i'm having a chocolate orgasm, and i just have to tell you about it!!! i'm scraping out every bit of the chocolate buttercream frosting left in the pot with a knife and devouring it!!! in spite of the fact i just discovered 10 more pounds have attached themselves to me since last i weighed!!! so what if this means the rest of my life eating nothing but tofu hotdogs with no bun, celery, and water!!! it's worth it!!! PLEASURE

nelly, i have never seen you use so many exclamation points at once.

last time I was at my parents' house, after they had left for spain, I OPENED UP a can of chocolate fudge frosting and dug into it with my fingers and then shoved it in my mouth. you see how this is entirely different from (and much worse than) eating from a can that had already been opened, don't you?

I do. It's like, vs. not looking away when your naked neighbor has left the bathroom curtains wide open, driving to a strip club.

I love chocolate. _almost_ better than sex. (Better, in fact, in some circumstances.) Beautiful stuff. I salute its maker and tell him/her I would bear his/her children, but I don't want to add any more to the world's population.

I was just talking to a boy I used to be in love with. He told me he was really tired and his girlfriend was asleep so he might go join her now. I suggested he watch her sleep for a while, since I thought that was a really sweet thing to go. I didn't! Feel!! Jealous!!! :) This is the only good thing that's happened to me all week.

thats neat when that happens. course it's never happened to me. i still froth at the mouth if i see any of my exes with another chick. even if i dumped them... i'm just a *little bit* territorial. uherm rowwwr.

Chocolate is truly the food of the Gods. And I just found out -- IT'S GOOD FOR YA, TOO! A blurb in Prevention magazine said that the cocoa in chololate is loaded w/antioxidants. But you can't get them from white chocolate/from which the cocoa is removed to make it white. Gotta have the milk-chocolate or the dark stuff. Futher proof that Brown is Beautiful. And a handful of Ghiradelli's milk-chocolate chips kills my PMS cravings on the spot. Yumm!

I looooooooooooooooove chocolate. So much in fact that if the grump gets given chocolate he has to hide it from me otherwise I will eat it because I am a bad bad bad. I do not share chocolate. I eat it. I dribble on it, and suck it and swallow it. chocolate. I love you. mmmmm.

But only dark. Dark as can be. Black is, indeed, beautiful.

dark chocolate is the best. Although white chocolate has its definite uses, such as my dad's x-mas cookies.

Yes -- I was rather disappointed to learn that the white stuff has none of those useful antioxidants. Becuz white chocolate macadamia nut cookies RULE! Speaking of chocolate... I'm outta Ghiradelli's. So I'm off to the store right now. I think what I really need is some B&J's NY Super Fudge Chunk. Yeah, Bay-bee!

Scharffenberger, though expensive, is well worth that extra little bit. *crunch*

i was eating my ass, but i sobered up and realized i would need it to sit on while i'm slackin' and smoking a fat one.

True. Perhaps you could arrange for a liposuction and ask nicely to be allowed to keep what they, er, take out? Your butt might be a little bony for a while, but eventually it would regain its normal size--ane endlessly replentishing source of, um, food?

kewl, wanna chew my ass out?

white chocolate isn't really chocolate, in my opinion. nor is red licorice licorice. chocolate is brown. licorice is black.

blasphemy!!!!!!!!!! white chocolate is friendly. It has more of a buttery taste...... licorice is nasty no matter what color it comes in i love how we find ways to rationalize, generally speaking, unhealthy foods and drink. what is it with girls and chocolate? My wife gets in this frenzy, she rummages violently through the kitchen going...I NEED SOMETHING SWEET NOW DAMN IT!!!!!! I usually end up unzipping my pants and before they hit my knee caps i confronted with a blunt kitchen utensil flying through the air..... then i usually find my ass walking down to the liquor store...... how does she do that?

i dunno, man. that never happens to me.

Patrick, that's really funny. But why do you go to the liquor store instead of the grocery store to get her the chocolate?

ummm...beause the liquor store is a half a block away, the grocery store...a more uppity($$) grocery store is a block and a half. It's a liquor/convienence store with candies, porn, sodas, water, and various other last minute items. I forgot in some states, liquor stores are just that and nothing more.

