I am reminded by a line from Toad the Wet Sproket: You can take me down, You can show me your home. Not the place where you live, but the place where you belong. This is because I am soon to leave the place where I grew up again, only this time I have promised to myself that I won't return for any extended time. I made that mistake this summer, and it won't happen again. I grew up in Billings, Montana. For some bizarre reason, Teen magazine just did an article on the top ten towns for teens... and Billings came up second. Pure bullshit. Well, maybe not for the Teen Magazine reading types. Billings is the biggest city in Montana. It's still pretty tiny. However, it has a horribly rancid-smelling Sugarbeet factory, two oil refineries, and other assorted nasties. If you make an attempt to be unique in any way, you will be ridiculed, complained about, and possibly arrested. We have some really rediculous laws. "Cruising" is a crime(there are even little signs all over) on our two busiest streets. Recently, there was a move to ban skateboarding from downtown. The radio stations won't play words like "guns" "drugs" "kill" "placenta" or "joint" This place makes me sick. I am the type of person who very much enjoys art. There is nearly none here. I should not have left Missoula. Missoula is where my wonderful and loving girlfriend is. I regret leaving more than I regret most mistakes I've made. I miss the wide variety of live bands every weekend. I miss the plays, the art shows, the general hippy-ishness of the population. I miss the fact that every Wednesday all the restaurants in town converge on a park and set up booths, live bands play, and people enjoy a weekly occurance called "Out to Lunch." Nearly every neighborhood has a community garden. Recycling is a way of life, rather than something frowned upon as time-consuming or unnecessary. People talk to strangers there. Friendly crazy people are free to wander the streets and talk to themselves, other people, or trees. In Billings, they would be attacked, arrested, or in some way removed from the world. Missoula and the campus have numerous organizations for homosexuals. They have parades... In Billings, there would be large groups whose sole purpose would be to stop such things. An espresso joint can't survive in Billings without very tight hours. Even then, they need a TV or something to hold the attention of the customers. You can't find good coffee after 11:00pm. Some of them close at 3:00pm. Missoula has espresso and a place to hang when you need it. Anytime. Life is good there. Creativity vs conformity. It's amazing that I've survived in Billings this long. Well, no more. I'm going back to the arms of a girl and a city I love, and who love me. I'm going home. Where do you belong?

In my mothers womb.

In a John Waters movie,I even sent some e-mail to a bookstore that said they would pass it on to him.Oh well it,s his loss,maybe he is on vacation,maybe.

he doesn't get email or mail anyother way

Not that I could find,and I really tried.

ever read his book called Crackpot?

Ever seen a series on, I think, Discover called "The Incredibly Strange Film Show"? It was done by and this English guy and was about all of the great American B-movie makers. John Waters - certainly the greatest - was on. He showed the host some of the mail he regularly gets, like an envelope with dirt from Jeffrey Dahmer's (or some serial-cannibal-bury'emintheyard killer) yard.

God I wish I had,I,ll have to look for that,but a B-movie?I loved Divine,and Edith,the worlds a sadder place without them.Thanks Waffles I never even knew he wrote books,so when you posted that,I looked it up,and sure enough he wrote that and Shock Value and Trash Trio,I,m going to look for those.I did see in the paper a while ago that he gave a speech at some school and he said that his films use to shock,but now anyone in film school could make a snuff film and get an A+.

it's fucking hilarious

I was looking at some John Waters sites, and they say that the only way to effectively contact Mr. Waters is to send mail c/o Atomic Books in Baltimore. Snail mail, that is. Atomic Books 1018 N. Charles St. Baltimore, MD 21201

poor tbone. his original topic was decimated in only one post. usually it takes longer than that. i live in olympia, washington. it is about an hour away from seattle, a half hour from tacoma, and two and a half hours from portland. i love it here. it is almost too pleasant. i miss the city, but i am learning to appreciate olympia for what it is. jobs are hard to come by, but the people smile at you when you walk down the street, and there is music in the park and a lively arts scene and all of the things that matter the most to me. best of all, my daughter can play in our yard. that was not permitted in seattle, because of the neighborhood we lived in. there is a bakery a block away from my house, and if i go there right before they close, they give me free bread. if i had a runny nose, someone on the street would offer me a kleenex. olympia is a nice place to be. still, i think i may move to portland in a couple of years. i am a city girl at heart.

