it's been a stressful 24 hours. i'm just now starting to relax (long story). anyway, the least stressful thing i'm experiencing right now should probably be the fact that i've been hearing this quasi-retarded cow of a woman screaming at her man nonstop for hours. i've bitched here quite frequently about my trashy, screaming, fighting, stupid neighbors. well, some more have moved in above me. hooray. it seems that there's now a global conspiracy to keep me from experiencing a single moment's worth of quiet time. this woman screams at her boyfriend constantly. i hear it very clearly, word-for-word: "i'm so embarrassed of you! i've never been so ashamed of anyone in my whole life! i oughtta deck your sorry ass right now!" "you bastard! i'm gonna pop you right in the eye, motherfucker!" "you don't love me anymore!" "don't you look at me!" "LOOK at me when i'm talking to you!" "i hate you" "i hate your parents!" "don't you EVER fucking touch me!" on & on & on, in a shrill, nasal, whining, dentist's drill of a voice. she bitches continuously. she screams at him, while my other neighbors throw tantrums, too, hurling various breakables at the walls & yelling like crank-fueled apes. my big question is: if she's so unhappy w/ the sorry sonofabitch, why doesn't she just leave him? she's unhappy. there's no need for anyone to be unhappy. so why doesn't she just get up & walk? & why doesn't HE walk? it's clear that they're miserable. so why do they continue on like this? what possible kicks could you get from a routine like that? her man's a prizewinner in his own right. plays his guitar (badly) way the fuck too loud. one of those deluded creeps who thinks everybody wants to hear his music (i don't, & sure as shit not at window-rattling decibel levels at sunrise). but still, being a bad musician & an inconsiderate jerk probably doesn't quite warrant the ceaseless bitchfest. he never seems to get a word in edgewise. she's a loser. he's a loser. hell, maybe i'm a loser, too, but i'm not bothering anybody (except on a message board). i'm not perfect, but i really do try to be reasonably quiet & polite. i wish i could go up there, kick their goddamn door into splinters, march into their bedroom, & sever both their jugulars. that'd keep the fuckers quiet for a while. anyway, why would anybody stay in a miserable, loveless situation? & why would anybody take that kind of crap from a so-called "lover"? if a lover EVER spoke to me in that tone, they'd be out the door like yesterday's rotten leftovers. i just don't get it, that's all. color me clueless.

maybe they're both doing the best they can. this is why i think we should galmorize suicide amongst the stupid. but that's just me. call me a facist, i've heard it before. anyway. i've got some good trash within earshot. i'm always getting the ol' "DON'T YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WALK OUT THAT DOOR. DON'T TOUCH THAT FUCKING HANDLE. DON'T YOU FUCKING OPEN THAT DOOR. DON'T YOU FUCKING WALK OUT THAT DOOR. I SWEAR, IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR THIS IS ALL FOR SHIT." Then the door slams. Then the bigasstruck squeals off into the night. next day, rinse, repeat. fucking methheads.

How long you been driving the bigasstruck Nate? Do you play driving songs?

sheeeit. i don't drive a bigasstruck. i commute on curvy mountain roads. i need a sporty coupe.

is it me just paying more attention, or have reading comprehension levles in gerneal suddenly dropped everywhere? Crimson, you need to retaliate. You probably need a good loud stereo though. Play operas at top volume whenever your neighboors start a ruckus.

Or move.

No Semillama, it's just me being deliberately obtuse. Or maybe the universal translator is offline again.

