| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
|---|
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. He feel for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. Shots rang out, as shots are want to do. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. "Oh, Bruce, take me!"she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on a $1-a-beer night. He was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame . . . maybe from stepping on a land mind or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. |
that's great. |
Outstanding. |
Didn't that come out of a stephen king??? |
Simple. Beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I plan to use it at the earliest opportunity. |
|
even yours, Ophelia! trees soaking up knowledge....classic. "The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM." i FELL that one, man. |
MMMMM EAZY CHEESE MMMM and cheddar, not nacho or american, but easy chedder cheese and ritz crackers. class! |
I don't believe this was written by a high school student. Nonetheless, these are great. I'm reminded of a Henry Rollins story that is totally ruined by one lame-assed sentence. It's about being executed in an electric chair, and it's solemn and moving until you get to, "Flames are shooting out of my head like, like, like, flames shooting out of my head." Why, Henry? Don't you edit? |
"Oh, Bruce, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on a $1-a-beer night. What kind of high school essay is this from? What high schooler would use this analogy? These sound like things from the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction contest. |
. My favorite. . But I'm not sure any of these were metaphors. Similes, mostly. |
|
|