i pulled into my parent's driveway this evening and my mother is on the lawn talking on the phone and crying. It seems that their next-door neighbor decided that the tree branches were overhanging his property too much, so he cut 3 or 4 of them down with a saw while mom was out. No, not the branches, the trees. Then he left them there in the backyard, toppled over on top of the air conditioner. Fucking people....

Overhaning his property... What, they were shading his prize lawn? That's insane. They were on your mom's property, right?

i may be going out on a limb here, but that's what guns are for. snuff him.

no shit. They were overhanging his prize garage roof. I said we should beat him with the trees he killed. Honestly, to treat someone else's property so shamefully....and trees, no less. Living things. Fucking yuppies. pics have been taken. he has been threatened. the police may be called. This is nuts. but why why why, how how how.

That's so wrong. What kind of trees were they wisper? Although it's probably not much consolation to them, I think your parents have the makings of a real good legal suit against this dickhead.

Hell, press criminal charges as well. Destruction of property. Sue the fuck out of the bastard.

plant cherries and olives and figs all along the property line.

why those particulars nate? lemme get this straight, he walked on to YOUR (mom's) property and cut her property down? There are laws against that.

because they drop lots of gooey crap? also olives have scary pickers growing all over them

Sycamores and black walnut trees too. My favorite trees, but both dirty as hell.

but how long would those take to grow? Dougie, we need action. J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats what i suspected heather, but i dont recall seeing such trees. Apple trees and pear trees do as well, only bigger. I recall a 15 ft radius around my grandmas apple and pear treeswith rotting, stinky apples and bees diggin around. It was a bitch when the soccer ball rolled under them

Hell, plant kudzu. Also, have a gravel company come and cover his lawn to a uniform depth of a meter.

cottonwood. anything that broadcasts fluffy crap. ooo. stomach. i need my poptart.

I actually posted here once about cutting off some branches from my ex (thank God)next door neighbors tree,but just some branches,the ones that I keep hitting my head on when I was working in my flowerbed,I did hate him though and called him Anus to his face.But your neighbor can't get on your property and do that,I'm glad you called the law,that pretty much does it right there,it's going to cost him.Did this just come out of the blue or had your neighbor indicated that he was a asshole before? I say chinaberry trees and olive trees,very messy and as a added bonus,the asshole might be allergic to the olive trees,I am.If you want I'll fuck with him,but give it awhile for "this" to die down.Revenge is a dish best served cold.

dave. says: i may be going out on a limb here.... <--- pun!! i don’t know what kind of trees they are. They were young, teen-age trees, with trunks smaller than the width of my wrist. 8-10 feet tall or so. They’re not charging him...yet. Of course i was livid, i have no mercy for tree killers. But i do understand their point. They have to live beside this guy for 20 more years or so ("..come on dad, he won’t live that long") (the man is old and crotchety) and they’re not on speaking terms with the neighbors on the other side. Which is a long and strange story for another time. I understand. I’m at odds with my neighbors on all sides, and it’s not a nice way to live. "Besides," dad says, "i quite like it with those trees down." urgh. Well, it's not my house. i'd set his dog on fire. i do like the gravel idea though.

yes protect the flora eliminate fauna, slowly and painfully

in my area, you can't cut down someone else's trees -- only those parts of the branches that encroach on your property line. don't fuck with the dog, who had nothing to do with anything. take legal action.

In my area, you can't cut down trees on your own property unless you have local council permission. If it's a healthy native tree, you need a bloody good reason before they'll let you get the chainsaw out. We're all just sappy tree-huggers here. Did I ever tell you I have my own chainsaw? I love starting it up and watching the muscle in my arm wobble.

fuck thats hot cat. chicks and chainsaws

remember when you asked for examples of things making you hot, patrick? there's one for ya.

did I? you guys remember the strangest things.

ummm, honey? it was last week.

oh that was nate saying "everything gets you hot patty" something akin to my not wearing any underwear or something. i got a lot of stress, i only remember the important stuff...i think id actually run from cat if she had a chainsaw, but the imagery was cool for a second there.

I would be glad to send some "chicken trees".They are a fucking pain in the ass.You can't get rid of them,they just keep reproducing.They are extremely prolific.[and as a bonus,a known allergen] If this neighbor is already old and crotchety,the added stress of him trying to get rid of these annoying trees,should do him in in no time.Just toss some over the fence in his yard,and I guarantee that in no time flat,he will be batteling the Black Forrest of your parents neighborhood. Please leave the dog alone.The dog didn't pick "them",they choose him.Plus,if its a male dog,he'll have an abundace of places to relieve himself.

crap, what do you people take me for? lol he doesn't have a dog. He has a saw and lathe that he runs in his garage workshop (right outside the window of my childhood bedroom) that he runs from approx 6:30am to sometime in the afternoon, thats a real treat, but no dog. dogs are like babies. I loathe their existence, but would die before i hurt one.

A couple well-placed awl punctures in the sidewalls of his tires might be fun. Do it on more than one tire so he can't just throw the doughnut on and drive to the nearest repair shop. Also, a lathe you say? Any chance of getting in there and cutting the belt on it? And finding and confiscating his spares? An old dude, without a car, and no lathe belts, he'd be out of commission for a week or so. Transplanting Australian trees here reminds me of that Simpsons episode where they go to Australia and accidentally introduce the bullfrog into the Australian ecosystem. The Australians call them "chazzwazzers".

May I suggest a Ginko tree. The female produces lots of sticky smelly fruit. I wouldn't want to live near one of these.

" a bull forg! thats a funny name, I'd have called it a chazzwazzer!"

Alex, we also export the "unfunny" versions of the Simpsons to the UK. They haven't been optimized for humor yet when they're sent across the pond. If you knew the real line from that episode, you'd laugh so hard you'd soil your knickers.

i always wonder how that show does in translation. It must be awfull, since most of the funniest jokes are language based. "Bonjour-diddely-our!" that's not very funny.

well, this answered my question. thank you internet

Oh isn't it, wisper? ISN'T IT???

allright then what is the real line?

the real line: "AAHHH GOGOGOGOGOGOGAOGO EFUCKECKAWEOCKWAECO AKEWRGLAERGHK ARLTHJASER:GMAWERV AWERF"

hmmm

"Bonjour-diddely-our!" I don't know...it made me laugh.

I don't remember Flanders saying Bonjour-diddely-our, but I do remember when Groundskeeper Willy was teaching French, and he let out a bonjour with a trill on the last 'r' that would stop a moose in its tracks.