i'm definitely considering moving. definitely. i even went out & dealt w/ a realtor about moving out to a nice, quiet shack out in the middle of buttfuck, egypt...but it didn't work out. wherever i move next, i want it to be a reaaally quiet neighborhood. no noise, no jerks, no kids, not a single freakin' peep out of anybody. of course, that's probably too much to ask, but fukkit. i'll ask for it, anyway. nothing makes me foaming-at-the-mouth crazy like unwarranted noise. loud stereo? yeah, i've thought about that, too. hell, i could just crank up my guitar right now & flatten the fucking neighborhood, but i don't want to bother the people who ARE trying to be decent. believe me, i've considered it. i wish i had some kind of setup that could just specifically target the jerks (like a circular saw on their skulls, perhaps). i pity anybody who has to deal w/ people like this. they're barely people at all. just subhuman, grunting, yowling beasts w/ mental health issues. i don't understand such people. but i used to be in a band w/ a few of them...they'd be fighting one moment & then be big buddies the next. i don't get that shit. if somebody fucks w/ me enough, they're a ghost. a non-person. i don't turn around & talk about what a great buddy they are. but a lot of folks around here will clobber the crap out of each other on the weekends & then be pals all during the week. their relationships work much the same way. smack the bitch & then buy her roses. scratch your man's face open & then tell him you love him. i know of a woman whose man briefly stuck her head in a pan full of boiling grease. she got angry when people criticized this behavior. "you don't know what love's all about," she said from her hospital bed. i've also seen a number of women attack people for trying to rescue them from men who were beating & raping them. & i know several men who live w/ bitching, nagging, horrible women, just because they think that's what marriage is all about. if my marriage was all about that, i'd go homicidal. anyway, i want to live in quietude near a beach. but i can't afford that, so i guess i'm stuck here for a while longer. damn.

Yes. I would hate living surrounded by trash. Moving is really the only option, though, since they don't change. I think encouraging suicide among the stupid would be a brilliant idea. Perhaps they could drive all their big-ass trucks into the sea, and that would eliminate two problems at once...of course, then the ocean would be choked with mac trucks and SUVs. That's no good. I'm sure some solution can be posited for them.

i think it's funny how the fear of being alone is more profound to some than the horror of living with someone who you don't even like. i grew up with a mother who couldn't handle life without someone in her life. so she constantly had assholes around and still does. perhaps these people are essential. they are around to remind us that although we sleep alone, we are much happier. i have made millions of promises to myself that i will not settle for just anyone. i may very well live my life with the dream of this perfect someone who doesn't treat me like shit, but... you know...i won't have someone that makes me feel like less of a person than i am.

And that's a good thing,I still try to check on my mother,but about 5 years ago I learned she was a ""toxic"person and to try to stay away from her,it's not hard at all.

Hey, Crimson, I finally finished that story of mine that you inspired. (I actually finished it in May, but didn't think about it after that till now. It took four months to write, and I had to shove it out of consciousness for a while.) I changed the story a whole lot to make it more fiction than non-fiction (that was one of my biggest problems with it...how close to reality to make it). Another problem I had was with voice and chronology. I wrote it in fragments of all different styles: normal fictional narrative, lists, cleaning instructions, street signs, dialogue transcripts, etc. I had to place everything so one could tell who was talking, whom was being talked about, when things were taking place, etc. I wrote the story for my creative writing independent study, and I had big issues with the way my professor wanted me to organize the fragments. She kept questioning my decisions, and unfortunately, I gave in to her too often. It disappoints me. I've given it to 5 people to read and no one has understood the ending. I would send it to you, but I'd be embarrassed. If I like it when I rewrite it, maybe then you can see it, if you'd like.

That "whom was being talked about" looks really weird. Maybe I should have said, "about whom was being talked," but that's also weird. Well, whatever. Now you know why it took me so long to write the story. :)

We want to read it. Now.

wow...rhiannon, i'd be really interested in reading your story. when you have a version of it that you're willing to send out, definitely drop me an e-mail. you can either send it to me online, or i'll give you my address so you can send a hard copy (i don't have a printer right now, so hard copy might be better). hell, i'll pick up the postage. i'd love to see it. i still think it's incredible that you found inspiration in something i said on a message board. that's pretty damn cool. as for encouraging suicide among the pick-up truck crowd, well, the reason they're still alive at all is that they're too damn dumb for suicide. you have to be equipped w/ a brain, after all, to realize that living from day to day is an OPTION. these dolts just plod through the entire exercise of life gracelessly, not realizing that they could pull the plug on it at any moment. it's usually the people who "think too much" who end up eating bullets...& they do it far too young. people who'd rather be surrounded by intellectual inferiors & human maggots than be alone really scare the hell out of me. i LIKE being alone. my husband & i are basically two hermits who got married (he's even more antisocial than i am). we are frequently alone. it's just that we have ways of being "alone together"--of having an ongoing silent & meaningful communication w/o having to be in one another's faces continuously. people often think that we don't spend much time together. but we ARE together...but not always in the same room. his interests are generally different from mine. that's OK. he doesn't have to be a clone. i encourage him to retain as much individuality as possible. most of the people i've known who like being surrounded by other people are usually either (a) prime targets for psychic vampires, or (b) psychic vampires themselves. usually the latter.