I love it in the Bay Area... I'm from the West Coast (Ashland), but I grew up in Baltimore, which has all the sleaze, misery, and provincial bigotry, of a John Waters movie, but it's not as much fun. I finally moved out here, and San Francisco seems to be where I belong. I need to move into the city. I don't like Mountain View (the town where I live), because it's like a giant office park, but I don't spend a whole hell of a lot of time here either. All things considered, I'm happy out here.

Sunday, I'm going. I am more excited than I've been in a long time. I couldn't get ahold of my girlfriend to make sure I had a place to stay because she just switched places and the phone wasn't hooked up, but I was going to go anyway, just to get out of here. Thankfully she called me today and I was able to tell her I'd be coming so soon. She was kinda blown away because she thought it'd be weeks before I'd be coming. Now I know I won't have to live in my little Toyota truck (with penguins painted on it, as of last week) and I'm... Wow. I'm going to be happy again.

I'm happy for you Tbone. Make sure you touch her casually a lot. Chicks dig that. I wish the original note hadn't faded off into something else so fast. I think the question "where do you belong?" is great, and I wish I had a great answer. I don't know where I belong. In my day dreams I belong in Paris. I have high hopes for Paris. Please don't anyone tell me what a sesspool it is. I'm getting tired of hearing that, and it's starting to depress me.

I belong anywhere but in fucking Tomah, Wisconsin. I am homesick and lonesome for the old music scene that has seemed to just died off up there. Even though I had no girlfriend and no sex while I lived there, the last four years in Houghton have been the best of my life so far. Playing in bands, making great friends and taking super hot saunas then jumpingn in lake superior in april, the land up there, even the snow I miss. i miss working the door at the Suburban Exchange coffee bar/underground club (RIP) and talking to my friend bernie who ran it with his then girfriend Emily, two of the best persons on this planet. I miss his kick ass reggae band cry on cue, (also featuring my best friend Dangergrrrl), I miss my other friend Justin's band The Jeyds, an eclectic groove folk combo, I miss all that music. I thought living out on my own with a real job would be the tits, but it ain't so good if you don't have any one to share it with. If I stay on this job next year, i am getting the hell out of Tomah and moving to LaCrosse, where I stand a chance of meeting some folks i can relate to.

Thanks for the tip, Gee. Before discovering Missoula, I always thought I belonged in Seattle. Damn, do I love that place. It's a little big and scary just because I've never been cut loose in a place that size, but I could handle it. I still see myself living there for a while after I graduate from College. I have a friend who believes she belongs in Boston. I think she'd do well there, although I've never been even close to Boston. She sure as heck doesn't belong here in Billings, MT. I can only think of one of my friends who may belong here. He's my age, but already has a house, his girl is living with him, he's got a job and a car... Kinda scary. He says he'll marry her too. Wow.

I was supposed to be moving home to Cardiff in a month but I have to stay in Ingerland for another year. (Weird but important reasons) Cardiff city centre was cordoned off today because of football hooligans and even this made me homesick. It's going to be a long year.

Like Semi, I am stuck in this shit-hole town in Wisconsin, even though, Marshfield has MUCH more to offer than Tomah. Sorry Sem, I feel for ya. I don't belong here. Never felt at home here. No one has ever been friendly here, bunch of home town rednecks. If you didn't grow up in this place, you're fucked! No open arms to welcome you into their little part of the world. Take me back to Madison, please!!!

Everything I own is in my little decrepit truck. Wish me luck. I leave tomorrow morning.