"May I suggest a Ginko tree. The female produces lots of sticky smelly fruit." "I wouldn't want to live near one of these." just what i was going to say. but sweet gum trees are also pretty good. they don't smell, but they drop seed pods that look like overgrown burrs and hurt like hell to step on with bare feet. think it's a sweet gum tree anyway.

I don't know what our trees are, but they have weird droopy leaves and green, spiky balls. They look really cool, but the balls are starting to drop. No barefoot around here. No sir.

how large are the leaves? my tree has about large-hand-fingers-spread sized leaves (pinky to thumb, octave-plus on the piano) that are a medium green, flat color, no shine. the smaller branches that fall occasionally look like they've been in some sort of surgical accident and are covered with bad raised scars (except natural).

i've got these bushes. little blue flowers. annuals. they're all dead and dry now. and their seeds. the stickiest little fuckpods ever. STICK LIL FUCKPOD.

plant a dozen rhodies in front of his front door. wait till late summer. that'll show him.

largeish leaves. http://hermes.dirtyredcommie.com/newpics/p0000341.jpg

that's not the same tree. close, though. the spikes look wickeder. the spikes on mine are sectioned with hooks at the ends.

It's a Wicked Tree.

I'm out in the southwest now,but I think I've seen that tree in W.V. A beechnut tree?

the wicked tree of montana!

thats a horsechesnut tree we have them everywhere in the UK. the balls have conkers in.

i have found this: http://www.violetlane.org.uk/HORSECHE.HTM

Alex, tell us about yourself. Where in the UK are you? What do you do for a living? How did you find this place?

Ok here goes: Im 19, a student studying Architecture and Urban planning at the University of Nottingham. At the moment im on holiday, and Im working in a factory to earn some money! I live in a town called Hitchin in the county of Hertfordshire. (Hitchin is 30miles North of London) I found this place a couple of years ago, back when 'the payphone project' was in relatively 'full swing'so to speak. I got the address sout of a magazines 'intresting sites column. I visited it and put it in my favourites, where it was promptly forgootten, untill a couple of months ago, when it was rediscoveered, only for me to find that site didnt exist anymore. So i found my way here. And here I am. Sorry that was longer than I expected!

flee architecture at once, young man! how many times must i chide you?

are you an architect or something heather? why the keen-ness to get me to stop?!

heather is a weredemoness who consumes architects. beware.

ah I see So what about you guys and Gals? where are you form what do you do etc?

I am originially from Philadelphia but now I live outside of Washington, DC. In a really nice apartment, I might add. I graduated from college last year and am now a sales assistant for an online research database. I am 23 and 5'4" tall, I have black hair and black eyes, and I am probably the palest individual this side of the Atlantic. I like long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners but, God Almighty, if you try to serenade me I will choke you. The end.

i'm from california. i'm a musician. i eat weredemonesses.

im in los angeles a hollywood type with glasses to match i have naked pictures thats the most physical descript ive ever had of you spider. black eyes? is that possible?

I have some kind of middle american tree in front of my house, its just your standard "BIG ASS TREE." Its not the tree that facinates me though, its the extreamly violent Ninja Squirrls that live in the tree. Little fuckers are there one minute and gone the next, and they will assult you without provocation. Mean little bastards, and they've started to make a habit of checking out my window which is no more then 10 feet from the tree so they can Ninja Squirrl leap across to it or something. I keep scaring the shit out of them with my window fan though, they never see it coming. I have however started to sleep with both windows closed for fear of night raids on my bedroom from the Ninja squirrls.

look around it's all been covered [and send me your address]

Well, my eyes are *really* dark brown. They supposedly look black in most lights. My driver's license says they're black. My hair is dyed black. It's really dark brown with red overtones. I am truly pale. You can't fake this.

ok spider, now you have to meet me cause i challenge you to a pale-off if there's candle light at dinner there'd better be wine

I'm a lunatic living in a madhouse in the desert somewhere in Arizona.

hal, you don't know what a big ass tree is. i live in the land of big ass trees.

i hate it when girls are critical of "paleness". Its an asset. I think pale skin beautiful.... i mean white as a ghost. give me that paisty euro look anyday.

I am a Ninja Squirrel Assassin. Hal lives in the house under my tree. He's gonna die. Fucking fan.

I'm the cute and bubbly one here. I'm 20 years old and in seminary studying for the priesthood. Sure hope it pays well.

I live in Ohio and dig things up.

i don't think we're being critical of paleness i avoid the sun [you know, a weredemoness thing] i can see through my skin

I smell formaldehyde. I think.

I keep a tanish look all the time, but my veins stick out so far I'm suprised I don't snag them on nails and door handles and stuff. Okay, well they used to. Then I got to college and gained weight.

I'm not critical of my paleness. It's just one of my features. I too avoid the sun. I wear sunscreen every day because I don't want to get wrinkles from the hour of sunlight I'm exposed to through my car windows in the mornings/evenings. TBone, that's dag nasty.

ok good. cause im so used to hearing girls say "ohh im so pale, i hate it"

I too am fairly pale, I have dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I used to go quite tanned, but recently I have mastered the 'pale euro look'!

I exaggerate of course, but they were plainly visible on the backs of my hands and in my elbows. I could move them around and stuff. Still can, kinda. Nurses needing to draw blood for whatever reason loved me. One joked that she needed only toss the needle at my arm. It's harder now, but I can't give blood now either. Not that I was any good at it before. Ended up on the floor last time.

are you a pole, alex?

No he's a smart alex.

Well my Grandad is Polish on my dads side, but my mothers side is British

Found any arrowheads, sem? I found one when I was a kid at a friend's farm. Still got it at home someplace.

there are a lot of latina girls in texas with pale, ashen skin (not at all sickly) and jet-black hair and eyebrows and black eyes. it can be very attractive.

I am quite tanned. Even in winter, I seem to have quite a glow up. I put on sunscreen at least twice a day but I adore being outside and I just can't stay away from the ocean. I always wanted to be really blue-white pale with black hair.

all these people with easy access to the seaside! tut it makes a poor landlocked hitchiner a pale green with envy!

what up with the latina trend of outlining your lipstick with eyeliner? yuck! you are english alex, you are supposed to be pale and paisty the lebonese in me keeps me from being pale, i think. i tan really easily and well

lala. 19, an anthropology student, shoe bitch (one year now!) in the pacific nw. shoulder length auburn hair (naturally a dark blonde) hazel eyes and a bit of a farmer's tan. my veins don't stick out anywhere other than the backs of my hands, but my skin elsewhere is so pale you can see my veins to my elbows.

well Heather I have scoured the old pages (admittedly, not very well) and have found out nothing about you! you remain a mysterious weredemoness!