psychic vampire is a lovely expression. i try to stay away from people who tax me to much. it seems like most of the people who write on this bbs are of the rare breed. people who probably spend much less than the average amount of time per day planted in front of a television set. (talk about your psychic vampires). i wish everyone lived nearby. we could all be neighbors and our problems would be solved.

I saw a talk show once where the panal was a bunch of psychic vampires. that's not just a cute expression. it was people who really believed they were vampires in every sense of the word, except that instead of drinking blood, they sucked the life-force out of those around them. When I was bored the other night I decided to turn on IRC and give chatting another try. I used to really enjoy it a couple of years ago. it was so easy. Now it's just a big bore. I had no interest in it At All. It seems so weird.

Was my mother on that panel?

yes. now eat your goddamn peas before i rip another pint out lifeforce from your soul.

How are you Dumps?

J,call your mother.

I took her off call rejection,she called Sat. but didn,t leave a message,she knows I am pissed.Next time I call you Czarina,I,ll use my cell phone so you can hear the 3 messages she left me,I already played them for Bruce.It,s classic J.A. When she says mother,it sounds like a bad word.

Do what I do,convert them to cds,slip them into your offsprings music collection,and hope they put them on while they're really messed up, and scare the shit out of them.There are some perks to being a parent.

I,m trying to figure out how to do that,even tried to send it on those neat talking cards you sent me.I wish I how to adjust the volume.As for being a parent,I,ll tell that to Pumpkin,whose son told her to suck his dick the other day.My son has lipped off to me,but I swear if he ever said anything like that to me,I would break my foot up his ass.I feel bad,she left a message on my machine,"tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel".I didn'nt call her back either,but Bruce told me about it.What could I tell her? Just because you get them out of your house,does not mean they can't still give you grief.

Tell her to go towards the light.

She is obligated to put a roof over his head,but that could be a tent out in the yard,that little bastard just really pisses me off,I told her how she can get him in trouble if he does any property damage,from what I could see just from the street,that won't be a problem.

I can't believe that. If I were to ever have a son and he said that to me, I'd rip him a new asshole.

my folks used to beat the hell out of me for just looking at them funny. they frequently beat me for "that look" & i still don't know what the hell they were talking about. i don't know how to reduplicate "that look" because i never knew what it was...i just know that it resulted in bruises & welts. anyway, it's a pretty safe bet that if i'd told my mom to suck me, i would've been fucking hospitalized. reason #2349823459873 why i chose not to have kids: they have vocal cords.

If I was Pumpkins kid,I'd tell her to suck my dick,too.Thats one scary woman.You know,she scared the shit out of our kids,when I was there in Phx.I just don't think Ryan appreciated that comment about her foot in the back of his head,if he didn't slow down.And I honestly think T** would have preferred to ride in the trunk,rather than chance having to sit next to her.I think it might be beneficial for her to repeat her anger managment course,I suspect she didn't realize the content of the class,and its intended impact on her.She was probably so focused on her ANGER at the judge who made her take the class,that she couldn't assimilate any of the strategies intended to help her.

Lets not forget that this is a woman who beat up her mother-in-law,while she was still bedridden,recovering from open heart surgery.And the mother-in-law was the one who GAVE them the money to buy that house.And then had the unmitigated audacity to boast of the beating she gave her.And didn't she look just a little to gleeful,when she recounted that episode of when she beat up her 14 year old neighbor for stealing her pot.Didn't I hear her mention something to the effect of grabbing her by her hair,and "grinding her oriental face in the pavement"? Yea Momma,suck my dick.

Crimson, Our local vet will snip the vocal cords on a dog for $35.00....children may cost a little more though.

hey, thanx for the tip. i could get the little buggers neutered, declawed & muted all at the same time. i'd consider taking my neighbors in for a vocal cord slashing. yeah. i'd pay for that. gladly. it's an operation that's not performed enough these days. i'd like to see it become a fad among the rednecks.

