Oh my god. I am 31 years old, and I have been a guitar hater for about 8 years now. It started when I got my bass, and was in my first band and the guitar player (who was also my boyfriend, oops) informed me that bass players don't write music, they write basslines. Since then, less is more, that's my guitar thang, less is more. Let me further preface this by saying I have always liked Hendrix. "Little Wing" has always been one of my alltime favorite songs because of the wistfulness and pathos and dreaminess compressed into a teeny tiny little song. And it uses glockenspiels in the arrangement. But I never really understood the worship of his guitar playing. This morning I had the epiphany. I was in the car on my way to work and "All along the Watchtower" was playing. It was like my ears opened for the first time! He's a god! The shifts in emphasis and the minute transitions in style from phrase to phrase...I was rapt. I take back anything I ever said about guitar plays and overcompensation and hackneyed and unjustified megalomania.

well, don't take it all back just yet!

Hey Jimi, how do you deal w/ all the hippies who litter on your grave?

we went out to jimi's grave one night when i was living in seattle. some chump left him a half-drunk bottle of Mickey's as an offering. fyi: after i'm dead and gone, if anyone leaves any mickey big mouths on my grave, i'm coming back from the dead to fuck shit up George Romero-style.

the thing about Watchtower for me is that is that i makes me feel like i am standing in a huge windtunnel or like i'm standing on the bow of boat going fast and it's about 5pm in the afternoon and windy and i have my arms out and my head up toward the sky. that song is really a force of nature. there's something very powerful in it. the combination of the lyrics and the melody seem to cast a magic spell. i've heard several times of people having revelations during a good watchtower. seriously. {swine, i will leave a six pack of Guiness and Seafood Panang Curry on your grave, ok?}

Swine, I will burn money and pictures of Russian mail order brides on your grave, to ensure you have moola and booty in the afterlife. I will make you one of my household god/ancestors, and you will intervene for me with the other gods. Deal?

deal. but forget the russian mail order brides. immolate images of selma hayek and lauren hill instead. they got the booty that moves me. and sarah, don't wait 'til i'm rotting in lo-lo land! send me the panang curry now! i love that stuff.

Salma -- check. Lauren Hill -- double check. How about stills of Angela Bassett from Strange Days? I fell in love with her bad self in that. Also have a thing for Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight. Ummm....and any other woman who, uh, well...kicks ass and takes name in popular media. Like Storm and Kitty Pryde (City Wide) from X-Men. (Anyone else familiar with that magnificent Del the Funky Homosapien and Jay Mascis piece off the soundtrack to Judgement Night?)

the dinosaur jr./del track is without question the best thing on that soundtrack. i don't remember much about Strange Days... just that it seemed like an interesting idea that got totally fucked up.. i'd have to watch it again to explain why, but if i think it was because they spent less time focusing on the concept behind the story line and more time focusing on aesthetics... but anyway, i'm down with angela. and jada. and sade (even though my sister thinks she has a big head and a lousy voice, but i think sis is just jealous.) geena davis is a bit too goofy and gawky to really do anything for me, but you can throw her in there anyway. i'm an equal-opportunity letch.

what was the name of the woman in "dead presidents"? she was hot. cleo likes li'l kim. she's got a picture of her taped up on her wall.

OK, and if I die someone should burn pix of Billy Bob Thornton, Jack Black (from tenacious D), Seth Green from Buffy and various movies (if I'm dead he'll no longer be too young for me), Lawrence Fishburne, Quentin Tarrantino, the aforementioned Jay Mascis, Gary Oldman, Dave Matthews (but NONE of his music, let me make that perfectly clear, though I like the occasional song, must be my advanced age), Ice-T (I love him, so shoot me), and anyone else you think is appropriate from surveying this list. And Swine, what about Milla Jovovich?

too skinny.

i will always think of Lawrence Fishburne as Cowboy Curtis. i loved him way back when.

apocalypse now?

saw one of those trailers for buffalo 66 while watching previews tonight. burn me up some images of christina ricci jiggling around with those 10 to 15 extra pounds. tasty.

What abt Halle Berry? If God made anything more beautiful/he kept her for hisself! Nia Long is also more than a little gorgeous. But she never seems to get her props. And remember, Swine -- if you become an expat /s'gonna be hard for us Yanks to leave the proper offerings on yr grave...

pee wee's playhouse, swine. sometimes when i'm really drunk i begin to think i am dave matthews. i will not die, so nobody has to risk arson charges on my behalf.

Nate, are you ok? Why Dave Matthews and drunkeness? I never think I am anyone special while drunk. And I no longer remember what I think when stoned, though I could dig through my diary for some of the baked entries.

whenever i go into the public with my friend and his aunt and uncle, we get drunk and the aunt and uncle start telling people that I'm dave matthews. apparently, there is some resemblance, because they ususally convince many. the best was sitting the VIP section at HORDE, and having people buying me drinks left and right. even the waitresses were fooled, and we got comp'd food from the kitchen staff.

