Right now, a half a block away, in front of the Guinesse Book Of Records Museum, they are making the worlds largest california roll. gotta get coffee to see this. oi vey.....only in california man

Well, of course, only in California. Where else would the world's largest California roll be? Sheesh. It's not called a North Dakota roll for good reason. They letting the unwashed masses take a bite ofter the official measurement? And since when is this a "world record" category? Fastest land speed, tallest human, most weasels in the pants at one time, yeah, but this frivolous crap marks the decline of an already teetering civilization.

i was disapointed, I was expecting a huge roll to be taking up the whole bus lane and it seems they are only out for the worlds longest......it seemed to be about 30-40ft......there is all kinds of shit in the world record book that would seem pointless and frivolous i wonder how long the worlds longest grinder is

I don't care how big it is, how delicious was it and how many pieces of fake crab and avocado did it take? I love the guiness museums because they are so not interesting. I've been to the one you work near Patrick. You get in for free if you go to the wax museum (10 yrs ago) so I was compelled. Remember world records were once a big deal in the 70's? What happened? I'll never watch That's Incredible again. Whither Skip Stevenson?

i hate sushi. i have never been to the museums around here. a death museum opened up around the corner i want to visit. they have odds and ends like one of the cots, those doosmday freaks in san diego used, the ones that killed themselves to join hail-bopp back to the mother ship.......

That was an -involuntary- record, dammit. I didn't invite them weasels into my pants. I was takin' my afternoon post-crap snooze and they just sprung it on me and called Guinness themselves. Goddamn weasels. Hate 'em.

California rolls are a sad excuse for sushi. I hate those "sea leg" things. Ground up trash fish masquerading as crab legs.

We have the record for the worlds biggest cookie. Made by Cookie Time. mmmmm. cookie. must resist cookie.

what I gorged on sushi last week. last night I called up my friend to thank him. I was sort of surprised to hear that he had had a good time. he told me that the time before he hadn't enjoyed going out with me because I wasn't jovial enough. so I tried, I really did, acting happy while going out first to the expensive japanese place in madison park with him and his sort-of girlfriend and then out for dessert with him and the guy he tries to find women with. then we went to a juice strip club in seattle and I had to listen to his friend talk about how he likes to chat with the strippers. so it's not so anonymous. he paid $20 for a lap dance in the back. tonight I went out by myself to see "midnight cowboy." I'd never seen it before. the movie was only $2 but I paid another $3 for pizza and another $3 for beer and a $1 tip. then, before the movie started, I decided I was going to need more beer, so I got a second pint. before I got drunk I added that up to $12. on my way home I cried between 39th and 12th streets. because I first stopped at my friend's house. his face contorted when he answered the door. I couldn't figure out what was going on, I was trying to separate all the mixed feelings he seemed to be having. I asked for a glass of water. he said ok but he didn't want me hanging around too long. I asked if he had company, he said no he was alone. he was going to go to the store, he said. ok, I said. on my way out I asked if we were ever going to do anything. like what, he asked. like, I don't know, see a movie, I said. probably not, he said. why not? because I don't know if I want to bother being your friend anymore, he said. I don't think it's worth the effort. what effort? it's effort, he said. ok, I said. and I went back to the car. I was pissed that I was in my parents' car, borrowing it while they're in spain, because their inside lights actually work. I didn't want to start crying until I'd gotten a block away. I'm too tired to really try to figure out what incident got him mad enough to tell me off. I wonder if I should even bother. I asked him why he was mad at me. he said he wasn't mad. I'm just not worth the effort. bakery boy called me last night. he said he'd been thinking about me the last few days. I think I am at that point where seeing him couldn't possibly bother me. maybe. I was going to try to explain this to the person I've been considering my one real friend for a while. the three-hours-of-email-at-a-time friend. today, before I got drunk and rethought things, I had decided it was about power. it was about the high of having someone who knows better in your thrall. but no. it may really be about loneliness. maybe that's why I woke up from a nightmare at 2 a.m. today, why I touched myself in the theater. the thing about my friend's telling me that I'm not worth the effort is that he is right. but I don't remember having betrayed HIM recently. sure, my "vapid" friend could call me up and tell me she has better things to do than go out with me this weekend, or my "dumpy, jealous" friend could retract her invitation to stay at her house, or my friday night date could tell me that he doesn't need to be described as a hitler youth poster boy. but what have I said about HIM? I repeated the shakespeare story, how he had the city of portland repave a sidewalk because they misquoted that play, the one with the "worse than senseless things" quote (the city had inscribed "less than worthless"). I can't say the next thing I was going to say. about my real friend, who wrote this song I like called "why I'm lonely" (but he says he sometimes likes to call it "why, I'm lonely") that goes ------------ ... so I told her everything she does is divine and she replied with a blank expression an object lesson in making me feel denied and whispered, "independence and indifference are the wings which allow the heart to fly" ... now it's absolutely clear to me that solitude is not the same as singularity but that's not why I'm lonely no, that's not why I'm lonely ----------- tonight I was going to try to really write, about the old valentine's day cards at work. I've never met her, but she's angling for a proposal, I can tell. he makes at least $75,000 -- a fair amount for portland -- but they live in an apartment. he wears the same shoes every day. (and no ring.) she can't spell "chandelier." the cards she's given say stuff like "I LOVE YOU" and "HAS ANYBODY EVER TOLD YOU HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE?" they don't say: "i remember the specific moment i realized that you were really hot. we were in portland, walking briskly at night over some bridge. you were wearing a dress that was long and unclingy, as was your custom, but the wind pushed it tight against your body as we walked, narrowly avoiding all the cars rushing by perilously close to the walkway. it was so inadvertently frank that i felt myself blush. it was like taking a shot of good liquor." of course, neither do mine.