Ony $35.00? goddamn. When I was working for a vet, it was still a highly experimental procedure and she had taken special classes at Davis to do it. Damn. Maybe I should ask around again and see if I can get my neighbor's dog done. I should imagine that children would be about the same, actually, except that a doctor might have qualms. Anesthesia costs about 6.25 a minute, plus drugs, plus doctor's fees, anesthesiologist's fees, recovery drugs/etc. Might get up there. Research. Research is everything.

I just try to remember that her dad blew his brains out at the dinner table,she just might be a little morre fragile than us

The dinner table? Damn, I hope she wasn't on dish duty that night. People who shoot themselves are incredibly rude. At least choose a not so messy way of killing yourself.

thats funny. i've always thought that about people who shoot themselves. especially with shotguns and stuff. i mean really how rude. some poor bastard is going to have to come in and clean up your brains from ALL OVER the fucking place. i used to work at this hotel and a guy rented a room there and blew his brains out in it. the coroner came and took the body and left the mess. they had some maid making jack shit an hour go in there and clean up. A few months later a maintenance guy went in there to change a light bulb in the celing fixture and when he took down the glass fixture there were still brains in it. but yeah, take some fucking pills for chrissake.

Undoubtedly,dads faux paux left its mark on her.[not to mention leaving its mark on the hall wall]But her mom was held hostage by him,and she managed to get thru it without making everyone around her miserable.As a matter of fact,Jean is one of the most personable women I know.Brucifer got thru it.And Creepy Dwayne,too.[Brucifer told me that he's not too creepy anymore.]Did Brucifer ever tell you about the time that Creepy Dwayne opened up a tennis ball,and wrapped the giant rubberband inside it around his penis,and then got an erection?He said he'd never seen someones hands move so fast,trying to unravel that giant rubberband! All that aside,Pumpkins kids are only a product of their upbringing.And the scary thing is that they will pass this on to their children.And so the cycle continues.That is one BITTER woman.I still think her bitterness is in direct relation to the fact that she got all of her money swindled out from under her.Its long past time to move on.

fuck shaft. i wanna see the J and Czarina docudrama. pumpkin? brucifer? creepy dwayne? pothead sons and porn star daughters? honey, sign me up. better yet, sell me the movie rights.

It was her own greed that caused her to be swindled if I remember,she deserved that.Corky is good to the kids,I just don't care for her son personally.Ryan is no prize,but he is nice and polite to my friends,her son is just a creep,he has ripped Brucifer off too.If he does not like his home,he should run away,but he probably knows thats what she wants.I went way out of my way to be a good parent and look how my spawn turns out.If I would have know it would come down to this,instead of going to baseball,basketball games,art classes,music lessons,dance lessons,etc. I could have been hanging in bars,playing quarters.Dwayne is still creepy,I remember going with Pumkin to take him back to camp when he was in the service,we dropped acid and drove him and a friend that had a pointed head straight to the base,I thought they might kill us.Swine if you can come up with anything let me know,at this point I,m ready for Jerry Springer,my friends have been trying to get me to go for years.

any pictures of Brucifer. I laugh everytime i read that. fucking Brucifer. good shit.

I can't believe you rode in a car with Creepy Dwayne.And thank God I never had to meet the one with the pointy head.Its probably best you had dropped acid,your subconscious has probably blocked out any of the bizaare things they did on that trip.I just keep picturing Creepy Dwayne with that damn monkey. Thats refreshing to know that Corky is good to the kids,I didn't think he had any personality at all.I thought Ryan was a most attractive and personable guy.I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about in regards to him.He was very polite and literate when I was with him.The only thing I remember was him cringing,when he thought Pumkin was going to kick him in the back of the head,and under the circumstances,I'd have to say that was a pretty normal reaction. How did "Bud" rip off Brucifer?

