Who the fuck buys this goddamned shit? If you do, I pity thee...

thou saideth it. i heareth thee.

You can both kiss my foot. my big smelly just walked twenty miles in tuesday's socks Foot. The Barenaked Ladies are alright.

I regret to inform you, Ms. Gee, that you are sorely mistaken. My condolences.

They used to be ok until they sold out to the pop scene.

I'll agree there. They're fine musicians, but after "Gordon" they started to suck tremendously. I saw the tour for that album, and they put on a really good show. This comes from the guy who started the Iron Maiden thread, so I think I'm somewhat objective about it.

I saw them in concert in December. Pity me all you want, I enjoy them. They put on a great show. Definitely saved the rest of the concert (Dido & Sixpence None The Richer) from being a huge flop. They seem like big geeks. I love geeks.

you tell 'em Carrie Ann. It is no longer enough for you all to kiss my foot. I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you suck directly on the sock itself. hosers.

Take off, eh, ya hosers! Couldn't resist. <g>

poop MAN!

I love that word... 'poop'. It's just inevitably giggle-inducing. Orrrrrr, maybe I'm just easily amused.

Sometimes I call my cat "li'l pooper."

and I felt silly for having a cat named "BummBumm".

Silver Bell and Silver Shadow Aliases, respectively: Bell, Kitty, Squeegee, Squeege, Squeezable, Kitty, Idiot, Stupid, Fuzzy, Little White Cat, Petite Chatte Blanche, Dirty Old Butt Sniffing Cat Shadow, Little Gray Kitty, Fuzzy, Silly Butt, Nutcase, Dumbo, Fish, Shadowberry, Shadbelly, Mfffashfdasl, Shadowbutt I feel kind of silly for having all these nicknames for my cats. Oh well.

UGH. Our kitty ran away on Saturday and still no sign of her. :( We brought her home from my boyfriend's boss's house, where she'd lived for awhile, since he didn't want her anymore. Some issues with her getting along with his cat. This was his ex gf's cat, so the poor thing had been passed around from her - to him - to us. Anyway, we'd waited a few days before letting her out of the house because she needed time to adjust to her surroundings. We'd opened the door to let her explore a little ways, the 2nd day, and she stepped one little paw out and ran right back in. Anyway, she decided she really wanted outside on Saturday, so we let her out and she was out the first time for only 15mins and then came right back in when we called. She went back about an hour later and decided she wanted to try that again. So we let her outside and went back within 15 mins and called her, but nothing. Tried again for the next 3hrs+, every 15-20 mins, to call her and went outside, walked around the house, walked down the street and around the neighborhood (@ 2am), calling for her... but to no avail. My guess is that she is trying to make her way back to her old residence at my boyfriend's boss's house. My mom's old cat took a month to make it back to their house when they moved, when she was younger. So I'm trying to keep the faith that she's okay and just a little delayed in getting home. I'm really worried though and miss her. :( It's been so cold out lately so I hope she is warm and well fed, wherever she is. Unfortunately we hadn't gotten her tags/collar on her yet so other than describing her physically, there's nothing we can really use to give to others. Well, except that she had a cute little kitty squeak instead of a meow. *BIG SIGH* Her name is Bata, short for HadaBata, which is Hawaiian slang for booger. *hehe* (HadaBata means Honey Butter and that's how kids in Hawaii refer to boogers) But I also call her mousers or squeaker, for obvious reasons. I've never had any pets run away and have had two kitties die since I was a little girl (one lived to be 19) and it's just so sad looking at all her kitty toys and food dishes and bed sitting there...

Yeah. I know what you mean--the house feels kind of empty without them.

I like the nickname "dirty old butt sniffing cat" a lot. any one see that cat herding commercial yet?

YES, thats hilarious....

He is...it's ridiculous.

And he does.

Cat herding commercial was very good. Also, when you bathe your cat, call her a "chatte mouillee." "Wet pussy" in french sounds so much better.