I've spent two or three months in paris this year. I'm living here now. this is a partial list of films playing in theaters in paris this week: Wings of desire Alphaville Amadeus The Killing Killer's Kiss The Limey 12 monkeys Arsenic and Old Lace Au revoir les enfants Bad lieutenant Badlands Kiss of the spider woman Baraka Blade Runner (this is always playing) Bonnie and Clyde Bound Brazil Buena vista Social club Buffalo '66 Bye bye Brésil Cape fear (Robert Mitchum) Casablanca Celebrity Room with a view Sophie's Choice Canterbury Tales Cours, Lola, cours Dead man Le Decameron Docteur Strangelove La Dolce Vita Down by law Dune Elizabeth The Big Sleep Dark Passage Your Friends and Neighbors Excalibur Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown The Fog Gilda Gothic Le grand alibi Gummo Hairspray Hana-Bi Hand of death Happiness High art Les idiots If L'île mystérieuse L'impératrice Yang Kwei Fei L'Invraisemblable vérité Jackie Brown Until the end of the world Key Largo L.A. confidential Laura Little voice Lolita (Kubrick) Lolita (that other guy) Lost highway Macbeth (Welles) Macbeth (de Polanski) Matador Les Mille et une nuits Miller's crossing Le monde selon Garp Monty Python, la vie de Brian Monty Python sacre Graal! Mystery Train Night on earth Stranger than Paradise Le nom de la rose Night and fog Oedipe roi The Pink Panther Paris, Texas Pasolini, 4 histoires comiques Pecker Smoke signals Pink Flamingos Pink Floyd the wall Polyester Le projet Blair Witch Prospero's Books Pulp fiction Rashomon Red rock west Reservoir dogs Salaam Bombay! Salo ou les 120 journees de Sodome Le Samourai Santa sangre Satyricon Scarface Le silence des agneaux Touch of Evil Spartacus Superfly The big Lebowski The killer Tokyo eyes Trainspotting Le tresor de la Sierra Madre True romance Murder by death Secrets and lies Life is beautiful Videodrome Night on earth

I know I skipped a bunch of good ones because their french titles are so different from the original ones. but the films are all in the original language. in order to help me decide which films to see, I'm only going to movies I haven't seen before. I'm going to see pink flamingos today. tomorrow I may see spartacus and/or key largo. oh yeah, I'm supposed to see stranger than paradise too. fuck. maybe I'll decide to skip that one since it's a little bit in hungarian and I can't understand 100% of french subtitles.

Wow, I have actually seen about 30 of those. if you haven't seen 'em already Cyst, I recommend: Happiness Sante Sangre Smoke Signals

oh yeah. that was another disqualifier. with few exceptions, I'm only seeing english-language movies here. neither my french nor my spanish is good enough for me to fully appreciate a spanish-language movie with french subtitles (though I went and saw wim wenders' "buena vista social club" anyway). I actually did ok with that one because those are my best two foreign languages, and I got two chances to understand everything that was said. but without english, seeing a movie becomes too much of an intellectual exercise and gets to be more tiring than entertaining. I'm considering breaking my other rule and seeing "happiness" again. maybe not, though. surely in the future "welcome to the dollhouse" and "happiness" will be frequent double bills at todd solondz nights at repertory theaters in all the smart american cities. right?

i hated santa sangre. horrible movie. night on earth, down by law, stranger than paradise- go see all of them, if you haven't already. bound was okay, there were some good sex scenes. i liked jackie brown a lot, but i think i am alone in that sentiment. paris, texas was great and made me cry. la confidential was good, but everyone knows that already. arsenic and old lace is always a classic worth seeing. my sister lives near the original house in connecticut where the old biddies lived. it looks very ordinary from the outside. we used to call the bad lieutenant "the bad pat tennant" after our bipolar boss at the varsity. it was funny at the time, anyhow. i am going to go see mystery men this week, sometime. i can't wait.

Santa Sangre is awesome baked. "holy Blood!" Both times i have seen Bound I have come in after the sex scenes. What blew me away was the cinematography. That was some of the best shit I have ever seen hands down.

Here I am, back where I belong and damn happy, too. I spent all day doing the job hunting thing while my girlfriend works. I'm going to have to get used to being talked to by strangers. It's hard to remember that I don't have to avoid eye contact and walk fast. I got more comments on my clothing, my truck's homemade paintjob, and just general friendly chitchat today than I have in a whole year in Billings. I love it. But it's damn hot. I guess growing up in Montana has made me more sensitive to that, but I feel like I'm going to die in this 90 degree heat. At least it's dry heat, so when I get out of the sun, it's fine. I got interviewed today at The Dark Room (camera sales and photo developing. Great little place.) and I really hope I get it. Those stressful years as Photo Editor for my high school paper will have payed off.