White chocolate isn't chocolate. They take the essence of chocolate away and have the nerve to call it chocolate. Bah. Licorice, as has been mentioned, is disgusting. Although I really like tea made from liquorice root. Where does that leave me?

people who enjoy white chocolate must also enjoy drinking Miller Lite.

today i ate a fuckload of garlic polenta for lunch. because i can. my body has officially taken the reigns. i'm no longer in control.

You take that back! I enjoy drinking OLD MILWAUKEE. in bottles. after eating white chocolate-covered strawberry licorice. and exploiting immigrant labor in my sweatshop. turning out shoddy Christina Aguilera blow-up sex dolls. I'm sorry, I don't know what's goten into me tonight. It certainly isn't a nice cold Old MIlwaukee.

Today I had the best chocolate chip cookie I've ever had in my life. It had milk chocolate *and* white chocolate chips *and* ribbons of caramel running through it, and it was warm, so all the chocolate was melted and gooey. MMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Hold on: they weren't chocolate chips, they were chunks. Just to help you better envision/entaste (put that next to "ensmall" in the sorabjiland dictionary) this ambrosial cookie.

I wd hurt you for a cookie like that right now... I really do think the chocolate thing is totally a female hormonal trait. I dunno if it's the Follicle-Stimulating-Hormone kicking in/or the Estrogen or the Progesterone or what. But at a certain point in the month/us girls just gotta have our sweets. And chocolate usually does the trick. (Next time yr wife gets that craving, Patrick /grab a bottle of Hershey's syrup before you drop yr pants & give yrself a good drizzle. Bet you'll get a *much* better response.) Speaking of head: Is it just me/or are there other women out there who have a fantasy abt asking a man for some $$ to go shopping/holding up yr thumb & index finger abt 3-inches apart when he asks "How much?"/not being satisfied w/the stack he hands you/then going down on him in the middle of the kitchen/like Lorraine Brocco in 'Goodfellas'?

the wife only does that when i am cutting the blow miller lite isn't bad when you are out in the hot sun, summertime, sporting events, street fairs, keg parties, cookouts what have you. They give you endurance because of their low grade. Beer snobs can be wet noodles, a lot like up tight vegetarians

Drinking Mead in the hot sun on an empty stomach is not a good idea when you have a visa card and no sense.But that was Sunday and he hasn,t asked me for the money yet,maybe he,ll forget or maybe I can pay it off with many,many,many,blow-jobs.

Hey, remember those cookies I talked about up there? Well, I just had two more. They are still the best cookies I've ever had. Just so you know.

so there was this fudge in the break room. key word: was. an inordinate amount of fudge, actually. not the polite little tissue-wrapped bricks of fudge of various richness, nuttiness, and flavors. no. there were two varieties of unreasonably thick, plain, dark, dark fudge. one was homemade in a glass pie plate. the woman who brought it in said she and her family had to had fudge as they watched the video of Chocolat at home last weekend, but she felt compelled to bring in the leftover to work so that she wouldn't eat the rest of it herself. god bless her. the other fudge was this unbelievably enormous heart-shaped two inch thick slab set out on a paper plate barely being kept fresh under a loose layer of saran wrap. i was told that it had been in the refrigerator the last day of school last December. one thing i've learned about working for a school district, a school district in *texas* no less, is that food plays a vital and significant role in the workplace. there is food for every thing, every event, every day. the break room is always covered in treats, from popcorn and pretzels and nuts, to candy, cakes, cookies, and cinnamon buns and donuts and pastries. there are gallon tubs of ice cream in the break room freezer. it's quite ridiculous. i go to the break room several times a day, for hot water for tea or cold water for chugging or to fetch my lunch, and the treats are always there. i know you won't believe me when i tell you that i am unaffected by their presence. except for the fudge. i was tortured by the fudge. the fudge in the pie plate was pre-cut into little squares, and i went in and peeled off several squares at a time, and sat to savor them slowly. then i would leave and go back to my office. very shortly after the fudge neuron in my brain would signal, and i went back for more. i couldn't rest and could barely work with the knowledge of the fudge. i went back over and over again, noticing that other people had been helping me eat it, until i had cleared the pie plate myself. but then, of course, there was another entire plate of more fudge. plain thick sweet chocolate fudge. the next day i finished that off too. i didn't even bother making several trips to the break room only to slice off little chunks at a time. no no. that would only prolong the process, the inevitable. on day two, i went into the break room and saw the remaining fudge, now whiddled down presumably by other administrators and teachers in the building, to a block of about 6"x5"x2". i wrapped the entire chunk up in the saran wrap, threw away the paper plate and plastic knife, and without shame or hiding, walked brazenly, almost victoriously, with the fudge in plain site, all the way down the hallway, through the lobby, through the boardroom, into my office, whereupon i spent the next 20-30 minutes biting directly into the fudge chunk, devouring it slowly, meticulously, and with great joy. sometimes you just gotta say to hell with your size six jeans. if you love chocolate, then you know what i'm saying.