Meow? Cat commercial? I realize, suddenly, exactly how much I miss by not having a TV.

It was a commercial for some dot com company where a bunch of Marlboro-type cowboys were rounding up cats instead of cattle.

During the superbowl

I see. I knew that the big bowl happened, didn't know when, really. One day it was here, the next not. I know that the commercials that air then are really neat--like the famous Apple commercial. (1984, I think?)Almost worth watching one of the stupidist sports on earth for the commercials. But not quite.

i call my wife, mon rouge chatte....as in (spell?) j'taime mon rouge chatte. she is a red head and this term "mouillee" dougie fresh can have so many more uses, thank you. veinecee (come here) mon mouillee chatte.... she just giggles when i try and be slutty in french........i am sure i am butchering the whole language...then i ask her to tell me something in french, fuck the french, love the language. it's damn sexy.... forgive the spelling.... apoo ze mau marry me. worked like a charm

je t'aime mon petite rouge chatte. Aime would be a reflexive verb, and you are loving, er "you"--I love you my little red cat. Anyway.

THANK YOU. i know i butcher, and perhaps seeing me stumble over it is what makes her giggle, but she never tells me to shut up, she knows what i mean.....sometimes i feel like, that guy, that website that got chopped to bits. Mr. Turkey, Mr. "Are You ready For Love"...you know it was around here for a while...the dork that like ping pong and speedos............i think my horrible diction and dialect translates to something like that, but alas i suspect i am better looking than that nutjob....a lil bit anyway.....i hope......fucksakes is it time to go yet....

It's ok. French is almost a fucked up as English when it comes to stuff like that. And I don't pretend to be any expert, so if someone tells you otherwise, they're probably right.

Ca serait, "je t'aime ma petite chatte rouge," et "viens ici, ma chatte mouillee" Aussi, "epousez-moi" ou "epouses-moi." The latter being the familiar - si on se tuttoyait (if you were using the "tu" or familiar rather than the "vous" or formal "you.)

Ah. Bon. I thought it might be petite chatte roughe, but I wasn't sure. Je parle francais un peu. I step down. But Patrick should, perhaps, be further instructed. Je suis un fils de put.

Peut-etre une fille.

as i might have mentioned, the wifey got a french minor at the sorbonne, she speaks fluently. And I help her to keep fluent by asking her to talk dirty to me in french, i have no idea what the hell she is saying, and i don't really care....

As long as you have fun...*nudge nudge wink wink* I enjoy French. I really wish the people who taught me had been good teachers--I would have enjoyed learning more.

Isolde, you just called yourself a son of a whore. If you wanted to call yourself a daughter of a whore, it'd be "Je suis une fille d'une putain." I'm not sure how the french spell the shortening of the word "putain", probably "put" as you spelled it. Maybe some of our Canadian friends can help us there. Patrick, where did your wife live while in Paris? I lived in the 17th arrondissement for a while, rue de la Felicite.

I know. I am a daughter of a whore. But that's beside the point. I was suggesting some handy day to day phrases to learn. Anyway. How long did you live in Paris?

1 year. Loved it, beautiful city. And I love the French -- they get a bad rap. New Yorkers are a 100 times worse than the French. The only thing I found frustrating about them was that when they found out I was American, they wanted to practice their English on me, whereas I desperately needed the practice in French.

I spent three months of last year staying in a tiny basement apartment on ile st. louis. quai bourbon, pretty much next to the little pedestrian bridge that connects the island to ile de la cite. those were days of incomparable felicity, I realize now.

christ. I totally stole that word, "felicity," from your post. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I re-read it. c'est amusant.

If I remember correctly, there's an ice cream shop on ile st. louis on the spot where there once was a famous butcher in the 19th century who sold renowned sausages. Turns out the sausages were made from humans. Don't know if that was an urban legend or not.

N'y penses rien, cyst.

where's the 17th? what were your nearest metros? I'm trying to find it on the map. the ice cream was so expensive on ile st. louis that sometimes I used to walk to bastille to buy it. I also frequented the ben and jerry's across from les halles.

