| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: Did he kill you? Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: You were not shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: I have been since early childhood. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. How many times have you committed suicide? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you? Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Were you alone or by yourself? Q: Were you alone or by yourself? Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on November 8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time? Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: So you were gone until you returned? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. |
Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy: Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f***ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah: Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,Teddy Dear Teddy: Look, your dad's banging the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid Mom, who rides his @ss constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis: Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan: Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas: All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the @sses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica: Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa: I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiny begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your @ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa |
Unbelievable, but these are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. --------------------------------------------------- Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. --------------------------------------------------- Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? --------------------------------------------------- Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. --------------------------------------------------- Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. --------------------------------------------------- Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. -------------------------------------------------- Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? --------------------------------------------------- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? --------------------------------------------------- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? --------------------------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? --------------------------------------------------- Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? -------------------------------------------------- Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. --------------------------------------------------- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. |
So I asked few of office worker about it. None of them had it, however, a forewoman told me, " you can ask Shirley, she has it, and she is in the bathroom." I told her, " You know, I cannot go in there". Everyone at the front office laughed. |