen, a norweigian sailor who jumped ship...out of the entire family i'd say i look the most like him. he was extremely white, while my father and grandfather have reddish complexions.

    i guess i look ok. and i'm assuming that i'm the peanut gallery that antitom mentions.


By Cat on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:13 am:

    I have all my own teeth. If you're depicting me, please be sure to get them all in. Or I'll sue.

    I also look good in red, if there are any colour options.

    Other than that, just recreate me as you choose. I promise not to complain...much.

    (Though I would love you forever if you drew me a bit taller and with lovelier toes, pretty please?)


By Hal on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:26 am:

    Bell_Jar, I'll give a description here, but if you want a photo just email me and I'll send you however many you want, its no biggie.

    I'm about 5'9", about 180 lbs, brown hair, eyes that change with my feelings ( sounds fruity doesn't it ) they are either; green, blue, hazle, or brown. You just never know. I have a moderatly sized goatee, I wear glasses, goggles, and I almost always wear brown, green, black, or white.

    Like I said if you want a pic, ask and ye' shall recive.


By Dougie on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 09:05 am:

    Um, Bell_Jar, why would you want us to describe ourselves for a "stuff that sucks" thing? Are you implying that we all suck?


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 12:15 pm:

    My eyes change too! That's neat.


By patrick on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 12:52 pm:

    so do mine...from hazel to light blue, its a rarity but happens.....

    sheeeesh, do I need to describe myself......haven't i posted enough links with pictures?

    i'm similar to tom, only i have black rimmed glasses , no facial hair (tom Im not sure who told you beards are sexy...but but......anyway), and no bleached hair.....

    the gaunt, high cheekbones thing......

    if you drop me an email, i can send you a very recent pic,


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:14 pm:

    You don't look much like Tom, from the pictures I've seen.
    My eyes change from dark blue to grey to green.


By dave. on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:14 pm:

    i changed my mind.


By pez on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:35 pm:

    i just remembered. if you catch me in the right mood, i can make just about any face possible. except elvis. i can't sneer very well. fish face, fat face, rabbit face...

    oh, and the eye thing: my aunt once convinced a friend of my dad's that she an my dad were part asian because the eyes in our family are slightly more tilty than most caucasians. it's bogus, oc.


By semillama on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:36 pm:

    It would be interesting to do a stuff that sucks of pictures of "frequenters" w/o any idea what they looked like.


By Nate on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:46 pm:

    5'10", 180lbs, blonde hair, eyes that change like every other trendy person here, my father's nose.


By sarah on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 02:15 pm:


    Anabolic Barbie [tm]. if she were approaching 30.





By Tom on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 02:53 pm:

    I wonder how this thread would be developing if y'all had senses of humor. Geez. Pez, seeing as you've never seen me naked, you're not really in a position to be the peanut gallery.

    Or have you and are you?

    My eyes change, too: they occasionally disappear.

    And in all honesty (though why I'm being honest, I haven't a clue;) I look a bit like Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld).

    I just have to remember to bring personal photos in to work and scan them some time.

    The only photo of me online is at http://www.cypresshouse.com/aboutcypress/Staff/Tom.JPG it's only a mug shot.

    Damn. I've gotta go; the man in the Gucci suit just showed up.


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:12 pm:

    That's a pretty apt photo, except you're uglier in real life.


By Nate on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:19 pm:

    bitter hippies.


By sarah on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:21 pm:

    cuteness!



By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:21 pm:

    The word association thread is elsewhere, people.


By patrick on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:21 pm:

    yeah,

    damn isolde.....


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:24 pm:

    C'est ne pas ma faute!


By Dougie on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:51 pm:

    Here's me with my first Alaskan salmon. (disregard Juan Valdez in the photo -- he was just passing through.)

    Go to xdrive.com and login as "johnqpublic1" password: "johnqpublic1"

    The file is salmon2.jpg


By Tom on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 03:52 pm:

    It's okay. The man in the Gucci suit was just delivering mexican food.

