| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Every time we had visitors over, he'd say things like "I'm glad you came, we normally have bread and jam for dinner" and "around here, we have a rule that guests wash up." My brother and sister and I would wait and wait for him to say it and then groan like we were embarrassed. It's only been a few years since I realised he only did it for our benefit. He also said "you're crusing for a bruising" or "you're hankering for a spanking" if we were misbehaving. At other times, it was supposedly motivational stuff like "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". There's lots more and some of them make me smile so much when I'm feeling down that I sometimes dredge them up on purpose like a talisman against the misery. My mother wasn't as quote worthy but I'll hear her calling "rise and shine" when she wanted us to have breakfast for the rest of my days. |
But I recall my grandmother, and the bouncing knee, and the "rooop-peti-toup" of my Swedish grandmother caregiver friend and confidant as she would bounce me. When older, like four or so, I recall her telling me I was too heavy and she'd break her leg. Everything else -- which I have told myself that I heard them say -- are these supposed things I was told when I have no recollection of their saying anything, being told anything. I find it sad to be a parent without having had parents. It makes me realize, finally, that the thing I wanted most in life to be a success -- has turned out to be my most dismal failure...in my estimation. It means I was not a a good child to my nonexistent parents, and I am a nonexistent parent to my good children. Somedays I feel like that. My children think, or may think, or hopefully think otherwise. In another hundred years it won't matter. |
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my real mother always called me a "witch". i was a pre-schooler. i didn't know what she meant. she just called me a horrid little witch. she continually told me that i "embarrassed her to tears". she finally abandoned me when i was six. i guess i'd embarrassed her one time too many. my stepmother told me i had damn well better get used to the fact that i'd never be beautiful. she pulled my hair a lot & screamed at me, telling me i was ugly. she also said i'd have screwed up the lord's supper, had i been there. on the good side, my real mother told me i was book-smart & that i'd be a star someday. my stepfather said i could do well in school, if i'd just pull my head out of my ass (i graduated college w/ honors). my stepmother told me that i was incredibly creative. |
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To this day I'm not sure what he meant by that..... |
My Dad would sometimes refer to me & my brother as "Chief"....nowadays I tend to call EVERYONE "Chief", with the appropriate level of insincerity.... |
another weird thing my mother used to say...she always told me i had "an ass like a ukrainian mule". both my mother & my stepmother were totally obsessed about my weight when i was a kid. my mother put me on a starvation diet when i was in kindergarten & i got put on another one when i hit junior high. i was told, even as a toddler, that no man would ever have me because i was fat & ugly. i proved that shit wrong in a hurry. i've never had a moment's problem scoring men. not in my youth & not now. |
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My mom used to tell me she wished to God she'd had the good sense to abort me when she had a chance. She also said I'd grow up to be "dead common", a favorite phrase of hers. |
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stepfather #2: "you could be a very beautiful girl if you would just lose weight." when i went to sorabji.com main page just now, this is the message i got: This is sorabji.com: Cosmetic surgery can help you achieve the looks that diet and exercise alone can't. We welcome you to our website so that you may learn more about the procedures available to you. |
It'd probably take me a year to bang out the classics that came out of my Stepdad's mouth... I remember one day coming downstairs to hear him ranting to my Mother about,...."Statistics SHOW that boys brought up singly by their mothers are more effeminate, blah blah blah, this is all your fault..." I just sat on the couch and took it all in as one more stupid rant from my Stepdad when he turned on me and said, "in case you didn't realize it, we're talking about YOU, Chuck...." It turned into a big sermon about how I needed to work out more.... Like I said, his rants & stupidity could fill a book. My Dad wasn't the Paragon of Fatherhood----my Stepdad was subhuman..... |
no wonder i have such a warped view of society. |
I'd ask her, "well, what do you want????" Her response was always, w/o fail, "I want what YOU want!" Untie that one... |
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I have a creeping terror of turning into an evil stepfather. Which is ridiculous. I have a happy homelife and I love my kid. We get along great. It's just that the term "stepfather" in itself seems to conjure up terrible images of some firebreathing monster. I don't want to turn into that. I'm packing a bit of baggage about my own dad, but not too much. I used to spend a bit too much time being pissed off at him. Then toward the end of his life he became a really cool person. The thing is, I don't want to wait until I'm damn near dead to evolve into a proper human being. |
"Lo, in the year 2001 I shall let thee loose upon the earth to cause great destruction. For I The Lord Thy God, Creator of all Things, am a vengeful God. For, Lo, the Earth is Sinful and an Abomination in my sight, and so shall thee destroy it by fire, by plague, by famine, or by other means so that there be great weeping and gnashing of teeth." my mom used to say: "you can get more flies with honey than with vinegar." |
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here's one i just remembered... from my biological father: "You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." |
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And. "Today is all your sorry ass has. use it well." |
You ARE a proper human being. droopy: Did anyone ever tell your Dad he had delusions of grandeur? Nelly: Your Mom was right. J: Your Mom was evil....but you seem to know this already. Sarah: Your Dad was right. droopy: "Close enough for NASA"----my personal fave.... |
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one thing my mom used to say is "now there's a tall drinka water!" |
Then she would nag me. She really loved to nag. She once nagged me to clean my room while I was in the act of cleaning it. She always said "Rise and shennanegans" when it was time for me to get up. If I was already up, she'd say it anyway. My dad could somehow say "chicken" in such a way to make it sound like an expletive. I thought it was halarious. He would often joke to people about the regular "Tobin family knife-fights." |