I don't often get lonely. but last night I guess I'd had just enough alcohol and just enough time out alone to think, "what wouldn't I give to have someone I liked to be with?" part of my side of the email exchange has been about two of my major problems with romantic relationships (and, to a lesser extent, friendship in general). 1. the imposition of duty onto what should be all about free will. (I know this is not even worth worrying about, that I can get past that, that I can accept that duty as I have accepted filial duty and paid-labor duty.) 2. the impossibility of sustained desire. I don't want to think like mark thomas. I don't want to believe that I'll never be with someone for longer than a weekend. whenever I see that he's written that, I think, he's deluded. of course he'll find someone. that couldn't be true for anyone. but now, two years out of a relationship, I think, wait, what if he's right.

i liked that story: the 1:40 am post. nicely composed - rounded off well. you're a romantic and a sap that you're trying to stuff into the body of a cynic.

i am confused exactly who the jerk is that said you weren't worth the effort. Is this the same hand-job-come-on your tits-guy? You know the one i am referring to? The arrogant boy with a "stable of women"? Oh wait, maybe i m thinking of snoop dog on Howard......ah fuck it... damn cyst, you can't think like mark. That’s nonsense and self damning. You are a social creature, you seem to demand a certain caliber of company. I if was in your company, (stepping out of married man mode for a moment) i would probably run scared out of intimidation, for fear of being squashed by your bitch boots, metaphorically speaking. Perhaps these guys crush you like they do out of some last resort fear, some sort of childish, boyish intimidation. A tall woman does have a hard time with men I suspect, I also suspect you carry your self with authority which is good thing to some anyway. I think it seems to be about control. Some men like to strip a girl down emotionally, so he can conquer her physically. Perhaps you are so mentally formidable, he felt it would be an “effort” to get you where he wants you. I don’t know what i am talking about it kills me to think that someone like you can have such a depressing and crushing time finding someone to be with even on intermittent basis . You know you are a knock out, you know you have a mind that’s worth diving into. I don’t understand why these boy(s) are such cowards. “impossibility of sustained desire”. hmmmm this interesting, hardly impossible. Rare and difficult, but not impossible. You should ditch this notion. It seems moot. maybe you are a budding existentialist writer trying out new material on us.......

Take what you like or dislike about this. "It is a very common phenomenon that men of high distinction are fully virile with women mentally, spiritually or socially inferior to them, while they fail with women who are their equals." -- Sophie Lazarsfield, Rhythm of a Life: A Guide to Sexual Harmony

Well, and the other problem would be that Cyst really suffers from late-blooming-hottie syndrome. She wants and needs to know she possesses men in some sort of succubus way, and she loathes them because her looks make a difference, but she would be really angry if her looks were not a bog deal to them. What she really wants is for some guy to fall in love with her mind and soul, and think her looks are total gravy. Or maybe I'm projecting?

i have something to say about this, but i have no time. be back later.