I'm more reddish. I go to the beach and get red, then peel. Get a lot of freckles on my body. My girlfriend's latina from Colombia, and has very pale skin. De donde eso viene, yo no se.

Is your name really Pez? or is it an assumed name for here? I am intregued! My arms seem to have been going a bit browner, what with the heat wave of the past two weeeks we are having here in the UK! Yay, bye bye vains!

yes i do but i'm sorry, i think i meant everyone else things you might have found: my hero my sign i think maybe the story of when i became not engaged a project i did and lots more boring crap oh. and who i will see in september

couldnt you just easy things up a bit and just tell me a bit about yourself?, I'm tired, its been, like most of them a long day, and i'm going to bed, safe in the knowledge that when I wake up, ill want to stay in bed!

This is sounding like Yahoo Chat, "Desperate English Blokes" room.

oh yeah.....and youre representin the overpaid, celibate, bitter, aussie, 30 somethings right? brick houses and glass balls or something like that.

Ouch! Catrick fight coming up folks...

"brick houses and glass balls or something like that" So you're representing the "Brain Like a Brick and Balls of Glass Boys"? Okey Dokey. And I'm bitter about you saying I'm bitter, fucknoodle.

See? I told you so...

didnt you self proclaim bitterness somewhere? i just want alex to stick around, as you totally dominate the funny accent department here at sorabji. if i had glass balls sister you think id still have them at all?

*WHACKS METAL FOLDING CHAIR OVER DOUGIES HEAD*

*DOESN'T HURT BECAUSE OF METAL PLATE IN HEAD" Oh wait, that's Hal.

I think the formaldehyde smell is coming from my new pants. They're really good pants, though.

I can say I'm bitter, but you can't. It's like can say I have a fat ass, but you will get yours whacked if you do. Has Nico taught you nothing of these rules?

she futily trys. if she asks me if her ass looks fat, im going to be honest. you can hold out the blow jobs and back rubs all you want, but dont ask me to lie to you, for you.

nad i like getting my ass whacked, fat ass

Ah, patrick! Another unnatural man like myself. Is Cat's ass fat? Is a bear Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

REALLY short dark brown hair, Hazel/Green/Blue eyes (they never seem to be the same,) My skin seems to remain a nice light olive color for some reason, I DON'T burn, never have, but I also don't tan either, I just remain at my own special color. And I'm fucking serious about them squirrls, I think they know about the plates in my head and are attempting to exploit it somehow. Little fuckin' bastards are like straifing my room with microwaves or something. Fucking Ninja Death-Squad-Squirrls.

You just can't stay away from my ass, can you Assigone? A friend of mine calls me lardass quite a lot. I adore it.

Oh, you tempt me to ass poetry. You wouldn't want to read "An Ode to Cat's Ass," trust me.

Something like "would an ass by any other name smell as sweet"? Ok, this is starting to sound like the Bitter Twisted Aussie chat room. I'll shut up now.

Your color is indeed "special" Hal. A perfect shade of Hal. My roomie - who I have basically not seen all summer - just called. He's coming into town tomorrow from Billings. I was about to call him to tell him I'd be in Billings for the weekend. Sonofa...

I'm trying to think of a name for my halfling. I like this one. I think it's cute and sassy.

woah, there, alex! please, stop masturbating in front of the computer. pez is a semi-real name that i've been using quite a bit lately. many of my friends know me as pez and nothing else. i picked lots and lots of blackberries today alongside the road. in saltwaters. tomorrow i'll get up early and pick more while wearing hiking boots (so i don't get so many thorns between my toes).

I originated somewhere in the desert of Arizona,studied nursing,got bored with it,migrated to the pacific northwest,which I adored,went back to school to study geology,which I also adore,finished up,and was sentenced to a wisteria gated personal hell in the Godforsaken southern aspect of the US.I am petite,and tanned.I like the outdoors,alot.Activity of choice is hiking,preferably alone,with my trusty dog,who doesn't babble and chatter incessently.And I have a dreadfully drab sense of humor. And Hal,I also like squirrels.This "fan" thing kinda has me worried.Be good to mother nature,and she'll reward you with warm nuts.

Anybody see Southpark last night? Funniest fucking thing I've seen in a long time: Mr. Garrisson teaching kindergarteners sexual positions. "Alright class, who can tell me the names of some sexual positions? Yes, the missionary position is a sexual position, kind of boring, but a sexual position. Doggie Style, yes, that's a position. Pile driver, yes, that's another position..." Also, Kyle and Cartman giving their male dogs "red rockets" -- beating them off to "milk" them.

This is why I broke down and signed up for cable again.

loser

It was one of the funniest I've ever seen.

I try to be nice to Mother Nature, but the ninja squirrls are some kind of anomaly, they are probably genetically enginereed squirrls or something. Really fucked up shit. And I don't need Mother Nature to give me warm nuts, I just need a pair of wool boxers which I can pick up at any JC Penny outlet.

Wearing JUST hiking boots? I shoud think that your toes are the last place youd not want to get thorns Pez

AHAHAHHAAH ALEX AND PEZ SISSSSSIN IN A TREEE K IAIAIAIA FFFFFFF UU U CCCC ahAHAHAHAH FUCKOS!

"I shoud think that your toes are the last place youd not want to get thorns Pez" Alex, translate this sentence into English for me, please. Do you mean that the first place Pez wants to get thorns is her toes?

SORRY. lET ME PUT IT BETTER, iT JUST CAM OUT WRONG FROM THE START! What I wanted to say, was, If Pez was not wearing anything, then her toes should be the last place she worries about getting thorns in! is that better?

riiiiiiiight. like i'd be picking blackberries along the side of the road, nude. i prefer to be friends with my neighbors, but not anything more. and i don't want to give the neighborhood dogs anything more to bark at. i was also wearing jeans and an audubon society t-shirt while berrypicking yesterday. today it'll be a shirt with a lemon that says "tart!"

You need your toes to walk. You'd be better off with the thorns in your fore arms, where they are easy to pick out. I speak from vast and recent experience with thorns.

Back when I was a wee lass who liked to traipse around in the thorn-bush-invaded wood that was my back yard, I found that the bloodier and thornier and muddier I got, the more I enjoyed myself. Crawling through thorn bushes on hands and knees, suffering deep scratches on the face and hands, getting clumps of hair tangled in the thorns....bring it on!

a crown of thorns, eh?

My brother has a dried clump of the kind of thorns that were used to crown Christ (before anyone jumps on me, my bro's thorns are from the same kind of plant that grows in the area around Jerusalem, so humor me). The thorns are as thick as a pencil and about 4 inches long, on average. They're ghastly. I didn't crown myself with thorns. I broke through them.