"you can't go around pulling your pants down and touching other girls in the neighborhood." |
But what about the other ones? |
that" yet this year? Are you going to kill me for asking that? |
On several occasions, he would gather us all around and regale us with stories about the wonderful edible plants that could be found in the yard. I clearly remember the day he ate an entire fistful of crabapples with a huge fake smile just so that we would all follow-suit. We gagged and puked, and he would just laugh. The next week, it was Chokecherries. It took a full half dozen rotten snacks before we learned that the old man can not be trusted. |
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Now, I see it as a good lesson. He never tricked us into eating anything blatantly poisonous, and even if he had, we lived a block from the hospital. I moved away from home about ten year ago, and he is still as involved in the lives of the neighborhood kids as he was when I was young. This past summer I went back to visit, and he was in the back yard riding a unicycle while the neighbor kids worked on walking on stilts. Any 64 year-old who is crazy enough to try to teach himslelf to ride a unicycle is O.K. with me. If you want to hear about mean, I will tell you about the lutefisk dinner my folks serve each year at Christmas. Lye dipped cod. Now THAT is mean. |
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To this day/he stills swears my mother was such a country girl "she didn't own a pair of shoes until she met me." (A complete lie/but we all still laugh.) And he loves babies! Let him anywhere near a baby & he becomes a cooing, blabbering, 75-yr-old idiot. Which is sweet becuz most men aren't *that* into infants. I guess it's becuz he has no grandchildren to fuss over. My Mom used to call me "common" every chance she got. Or "guttersnipe". She just knew I was destined to become the town tramp.(As if!) And Dad wd say "Ignore yr mother -- you know she was born old." (Altho' "guttersnipe" always made me laugh.) |
Sorry about disapearing. I had a bit of a job crisis, and as such have been really hit and miss on the whole internet thing. But the DSL was hooked up here yesterday, and I am oficially back... |
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My parents used the standard "cruisin' for a bruisin" and my mom loved "just wait til your father gets home". I always hated it when my father often referred to the city where he grew up as "his old stomping grounds". He also said stuff like "don't you speak to your mother that way or I'll put you out on the street so fast it'll make your head spin" and "If you'd put it back in the same place every time, you wouldn't have to look for it" which was very helpful when you're ripping up the house looking for something. |
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Mom: "Like I give a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut..." |
My mom, any old time: "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." |
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"Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" I do think I asked, "Dave, will I dream." But I might be wrong. |
patrick, dave was talking about his dad. that was a little nutshell version of his dad's life. |
dave as in the main character in 2001 and HAL 9000 the computer in the movie. chop chop |
i'm so confused. |
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My mom used to say when she screwed up, "oh, fuckaduck!" |
"I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!" |
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in high school she told me if i needed to insult someone i could call them a can of smashed assholes. i really never understood that. but now she is going crazy and after years of trying to control my life (in an attempt to make up for her mistakes) AND trying to get me to control my boyfriend's life, she has decided to go over my head and send a letter to him directly, to tell him how he should live. i have finally reached the point in my life where i can say "i hope i never end up like my mom" |
I watched them do that thing to a lady whom they decided lacked personal hygiene, and man was the woman scratching and clawing trying to get away from them... Imagine this if you will.... four people surrounding this woman, laying hands on this woman, with their right hands up in the air screaming "In the name of Jesus, satan I rebuke you, leave this woman" all the while she was scratching and clawing and screaming, trying to get away from them which makes them chant even louder |
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I don't know how lucky the boy is to have me.....but at least I've never tried to literally beat the devil out of him. He's pretty messed up from his years in the church. He's afraid of going to hell and has bad nightmares about it. He's screwed up by it, but believes in it too. I think he believes in it a lot more than he lets on. |
But I could of used some lessons from your dad,I was never too good at this. http://czarina10.homestead.com/files/stilts1.jpg |
huge. They look too heavy to me... |
That picture is eerily similar to the scene I found in the back yard. Stilts close to that size, and this 64 year-old whack-a-doo, his unicycle laying in a heap in the rhubarb patch as he stands on the tailgate of his truck trying to get started on the stilts. It was a very Harry Chapin moment as I first noticed that he was doing everything he could to win my attention. It was really cool. I mush have spent an hour out there with him walking up and down the driveway on those stilts. (Never quite got the hang of the unicycle though) |
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i find myself living in fear of being selfish. yesterday i was walking out of a building wondering about my normality when i realized that sane people are selfish. i want to be sane, so it is okay to be selfish. it is okay to say i don't want ketchup with my hamburger, it is okay to spend my own money on things i want. part of me wants to be selfish and to do things for me, but my mother made it so clear that wanting things is bad. |
Splurge, go out enjoy, have your hamburger without the ketchup, buy something you've wanted with your money. You'd be suprised how good it feels. |
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Ya gotta love my mom. |
Not that I fell asleep fro another five hours... |
is that ok? |
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sometimes i wanna take you down sometimes i wanna get you low brush the hair back from your eyes take you down, let the river flow... |
Low, by Cracker. I haven't heard that song since it's big radio play days... 5 years ago? |
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