I have been looking my whole life for the place where I belong. I haven't found it, but I don't mind moving my ass every couple of years to see how the next utopia will fail me. I was in Paris for a week, and I enjoyed it very much. Sem: you know Kat?

Uh, i don't think so. But you may have to jog my memory, I am awful at names, even pseudonyms.

nevermind, is a woman my housemate knows originally from MI who calls herself Dangergrrrrrl.

Crazy. My dangergrrrl only has 4 r's. Her real name is Joyce. I actually do know a few folks out in Denver. (You are in Denver, right? I can never remember these things!) Nik "de Dik" DeCovich a snow board instructor and all-around fun guy, Todd Nordstand, a guitarist and dilettante, and Chris Wood, also known as Cheif and Woodie. My aunt Ruth also lives out there.

I might really leave you for a few weeks starting tomorrow. I am going to turkey and try not to bother the terrorists. see you all later.

i'll miss you

and that wasn't sarcasm.

go to hell

OH YEAH FUKC YOUUUU< YOUU ASS!!11

?

Cyst be careful,be safe,have fun.

I thought of you at dinner tonight in montmartre, droopy/persephone. I was eating a big bowl of french onion soup with a thick layer of cheese baked on top, and my companion asked me if I could remember the word for the cow intestine or whatever dead part of the animal is used to make cheese. "rennet," I said. vegetarians shouldn't eat cheese. cheese is good. you would have liked the soup. anyone would have. one of the dutch people sitting behind me at one point said, "flees, flees, flees!" (meat, meat, meat!) I think she was upset about the menu.

cyst - we may have experienced synchronicity. early this morning i was at the fiesta market and almost bought a can of menudo (the tripe soup). you and that thread flitted through my mind briefly. i didn't buy the menudo because i only had enough money on me for the stuff i needed for a recipe. but i did buy cheese and onions. for chili. with meat. and i really wasn't being sarcastic. i really liked you're "badgering" on the other thread. stay out of trouble in turkey. till we meat again on the fields of battle. (it's a vice)

They use cow guts to make cheese?? man. I don't like the things I'm learning around here. Can't you people be more stupid??

they don't actually use intestine in the cheese. rennet is an enzyme taken from the stomaches of slaughtered new-born calves (adult cows don't have this enzyme). it's used as a coagulant. all commercial cheeses have rennet in it. but there is such a thing as vegetarian cheese, which has a bacterial or fungal form of rennet in it. the only reason i know this is because i tried to make cheese once. you can buy rennet tablets at the store.

Droop,what a trip,how did your cheese turn out?I went through a faze once where I had my kids making butter by shaking whipping cream in a jar,and made Ice cream by rolling a can back and forth.Making cheese,was it hard to do?

it's involved. making hard cheese (like cheddar) is about as involved as making beer at home and just as chancy. you can make soft unripened cheese at home in a couple of days, but it's mostly mixing stuff together and waiting for chemical reactions. as a project for the kids, there wouldn't be much for them to do and the end result (cottage or cream cheese) would probably not impress them. and we made cheese, but not good cheese.

ıstanbul has lots of ınternet cafes that charge 1.50 an hour (600,000 lıra) but ıt ıs hard for me to dot my ıs. and I cant fınd the apostrophe. ıt ıs hot and I am becomıng rude to rug sellers. there aren,t many other tourısts here. supposedly you can fly anywhere ın europe for 150.

I was wondering about the accented y. I have to wonder, in a game of word association, how many folks would answer "not Constantinople" when the prompt is "Istanbul". This is what i think about in my spare time.