He isn't allowed to even go in his apartment anymore because of his helping himself to anything he can get his hands on.Corky has no personality that is probably how he copes with Pumpkin.A few years ago they were at a party I was at,I tried to talk to him,but it was impossible,later as I got more drinks in me,we were outside,he was sitting by himself like a bump in the log and every so often I'd yell to him to settle down and controll himself.I don't think he cared for that.Czarina' s kids are all normal.But if anyone has a moment to spare e-mail heidihottie@hotmail.com and tell her she is killing her mother,or ask her if you know her from Chandler High? Tell her she is going to hell.

Well,I don't know that I could use the word "normal",with a clear conscious,but at least relatively socially acceptable,under most circumstances.My oldest is a pleasure,but my son is a thorn in my paw. J,thats quite a name she has picked for herself,"Heidihottie",I will email her now,incorporating some heavy guilt,[which I have learned from some of my Jewish friends].Too bad you can't make her go live with Pumkin for awhile.

J,I just emailed them.Lots of guilt!Oie vay! I'll forward a copy to your email.Hope it helps.

Isn,t it? Funny Ryan use to call her that,there is only 15 months between them,he couldn,t pronounce Heather. While your at it go to http://www.iuma.com/ under artist search put in Sir Jesus when you get their page e-mail the progical son and tell him a REAL job lasts at least 8 hours a day,does he call that music,and when is he going to learn to drive?

Right on Czarina!!!

Now J, I'm rather fond of Ryan,I think he's a great kid,I can't send him a rude email.But I will drop him a line to say hi.

At 11:47 a.m.,Heather just called me and told me Amee is pregnant,just a fucking few minutes ago.I hope this is a cruel joke,but I fear the worst,No wonder she wanted to come back so bad,and the loser Jerry came out yesterday.I don't want to meet him,I already saw his picture,bow wow.I swear if she has a baby I,m not even going to look at it,she already brought a child to this world that she never took care of.I am never lettig my heart ripped up again.I think I need to sedate myself.Thanks Czarina,I got the e-mail.

goddamn - avision of these events/characters as a movie just flew through my head, starring Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Christina Ricci and all of the Arquettes, directed by Todd Solodz

who plays Brucifer?

Brucifer would probably want David Cassidy to play him,he always thought he looked like him.I called Heather back to grill her,but she said she was just kidding,well it won't take long to see about that,Jerry still had not showed up when I called,thank God.Has anyone heard of a drug called glass? Is it worse than crystal?

Or maybe David Bowie.

J,I'm flying into Phx this morning.My dads in ICU,and they're going to discontinue life support.This is really a hard thing.I knew it was inevitable,but thought I had time,remember,I was coming in July to spend time with him.And now there isn't any time.I'm not doing so well.I just keep trying to remember what a great guy he is,and funny,too.Did I tell you when I was there in April,and he was so sick in the hospital,what he did to the volunteer lady who delivered a plant to him?He looked real sick,and when she came and said "I have a plant for you",he said "But I'm still alive",which shook the lady up.Then he ripped open the card,and read aloud "Rest in Peace",the poor lady went running out of his room.Which had us all in stitches.I keep hoping they've made some kind of a terrible mistake,and things will be okay when I get there.They're "holding off" till I get there.What a terrible responsibility.I'll when I can.

God Czarina,I am so sorry hon,I,m here for you.

J,I'm here,at my dads house.My father died last night at 12:35 am.It was the hardest thing I have ever done.They extubated him shortly after I arrived,[took him off the ventilator].Everyone flew in except one niece,shes in Nicugura,and she's enroute now.I'll call when I get a chance,check your email,and I'll send you my dads phone number.I don't know how long I will be staying,its too hard to think just now.

Very sorry about your loss, Czarina.

I,m so sorry Czarina,what can I do for you? I,m here and awake,I will call you.

Poor Czarina,she sounded exhausted,and her brother is pissing her off,fighting about the urn.Like she really needs to put up with his shit right now.

i'm really, truly sorry to hear about this, czarina. my thoughts are with you.

Thanks for the kind thoughts.It really does help,maybe someway the energy traverses space/time and gets to the one who needs comfort.

I'm sorry to hear yr father passed, Czarina. But it's cool to see hat he kept his sense of humor despite being so ill. If I ever get something terminal/I'm gonna be the most ornery bitch in the ICU/I just know it...