    Oh. Did I put up the link to the airbrushed version? Actual photo is here:

    http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/pics2/SPIDER2.GIF

    SHIT. Bell_jar specifically said "no photos." DAMNIT. please don't kill me, Bell. It was a moment of weakness. It won't ever happen again, I promise. I'll start posting negatives to make up for it. *begins burning* NO!! MASTER, DON'T TAKE ME YET!!! I WAS SO CLOSE!!! SOOOO CLOOOOOOSEE!!!!

    CURSE You, and your little dog, too!!!!!

    thought I took aspirin with lunch; it may or may not have been something completely different.


By pez on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 05:08 pm:

    i just assume i'm part of the peanut gallery since i'm normally part of it elsewhere.

    i don't see how you get "sexy" from that. you look a lot like the boyfriend i had a year ago. he was pretty ugly. you're a little prettier than him.

    think tink! (i'm wearing my tinkerbell t-shirt at the moment)


By Tom plain and tall on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:12 pm:

    Sorry, people. I often forget how hard it is to express sarcasm / humor via purely written media. The first post contains several jokes. (this is sorta like "spot the object that doesn't belong."

    1) I'm not built like a noodle. I'm built like a human.

    2) I'm not hung like a horse. I'm hung like a human.

    3) I don't have a renegade eyebrow. It just happens to bend the wrong direction.

    4) I don't really consider myself damned sexy. I'm a fairly middling-looking person, and I realize this. y'all are destroying my ego, but apparently I needed it. Right. From here on in, I promise to put a little note at the end of every message in which I joke, lie, or use sarcasm, in case not everyone picks up on it. It will look a bit like this:

    *NOTE TO LITERAL-MINDED or NIT-PICKY PEOPLE: The above statement, regarding adding notices to every post, WAS A JOKE, or a LIE, depending on your point of view. The management of Tom, Inc, regrets any strange occurences or vaguely silly feelings that our post may have caused you.


By Tom on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:13 pm:

    right. and sorry, all, for going nuts on this thread. *disappears*


By Nate on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:44 pm:

    i'm damn sexy.


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:48 pm:

    We know.


By Cat on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:56 pm:

    You're too sexy for there...come here.


By patrick on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:58 pm:

    i'm hung like a horse


By Isolde on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 08:01 pm:

    Boy howdy. I see how this is gonna be. *gets out the whip*


By droopy on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 08:26 pm:

    i'm with semillama. i'd like to see bell_jar imagine what you all look like.


By Antigone on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 10:09 pm:

    Antigone has a bright spot in the center surrounded by black tarnish.

    Antigone is wrapped in silver foil with six small holes ripped in it.

    Antigone contains almost one hundred steel screws.

    Antigone tries to not release too many chloroflourocarbons into the atmosphere, but he can't help it. He was just made that way.

    Antigone is a continuous stream of pound signs.

    Antigone is covered in a tasty coating of white yogurt.

    Antigone is a tree, a hand, and lots of fucked up flying geometric shapes.

    Antigone remains unread because of a lack of free time.

    Antigone was put together last night. He emits the perfect amount of full spectrum light.

    Antigone is a form text entry box contianing several sentences starting with "Antigone."


By Cat on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 11:43 pm:

    And how could you forget...Antigone is also the Comet 2P/Encke which is commonly seen in the 9th magnitude in Virgo in the western evening sky.

    I have never met an Antigone I didn't like.


By J on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 12:01 am:

    I am 5 foot 8,130 pounds,small boned,I have blue green eyes,long legs.no hips,large shoulders,and red hair right out of a bottle,fair skinned,big mouth.


By Bell_jar on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 12:58 am:

    tom... you will be forgiven for the photo only if you give me $20 when we get to vegas.

    i've decided to disregard all of your descriptions and play a little as sem suggested.


    so no need to post here anymore. it will do you no good. you are all at my mercy. or not.