Nate, please come to Colorado and take me to some event. I want to be comp'd something before I (or you) die. Besides, this is Dave Matthews' stomping ground, so if you can make it here, you'll make it anywhere...it's up to you, New Dave, New Daaaaaaave.

i love playing red rocks. great venue. i'll set you up with full access passes next time we make a run through colorado.

Margaret -- the resemblance is striking. All Nate needs is a slight coif adjustment. But he's already got the intense stare thing down. Take a peek.

Wowsers. Like a cross between Dave Matthews and my ex-boyfriend the Green Beret Veterinarian (I shit you not...ok, HE wasn't a green beret but he was attached to them). Very cute. Where're the pictures of Swine (I use the pictures of Mark to make desktop art at work all the time). And what about Dave? And Agathe? And you, R.C.? And Sheila with Livestock? (that would be a great band name, Sheila with Livestock!) Where's everyone's picture?

I don't do pictures online. That's as insane as putting yr mug up on the Jumbotron in Times Sq. Which I wd only do for $$. Plus I don't have one of those digital cameras anyway. There is a rumour that there are pics of His Swineness online. But no one has ever given up the URL/so I say it's just more propaganda to dupe the public. Aggie has pics of herself (& Dave & her daughter & her pets) up at her site/but I dunno if it's still extant. (She's changing ISP's) Warning: It's one of those godawful Geocities cites w/the forceads box. (That's why she's moving to another provider) Agatha Frye's Pies. Sheila has pics of the geese here. You have to go to the Sorabji Map , scroll down, then click on Geese & Related Matters. And where's YOUR photo, Miss Margaret?

R.C. - maybe you should mail a photo of yourself to we the insane? fair's fair, eh? i have a pic of the swine at home. i'm sure we could arrange some sort of trade.

the links to agatha's pictures don't seem to work. is there a new site? a picture of me can be found off of http://www.speakeasy.org/~tvc15/cyst/ the link says I'm a hot babe, but the guy who made the page is under a number of false impressions.

When I find one I like that's more representative of me now than me 10 years ago, I will cointainly post it somewhere, maybe even my nascent web page which is pathetic and just claw sharpening for nebulous future "real" PROJECTS. there is a pic on that site of me with one of my bestest friend's baby Regina, but I played with it in photoshop so you can't really make anything out other than that I have massive hips and bad fashion sense. Here is the address: www.geocities.com/Athens/Crete/3447 Uh, yeah. Now I feel naked and vulnerable. Ah well.

my web site is hiding until i graduate. hahahaaha.

i couldn't find the massive hips.

You should have clicked the link to big bad wolves. :)

Oops, my bad, I must have cropped that photo to make it less thoroughly sturdy!

uhh... what's this about trading my picture? i knew i should have never put that thing up. and R.C., don't you think it's kinda ill that you'd link nate's pic while at the same time saying how insane it is to spread around pictures of one's likeness?

and what harm would come from having one's picture up in times square, anyway? I understand why people may not want their real names, addresses, social security numbers, etc., on the web, but to me snapshots seem pretty innocuous.

Nate looks like a very adorable & talented famous singer. You, Swine, purportedly like like a Nubian god. I look like an ordinary colored girl from L.I. (And we all know how ill Nate is anyway/so what was the harm?) Plus I had a VERY bad experience w/a very provocative photo I let a college beau take of me in a swimsuit. (Well/half a swimsuit. We were on vacation in Jamaica & on the beach at sunset after partaking of the local ganga & beer all day/& one thing led to another...) He had it blown up poster-size & hung it in his bedroom. Which I wasn't thrilled abt/but it was cool becuz he didn't go to the same school & didn't live in a dorm. Until he had it reproduced & auctioned it off at a Greekfest fundraiser thing a few months later. (After we'd broken up.) I was mortified. I cdn't attend parties on any campus in Boston for months after that w/out some jerk coming up to me talking shit abt "Ain't you that honey from the Red Stripe picture?" The only reason I didn't crucify that guy was becuz a buddy of mine bid on the poster & got it. He refused to give it back/but he kept it rolled up & locked away. Said it was worth $100 bucks to see me naked anytime he wanted. He was the one I shoulda been w/in the 1st place... (Hey Al -- you still got that poster?)

Yup. Me and my kids tackle the tubesteak to it every third sunday.

I have to ask: Cyst - where were you at when that photo was taken?

that photo was taken at the mayan ruins in tulum, a town on east coast of the yucatan peninsula. giant iguanas live there. when I was there two years ago, there were no resorts there. (there might be now.) it attracted hippie types who stayed in beach huts the crabs would crawl into at night. there were a couple of beach restaurants that had no electricity lines; they ran their own generators until 10 p.m. or so. unlike most mexican beaches, nudity was tolerated, so the day before that picture was taken I got the worst sunburn of my life. I couldn't bear to wear underclothes for another week, so we just stayed there. the sand was as soft as powder. the water was so clear that when people look at a picture I took of an eel, they ask what kind of weird snake it is. if you ever go on some vacation to shitty cancun (where some discos will not allow mexicans entry), be sure to take a day trip south to tulum so you'll see just how nice the world can be.

All i have to say is, wow.