<<New Yorkers are a 100 times worse than the French.>> "AY! POLY-VOO FUCK YOU!" poly voo fuck you. unforgettable words of wisdom. next time you're in brooklyn, go to farrell's irish pub (by prospect park) and try ordering a beer in french. they'll get downright zen-brutal on your ass.

Thanks for proving my point Swine.

no charge.

I used to stop at Wagram and Malesherbes. Been eons ago.

man. canada french is different from france french. a little. show-offs.

Fuck the french....as usual

YEAH J FUCK THE FRENCH. adcritic.com for us non-tv peoples who want to figure out what everyone is talking about. all the rest of ya'll are zombies.

Yeah, fuck the french and watch lots of tv

Yeah, fuck the tv and watch lots of french

Yeah, fuck french tv's

Yeah, fuck the tv with a frenchman's dick

Some of us (insert Canadians here) don't get to see the commercials during the Super Bowl. Canadian networks pick up the feed from the US network and insert their own commercials. Even if you tune in the US network affiliate (sp?) on cable you get the "Canadian content" version. The only way to see the commercials is to use an antenna or go to the local watering hole and watch it on satellite. That seems like a lot of effort to me....plus you don't have possession of the remote control there.

Yeah, fuck the french with a tv

What he said

good sheeps.

my wife lived in the latin quarter, near the university. When we went, we also stayed in the latin quarter, near St. Michele Blvd by the Luxembourg Gardens, the RER station nearby was Montparnasse i think or soemthing like that...... dougie fresh, did you ever visit the Rodin museum? How about the La Defense? I loved the latin quarter, the food in that area was cheap and really good as well.......

You're all sheep!!!!

Baaaahhhhlrighty then...

She,s baaaaaaack

la defense is awful. I went there once before they opened the h&m at les halles. but I like the idea behind it, build big awful american-type office buildings on the outskirts of town on a good public transportation line the beautiful inner city alone can be left alone. today I first noticed the use of "office" as a verb. I added it to my list (in case you haven't been keeping track: office, gift, service, trial).

Yes Patrick, been to Rodin Museum, went to Versailles, Orsay Museum, Louvre, Sacre Coeur, Notre Dame etc. etc. Been to La Defense, pretty much as cyst mentions above. My favorite place in Paris was Parc Monceau, probably because it was close to where I lived. Also, I loved going to the fleamarkets (aller aux puces) on the weekends. Montmartre was great too.

my mousers came home last night. *happy dance* she's grounded right now until she explains herself though. i think we may get her chipped. i've heard it's not inhumane, is virtually painless, inexpensive and worth it for outdoor kitties. anyone have any experience with this?

chipped?

big brother is watching.

oh. chipped. lame.

huh?

you know, chipped.

like having the boys chipped off? gelded, emasculated, sopranofied? if that's what she means, then her cats won't spray everywhere to mark territory, and they'll become fat and lazy.

How do you 'chip' a cat? CarrieAnn: If you mean decalwing/pls. don't. Wd you want anyone pulling yr fingernails out? Cats shd keep their claws. It's all they've got to defend themselves. (Altho' I must admit that whomever did Six did a great job. Her paws are healed up fine. She looks perfectly normal -- cept for the polydactyl thing. And they didn't remove the claws to the quick -- just the end joint. She still scratches my wicker rocker/but she doesn't do any damage. Still/I wd not have don it to her.) You don't mean spaying/neutering do you? Becuz that doesn't do much to cure their wanderlust. If anything/when Six was still allowed outside/she wd stay out even longer. Prolly whoring around becuz she knew she cdn't get preggers. Little slut!

no. that would likely be "clipped" or the ilk. she means chipped. microchipped.