RRRAAAARRRRRR!

i want to go on a hike. boots, jeans, bottled water and cameras binos in my backpack. watching birds and id-ing plants. i grew up in the woods near my grandparents house, finding spots where deer slept the night before and building dams in rock creek with the cows. looking for osprey.

Cows can build dams in rock creeks? Was there no water -- just rocks -- and did the rocks really make that creaking noise? How odd.

Oh yeah, I am now the "creepy bastard" therapist of sorabji, when they, the bitter and the assed and the rest, let me post. But don't let that bother you Alex; keep coming back. It works if you work it. I think the goat control drugs are wearing off now.

there was a dairy next door, and the cows merely watched me scoop mud and drape moss over the damp stones.

Naked Dairy Cow, Neighbord Dogs, picken fruit. Sounds like a party.

i ain't picking blackberries nude. and here's why: i don't want thorns on my boobs or clit and also not on my bum (where i sit). and i really don't want to be a whina, so keep those damn thorns out of my vagina! if they were raspberries or loganberries i might as well go ahead.

wow! how poetic Pez! although, I think you just wanted to write poetry, as Hal never mentioned naked picking of berries in his message.(that is, of course, if the peom was a direct response to that posting, which it probably isn't. sorry im babbling!)

alex's comment was dumb, but pez's poem was nice. no matter what you wear blackberry picking, you're still going to get the most scratches on your hands and arms. going naked wouldn't be much different from wearing a tank top and shorts.

You all need the goat control meds...nice poem Pez, but some frightening images.

I BET./

i get more scratches from sylvie than from the backberries. wearing jeans and a t-shirt doesn't help too much though. i've been rhyming lately aND how many poems actually rhyme "whina" with "vagina" anyway?

I wasn't suggesting anything of the sort... Damn people, get your heads out of your asses. Fuckos

AHAHAHAH HAL + PEZ AHAHAH FUCKOS!

"lookin' for osprey in aw da wong places..."

stan, if you'd like to have your head shoved up your ass i'd be more than happy to help you out. i've tried before but apparently i'm not flexible enough. it gets more and more difficult after i have my nose to both knees. * * * across the highway from my grandparents house, on a bluff over the clackamas river lived a pair of osprey. they had a nest up there for years but it's gone now. when i went birdwatching in may, several members of my group watched an osprey chase a bald eagle around over the pacific. * * * alex and stan need to turn around because they are sinking lower and lower on my pecking order. it's one thing to have everything you type analyzed, another thing altogether to have people pointing out your mistakes and so on. and laughing in CAPS with my name and another person's reminds me of middle school vandalism if nothing else. maybe second grade. * * * hal, weren't you going to call me?

sorry Pez i'll quit with the analysing! We had the largest moth I'd ever seen in the shop today, it was scaring all the customers!, must have been about 2" wingspan!

Except for the alien big cats, you brits sure have piss poor excuses for wildlife.

i know and round here it seems most of it ends up dead on the roads!

or stuffed in some display in one of those "british heritage" museums. for example: powis castle. nice place, but the basement is a vegetarian's nightmare.

you vegetarians are so sensitive. wuss.

Damnit... I knew I friggin forgot something.

it's cruel to go kill things for sport, have the flesh be removed to rot, and putting the skin and fur/feathers on display in a "natural" habitat with glass eyes. it's the glass eyes more than anything else.

My brother's finally given up being a vegetarian after 4 years.

forgot what, hal?

To Call. I don't think killing for sport should ever be done. If your going to kill something, EAT IT. OR DON'T KILL IT! There are some people here in Montana who do nothing more then get a deer tag to justify going out and killing something for fun. Which just blows my mind. I couldn't be a vegan or vegitarian if I tried, it would kill me I do like a bit of meat everyonce in a while, and just up and deciding one day to not eat it any more is something I would have trouble with. But more power to the people that can they are stronger and have more willpower then I.

yeah, it doesn't make very much sense when someone tells me that i'll just have to pick the bacon out of my food. but that doesn't happen very much anymore. one time i crossed the road on my way home from the grocery store (i walked) and almost tripped over a dead cat. it'd been dead a long time, it was all faded and very flat (roadkill). i wanted to take a picture, but didn't have my camera. the next time i passed by, the area had been bulldozed and the cat was gone.

i saw a cat like that once, too. trippy. it was like a half inch thick, and flat. looked kind of like cardboard. i hate it when people say generalizations such as, "you vegetarians are so sensitive." i realize that was probably the point, but i just wanted to state that for the record.

Road Waffels. Had another incident with the Ninja Squirrls today. I never like seeing dead animals, makes me feel bad inside as though I had something to do with it. Yesterday I saw a failure of the Ninja Squirrel Training School Flattened to the road by a semi. I watched the little furry Ninja Hopefull spray, it was not a pretty site. He was pretty stoic about it though, didn't scream. His buddies though, they pissed me off, they seemed to be laughing from the other side of the road where they had made it safely. Fucking crule ass Ninja Squirrels, nothing but a bunch of fucking elietists.

you watched it spray? "ew" doesn't even begin to describe the grodyness. poor, poor ninja-squirrel wanna-be. i don't want to get up and leave the house today, but i need to check in at the iprc and see if my card's ready and there's a job i want to apply for downtown. i want to sleep all day and watch movies. the depression is kicking in again and i hate it. so i'll go downtown and apply to sell shoes at the dr. marten store.

thats really funny agatha.

what part is funny? me getting irritated, or the flat cat?

you being sensitive to my comment.

which comment? damn you and your vagueness!

christ agatha theres no vagueness. i said "vegetarians are so sensitive" and then you replied perhaps even a "sensitive" reply about not like generalizations such as mine. You are a vegetarian, no? therefor you sorta...SORTA, indirectly backed up what i was saying. its like saying "you are defensive" and ther person responds "no im not how dare you say such a....etcetc"

This is sorta off-topic, but nothing chaps my hide like someone who attacks you and then says "you're so defensive" when you try to stand up for yourself. I'm not saying that's what's going on here, I'm just saying. I got in a big fight with my roommate a while back that took on this pattern. I had been in one of those weird periods I get into (like the way I was in May) and I said something to her about feeling unconnected from other people. She told me she had no sympathy for me because of X Y and Z, and when I said I wasn't talking about X Y or Z, X Y and Z have nothing to do with what is going on. What I meant was sometimes I feel so little for others that they could drop dead in front of me and I would just step over their bodies and keep walking. And then she got huffy and asked me why I was being so defensive, and I really wanted to just punch her in the face right then because I can't stand how she tries to make out like she's perfect and I'm so clumsy and stupid, and I'm still not over this, am I? Argh.