I'm back at the ınternet cafe. ıt's a good place to escape carpet salesmen. the turks are pıssed that the western medıa and governments have panıcked tourısts. the kıds ın here are fascınated by my companıon's long blond haır. I get weırd comments -- "are you dutch? you are tall but you look a lıttle turkısh." I told one guy that I am from holland and rıght away he asked me how I am ın dutch. they know all sorts of languages. bıts of them, anyway. and they store up tıdbıts of knowledge about dıfferent parts of the world. my frıend told one he was from seattle and rıght away the guy asked about pıoneer place, about the seattle art museum and ıts hammerıng man, about pıke place market and do the merchants stıll throw fısh around there. I'm sure they know as much about wellıngton, malmo, calgary. they remınded me of a scam artıst I met ın belıze once. he asked me where ın the states I was from. "oregon," I told hım. "oh yes, oregon. the capıtal ıs salem." he saıd he knew all the state capıtals. I tested hım. "mıchıgan." "the great cıty of lansıng." today my companıon admıtted that he was "soft." I know thıs. he was an hour and a half late meetıng up wıth me because he got served dınner by a carpet seller. I protect hım. I always protect the people I travel wıth because they are nıce and I am not afraıd to be rude. he paıd 100 mıllıon turkısh lıra. he was by hımself. he told me thıs was 200 dollars, but he told these people 300. oh no, there are carpet sellers here too. they want me to buy one now. "my shop ıs just around the corner." he's scannıng photos of hıs rugs. I won't buy from them because they know my frıend paıd too much (I would have haggled for hım, they were lucky to get hold of hım alone), and now he's tellıng them what we're payıng for the hotel room. you have to be careful.

I play "ıstanbul not constantınople" ın my head here more than I dıd gershwın and edıth pıaf ın parıs.

I met up wıth a frıend ın parıs. she's the ultımate good-tıme gırl. she got me so drunk that she convınced me that goıng to the hard rock cafe was a good ıdea. there we hung out wıth the tourısts and theır kıds and she would say thıngs lıke, "I just love casual sex!" next week I'm meetıng up wıth another frıend and hıs parents. they came here for the eclıpse. they're amateur astronomers. they would be the perfect parents. my frıend grew pot ın hıs closet ın hıgh school and they found out and all they told hım was to get rıd of ıt. that's reasonable. I remember when I came out as a pot smoker to my mom. I told her I smoke pot. she told me, "you do not!" so I got some from my room and showed her. I want to go carpet shoppıng wıth hıs mom. she's a lıbrarıan and she has her own loom. she's ınto textıles. one of the carpet sellers just offered my frıend a cıgarette. they are uppıng the ante. they want to gıve us so much that we feel oblıged to buy from them. my frıend's mom wıll know what to do.

I am <i> really </i> digging that accented y. cyst you're a good story teller, and there's nothing I like better than to listen to stories. Look forward to hearing more.

hmm, that didn't seem to work...must review the advice on adding tags again

Cyst - Oh my God that's annoying!!! If that's the only way you can do it, then have at it, but oh my God that's annoying!! Now I'm ticked off cuz Sem said your story was interesting and for some reason the "y"s were bugging me so much I had to scroll. It gave me the feeling I get when I can't thread the needle. Sem - On the other hand...I like the whole <i> non-tag </i> thingy there. It works even when it doesn't work. I need to come up with my own annoying habit.

you know what ıs weırd - I don't see anythıng wrong wıth the y's at all. these are the weırd characters: ığüşçö. what does thıs look lıke to you? yyyyyyyyy

not on my Microsoft 2000 ergo keyboard

The quake's epicenter was near Izmit, 56 miles (90 km) east of Istanbul, where an oil refinery was in flames. The National Earthquake Information Center in Golden, Colorado, said the quake had a magnitude of 7.8, making it nearly as powerful as the 7.9-magnitude San Francisco quake, which killed 700 people in 1906. Aftershocks from the quake were still being felt eight hours after it struck. ... it lasted 40 seconds but it felt like forever. I didn't pray but I kept hoping I wouldn't die.

hang on Cyst..........

I'm from Olympia Washington too, like Agatha. Well, kind of.. I spend most of my time there anyhow. And it's good, I want to live here, go to Evergreen State college, probly end up becoming a goddamn stereotypical greener (dammit), and all that great stuff. It's one of those towns where, at 1 am, you won't be harmed, just a few loonies out or kids from the local club. I want to be in Olympia because I can't stand the small town life and Seattle is just too big, too many people. Like 700 people in a room for 400, it's nuts. Every single time I go there , it's traffic jam getting in, traffic jam getting out, construction through town, I dont see how people put up with that shit. Not only that, but everyone gives you the shaft when it comes to buying things as well.

olympia is pretty small, too. i have an idea for a bumper sticker i want to make: "olympia, wa- there's always a parking space!"