WARNING: Spaying/neutering may NOT stop yr cats from spraying. Six picked up that nasty little habit somewhere. (Which I suspect is the reason her previous Mommie abandoned her -- this place reeked of cat piss when we 1st bought it! But pulling up the carpeting & saturating the floors w/denatured alcohol did the trick.) When I 1st took her in/she didn't spray indoors. I got her spayed soon afterwards & *that's* when the spraying started. And she was allowed outside then -- so why the hell didn't she spray outdoors? But I came after her w/a water pistol whenever I caught her in the act. That cured her quick.

i disagree about la defense. nevermind the mall below, i am talking about the avante architecture. Only in france would find such over the top creations all in one place. each one trying to out do the one next to it. screw the implications of it all. I liked how they correlated it with the old arch de triumph and the "new" one. Instead of an office park being a mundane one, layed out like a residential neighborhood, they had some fun with it. Plus i remember wishing I had my skateboard. I was ready to clothesline one of the lil skating pricks and take it for a spin.... The Rodin museum and the Pompideu were my absolute favs......

i have the supersoaker 5000 and my cats are perfect angels

I liked the Musee D'Orsay best.

Good thing she's microchipping them after y2k. Otherwise she would've had to pay a consultant $500/hour to upgrade their BIOS's to get them compliant. So where the fuck did all the y2k "experts" crawl off to and what will they leech onto now? Just for grins, at my place I've got an old IBM p/60 server with Novell 3.1, neither of which were compliant. I just left them to see what would happen. What happened? Not a goddamned thing. Rolled over perfectly. Y2K was the biggest fucking con job in the history of the US. Margret, I've got to say my favorite was the Louvre. I thought that I.M. Pei pyramid was fucked up at first, but it grew on me.

you got that right. We spent billions, and Russia spent $3 and look where we are...........but then again, could all of that spending, along with technology in general be citied as a factor for our booming economy? i suspect a rampant marketing for the "real" millenium

I don't understand microchipping. does the pound even test for them? We used to microchip our emus. It was very exciting. It's not really painful or anything..."micro" means..._micro_. I always thought it was funny, though. Declawing sucks. Spay/neuter is a good thing. My cats never sprayed, hopefully never will. Actually, I take that back. I got Shadow because his owner complained that he was peeing all over the house. I haven't noticed it, though. I love my cats. Even the dirty old butt sniffing one.

You've got emus????

We _used_ to have emus a couple years ago, when I lived on a farm. They weren't actually mine, I was an, er, "farmhand." For a summer. They fed me, gave me a room to stay in, and some cash on my return from college one year--friends of the family, and they had emus. Emus rock.

R u australian, Isolde?

No, I am not Austrialian. They were a big thing, at least on the West coast for a while--the new beef. They also used to be really valuble, until people found out they breed like crazy. However, the gene pool here is getting smaller, because they stopped export, and so more and more are being born deformed, etc. When I talked to the farmer I was living with, he said the origional four he got were a gift, and were worth 3k a piece. By the time I got there, about a year later, the suckers were totally worthless. But emus, in and of themselves, are really neat.

My 6th grade History teacher raised buffalo. In suburban Pennsylvania. You could see them from the road, grazing up on his hill. Anyway.