Spider, I was just listening to those tapes you sent me way back when, and decided that you are one hell of a badd ass. Just thought you'd like to know.

I'm not done ranting. I'm caught in some kind of anti-cycle. I rarely get visibly mad because people can't seem to handle it when I do, I guess because I so rarely get visibly mad. I hate this. I think I'm going to start getting mad at people more often. I'm not going to care when they complain that I've hurt their feelings. My feelings get hurt all the time and I'm still standing. I'm tired of always having to be the accommodating one and having to pretend that I'm not disappointed when things don't work out the way I'd like them to. I don't think that's selfish. Fuck you if you do.

Thanks, Sem. I'm still not going to NO. :)

ive always been sure to let people know im mad. and others who have nothing to do with it. but im also deemed, pushy, spoiled, bratty, selfish, arrogant, insensitive amongst other things. fuck it, hell hath no fury like spider scorn. actually its people like you describe that Im most worried about upsetting.

Which people that I describe? The people like me? As things stand now, nothing would happen if you upset me. In the future, probably nothing will happen, though I'd like to be able to slam doors and tell people to fuck off without irrevocably destroying my relationships. No one understands unconditional love, it seems. :)

Um, that should be "feeling disconnected from other people," and I messed up that sentence with the "X Y and Z," and I know no one cares but I just wanted to point out that I'm aware of my errors. Thank you and have a nice day.

Assert yourself more often, even if you feel you don't need to. This is good becuase 1) you get practice, 2) people take you more seriously, and 3) it doesn't come out all at once. I've only learned this recently, at least about the effects. I always knew that "assertiveness is good" on an abstract level, but never really felt I needed to exercize it. After changing my behavior for the last few months I've seen a remarkable difference in the way people treat me. Don't overdo it, don't go overboard, just assert your will here and there. (I did overdo it and fucked up a relationship. Not pretty...)

i find it interesting that you hold ill-will to the teacher who knocked your grade for margins but you constantly correct yourself. yes i suppose people like yourself, but i didnt want to say it that way while you were trying on your new hat, so to speak.

ive been told im too assertive.

I've found that when I try to assert my will in matters as simple as choosing a restaurant to eat at, I am labelled selfish. (Hmmm...maybe I have to get over my fear of being called selfish....) I also feel bad for not giving in. (HMMMMMM...) One thing I am better at doing is sticking to my guns when I know I'm right (about a fact). I'm better at doing this at work than I am at home, but I'm getting there. My personal life is filled with people who can't accept that they're wrong without implying that you're being a hard-ass for making them accept that they're wrong. Ever wish you could set fire to your friends and family and start anew?

Grammar is somewhat important (very important in formal writing...not so important here). At least if she had criticized my grammar that would have told me she actually read my paper. Margins not exactly 1" are not important. Anyway. I feel better now.

anyone who deems you selfish when you have a desire to eat here, or there, is an asshole. i mean, when a group goes out for dinner, SOMEONE has to assert themselves as to where to go. Labeling that person selfish is retarded. Im getting comfortable with being selfish, and while being more comfortable being selfish, I find im not as selfish....perhaps due to awareness

That's very interesting, Patrick. I'll keep that in mind. Sometimes I think that it's everyone else who has a problem, not me. Sue me if I don't want to eat lunch in a bookstore. How does that make me a bad person? But it's okay for you to intentionally make me feel bad? Fucking hypocrites. I'm out.

patrick, you are so fucking selfish. I mean it. Bitch. Spider, about people calling you selfish like that, you just say "OK. So what do you want?" Just ignore them calling you selfish, but treat them with respect.

how bout i assert my foot up your ass antigone?? wait...... can i kick that high? hmmm

Aren't both of you tall goofy fuckers? What's the problem? Hell, I could probably kick Antigone in the ass if I stretched first.

I dodge. You fall on your sorry little ass. End of story. That goes for both of you fuckos.

EVERYONE HERE NEEDS TO GET LAID.

I could definitely kick Antigone in the ass. But then I'd have to run really really fast. Believe it or not, off the boards I'm not really very assertive. I'm strong and pretty determined, but I'm a sucker for my family and friends. I always find myself loaded up with things I'd probably rather not do, but I just can't help myself. It's really my fault because I love being needed. But lately my sister-in-law has been bugging me a bit because...(long dumb story, only continue reading if you're very bored)...she can't cook and she had two small children. I'm really close to my brother and to my nephews, and I love her too, but she is a bit of a user. I often cook food for her when I know my brother is away. She's deaf and I suppose some of my actions are based on admiration for the way she copes on her own with the kids. However, she's started ordering like I'm a caterer and recently asked me to make all the food for her mother's 70th birthday. I really try to think of it as a nice compliment that she likes my food, but I feel a bit like her personal chef. Actually, maybe I should tell her I love to do it, but I hate to wash up so she has to come be my kitchen bitch if she wants me to cook. Or is that too mean? I don't know.

i think he's got a few inches on me. i'll take that directly to nico nate....and we'll see what happens. it may be a new and promising angle. "...well because nate said i need to and i trust his opinion, NOW OFF WITH YER PANTALOONS!!!!"

it's not mean at all you should tell her to come over and help everytime hereafter- she should learn for herself or that you'll come over and help her free cooking lessons!- see how nice you are anyone can cook, unless i guess she doesn't have hands as well as being deaf

The LEAST she could do is wash the dishes since you're doing the cooking. You could teach her to cook. You know what they say... give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life... or something like that.

damn. Heather beat me to the draw.

jus' barely

I think I'm with Nate on this one. Not that I have any room to talk.

wow. i'm going to have to go back and read that whole whooha. patrick: for some reason, i thought antigone initially wrote the comment about vegetarians being sensitive. i thought he was kidding, but i felt the need to make it known that i found it annoying. now i see that you initially said it, which clears things up for me. now i'm going to go read the fight i started by mistake.

cat: what heather said. you should absolutely expect some help with an endeavor such as that. i think the "teaching to cook" idea is a good one. if she refuses, then you are in a position of strength and can point out that she is taking advantage. as for assertiveness: i tend to be a serious doormat. it sucks. i always have semi-assertive friends, and they tend to be comfortable with criticizing me regularly. i don't like it, but i suppose it's mostly my fault.

i guess that thread wasn't a fight after all. drat.