what people say when they're afraid you may be dead. I love my friends and can't wait to return to them. is that what home means? from an ex-boyfriend: "I just read about that thing in the newspaper, and I specifically logged in to email you and ask if you were OK." from a friend whose parents are also in turkey: "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. seems like every hour they raise the death toll, it's up past 2,000 already. come on come on be okay. please god take whoever the fuck you want just don't take mine. please please please please be okay." from my brother: "Hi sis, Im sure you survived that earthquake earlier in Istanbul (not Constantinople). Anyways email me back dammit, parents are worried. So am I." from a sybarite friend who paid for law school by plucking eyeballs from corpses: "glad to hear you're ok! i hope the earthquake didn't ruin your trip. so you've done everything else but buy a rug? if you're bored, i'm sure they need help digging dead bodies out of the rubble." from my friend who wants me to marry him: "Of course I worried, love. I was a nervous wreck all day long until I finally got to talk to your parents... their phone was busy all day and so I assumed the worse. If I hadn't got through to your dad when I did I would have asked to go home, but then I did talk to him and everything was OK."

Cyst,get the hell out of there,all of us will breath easier.Droops,I,m too lazy and dumb to make cheese,but it blows me away that you tried.Cyst,get back Lorretta!!!

thank you for the advice, j. I'll be back in the land of parking lots very soon. my work bought me my ticket home and haven't told me when I arrive, but apparently I leave on sept. 8. christ. today I let the istanbul carpet sellers buy me dinner and I finally escaped the rugs by asking to see the leather goods. I thought, well, I can always buy my escape with a wallet or something. no wallets. a few ugly purses. jackets galore. so I try on a few jackets, not planning to be convinced, but then he says, "we make them to fit you." a tailored 3/4 length black leather jacket. made for a 6'3 woman with a 28-inch waist. since I have no plans to go to hong kong, this is my chance. I tell him I can't afford it. he tells me 220, no 200 for a friend. then my companion chimes in, "oh, that's a really good price." christ almighty. so we only went down 20 bucks from there. but still. a leather jacket made long and narrow just for me. I'd never find it in a store.

Score!!

I'm glad you think so. and I don't have to buy it if I don't like it (though I have no doubt there will be serious, serious pressure). they've bought me and my friend three meals (the best lamb shish kebab I've had here), flowers and countless beers and cigarettes. it's so hard to get out of there without buying. it's best to stick together. I wouldn't let them separate us tonight, though they tried.

NOOKIE IN TURKEY

Damn, that is a good price. Does that guy take orders?

Oh, yeah... Glad you're still alive, Cyst. :-)

i paid way to much for a leather in London (about $350 US $), but man o man, does it feel nice....stills smells like good ole english leather.........something are worth spending a shit load of money on. this coat will out live me, as I am sure Cyst's will

hey. does anyone know how much a wool carpet 8x5 should run for? I am NOT taking this particular friend shopping with me next time. I'll take my fellow starving journalist friend. when a turkish shopkeeper first quotes you a price, you do not say, "that's a really good price" -- regardless of what price the guy says. he makes pants too. black leather pants. what do you think? too jim morrison, or does a woman look good in BLP? seems like they'd feel real nice on.

antigone - the guy has email. I can ask about it for you. but really you should just come to istanbul and see for yourself. it's pretty cool and real cheap.

If this guy can tailor you a pair of BLP, go for it. They would no doubt look great on you. And, yes, always haggle. When I was in Budapest once a merchant got pissed at me because I didn't try to talk his price down. He wouldn't sell anything to me unless I argued with him!

I wish I could get away to Istanbul, or any other place for that matter. Too fucking busy these days...

cyst..........black leather pants.....I eagerly await those pictures.......... SWOON

this morbid, but I wonder sometimes: If one of us here died, how would anyone else here know about it? I mean, Not many folks drop dead at their keyboards: "so, fuck the fre-urrrrrgh."

well when I had a brief freefall in my work elevator a month ago.....the thought did cross my mind sem............I would be flattered at all the speculations if any at all....which brings me to wonder....what DID happen to RC?.....I kinda liked it when she slapped all our asses around kept the freaks grounded with her stark, down-to-earth reality checks...

Anyone I ever met on-line who really Mattered to me, I kept in touch with in the real world. If anything ever happened to them, I'd know about it.