what were you doing in france, dougie? I don't think I ever went to musee d'orsay, though I hear the building is lovely. french impressionism has not felt relevant to me in a very long time. before I hooked up with my stay-for-free-for-three-months-on-ile-st-louis gig, I stayed in pigalle. I love that neighborhood. I was reminded of what I like best about eastern europe -- how slutty and trashy the women dress. [I may have told this story before. it was one of my favorite days in paris.] one time I let some guy there hit on me on the street after midnight. I'm pretty sure he realized I wasn't a prostitute. I was fully dressed and might even have been carrying a backpack. he was cute. he didn't know any english. I think he was from zimbabwe or somewhere. and I was pretty sure if I hooked up with him the next day he could find me some hash. so the next day I kept telling myself, you know, you are fucking crazy to just go to some strange (tall, well-built) guy's apartment. what if he rapes and/or murders you? but then I thought, what the hell. I went up to the top floor and he had his door ajar. he had only a room -- no kitchen, no bathroom. and it was sloped so you could only stand up by the door. he was on a mattress on the floor. there were no chairs. he asked me to sit down. I told him I couldn't because "il n'y a pas de chaise." he laughed. I sat on the floor, by the door, which I kept open. right away he pulled out a huge piece of hash and pulled some off to roll a joint. I said no, thank you. but you can go ahead. he told me my french was very good and could he kiss me. I said no, it's not, no, you can't. but could I please buy the rest of your hash? he was broke because he was a dancer and it was august and they had no shows. he sold it to me for $15. the price of two beers at a bar. I felt sort of bad, especially since I wanted to leave as soon as I got what I wanted. that night I walked and walked and walked and stayed up so late I had to spend the night out in chatillon. my friend had to go to work, so I took the bus north with all the morning commuters and felt glad that even if my life was going nowhere, at least I was taking the scenic route. another shitty neighborhood I loved was barbes-rochechouart. the street between that metro and the tati was always filled with trash, those mini-fliers with the names and addresses of astrologers. there were so many great cheap places to get a grecque with fries. and from there you could walk to all the fabric stores near montmartre, passing by the special discount etam shop, where I used to buy cheap little dresses and little shirts. and on that same metro line, the magenta one, was the best market up at porte de clignancourt. there my friend bought the pirated pj harvey cd that was to be the soundtrack for my summer 1999. it smelled of car exhaust and charred lamb. I'd buy $40 of old postcards at a time. he charged too much but I loved them. he'd sometimes comment on my selections. when he got to the one with the two naked girls climbing out of the '20s car, he said, "c'est bon, ca." I went to the english pub (frog and princess?) in st. denis a lot because somehow my friend had inherited 20 coupons for free pitchers of beer (which normally cost $20 each). we were always there for trivia night and always lost because brits always made up the questions and asked about soccer stars and the spice girls. I went to the louvre on a free sunday. there were lots of madonna and childs.

I went to the D'Orsay for the building and the furniture. The D'Orsay has a fine collection of Art Nouveau and Art Deco furniture and "functional" art. I, myself, could give a shit about impressionism. I like buildings and furniture. More songs about buildings and food, goddamnit!

from swine, with love

I liked the Musee D'Orsay as well. I love it when museums are placed in buildings designed for something else. I think therre's a new one in France (maybe it's somewhere else), where they take Classical Roman and Greek statuary and display it in a restored turn of the century power plant, with all the original machinery and everything. The contrast is marvelous. Anyway, the thing I liked best about Paris was just walking around, and the young people singing Beatles tunes on Montmarte.

chipped.. yes, as in microchipped. it's inexpensive (about $30), painless, not the least bit inhumane (recommended by the humane society), and a semi-permanent way to keep track of kitties who have wandering tendencies. (you need to have a new one when if you move) no, not declawing. i would never even consider doing that to an outdoor animal which uses its claws as means of defense. especially with the neighbor's ill-tempered pooch always wandering into our yard. so much for leash laws. yes, she's been fixed. i believe that was taken care of when her original owner first got her awhile ago. meow.

You know, it's funny that we can consider it "wrong" to de-claw a cat, but "right" to fix them. It strikes me as a humorous example of selective vision. We really don't have the right to do either, but then again, we really don't have the right to keep animals as our personal companions. Unless we decide we do have that right after all, in which case it all goes out the window. Now, if your kittie doesn't go outside, then she doesn't need claws. One cat I had as a housemate (she belonged to my friend) kept pulling up the carpet with her claws. My friend didn't get her declawed, and we all lost our security deprosit because the carpet was brand new when we moved in and looked like someone had attacked it with scissors after we left. Couldn't really hold it against the fuzzy sweetheart demon cat,though.

if you start doing it when they're kittens, it's not hard to clip cats' claws. last night I went over to a couple's house and before we left for dinner we had to go upstairs and admire the cat. I was supposed to say something about how cute or precious the cat was, but I just didn't feel like faking interest.

i just usually politely say "you've got a beautiful pussy" and leave it at that.