Men find women who have self esteem or a tough exterior scary. At least in my life. I am the most hit on by husbands and long time beaux of friends. Ya know why? They like me and risk nothing 'cuz they have a gal already. It's flattering but it's not. I do also wonder if men who have been with someone for a long time are just less scared in general at the outset. Ah me. I think this will end now that I am getting older (I hope?) - 32. I just hope that the single men grow the fuck up. Honestly, I'm sick of dreaming of being with someone I really admire. If they don't show up I'm through dating guys who dig me that are losers; I'd rather just be alone and not deal. My sex drive is at an all time low and I don't care. I have lots of friends, more than I can keep up with in a week or a month. Don't hold yer breath for love Cyst - and know that we all don't get it together in life at the same time. Mebbee Prince Charming is just delayed for now.

no way Lady! i think, well, i suppose it may just be me, but a strong woman is a turn on. someone with confidence. curvy hips are sexy, a women with confidence to use those curvy hips is sexier.....quote me on that if you like. To me, there is nothing that turns me off quicker than a woman who wines about her ass, her hair, her overall appearance etc. A comment here and there is one thing, but to have it get in the way of daily activities and create neurotic tendencies...man, I get really pissy when the wifey says, these types of things. self esteem is a bonus, Because we men, have own self esteems to deal with, not to mention our *fraile egos*...RIGHT??? we can't be a shoulder to cry on for a woman's lack of self esteem. plus its critical to keep in mind that self esteem comes from.....the......SELF. you may have to (if you care to indulge me) define tough exterior. If you mean mustache, jaw bones of a pit bull and battle scars, yeah maybe......but a woman with confidence, who doesn't slouch, who knows she is a knock out but doesn't play it too hard either way is very appealing, to most men, i would speculate. i find it interesting that your friends' lovers hit on you alot. I am surprised this doesn't seriously bother you? HAve you ever taken any of them up on an offer. frankly thats about the dumbest thing one could do is hit on the friend of the girlfriend. Whats to stop you from saying "ummm hey Judy, you know what your man Steve did the other night?......." hell, if i ever wanted to cheat, thats the last place i would go looking for action......our cirlce of friends....oh my! what a nightmare....

Oh no, I think that fellers who are more settled seem to go for someone that's more together. I'm of course totally unsurprised that you dislike whiny women and appreciate a curvy, with it gal with self esteem because you Patrick are a totally cool feller who is happily married. The hitting on is more in the form of friends of mine telling me their beaux/husbands saying to them 'Well honey if I weren't with you...' and then the gals telling me. Sometimes too I'll be talking to my friends' beaux and they give me the goofy eyes - like Bambi - and I can just see they dig me. Like, why does this not happen with available men? Maybe I'm at my most charming when I know nothing will happen with someone.