HEY MEET MY RUSSIAN BUDDY, AGATHA: FUCKOV

YOU WANNA START??????!!!!!!!!!

hah!!!! fuckov. i think im going home to popov one. which is the root of fuckov. im solid.

nate is very wise. i know how you feel spider, i FEEL it i am not very assertive. But for some reason i don't get walked on. Maybe they respect me. Or maybe i just don't notice. i just pick the bacon off food. I'm a pussy. Plus i think i need the protein found in the leftover bacon juice.

holy shit i miss bacon

then go get some. I won't tell. promise.

last week i had fakin' bacon in an un-BLT at... Second Helpings. mmmm... very good

the fakin bacon tastes like bacon to me, but i haven't eaten real bacon in about fifteen years. it's a great salt food. bell jar! is that really you?

it's really me. i guess it's been a while.

are you in new york? give us the scoop!

I'm in New York. At least I will be this weekend...

Wow. I was just thinking about you today, bell jar. In fact, I tried to see if you had a listing in New York. How's things? Um, if that seems creepy, I apologize. I was going through old posts and emails today.

did you find my link, tbone? i have a house to myself. it's sortof cool. i should be getting off the computer because i should be getting ready for a picnic on wednesday.

Yes, but it's dead. So it goes.

i am in new york, and in a few weeks i will have my own apartment. that means if you promise not to kill me or cut off any of my body parts any of you are welcome to sleep on my couch if you are visiting new york. i have a million disturbing stories and i've only been here for three months. i've been followed home from the subway by strange men, i've seen people in broad daylight squat in the street to pee, i've lived with a 60 year old man who walked around in bikini breafs and watched child porn, and many other odd things. antigone, if you have any free time you should contact me and i will buy you a beer. actually, considering my current financial situation, you can buy me a beer.

For the first Month I was living in the place I live in now, I survived off bacon. Actually it was one of the groceries I got from Costco one day, The smallest ammount of bacon they had was 4 pounds, I only have a pound of this left but it was all I had for a while there.... mmmmmm, bacon.

I have a friend who occasionally eats a pound of bacon in one sitting. "Vinnie!" I says to him, I says, "That is so bad for you!" "Yeah, but I only do it once in a while." "What does that mean?" "You know, like once a month or something." "!" "??" "!!!" I fear for his heart.

bacon don' kill people. lack of oxygen to the brain kill people.

Spiced potatoes fried in bacon fat is what they serve in heaven. Mmm mmm good. If any of y'all deign to come to Columbus, I'll take you to Nancy's Home Cookin' for breakfast (Their motto: "Eat it and Beat it").

hm, strange. my motto is "beat it and eat it"

cholesterol....... cholesterol............ :D i'm glad my diet is such that i'll never really have to worry. yay veggies!

I like my veggies battered and fried.

I like my sugar with coffee and cream.

I like my fried batter with veggies.

Tempura is a good thing.

yes, but inari is nearly ambrosia.

All pale to Tullamore Dew.

so, pez, where do you get your taurine from?

i like pale.

Oh, thanks for reminding me, Nate. I need to go buy more Red Bull tonight.

and vodka.

Whaddya call that drink mix? Communist Bullshit?

no antigone. Red Bull and Vodka

last night there was a report on the news about how Absinthe is legal and making a big comeback in B.C. I want to reach through the tv and grab the fashionable trendies in the Absinthe bar and explain "You are drinking a fucking NEUROTOXIN there, smart fuck! At $20 a glass! You know why all the late century poets and artists who drank that shit lost it in the end? because it ATE THEIR BRAINS. Yummy isn't it?" no really, i'm okay ;)

woah. is it legal everywhere canada, or just BC? i want some absinthe.

you can make it. a friend made it. tasted like ass in a very wrong way. this friend also studies the law and knows which cacti are legal and which arent. there are legal hallucinegenic cacti.

REAL absinthe? there's lots of fake RED BULL IS SICK AS HELL

i've been drinking a lot of organic vegan chai tea lately. yummy. nate: what's taurine?

I think it's one of the B vitamins.

taurine I had fake absinthe (I assume it was fake...) when I was in NO with sem. It's the only alcoholic beverage, ever, that I haven't been able to finish. I had to pour it out. Seems it's made with licorice. I HATE licorice.

the stuff i had wasnt fake. The friend who made it doesn't go for the fake stuff. he made it to spec. I hate liquorish as well. Can't do Jager for that reason. "organic vegan chai tea" wtf??? you should live in LA pez. This sounds like the usual order of the nitwits in the coffee shop in the morning. They have made coffee and tea too complicated to the point of ridiculousness.

black coffee and nothing else. well, sometimes tea. and sometimes chai. shit. I should've known that taurine was an amino not a vitamin. and absinthe has an anise seed taste. That's teh licorice part. When I had it in april, I wasn't too impressed either, but at that point I was spellbound by that bartender.

it is a b-vit. amino acid. found in meat. veggies are usually short on it. being short can lead to all sorts of problems. including convulsions. which is interesting because i know two epileptics who have used taurine successfully to reduce the frequency of convulsions. veggie epileptics, i might add.

Wow. This brings to mind that old Dead Milkmen classic, "Nutrition."

i take a vegetarian multiple whenever i remember. sometimes i have a protein bar, whenever i can remember. i know i need protein. i get very tired and cranky when i need it, so i go get a protein bar and presto, i'm back to normal. chai tea: i drink it partly because it's healthier than pop, partly because it tastes good, and partly because it's a nutrition item and i get a 10% discount. mostly i drink water. or snapple.

Chai is pretty yummy, hot or cold. Plus: it's an anagram for "Chia."

The Raven Cafe here in town makes their own chai. It's fabulous. Extra-spicy. A lot of my friends think it's overkill though. I like it with a shot of espresso in it. A double-shot I guess, since The Raven doesn't do single-shot anything. I've seen lots of names for that combo, but my favorite - and the only one I ever remember - is the Sultan's Delight.

i don't believe you'll find taurine in a vegitarian multi. i believe it only comes from animal sources.

well, it does say that the body can generate it. i'd guess that mine prolly does.

you need it. i don't believe the body generates it in proper amounts. my veggie cousin and her vegan husband take it. it's ok pez.

i've never heard of this before. it's not like i'm an athlete or anything. why are you so concerned all of a sudden?

i'm not. i just wanted to point out your diet is flawed.

daaaaaaaaamn YO DIET IS FLAWED!!!!!!!!!! BROOKLYN....TOP OF DA FOOD CHAIN!!!!

If her died is flawed then I'm fucked.

At least you get plenty of taurine

most diets are flawed.

it may just be legal in BC, although i haven't been in a beer store in a few years, so maybe i should check. It's the real deal, imported from Germany @$80 a bottle

it's beginning to sound more and more like i need to visit montana.

Our house is ugly and dangerous. But you're welcome to visit anytime.

Damnit I have visitation rights! ! ! I will not be violated again!!!

