Sitting on the couch; Me on top of him. Kissing. He smiles, "...birth control. I've used it before." "Have you?" I tease. Ten minutes pass. We move to the room. It's not what I think. Fear. I rack my brain for sex education statistics. 75% or was it 60%. I can't be afraid. It is all inside of me; He is so free. It is all inside of me.

Woah. Hello, Bell_Jar. What's going on in your head? Other than that awesome post, that is.

who cares whats in her head.....lets ask more probing questions shall we...according to planned parent hood, my current birth control of choice is 80% effective.

mine is 99.5% according the planned parenthood. anal sex is not 100% effective. true.

Mine is 100% effective - celibacy. And if it ain't...read Revelations and weep.

aint that a bitch

Nah I'm revelling in my celibacy. There's a certain freedom in choosing it. I want to say there's a clarity to being unharnessed to anyone else's sexuality, but that would make me sound like a wanker (which, of course, I am quite literally). After more than a decade of nearly continous relationships, it was time to take a respite and let my vagina know who's in charge.

Currently mine is 100% effective too--a broken lock.

i admit we are playing russian roulette, no doubt........

There is only 15 months between Heather and Ryan,I can't take birthcontrol,I made him have a vasetomy.

I know I didn't spell that right,I know you knew what I meant

I'd be willing to give a demonstration if they don't. I'm pretty nifty with scissors. Volunteers?

*pushes antithesis forward*

*steps forward of his own free will* Do me, baby.

*snip* Plup!Plup! dripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdripdrip....

you are all ruining this thread. bell_jar, that was really well written, albeit disturbing. i am assuming you wrote it?

i did write it. it's funny how you write something here and it goes in a direction you never would have thought it would. i tend to cut emotional ties with people by writing disturbing poems and handing out stickers.

did you experience that scenario, or did you just imagine it?

I was really blown away by it, as I tried to communicate above.

Kinda wonder about the method of birth control. My guess is the ol' "pull out before squirt" tried and untrue method.

i experienced it. it's funny how our lives are like a good piece of fiction. actions become symbolic. if only we had the know-how to stop and look at each piece and analyze it to see the foreshadowing and be aware of how things will turn out.

writing is therapy. better than any of those shrinks (pointing to a line of psychiatrists who are confused, scratching their heads over the different stories i've told). never have needed birth control, although i do have a "pet rubber" somwhere in my closet. hope my mom never tries to clean it (my closet, i mean). she once read my diary and thought i was writing letters. she asked me who i was writing to. nobody's supposed to see it unless i show them. it's not like i pressed it into her hands and chanted "read it! read it! rreeaadd iitt!!" grr.

Sometimes I'll just fall into this mood, where I see everything we do as symbols; physical actions meant to represent larger ideas... I'm having trouble formulating what I'm trying to say, though. In my head, I've reached the point where language (being a lie) stops working. I don't like writing as therapy. I used to... writing is a chance to create. Writing (as art) is the only metaphor for life. writing is playing god. I wish I could make this come out the way it is upstairs. I'm really rusty, as far as writing goes. I don't practice anymore, really; I've gotten caught up in the day to day shit. I decided to major in English simply because my english test scores were higher than my math test scores. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Someone always points out that I already am grown up. I don't want to work where I work until I grow old and die. I don't even want to work there for 6 more months.

Sounds too much like me... I know what I want, and I know how I can get it. The trouble is, will what I want still want me after time...

I would like someone to explain to me how anal sex is not 100%.