By Antigone on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:18 am:

    I've never met an Antigone I wasn't.


By Antigone on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:18 am:

    Here, kitty, kitty...


By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 07:49 am:

    I have.

    Can I get $20 too?


By Bell_jar on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 08:12 am:

    hell yeah.

    you should get $25 and a pear. (always negotiate for the pear)


By Dougie on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 08:32 am:

    My girlfriend and I got into a spat last night -- we were talking about tatoos (she's got 2, I have none) and I jokingly suggested that I get "Dumbass was here" tatooed on my penis. I thought it was funny. She didn't.


By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 09:22 am:

    Indeed.

    I like the pear idea.


By Nate on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 10:12 am:

    yeah, get it tattoo'd on your pear.


By blindswine on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 12:56 pm:

    i'm getting this tattoo on my other arm.

    same design except the divine will be embracing huey newton instead of that jesus guy...



By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:00 pm:

    I like it. A little too large and colourful for me, but it looks really cool.


By Trace on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:16 pm:

    wow


By Mavis on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:31 pm:

    that is so nice!
    i think my next tattoo is going to be a combination of the virgin of guadalupe, and something to do with a sewing machine.
    i haven't gotten too far with that yet.


By blindswine on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:35 pm:

    i was kidding.

    my skin is too dark for all that color.

    what i am getting is a stylized siva nataraja.

    work starts on saturday.

    denise is doing it for me.

    that girl rocks harder than blueberry pop tarts straight outta the toaster.

    check out her site.


By pez on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 02:44 pm:

    the art counselor at camp westwind (about four years ago) had a big tattoo of a tree on her leg. i have a friend who has tinkerbell an her leg.

    i was thinking of getting a wrap-around tattoo on my ankle of a music staff. my parents would throw a fit if i did...


By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

    Tattoos are neat. I haven't decided what I want yet.


By Rhiannon on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 03:32 pm:

    Blueberry poptarts....mmmmmmmm....


By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 03:50 pm:

    Blueberries...mmmmmmmmm...


By pez on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 05:40 pm:

    appples...mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...


By Tom on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 05:55 pm:

    Whoa. Alright, now Bell_jar is just giving away my money?

    Fine, then. $20 for whichever of you shows up in Vegas and finds Bell_jar and m'self first. Oh. And *2* pears. Can't beat that.

    Tattoos. Really would like one. Don't know what to get, yet. Thinking of a Celtic Knot... something simple, line art, probably. Maybe a tree. Friend of mine from college has an "equal" (=) sign on his wrist. Like that alot.

    the tattoo people here are the best. Chinchilla and Mr. G.... everyone should check out Chinchilla's book, "Stewed, Screwed, and Tattooed." that says it all, I think.

    Right, then, applications now being accepted: what would *You* like to see permanently embedded in Tom's flesh? *sigh* back to work for me, then.


By Dougie on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 06:02 pm:

    How about Ralph Wiggum's immortal line, "My cat's breath smells like catfood" which Wavy posted on another thread across your back? Probably not been done yet.


By Isolde on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 06:39 pm:

    Chinchilla does realy bad tattoos. I wouldn't let her touch my skin.


By Tom on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 08:03 pm:

    Yeah, well. alright. But Mr. G is still a genius.


By patrick on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 08:14 pm:

    "my cat's name is mittens"

    "my cat likes to poop in the yard"

    and the ever classic dialog.....

    "Umm Miss Hoover, i opened my mouth and the worm went in, can I have another?

    Miss Hoover "(sigh)no Ralph, put your head down and go to sleep"

    "Sleeping, thats where I'm a viking!!!"


By Dougie on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 08:39 am:

    "I bent my wookie."


By semillama on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 02:05 pm:

    "There's the rock where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things."

    "Me inliterate? That's unpossible!"


By TBone on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 07:54 pm:

    Oh, that's what I get for lagging behind. I don't get to describe my huge forhead and my stubby legs.

    Damnit!


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