this is a little off subject, but this weekend i was listening to prarie home companion and they were broadcasting from hawaii. one of the guests was a slack-key guitarist whose name i don't remember. he was a really cool guy, though. he told a story about the time he was staying in a posh hotel on the "big island" with his son. if i understand the story correctly, he and his son went down to a pond on the hotel grounds that was stocked with fish (you know, in the cement, so people could feed them) caught some of them and took them back up to their room. they cleaned them in the sink, which soon clogged up, then in the shower, which clogged, and lastly clogged up the toilet. then they set up a hibachi(sp?) on the balcony to cook the fish. for some reason they left the room and when they came back, the room was on fire. they were asked to leave.

hee. that's a pretty funny story. i love slack key. used to go to the annual slack key festival every year. the way those guys and gals play is unreal.

there have been other chocolate incidents since my return from hawaii. after an intense yoga class on tuesday night, i walked down to whole foods to do some grocery shopping. but first i had to eat. despite all the fudge i had consumed that day and the day prior, my appetite remained in full force. i actually ate dinner at the market. half a pound of baked tofu in a a cilantro pesto sauce, one sweet and spicy chicken breast with grilled peppers, and a half pound of kale and seaweed salad in sesame oil. their deli is expensive - this meal cost me nearly $12.00. but it was worth it. typically i pass right on by the bread and baked goods section, but tuesday night i intently perused the cakes and cookies. i didn't realize they had such gourmet treats. there were many delights behind the counter, and i chose this little round thing called a Mud Cake, or something. it appeared very rich. i put it in my basket and kept shopping. i got cheese and goat's milk yogurt and two kinds of tofu, red chard and tomatoes, spinach and sprouts and cucumbers, eggs, lots of soy milk, then to the bulk section for raw sunflower seeds and almonds, whole cloves, cardamom pods, granola. they also have treats in the bulk section. i've never bought treats from the bulk section before. but my tummy was screaming for more chocolate. they had haystacks, almost chocolate clusters, and caramel bars, in addition to "healthy" treats, like carob dipped raisins and fig bars. i ate a small section of a chocolate caramel bar but it wasn't that good. however, three haystacks and one big chocolate almond cluster never made it to the register. i was so over-chocolated after snarfing those down, that i had to return the little Mud Cake before i checked out. i couldn't even think of taking that thing home with me. i don't recall having any chocolate yesterday, despite the plentiful supply of Ghiradelli that Brad brought to Sara's house last night. but today was another day. today after lunch Maurie and i walked over to Dairy Queen because she's been wanting me to try her favorite treat, something she thought i must have... a mississippi mud blizzard or some such. she is a darling woman, so after months of putting it off, i finally gave in, seeing as how i'm on a full chocolate binge. though honestly the last thing i would consider a yummy treat would be anything from Dairy Queen, chocolate or no chocolate. the dessert was awful actually, but i picked at it delicately and told her how yummy it was and thanked her for being so nice. that's what friends are for, i suppose. though now i think i've had my fill of chocolate for a while.

chocolate for the most part is over rated. however i did have some amazing chocolate over the holiday. i got the mrs 3 bars of chocolate from Neuhaus Chocolatiers. The best was a coffee flavored white chocolate. But for $8 a bar they damn well have better been good.

george kahumoko was that guy's name. i got an italian chocolate bar for christmas. i can't remember the name. it was good.

I get candy sometimes 3 reece cups for a dollar,I need to send Moonit some,I have been unstable,where is Gee and Swine?