What the shit are you babbling about?

I think I'm doomed to be mentally incapacitated all the rest of the day. My mind... HA, I can't even feel my brain. so tired, cna't kkkkkekeeeep ffffrrrroommm passing ou......t. Snoooze

he wants to touch pez.

i know.

I hope your not refering to me. In the case that you are, ummm no, I have a thing about wanting to touch people I've never met, I just don't do it. Also to explain myself above, I'm tried, too tired for my own good, I should be at home sleeping not a t work feigning that I"m doing something important.

but Hal, you ARE doing something important. You're entertaining me. carry on

the real reason why we're here: to entertain wisper.

I'm not quite sure what takes more energy right now, so I've picked one of the two following activities in a guess that if it prooves right cool, if not then I'm wasting more time then possible. Working, or feigning work? I'm guess thing the activity of feigning work might take more time, but probably takes less out of me. OF FUCK ON A STICK, I just forgot, I have an appointment today to take some ADD/ADHD tests FUCKSHIT, I car pooled with TBone today, I have no car. Fuck Fuck Fuck, maybe I can convince TBone to leave at 4:00. Damnit, I wonder if forgetting the fact I had an appoinment to get myself tested for being attention deficit is in any way a bit of stabbing irony. Right now I need a weekend, and I still have another friggin day of work to make it through. Does any one here have any means of speeding up time so that Sorabjifest gets here sooner, so that I can take my get away from it all?

employ david bowie (aka the goblin king) to watch over the clock. that's the only way i see it.

You remind me of the babe, What Babe, The Babe with the power, What power, Voodoo Who Do, You do, Remind me of the babe. I Saw My Baby Tryin hard as...

please hal, remain with the jim henson impressions and leave the singing to the rock stars. i heart brian froud, though.

what up with this "i heart" crap i see? is this some sort of net sillyness, like the "all your base belong to us" ?

heart. okay, love/like. i loike brian froud's work. essssssxxxxxxxelllent.

The Babe with the Power... heh hehh.

we are the laby geeks! if i do come to visit, chances are that the "you remind me of the babe" dialogue can and almost certainly will, repeat itself at least four times.

Why does it Hurt!!?

you got it wrong, though hal. the babe with the power/what power/the power of voodoo/who do?/you do/do what/remind me of the babe. that's ok, though. nice try. JENNIFER CONNELY'S TITS I LIKE SEX

weird, i just put that song on a mix cd i burned. patrick- the 'i heart ____' is just (example) like those I LOVE NY buttons, but on the button the "LOVE" is represented by a heart. So you could just say 'i HEART ny', if you wanted to be literal. i really have to learn to cut down my explanations

How about 'i UPSIDE-DOWN-ASS ny'

that's for you and pez to sort out

wisper, what did you mean by that? i'm confused.

lol oh honey, i just mean that the way you express the 'heart' shape in writing is for you two to fight over, if need be. everyone is so testy today. and not the good kind

heart = love in pezspeak. it's a hot day. heat makes people angry at times. almost the end of the week, and i think there's a lot of insomnia too. i wouldn't be surprised in the least.

I'm particularly cranky in the morning when I've been up all night icq'ing with people who don't have to get up until the afternoon. But that doesn't stop me. I cope by tormenting Hal. Staying up until 4:00 wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get up at 6:30. Miss them pre-job summers.

see what i mean? what did you think of the muppet question?

uhh... muppet?

"if you were a male muppet and were starved for sex, would you shag the rocker chick, camilla or miss piggy?"

Oh, yeah. Hal told me about that. Camilla.

hal was wondering why gonzo followed miss piggy around all the time and then i mentioned that camilla is practically gonzo's sidekick. see the "write my cares away" thread.

Yeah TBone, the Pestering Hal thing is a good idea. If you want a foot up your ass. Crackhead.

you guys are weird. it's a laff riot.

No... I'm weird, TBone's just a crackhead. He now sits in a cubicle where I can lob things at him and he won't see them coming, heh heh heh...

SHIT!!! My fingers were talking by themselves again.

get a squirt gun. you should. and hide it when your boss comes.

Nerf is where its at. And seeing as the VP has a nerf gun in his office and amushes people at random... He's goin' DOWN!!! (TBone not the VP)

that's cool. the best i can get away with at work is pretending to "die" to entertain the kiddies. or making frogs. enough with th double z.

aw, my work is dull and boring. Today i sealed my bus money, my chewing gum, my credit card, a fiver and my wallet in bags because the Bracker had broken down. Oh how i love these breaks from the monotony of the day. It has been rainy for the last week. Today it was cold like autumn.

what is a Bracker?

The Bracker is an obsolete machine that works on pneumatic pressure to push the ends of rivets over with a rotating peen(like a drill bit without any grooves) to secure a bit of the lock assembly that we make

see Alex, you could have told me anything just then. I'm disappointed in you.

He made that shit up. The Bracker is a device that removes the B vitamins from mammals while they sleep.

Is he competent,to have access to this alleged "Bracker"?I'm a little concerned,about how he will pay his bus fare,if he has sealed his bus money. Here,in America,we have very stringent bus etiquette,which must be followed diligently,if one hopes to access the bus lines.I'm sure I saw something,in the bus by-laws,prohibiting the use of sealed bus money.No siree Mister,you won't be ridin' any American buses,with your sealed up money.

A bracker is a very expensive and complex device for raising or lowering the temperature of a room by half a degree Celsius over the span of 3 days. It has the side effect of making bread mold at 1.5 times the normal rate.

Crackhead.

I assure you i am competent enough to use the bracker, allthough, perhaps, the bagsealer is another matter! Any other suggestions as to the real purpose of this mythical machine? (Which I cannot disclose because of the dark functions it performs).

oh just go fuck off alex. no body fucking cares about you or your bracker.

nate, for a second there i read brother instead of bracker. omfg!

well you didnt have to write that reply if you didnt care so strongly against it. Which seems to me like caring one way or the other. Anyway someone cared enough to write about it in the first place after I had mentioned it.

I TOOK A HIT FOR MOMMA. I TOOK A HIT FOR MOMMA.

fuck off, nate. bully.

bah. we fail to indoctrinate a few newbies and before you know it we'll have a minor consortium of people who can't hold their own nuts. this is my job, agatha. let me do my fucking job.

bully.

when are you two coming here again? should i take any days off? (bully)

I think his job should be respected in its own special way... Because Nate, he is special.

i'm not sure now. there maybe a change of plans. it would probably be around 9/12. don't take time off. we'll probably get in some (late) afternoon and leave the nxt morning.

drat! you aren't going to come, are you? ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW DAMNIT. the debate is whether to take the northern route and visit you for an evening. or take a diagonal route and visit my brother's family for an evening. cyst reminded me that the oregon coast is worth taking time to travel. i'd almost rather drive up to see you guys at a point where we could take it a little more leisurely.