swine - don't read this. (not that you would anyway.) it's really boring. mimoge - thank you so much for saying that. do you often tell people when you like what they've done? because you should. because it is so nice to hear. but the important thing is, flattery can get you pretty far (with the mass of men, who lead lives of quiet desperation, anyway). if you lived in portland, I would offer to take you out to dinner in the hopes of hearing more nice things. patrick - the jerk who says I'm not worth the effort is an old friend of mine from college. he has never come on my tits. one of the subtexts of our relationship is that he's always been attracted to me but I've never fallen for him, and he's always been sort of resentful about this because not even the fact that he's always been a millionaire has ever helped his case. the sushi guy is another millionaire who's always been attracted to me but has never come on my tits. he's not resentful, though, because he's told me he knows I'm rooty-tooty-bad-news-and-fruity. I haven't seen handjob guy in a long time. only once this year. that bad stuff took place when I was working half-time and he wasn't working at all. now that we both waste so much of our time earning money, he doesn't call me as often and I have a harder time justifying losing that much of my day to the search for parking around his fancy-neighborhood apartment. I think my college friend who says I'm no longer worth the effort probably got pissed at me for something I said. see, when I really get to be friends with someone, I sort of lose my reserve and just tell them what I think, even if it's not super nice. but, see, this friend is SENSITIVE. he is the type of guy who has also been known to do some drivin' and cryin'. he told me a few months ago that he felt deeply betrayed a couple years ago when I moved in with his ex-wife. I guess he's passive-aggressive -- he silently lets his resentments build up over time. god knows what finally set him off. you know, maybe HE isn't worth the effort to me. but, anyway, you know, the thing is, I really and truly do not feel lonely often. I am not out on the prowl for a boyfriend. it's just occasionally that I feel like wow, there is really something missing here. compared to everyone else I know, I am usually weirdly content to be single. maybe by "sustained desire" I meant something more like "sustained, exclusive desire." I know that the thrall of a suddenly satisfied crush can be replaced by much more meaningful feelings of love and harmony and blah blah blah. but it's a compromise. you make an I-won't-if-you-won't deal. (this is where the duty part comes in.) how fucking romantic is that? re: virility. I think I've been really lucky. once in august 1993 this guy couldn't get it up (because he thought my boyfriend was on his way over). that was the last time I ever tried to cheat. on one other occasion in 1997 my boyfriend said he guessed he didn't feel like it. I didn't even realize that impotence existed in the under-70 set until a couple years ago when I asked a friend my age why she and her husband had a fantasy video membership. margret - I would get involved only with a smart, interesting guy. to him, just pretty would not be enough. a smart, interesting guy explained things to me once. I will quote him at length: "of course [smart guys] want smart women. but the smart women want smarter guys, or really really stupid, pretty guys. they're not looking for peers and contemporaries at that age (they don't want people who only know as much as they do). partly because they secretly hate or at least doubt the way they are and wish they could be just pretty. or just wish they could be pretty. "smart boys fantasize about the ideal woman and she's incredibly smart and incredibly hot. "most boys fantasize about a girl who doesn't judge you. smart boys want her to judge them and decide that they're brilliant and amazing. "and what you want is not always what you get. "but i can say this: every time i've dated a girl who wasn't smart enough, who always needed me to explain the joke, it has ended badly. but then, when does it not end badly?" he didn't ask me if I had a crush on him (he later told me he'd always wondered but never, ever was able to ask), but I told him anyway. that I once did but must not now because my hands and voice don't shake, and I don't cry. because I've never imagined what it would be like. I think he's crushed that I don't. not because he has a crush on me and needs reciprocation, but just because he's decided that I am a great female arbiter, that I am one of the most exacting people he knows. but today I changed my mind again and realized that I must have a crush on him, or else why would I always be so cruel and antagonistic? dinner lady - fuck prince charming. let's you and me get a couple of pints of ben and jerry's and go rent "beaches" or something.

or mimoge. i think i was possessed by a drag queen today. i compliment people as much as the next guy. maybe.

Heh. Oh Cyst, you slay me. Right on. But, Cyst, I just know the Bakery Boy is not smart enough for you, and Agatha says he isn't so all that. Which makes me wonder if he was some sort of cool-thing-in-hs-which-excluded-you. Like, I dunno, one of those cool kids who went to shows and smoked pot in their cars in the parking lot right there at school or something. Or, maybe, like the swim team or some shit. I would really like to long-distance psychologicaly torture the Bakery Boy, sort of as an aggression for every boy I ever dated that wasn't good enough for me and wasn't even smart enough to see that they weren't good enough for me and treated me like crap because, against all odds, they were looking for the perfect cool chick to date and I was standing between them and a legion of appropriate candidates. Never let dumb guys have power over you.

I have found from personal experience that men who work the dough are shitheads.Just give me a name and phone number and I,ll call that little shit and make him cry.

no, please don't make me cry. it'll make me puke. on your mom!!

Swine already owns my mom,I think he makes her puke,she use to make me puke come to think of it.

I've had a crush on a friend of mine for about 12 years, but we've rarely ever lived in the same location. Anyway I just found out he is going to be in England the same time as me. In fact he's dying to get together while I'm there. He is of course smart and very weird looking. I used to think he looked like Edvard Munch's 'The Scream'. Dreamy. OK, this puts the tiniest cramp in my she-woman tuff style Xena thing but holiday romance is just that - the best. I can't help but think 'yay!'. But Cyst. When I get back I'll watch Beaches with you. I have no more patience for men who haven't realized that I'm fabulous. It's tedious in every way. Don't bother with them either girl. Whatever this guy's little drama is, ya aughta leave him to play it solo.

