We fought... we made up... we promised to be friends forever.... we fought some more.... he apologised... so did I .... we joked ... we laughed ... we cried ... then one sunny day he decided his life wasn't worth it and he killed himself .... while the pain seems more bearable as the months whizz by I think of him every day .... his death made me become a new person .... a stronger person .... a person who will stand up now and say HEY where as before that person would of quietly thought hey... if he hadn't of done it what kind of person would I be now?

Oh MoonUnit... *hugs* My little sister stuck a needle in her arm and didn't wake up. She was writing me a letter but the fuckhead who gave her the needle stole it. I would give anything to say goodbye.

Without wanting to get into some kind of religious thing here, which would only cheapen both of your experiences, let me just say that I think, if this is a just universe, in any sense, that they both know how you feel. Does that make you feel any better? Probably not. Sorry. Anything I can say would only be inadequate. I'm only words on a screen.

RB bids you peace...

Thank you both. I have had a really hard time dealing with this because she was so young (only 22), and had so much going for her. I have never met a single person who knew her and didn't love her. Even the people she served coffee to were crying at her funeral. She was such a bright spark, lighting up the lives of all who knew her. I am thankful she decided to enrich our lives with her presence, even if it was for such a short time. The hardest thing to deal with is the feeling I got from her that she was invincible. She travelled the world alone, making friends along the way. Her attitude was so open to new experiences, that I think maybe sometimes she didn't see the risks she took in her life. The thing is, although she took risks, and did things that make my hair curl just thinking about it, she always pulled it off with such infinite style and grace. Except the last time.

NZ to lose a friend is bad enough but to lose a sister must be awful.... *hugs* When I am harrased by religious people all I can think is what kind of god would take our loved ones so soon and in such terrible ways

Exactly. Of all the people I know, she is the one who least deserved to die. But then I think well, she fucked up big time, but in the end it was her choice. From speaking with people who knew what she was doing, she knew what the consequences could be. She just thought she could beat the odds again I guess.

I have a belief that in the end, everything is balanced. it's my way of dealing with my grandmother's death. Your sister probably lived a very rich life, am I right? i guess, i'd tell someone who'd never had a boyfriend that their life would have a rich love once they found it, and that it would be overly abundant. And someone that lost someone they cherished, that their companion had known life to the experiences they'd chosen, and although their life was shorter, it was more vivid. That's how delusional I am. I sencerely hope that you two will be able to look back on your loved ones and remember their smile. *hugs2* I know that when i think of my grandma, I think of how she taught me art, and love and grace, not of the last time I saw her in a hospital bed pale and weak. They live in your memories, and the more vivid your memories, the more warmth you feel as they watch you.

My sister was the living monument to Carpe Deum (sp?) (not a latin scholar). She sucked the marrow out of every experience life had to offer, and trusted that things would turn out all right. My grandmother recently passed away too, and in a way that has helped me with losing my sister. In a way, it is a reassurance that people can live a long, happy and caring life. My auntie has just emailed me a message she received from someone who knew my grandmother. It reads: To My Family and Friends Now I am gone, release me, let me go I have so many things to see and do You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears, Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you my love, You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness I thank you for the love you each have shown, But now it's time to travel on alone So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must, Then let your grief be comforted by trust. It's only for a while that we must part, So bless the memories within your heart. I won't be far away, for life goes on, So if you need me, call and I will come. And if you listen with your heart, You'll hear all of my love around, soft and clear. And when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and "Welcome Home" I do feel lately, that my sister has heard my call and is close by me now. I just have this feeling that I am going to be around for quite a while yet, and I would like to see her sooner than that.

Thats a beautiful poem... I'm going to copy it and send it to Darcy's family.... I think Darcy always checks in on me now and again... the last dream I had of him I was in the garden and there was a big wire fence in front of me... I look up and there he is...he waves and smiles and then just walks away.... I think it was his way of letting me know hes okay and not to worry..... That Ozzy Osbourne song See You on the Other Side describes how I feel "I know I'll see you, see you on the other side"

i can't say that i've lost a lot of people in my lifetime...only three. the first was my great-grandma, my dad wouldn't let us go to the funeral because he would have had to pay a lot for plane tickets and, i think, because he didn't want my brother and i to be exposed to death. my dog died the same year, we couldn't have a funeral for him because we had to go to my aunt's wedding the day after he died...i probably would have had some type of funeral for him, though, had we been there. the year after those two deaths, my aunt's baby died, the baby was premature and died in her fetus. out of all of those deaths, my dog hurt me the most because he died of tumors and a bladder infection, i felt really bad for him. one good thing about the dogs death, though, was that i got to see my dad cry...it's so hard to get dad's to cry...