Unemployment Erections


sorabji.com: Reasons to be cheerful: Unemployment Erections
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Nate on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 08:35 pm:

    My California unemployment insurance benefits have finally run out. The final two checks sit on the pretty glass top of my coffee table.

    I'd love to say it has been great getting free money from the government, but the truth of the matter is that all my working life I've been paying premiums towards this policy and, ultimately, all I've done is collected back what I've put in. More or less.

    Now, however, I venture into new territory. Today I discovered (to my delight) that I am eligible for the Federal extension. On May 28, 2003 (while I was jovially collecting unemployment,) our fine and Republican congress passed legislation to extend the Temporary Extended Unemployment Compensation program (TEUC) so that claimants may file through December, 2003.

    What this means to me is 3 more months of unemployment distributions at the same level I've been getting for the past six months. $370 a week. Except, this time it isn't because I've paid premiums into a mandatory insurance policy. This time the money comes from the hard working, tax paying Americans.

    So let me take this opportunity to thank you, the tax paying Americans, for letting me slack off for another three months! Thank you for working hard so that I can have a free ride! Thank you for extending my superdooper vacation another three months!

    I especially would like to thank the lefties of sorabjiland, because I know you are all happy to spend your money on my leisure! You will be happy to know that I now believe in your side! I'm going right down to the post office today to re-register with the yellow party. Daddy's voting commie this year!

    woooooo! i'm dropping out baby!


By Lapis on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 08:40 pm:

    You make more than I do, even full time, once taxes are taken out.

    Have fun.


By patrick on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 08:57 pm:

    hey if you keep writing like you do, i don't give a rats ass.


    the way i see it, if that money wasnt going to fund your slack ass, it would be rerouted to some bullshit republican/defense sector coffer like super spy zepplins or something completely fucking hokey like that.


By Nate on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 08:58 pm:

    fair, isn't it?


By Lapis on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 09:09 pm:

    I guess.

    I need a vacation.


By dave. on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 09:15 pm:

    fuckin a, will somebody please lay me off?


By Lapis on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 - 09:22 pm:

    You and me both.


By heather on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 01:36 am:

    um. employees never pay toward unemployment, employers do.

    so you didn't pay anything towards it unless you consider what your company paid to have been taken also from you.

    regardless, you deserve three more months i reckon.


By Nate on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 03:01 am:

    um. take a look at your pay stub. it is your CA SUI/SDI Tax deduction. your employer is responsible for some part of it, though.

    i reckon i don't deserve any of this, but i'm fucking taking it.

    i'm going to continue to milk the system, too. i'm going back to school.





By semillama on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 10:08 am:

    Suddenly, out of nowhere, the song "Free Ride" plays.

    and speaking of super spy zeppelins


By Hal on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 11:01 am:

    I'm with Patrick, keep writing the posts you do and ride the money train.


By sarah on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 11:23 am:


    fuckin a, will somebody please lay me?



By TBone on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 12:04 pm:

    Show of hands?
    .
    The power has gone out 3 times this morning already. So I'm just going to slack off until I get a full hour of uninterrupted electricity. Otherwise, I'll just end up losing my work anyway.


By J on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 12:46 pm:


By semillama on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 12:49 pm:

    awesome.


By sarah on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 01:23 pm:


    ha! that's seriously funny.



By Rowlf on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 06:37 pm:

    I especially would like to thank the lefties of sorabjiland, because I know you are all happy to spend your money on my leisure!"

    considering the nature of your job-leaving, I think you're quite entitled to milk the system for a while.


By Nate on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 07:36 pm:

    thanks rowlf!

    i don't think i was really being all that sarcastic.

    in any of it, really.


    dean '04!

    woo!


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