"I have no more patience for men who haven't realized that I'm fabulous." as long as you still have plenty of men, that's a great attitude.

I think I'm pretty much over bakery boy. I saw him saturday. I still think he's cute, but it seems to have ceased to matter. probably because I'm deeply involved in another futile crush. I wrote saturday night up for him. feb 27 2000 last night I let him hold my hand. after a while I remembered that when someone holds your hand, he wants you to hold his back. I don't know why I didn't remember right away. I've certainly never forgotten that when you're being kissed, you're supposed to kiss back, or when you're getting fucked, you're supposed to act interested. but even after I remembered this bit of romantic protocol, I left my fingers limp in his. I'm only good at holding hands when I really want to. when I'm thinking fondly of my ex-boyfriend, I remember us holding hands in movie theaters. I loved that. when I'm thinking fondly of some of the unavailable men I've had crushes on, I remember us holding hands under restaurant tables in the company of friends who couldn't know. last fall I played trophy date at a lesbian wedding with my friend a. before the ceremony started, the phony preacher asked everyone to hold hands. a's hand was large and warm and soft. after we were allowed to take our hands back, he complained to me that mine was skeletal. weeks later he told me he didn't know why any man would want to sleep with me, as I'm so cold and bony. I didn't ask him why he wanted to sleep with me. last night at the bar I fucked with c. I wasn't yet sure whether he still had a girlfriend, and even though I was thinking that he was cute, I didn't really care. "you know, even though your hair is really short now, I still think you're cute," I said. "I'm really surprised I still have a crush on you. that's pretty fucking tragic for me, isn't it?" I wasn't lying, but I said it slowly and emphatically so he might think I was fucking with him, which, of course, I was. I could tell my girlfriend k., who was my real date for the evening, couldn't believe I was saying this to him. she was there when I met handjob guy and she gasped when I told him that we thought he was cute. she doesn't realize it's ok -- it's just conversation. we're pretty enough that no one is going to be offended. we went to his house and drank pabst and smoked pot with his roommate. I didn't participate much in the group conversation. whose parents have hot tubs? "it's so fun to make out in a hot tub," k. said. c. was vulgar. maybe he was trying to impress me by reminding me how many girls he's had. "I love when you're sitting on the edge and someone's riding you." I remembered housesitting at a cabin on a hill in the tillamook forest in the foothills of the coastal range. he was sitting so close and I didn't need to say anything to titillate him. but I did anyway. "I like turning the settings down low and, um, sitting in there with my legs outside but spreading them in front of one of the jets. and having someone, you know, sort of hold you from behind." I could have added that my parents have a hot tub. and they live 10 miles away but are out of town for a month. but I'd said enough. at the very end of the night, four o'clock in the morning, he asked me, "did you mean what you said?" "what?" "that you still have a crush on me?" "yes. and I'm REALLY flattered that you've started calling me again now that you have no one else to fuck." "oh, j.," he said. he tried though he must have known it was hopeless. "you know, you could come back after you take your friend home. you are more than welcome to spend the night." "I would, except I don't want to. bye."

> as long as you still have plenty of men, that's a great attitude. I don't, but I'm getting past caring if I have any men at all.

Lets talk about this after London Dinner Lady:)

J, are you online now?

I think I am,I tried to hook up with you at yahoo,I don,t know what I,m doing wrong.

I'm going there now, I will open a private chat room under Czarina, and send you an invitation, lets see if we can figure this out.

cyst, why do you hang out with all of those annoying people? just hearing about them third hand makes me want to puke. you're way beyond that. (there goes that annoying computer noise again. it sounds kinds like a sickly chainsaw)

maybe your power supply fan is going nuts......coming from the back next to all the ports? maybe your CPU cooling fan is going nutty. 1 swift kick to the floppy should straighten that out.

nah, it's just low on agp fluid. damn vid card leaks.

what else is there to do?

you have a gas powered video card?

No, it's an ASS powered video card. Oh sorry, wrong board

It's never the wrong board for ass. And....cue Nate.