Damn. You're going to ditch, I can feel it in my bones.

I WANNA SEE YOU it will happen if maybe slightly later yesyes

I'm not hungry.

I WANNA SEE YOU TOO.

ME TOO, DAMMIT.

WELL, OKAY THEN. WE'RE ALL IN AGREEMENT.

do the diagonal brother. not that i don't wanna see you but i'm not your brother. that reminds me of the alien sex fiend song, "i'm not mad, i'm your sister". those guys were the shit back in '83.

no they werent.

well some idiots from the university just cut a beautiful old tree that provided shade to our building. we thought thy were just cutting a few branches that threathened to flap on our windows on really windy days, but no. the whole tree's corpse is down. healthy. dead. fuckers.

i've always advocated the simple idea, free from bureaucratic loopholes, that in every city any tree that comes down, be it to build a commerical building, private home WHATEVER ...that 2 more are planted within a mile radius. Sometimes tree's have to come down, fine, just plant another one somewhere nearby.

The property line of our old house was divided by a tree approx every 5 feet. When the ice storm hit whole trees were being uprooted and landing on my roof. There was so much damage because of all of the trees there and if I had stayed there there would have been a lot more damage (like my car and our health). Granted this ice storm wasn't common, but in this instance, trees do NEED to be removed for safety and there is no point planting more because everyone has at LEAST 2-3 trees on each lot. Right now, I am staying away from as many trees as possible, but they do serve a necessary ecological function.

you're missing the point. green space is depleating at such a rapid rate, especially in more urban areas, that something needs to be done. Suburbs are evil about up rooting trees and not replanting them. They should be required to dedicate a % of the development for green space. Especially those horrific cookie cutter neighborhoods. They mow down every god damn tree in sight. Fine. Want to live on a treeless lot, go ahead, but they should be required to dedicate some land in the development with trees (and hell, swings, a bike path etc. it would add value to the planned neighborhood.) Considering a tornado could uproot a tree 50 yards from your house and "plant" it in your toilet, your fear is pretty irrational.

The CHILDREN are having SEX!! Beth is PREGNANT!! And I NARROWLY escaped an ASSASSINATION attempt!!And the TREES...THE TREES are STEALING my OXYGEN!!!

My fear is unfounded, when MY LIFE and MY CHILDREN'S LIVES were in danger of the trees falling over our heads. I narrowly escaped and that was only with the help of many neighborhood strangers. Patrick, until you walk in my shoes shut the fuck up.

I am sorry, Patrick, but you weren't there. You didn't have your house torn apart, wires ripped out of the walls gutters ripped off trees going through the roof limbs falling over your head for 3 days straight. It was constant fear, and hypothermia. If my father hadn't come when he did, I would have lost a lot more. Ice storms with lots of trees could be harmful, and though my experience may not be normal for Los Angeles suburbia, it is not unfounded. My father went by that house last week to check on it, and the wires were still ripped out and the only thing that had been done, is the trees and tree limbs we cut to get into the house to move out were removed from the front lawn. We had to cut down 3 trees, and hundreds of limbs. If only I knew the link so that you could see the pictures. Me buried in tree limbs in the front lawn, yeah, whatever.

eri....the chances of a tree falling on you and killing you are as about as slim as dying in an airplane crash. if you consider such odds, considering what has already happened, the chances of it happening again are even more remote. get a grip eri. you or your family will not be killed or injured by trees. i feel confident in taking that bet. you have a greater chance of getting killed by a car, either in one, or walking on the street. by your logic, you shouldn't drive or go anywhere near a road. this is what i mean eri when I say your fear is irrational. and i've seen what storms can do, ice and otherwise. I've spoent 3/4 of my life in the south, experienced both hurricane (reminants of Hugo, 2 hours inland) and tornados. A tornado decided to lay a huge pine tree to rest in my Aunt's upstairs master bath 20 years ago. Had someone been on the crapper, they probably would have been killed. I don't live in the suburbs of LA. Just last week, we were experiencing winds upwards of 50mph. Trees were uprooted right out of the ground. It was horrible a wind storm for nearly 48 hours that caused all kinds of trouble. So i know the dangers, but i also have a good grasp on the odds.

Odds don't mean shit when it is happening to you. If we had not fled when we did, all 3 of us would have died overnight. I don't care what the odds of it happening again are, if there is any chance, then I need to protect my family, especially my children. We as humans have no way of judging what nature can do. 50 mph winds, give me a break, that is a spring breeze in Missouri. We don't bother doing anything until the winds get above 85 mph. As far as what cars can do, you have no idea how little time I spend in cars or near roads. Not a good example for me. I live in a cave. I am glad to have my cave. If you think that 50 mph winds are something to fear, then you have no idea. Maybe if you barely escaped that bathroom by the hair on your chin 20 years ago you could relate. I don't give a shit about the odds.

RUN! RUN! THE TREES ARE COMING!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

I'm hiding, under a tree.

This doesn't mean shit to a tree.

"I don't give a shit about the odds." WHICH IS WHY ITS IRRATIONAL!!!! jesusshitfuckeronastick. "If you think that 50 mph winds are something to fear, then you have no idea." I didnt say anything about fear. "We don't bother doing anything until the winds get above 85 mph." Eri...85mph???? You realize this is above hurricane level winds right? 39-73 are tropical storm level winds. I know the midwest gets battered by wind and tornados but please. your fear is irrational and you are only proving my point.

"I know the midwest gets battered by wind and tornados but please." Live in the midwest a while and you won't be saying, but please. 50 mph winds are common, tropical storm level or not. There isn't any real thunderstorm out there that has winds lower than that. Again proving my point that YOU DON'T KNOW. Reality is obviously different for you when you can base it on statistics and not life experience.

get back in your cave of paranoia, fear and misinformation before i unleash abori-hell upon you!!!!

Tornado fact sheet. Note that the wind speed table used to classify tornadoes starts at 72mph. The top speed is 319mph. I was caught outside in a storm in Dallas once. 90mph winds. Nasty. As I watched a fifty foot tall tree fell on the road ahead of me, covering all six lanes of traffic, trapping several cars. There actually wasn't a tornado in that storm. All of the damage was caused by straight line winds...

We're not in Kansas, anymore.

I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!!!!!

I live at the top and end of a ridge in the Ozarks, and I live in a big solid log house, and it does shake and shiver at times. Missouri winds are special. They contain parts of mobile homes from Kansas.