You have a beautiful pussy, Stan.

Why do you all taunt me so?

Hey Mike Hunt,I,ve called alot of bars asking for you and your never there.

prose has a carpet ripping tendancy. but i would never do anything so cruel as cut the tips of his fingers off. i just duct tape him to the wall. oh, and i did have his nuts clipped. but that's not inhumane. inhumane is having him father a whole mess of orange tabby kittens that no one wants so they wander off into the woods to play happily and eat endangered voles until finally one day a bob cat gulps them down.

I,d just like to mention AGAIN that micro-chips in pets is how big bro is going to fuck us all,first the pets,then the kids,then you,then big bro can keep track of you and it won,t be a good thing.

i think we're going to have to send out someone to silence her.

you chip my kid and I'll flip a chip flapper chippee flipper flapjack backpack to Hackensack and back Jack!

Have you met Mike Hawk? He's Tony Hawk's brother. And man, does Mike Hawk ever get the ladies.

Good one Jina, A+

i met tony when i skated. he was an idol of mine at the time, who cares about his brother

you don't care about Mike Hawk?

everybody should care about Mike Hawk. touch Mike Hawk. love Mike Hawk. suck Mike Hawk.

who the fuck is mike hawk and what has he done for me. I have never thought of mike hawk until it was mentioned here....jesus, as if i should offer my regards and care, muchless love, for someone i hardly know of.......

Patrick. Worth with us. Mi Kehawk. Sound it out.

" I have never thought of mike hawk until it was mentioned here..." heh. jesus. you poor sod.

FOFLMAO!!! Mike Hawk has been so good to you and you don,t even know it.

yeah patrick, since your wife's gone for awhile, i would think your version of mike hawk is the dude you were throttling around the neck last night whilst dreaming of ava gardner.

you should be worshiping mike hawk and here you are talking as if you have never hard of mike hawk. shit man. mike hawk. the pen is mightier.

oi vey.....ok kids, thanks, i am gonna go kick myself in the head in the corner for a moment, and then think about Mike......sorry mike, for all the offense i may have caused...i meant no harm....you continue to serve me well.....and have managed to cause little trouble over the years.

fuck off, asshole. i'm leaving you. tell it to the stump.

don't make me get the cheese grater, you arrogant fucker.......never forget where the blood comes from that makes you everything you are......if you can't piss or come, what good are you with out me.....you can never leave, now shut up, sit down and wait patiently

Mike Hunt really likes Mike Hawk,they get along really well.

Mike Hawk, by Paul McCartney And when I go away, I know my heart can stay with Mike Hawk, It's understood, It's in the hands of Mike Hawk. And Mike Hawk does it good. Wo, wo, wo, wo, Wo, wo, wo, wo, Mike Hawk does it good. And when the cupboard's bare, I'll still find something there with Mike Hawk. It's understood, It's ev'rywhere with Mike Hawk, Mike Hawk does it good. Wo, wo, wo, wo, Wo, wo, wo, wo, Mike Hawk does it good. Oh-oh, I love, Oh-oh, Mike Hawk, Only Mike Hawk holds the other key to me. Oh-oh, Mike Hawk, Oh-oh, Mike Hawk, Only Mike Hawk does it good to me. Wo, wo, wo, wo, Wo, wo, wo, wo, Mike Hawk does it good. Don't ever ask me why I never say goodbye to Mike Hawk, It's understood. It's ev'rywhee with Mike Hawk, Mike Hawk does it good, oh. Wo, wo, wo, wo, Wo, wo, wo, wo, Mike Hawk does it good. Oh-oh, I love, Oh-oh, Mike Hawk, Only Mike Hawk does it good to me. Wo, wo, wo, wo, Wo, wo, wo, wo, wo.

Woo, that was Classic. Thanks Patrick.

You wierdos.

Good one Dougie,even though you don,t like Strangers with candy.Just try it one more time and think of me..but waaaaay better looking.